Celebrate Sobriety in Vancouver, Canada

my name is Laura and I'm an alcoholic

well I've had to do a lot of things that have been challenging in my surprise

for calling Wilson Paulina and she lost here maybe the biggest of all

I've attended a few of these things but I can tell you you are the most enthusiastic group of people that I have in

good talking with you so you know

I thought you would

Susan I had to give and I believe your committee my chase by thank you Susan the opportunity to visit thank over and here's the hospitality that I have received Wilson and Paulina and the rest of you

anything representative if they invent Cooper you're very fortunate people

I brought a little cold with me

I'm going to leave it here

oh god

and I thought well I'm going to ask you just one more serious kind of talks but I can see that that is in the state

which is just as well

because I have found out over the years that I'm so over the

my god look a lot better job than I do

so we'll just wait and see if you know because I called her for just one day in

maybe yes maybe no

for me here is it just me

warm thank you

I'd love to tell you just in my life and sitting down and I'm not sure

what I start that way it's downhill from there

did you know that we talk about Syria K. A.

at all here in Canada don't you have serious berry

and I had a wonderful time this opportunity to talk to Susan and she explained to me about the

relation between the community and the last name community in the in in Alcoholics Anonymous here in Vancouver and I can tell you also increase the number of my friends that kind of money market law

engine and I tell you one of the things that stands out here is that you're all mixed up in the room I have been to conventions I have seen the men on one side and the women on another and I

the group

gradually to

I'm doing outstanding members of Alcoholics Anonymous looking you're just outside of the room

so what is this about really

the real question is

this is Darcy Darcy Darcy

I don't know about you with these countdowns but when I see someone with one day given a book by someone associates years I am so secure and confident but the call goes off the Hollis anonymous well perhaps go on for another six years don't you think

what a remarkable when you think about this in nineteen thirty five

two guys

okay okay

we showed up soon enough all right don't get to call now

bloody associates alcoholic to schedule up on my caller ID a stock broker and the last one was a lawyer it's amazing that we're here don't you think

and our program is based on based on information and

the support of non alcoholic

I think that's really important I was talking about it not too long ago you know the guy that went to Europe the supported bring the solution to our program

you're still pollution

all young

actually when he went to Europe I don't know if you noticed that you were looking for is a good dumping you didn't find an

can you imagine what it would be like to loosen it back on the couch

I just wanted to check your sensitivity

nineteen thirty five the two guys sounds a program

here we are nineteen ninety four

can you imagine now ninety thousand using strong

every week

one hundred forty one countries I love this information

over two million

registered registered process and no one's ever contact me first

part of a group somewhere

members of Alcoholics Anonymous and those are just the people with the groups are listed

business great hello it is eight thirty or ten o'clock in the evening you too you can just stop whatever you're doing and you can participate in the preparatory with two million alcoholic

I suppose when they wrote a chapter the vision for you

they were really really far side thank you thank

because here we are

call number to local economic

Prague going let me and then when

in a beautiful city server and a lovely nine

how did we end up here

you know the question not to your mind well I don't know I don't know

obviously we did

you have thirty eight years or if you have twenty four

or if you have one day

the real question is how do I does

one more day

I suppose about how to do anything that is required let me

this another day at the time

the importance of it now it's probably more so to me

than ever before

granted when I first went to college in autumn it was really important to me because I was afraid that I would sing

and I only lived a day at a time here that I would bring

that's the only reason I only stayed off the whole economic

because I was afraid I would drink I certainly did not walk in here

terrific happy

and help everybody say well welcome chocolates and honestly only take twelve people here

I walk in only because it didn't work anymore

only because it does not work anymore

I was a kind of alcoholic

when I turned it worked for me when I thought

that's very important for me

does anything like your power to now that also that he was under the policy

it only works when I think of the office

and is on the star

lost my mind

my mind

so what I would think about my stocks I know there are people in the room who don't drink coffee

I know one

never touch so let's see so

however that was my choice to Scott because there was no stock chart on anything that was brown

there was nothing that was brown I'd like anything that's why

and then I didn't Kerr today

I will tell you however

but up until today with alcoholic or without without the Hollywood off I have never had a drink in small small block

I've never had a drink with an umbrella so you're not going to stop in and I don't understand it to this day

can you imagine occupier deposit all about non

I tried my start

and it'll go up

room temperature

warm properly

and I drank it great and I got this

I

I drink water the same way today

I don't have it everywhere I had it in the trunk of my car in my desk and well not exactly in my desk at work I have something for more acceptable

hard to draw full of this call Sir

I must've gone through six or seven of them a day

socially acceptable

Hershey bars

black coffee this call

and I wonder why cough medicines do not work for me today

no I take another system that I'm up all god damn not

so the good thing about having had it everywhere you know I used to hide it too you know

I didn't think I did I was about five years old when I realized I actually did

well I found it okay

years later to buy

let alone

couldn't help the hard

not to hide in the car you have to hi this is home to hide anywhere but you always knew worst one I cannot recall a time when I did not know when my next thing was coming from I don't understand an alcoholic that would put themselves in that kind of position

I will tell you that in my sobriety

I'm exactly the same way about Alcoholics Anonymous and missing

no matter where I am in the world and that's where I have been about to where I'm going to go

I know and I will find out for this leading a doc Holliday along

I always now

are needed

I need my sobriety with the same kind of vigor and passion that I turn

so as a result I find great similar

between alcohol sensors are

between recovery and the disease

and I think it's a matter of changing my habits

Russell

thank you for providing the proper

to hide in the mail

because it's all an online

you too when I thought about having a drink and that's what the stage of my did you happen to be

I just thought about it already sells

just knowing I was going to have a thing

well the reality of that hit me as I was still for a while I was astounded

but before I ever had the alcohol go down my throat

I worked for me

I knew was going to war

that is a part of my mind

but I knew I had one of those alcoholic my

please hold while

well I thought about having that drink I grew taller

I thought it was eleven now

no when I drive

my body became stronger

my arms went back in the socket my heart stopped population my reason started

certainly didn't hurt anymore and by the time I hit my stomach I had all the strength anyone whatever needs to survive in this world

by the time I had my second drink

my mind was star

two

alcohol is doing for me once I could not do for myself

the promises were working for me

when I drink I thought and you have I did the promises that's where you know you just change the words if you want to have fun so nice to go home I need to say when I drank you change one of the problems I'm afraid to do it here because I did is not too long ago a couple Sundays ago is anything that I was picking up and there was an earthquake right in the middle of my talk

twenty three and I'm at the podium

I don't know like a like I will never again

I need a written literature and all

because I had a good friend of mine dawns on called me the next day he said hall I resent you but you would have been the one of the podium during an earthquake

oh god

so that's the kind of alcoholic I lost you need to know more I don't think you could stay on I'm calling in on the twenty four plus years unless you were really local holler my god to deal with each other

server people think about

nobody would hang around here I couldn't possibly

I'm here because I don't have anywhere else to go

I'm here because it's for

I'm here because I found a solution

I'm here because I stopped pursing in a way that I had never heard before and I never want to hurt you down

I'm here because my soul was dying on here because the council was going now

and I realized it was just a little quicker I was just a matter of time I did not Kerr plus two sixty died

what was the point I don't really live far longer than I anticipated living and I got here when I was twenty two

not that

looking I mean

I heard a woman when I was your lease over it was over a thousand years

she looks fantastic

although Jesus it works

imagine being a woman fox run through the forty seventh year of law

twenty four and a half years sober

hello so I think it is

international

something I couldn't imagine

when I drank on the third during

that's the first one to Kerr of my bosses the second one ease my mind the third one to to to my soul

and what is work

it made me dream

and I clicked on the side and I could go away

and alcohol and I became best friends

best lovers

current

everything because it took me away

it took me to where I could calm whatever it is that I wanted to be calm

I could tell lies the reason I could find you in a bar you can reason to

and out of courtesy I believe your

so why did I come here if I had this great friend

your

I did a lot of park all the talk about this in the first step of the program o'clock Hollis nana weirdness we're powerless over alcohol

you give that much powers off the hall that will render your pa and it will leave you and last name

thank god this is second second Alcoholics Anonymous to talk about coming to believe in the progress of that are so I have found something in Alcoholics Anonymous

so great and so be

building but it will never ever ever rented the problem

it's got all the part of all of you and all the part of all the people that will can talk about that have gone on before and all the people that I've ever been

my god is all there is

I found that god you know Holliston on

I think it's important to talk about call

Rajoy dot college Nonaka ninety sixty nine they said to me in the house one golf

is very short and then

we tend to get quite casually with ourselves now

this is all guys it's a hole in the ground in Huntington park California

and that's exactly what it sounds like you go down twelve steps into a hole in the ground

and this is my life

and they told me very important thing

but I can tell you in my living today are more important than they have ever been to me

easy does it

first thing for most of the great god there go on

my first day

live and let live

live and let live

don't even have it now

thanks thank you R. he says that's fine

I think through the consequences of the drink

what does it mean now years later

thanks for the consequences of that act

all apart more today in my living server than they did before they saved my life before I stayed and I did not critical of miracle I have a life I have a lot to the box is very close to begin with

going to be full more full one how could it not be

I'll be sober one more day

I'm pretty confident about that

I believe

just the brightest contingent upon your spiritual condition and minus thirty sound

mine is very sound because I never leave

post the guard rail the fences welcome Hollis in autumn

I was told at the beginning

and I believe in

whether it's true or not doesn't really matter it is not an issue one of the great things about the renter's policy so please anything

you're really lucky you've been surrendered

if you really really fortunate to understand the first half of the first step of the problems all college nana

you're lucky you're sitting here tonight to not only have you admitted that you're not a holic

but you're going to admit that you can never drink again for the rest of your life

do you want to do the first step to say I am an alcoholic

I'll tell you what more on a thousand dollars

I can never drink again this is not an option it's trust is not an option I don't hear what happens in my life for your life alcohol is not an option if you have the largest reservation that maybe you're close to my phone I feel for you I suggest you stay very very close because you're in trouble

good thing that they put the second half of the first step in your budget like to coming on manageable so you have a dental plan that would be

I know now in my life because I'm not like in cedar park unit

are you still there because it was evident

it was records all over

people places and things in my palm

are you

two years you deal with the people as in the next two years to deal with yourself

and then the next two years we deal with Kerr

now don't misunderstand you're going to have got all along

but if you want to have a relationship with that god is more profound than anything you've ever imagine the server

it is not enough for me any longer to just offering

server

the difference

I have a silver mine

so regarding

and I have sold it understands the memory to Brian

I have read that

I have a lot of D.

the new password in my cell number one

I'm replacing the prone

the person put it aside not pricing is a thing yes it is

I came into this world as a child a little booty

your little baby

unlike the horses are looking for the right time to do anything

missing elements in Iran because I've had one of my chest the twenty four hour something opened up

but when they're born person you could learn to it's a dash out needed right away I'm walking

well

not all

not a human being

we come in here completely helpless I'm not a cut the pizza we lucky to have one

for all

so what is the first the last

large

we must someone now

but every experience so we're going to death is going to make us grow going to be learned from another human doing

hi courage Jenny you're practicing alcohol

if you're like me

could you turn out to be self sufficient

you want money property in Ponca city so you can alienate yourself

from all the other creatures in the world

it wasn't long after I was born in Ireland

my mother's about the burgeoning correct my father with a drunk

they should have had enough with me but unfortunately they had six more children

if you wonder about this to see if you wonder about the call

on on on the whole it's not a standing in front of you today

my brother billing

well he has a slight personality problem possibly fifteen or twenty years he drinks something something

is about a fifteen year periodically to the north thank

and then as everybody grew up you can see the difference ramifications if I could please

yeah

is now seven years sober on the programs offered an autumn

or drug of choice with her one

what is he doing in Alcoholics Anonymous

Christy was a mule and all these things

because I think you couldn't handle Barker

and when the police took her home

putting her in prison

thank you might be an alcoholic

your doctor Hollis anonymous and ready to

and my brother rating

my brother raven died twenty one

the friend said Wilson mentioned

on the Z.

nine

when I talk aren't everyone

I found out how to be increases in aka Hollis and on

my brother attends every meeting the card

I need to know more than I've ever needed in before hello direct link

my brother Matthew

my brother Matthew

seven sixteen years server on the programs are calling an alternate

thank you much

they go to Alice

what do you like to be a Kerry anything

and seven months to start I lost my system says an angel that exist on earth and is it a form that I can see if my sister

he wanted to belong to something

you've been a member of al anon for sixteen year

because I'm not allowed to say anything about calling on

if you look at the tapes and it's just not worth it

born in Ireland

Erin yelling on court

support in Canada

Toronto

and my brother during the American

my brother Gerard Kennedy Ryan you can tell me that

and we're saving seek my brother Jerry

I hope you

I can't help him

I can only pray for him

our contract is in all right give my heart to do it

that is the family

the disease of alcoholism

but it's a family in recovery

the family on the way to the U. line

we have relatives over not too long ago marlin

my aunt Lila Malcolm you either have the memories come back to me

I was very very good

because I realized that I was drinking and smoking a three

I'm twenty four years over a stock me to think that I was drinking and smoking is three

which I've noticed all these years when I get to not try to log

good for you

the server

so arm and I'll call holic

I think that

my fear of dying as I said earlier from the disease of alcoholism was not important I didn't care whether I die because I never thought that I would see twenty one years of age

I never thought that I would be forty seven

your mask

our system those bars

I didn't care if I still do either by the way

I was one of those drive drunk people I get everything independently okay so

unless somebody goes to the way

I want to stop working stopped it was the quickest thing I've ever seen

one nine and one day I welcome

one day I had my car one day I losses

pleasant to be around and the next day I was here

against the wall and threatened to split your cost in my way

one zero I was making love with whomever zero

all of the stuff I've always been a place

well I was on my way to some not house because they were tiny down the back of the car without

and I never knew which way it was going to go

and that's how I ended up

hi look by myself in my apartment with the doors close and the windows closed

and the melancholy music on

and my former razorblade doesn't matter what you use

I'd like to buy alcohol

god don't cooperate

now you suppose you might like to know why state

do I stay because I loved everyone in Alcoholics Anonymous

no I hated everyone and I'll call

the back of the meetings with the big knowledge in sub machine gun

I was just

I didn't mention it for years until there was another woman to take the same thing

I ask you what kind of gone she's

and how did you I mean T. shirt color here color what's with her

you know California it's getting pretty rough now they have really gone so I don't discuss this anymore

you never know and

when I first talked over so badly and I was so paranoid and I was still terrified and I want to nine with one day to hear this

because when I looked in the things that I went home sure can I was scared I was terrified and I didn't hear anybody say to me this is part of the disease this is part of the recovery I went to my apartment I moved all the furniture into the phone room

facing the door I stuck with the lights on and still they came in the night to get

I was so paranoid and so alone and so terrified I thought how can I possibly live sober what is the point of living sober but I couldn't drink anymore I was more afraid to drink and to be sober just enough of a moment just enough to render a miracle to a car in my life

I think the greatest player I have ever played is done on my bathroom floor drunk hang on to my porcelain washer

coming out of a black finding myself saying god help me because I would never have sent in my right my

no no matter what my circumstances are I don't Kerr over the years who has been with washes I get down on my knees every night and I asked my god to help me

I just don't do it with the desperation that I did it before I do it now with the expectation of a miracle

because I golf one

and I don't think them every single solitary day all the user

every single solitary day

haven't been there for all the days

I'm sure no shots no able to show up for most of my day

I'm John no John now able to have my Mormon and make the best system

I don't care if I was one hundred and one of your two nine I was to be grateful for that

hi my three two hundred and one

on my speeches all receipts over I got a funny feeling I'll be taking big Bucks out of big moment

I can't imagine not doing I can't imagine living without miracles I can't imagine my soul ever not expanding again I can't imagine making room in my life from my god and the people I love and the meetings that I have and the things I don't know I know so much I know what I do not know

as a result of the program Alcoholics Anonymous hi

it's hard to read in my life but it's new to me brand new to me your Reno months I'm integrating with my higher self can you imagine such a thing

I don't intend to wait until I die for some golden bleeding lead me somewhere here or not

I'm an alcoholic

I drink I would have drawn their wants to drink I'm not with children number Hollis anonymous with a mission I want to there is an I want you to know

how do you get is

I've been guessing this I didn't notice this for years I would tell my god that was a great spiritual experience that I've had high

it wasn't for running against the wall one more time I would not have had a tremendous pressure experience

it wasn't for falling down on my knees and needing to die I wouldn't have had that tremendous spiritual experiences xcelerated my grow

you know walk no I am my personal experience

I'm in the middle of

I'm doing is I'm living at today I'm responsible for it

acted I wanted

I don't know whether it's right or wrong I'm giving up right and wrong good and bad and judgment

you're with me my whole life

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired of judging

I would have been an alcoholic anyway but I got a funny feeling I would've been more contented alcoholic if I'd ever learn to judge my defense in this world if the bottom line be done instead with and all the rest of it and all the thousands of inventories is it all I cover my spear up with judgment of you and judgment of me

tell you something the next half of my life

one day at a time I had asked for that to be removed

I expect the service call norm is changes in my life

because it's going to require enormous change in me

big changes

I will have to excess cash which I do not want to

I would have to be aware of when I am not accepting you

I would have to be aware of when I'm not accepting myself

thank god for the steps to the programs aka Holliston on

thank god that god loves me

and I'm beginning to be

you heard the story about that this is just a call

and her mother and father had a brand new baby

the people in

could have two boys but

hello girls better no

hello little baby boy and baby home from the hospital and the little girl was insisting to her parents that she talk alone by herself with this little baby and she was very very insistent and patterns of the nineteen nineties

he's going to kill the kid

so they were very concerned about how in the world they were going to be able to let this happen

no we cannot let this happen but she was very

girl maybe five six four I don't know

wonder whether they have to do with

we got the baby monitor and hooked it up to the pillow beside the baby baby monitor outside the door and they were they were wired

mothers on just one typical average judgmental thinking wouldn't

the little girl went into the room

ever so quietly close the doors

thank you

whispers gently into the little tiny baby years help me

help me I'm beginning to forget call

I don't know if your mother or your grandmother or anyone that loves you ever told you that the babies playing with the angel

thank you

I will tell you something that you might want to look forward to unless you have gone before me such cation no

my for now

one of them

help me I'm beginning to remember god

I can remember call

I want to sleep with the angels know

I want to clear my mind but I want to sleep with the angels is not

how do you do all of this

this is amazing

name twelve steps that cost me sober

bring me

to the angels with nine

bring me to miracles in my day

we need a miracle

bring me to never quit before my miracle

bring me to not judge myself for being a human being

bring me to a place where I actually love myself

I don't do everything rosh that's a good friend of mine who says do not place

yes I do

but for the first time in line is lie she loves even with her place please why is that god loves me

I'm not charged if I walked up to anyone if you complete strangers in another country and I said to you something that I had done that with respect you would say to me all along

how could that be

what does it matter now sit down have a Cup of coffee

did you eat today it's important that you see perhaps you'd like a banana

and you must go to a meeting tomorrow because the fellowship is important and if you respond if you see thank you stay with the fellowship and you go to meeting everything else would be all right

now if you're going to love me that much and that that's all it takes to feel safe in the world I want to give that back to me

it is a direct result of the steps that the program's all Collison autumn is service done before you do that though I am who I am so I'm going to walk out user apart and sober woman remember talk Holliston on

I understand what it means to be part of alcohol my life is on knowledgeable because I'm honest enough to know that I will never do it again for the rest of my life

I have enough hope you come to believe come to believe every time I come to a meeting I activate coming to believe every time I talk to when you come right to become activities every time I talk to you activate calling to believe the card will restore it doesn't make you

well the dentist is restore it would bring me back to remembering that I will be brought back that I will be restored to Ross to sanity I think you know it's insanity and Saturday is thinking it will be different this time going on insurance they had like a bottle of Scotch please I just talked to the thing in Vancouver and I'm not to feel better tonight

this time it's going to be different it is not ever going to be different when your solution is it is he

it is only going to be different when you have found that the mind of your solution is to make a decision to be saying and how do you make the decision but god willing I'll have the first step in the state of that step in the program talk Hollis and honest you make the decision to turn your wheel which is you're thinking you're thinking I don't know any body this laptop Hollis anonymous they didn't think about it first and if you go out of here tonight you'll go out of your stone cold sober you'll make that decision so don't blame it on the back of the falls out of the sky jumps down your throat

name is on your thinking on your thinking the thinking that you should have been listening listening listening listening listening while surviving

stop talking and listen

at least fifteen years

and courage thank god for the fourth step in the courage to take the step that represents courage peerless

moral inventory sounds very serious darkness pamphlets and booklets and all kinds of garbage out now

and in

my first inventory was on the other piece of paper that I put my hand with a pencil slipped out of my hand because I was so precious over

over the years I've done a thousand inventory

I have the courage to do an accurate appraisal what does it get down to now

what am I afraid

and who do odd jobs

in between those two points is the destruction of my lan

if it weren't for the integrity of the stuff where I can talk to someone to call a spiritual adviser give it to a sponsor or come to a meeting so I can help determine whether it's real or imagined whether on sale or anything how do I know how to work for me I'll go to anything do you believe me I signed off on the right normal or not

doctor integrity you have an opportunity of willingness to six step the step of willingness what does it mean for entirely ready to copy movies defects of character I think contrary option it is that you do one through five if you want six to work stop doing whatever it is that harms you or other

hardest thing you're ever bloody well going to have to do

right over a dozen free

well make room for god

stop the behavior

what room for god stop the option

legroom for god

go back and start at one find out why you're on manageable I don't have a policy to look at

find out where your whole plan because you live in a

thanks to make the decision

go back to four and have a little more courage

listen to somebody else you'll become willing really saw

but if you're so lucky to do that much to get to the seven step of the program you would have experienced military

how may I ask god to remove our shortcomings

I found out about Michael

but when I go to my daughter I'm judging myself and I do not accept myself I will not