"Yo" Steve B., former NA World Board member, speaking somewhere in California

from the capital

World services when I became an R. D. of the region about five years I had my powers and also that someone out there with our duty to California

and I am not a lot of guys who have come tomorrow let me in the past

but that one was a Cajun I chair and chair now reports some people would die and that

so I was introduced to this guy

and they introduced reform as you'll see that

the young lady

you know it's not you know so then we talked and we got a hit it off right away

I had the pleasure of going to his home group which they called R. two

it was some recovery two thousand and no we jumped off in there and it they had a jazz player pianos and they're playing the piano there's a woman in the back of the food this was like an hour before the meeting you to start so they was fellowship before during and after I had the pleasure of sitting down breaking bread with his family I know all the sponsors I know who's sponsoring those grants Bonser you know and is just like I say when I go out there you treat me just like you know one of the family so without further ado on the west side area of California

I'm a give you your speed

all right your mother

yeah

the first thing I like to do man I like to

zero of Diana Goodman

hello Mar dive the mark of

good morning everybody there you go through you know because we don't call the

you need to server that they got me to share this with you madam

I got this nickname because I had about sixty days playing the retreat of the mountains

and when I got to go see if I could even talk

we are started every day looking back in eighty

I want to say that there will be collected from the streets of the yell yell yell yell always does this you know that you know everything you know

hello

yeah yeah me to come up and share

I came up with to the podium I get nervous

but I couldn't say my name

as I said

Yost believe it M. F.

well everybody uses the

I got a new

let me tell you what happened from there I got involved in law used to do things I will I will move from the from the bottom starting off in previous it is going to do to to see going to the job wanted to be the gentry

I never well we're

I sure

do you could do that regular meeting

and one day I left a little bit when they got out

if you go to a meeting on our guys and and all you gotta say yell their farm

Hey you know what has happened Manley throughout the years throughout the years of recovery man is that people made and it came out of the penitentiary man and it is very clean and they call me and they find me and they still call me Steve and I have gotten so many gives way about being able to maintain his nickname you'll see

that'll never always share that but as I was thinking about a man whose only happen through service that service process may not be able to be have unity throughout this country

you know with other addicts

it's really a privilege and honor

you will be asked to come and share my little seventeen

someone very dear to me is service in recovery

if you're joking

there's only a few people who will do this thing called

I don't see a lot of people say look for over fifteen years

I don't know about any other theme is jumping up

you don't know me well enough to let the new club

always with the goal time

zero you look

and you will lose this thing

some of the low you may disagree some of you may agree

but I don't know what we keep those things by giving it back and give it back to the newcomer

I believe

I believe in the process

thank you another added man they said three

I will go to my store number one kind of just touch on a couple things here I have some real good friends band here I can you know I'm from the west coast sunshine every day

it is cold you understand bothers go

my friend Jimmy jam from Hollywood because you need to follow me all over the country everywhere I go and it is a service of the fellowship Connor because of them

first time ever since so and people that call the people in Baltimore to pick them up at the airport in Baltimore it took in Philadelphia this program all around to go share New Jersey man and he just so **** excited

a little a little like

mark was chairman I would anybody know who lost their lives they looked me up

and I believe to where we are in this country will be added

then nothing so important not to help out a little bit and it will be another city but they don't know anybody here

only a little more than I got no Philadelphia mayor my friend shows who's there to pick me up I'll go to rent a car down because they don't spend no more money man your money does been on the east coast

hello I mean I've done below

I don't know but no no no the global all the wrong places

about a little regular narcotics you know

do you ever

although the month monthly back in southern California I like to give a shout out to my daughter version I like to give a shout out man to

the attic manages K. give me an email here the third one day ma'am but you know what I'm gonna come back and keep coming back because I don't need to go nowhere else but this program called America

the man got on this Hollywood thing

little room

you know who I was I was hoping to move up a little bit closer you know to the head

no I got a email from them I get real nervous you'll be portable limited in what I do every time I do work on the phone and then I go to the bathroom I get down on my knees around them a note

well it's been so many times before on that and I get back and I didn't catch up with my

my god of my understanding use me as it is for me

sure

I can remember where I came from

no no there's somebody in this room tonight here the the

I don't remember when it came from

it is somebody's room that manages eighty

yeah I'm here to make you comfortable uncomfortable an uncomfortable comfortable

yeah I put my head in the toilet man and it takes me back man reminds me man but how many times when my head a bit on the side as the movement on the side of the white porcelain man as lava running down my mouth man I just couldn't take it no more reminds me of the time value the paramedics been taken away man and then lastly loosening

lucidity I hear the phase out

let me know the time and to vomit

the spirit of man and put it into a valid but the biggest only to try to shake it up to get one more rock

remember those times man

today less than cotton balls that are collected man over and over again ma'am

put in middle school try to get one more you get a cotton field

yeah my little time's man of call around on my hands and knees on the floor may have put in their phone hi to give the illusion

that's what it reminds me of

so I gotta tell you man the

how do you get them all my life

hello I got a few noms I'm no longer a victim I'm only volunteer

you know

a lawyer raises doubts about that I was there about this stuff so the two area I got a little bit I felt like I was at home again you know what I mean your

and I will move around a little bit of that and I get excited you know hello narcotics and I don't know if you love it I love America

two thousand

man overboard tool but that is

I have a mother Merrill with their own attic in a prostitute

hello mother Mandela let me add the babysitter one I never came back again

that's it I don't know nothing about this story until I was three years please tell me that that that we can stay home stay home to foster home to foster home and in those days ma'am what happened is that

it was a a like an abandoned child or or would do one of these places where the you got paid monthly

take me up man from the foster home they eventually adopted me when about five six years old man they happen to be a black family

about thirty some years may not try to prove I was black

yeah the reason why I say that is because I know we come up with new rules ban would look if we're trying to find identification at least I did

hello my user I still came in the room looking for them because I want to belong to so bad I want to be a part of something so bad what color were the right

my nationality WO right

my financial situation right with the right medication wasn't right I always thought there was something wrong with me I always thought I had always thought I just did not feel part of nothing

that's why we don't see this unity in the rooms of narcotics

you know I get upset when we start with the new rules Baptist I say with that area over there and the group will be here to kind of madness

thank you

can I get upset me because I've been looking to try to block the way for many many years

we also

we also mail doesn't matter where I come from

my connection was

what color was the nationality world

well my sexual preferences were

it didn't matter well we won't know what you would do about your problem we all said that mayor John I was home

even though after the years we keep coming back and I still feel like I'm at home here

and I'm one of those that expanded doesn't matter

I get right in the middle of the yacht I don't think you got a private conversation for me

zero I don't think that you guys do you think look going on that I heard before I'm always I'm glad I got young people come in because they keep me up on stuff

yeah baby tell me about you all the feels they got going on now like if you see and what they do with that stuff you know maybe bill me

hello because I don't think we need to separate ourselves

this is the greatest thing about being a good photo like if you say what my opinion is

hello

it is okay you don't have to take it all but if you keep coming back you'll take on something

yeah I believe what you really need today gonna take a little step for this bill here

the program works perfectly

good work

we're only human C.

this is not the numbers this is mark how to clean up

hello

we need to be always in touch today

I'm also a recovering Catholic

do I want to believe in god

your available

in a hotel room group meeting in in Philly

and it was thought about god awareness

before I came down here are you know every time I hear that we here in the room and I really truly believe in this stuff doesn't even take a step one of the most powerful step move in his recovery process I believe when we talk about coming to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity

that is there anything about their history through family wanted to share with you guys about the the point of the family that we go through on a daily basis even in recovery even after getting cleaned up even at the

I feel sorry for that welcome to the family of the marriages that everything that happens in the process become a legal power and I think what happens is that it's better because we are taking my power back

euro enough to get

really easy to get in need overnight

he's real cool beneath me well you all around me when I walk out the door manages these Islamic and I think you learn this language

the language of recovery

with justifications rationalizations

yeah I would have to remain in that room

over the years bad I've had a concept of change

you know in in the second step is we talked about I was in the power

and I gotta tell you man I didn't meet you guys I got to the Thursday

six it doesn't talk about gun only talk about a power greater than me and I had the power

yeah

so I say that because they do it

you'll have to put your opinion on me about a god of my understanding

what is there to go out of your understanding he got a yellow understand so important mayor we run too many people out of the room there with all this stuff

yeah I don't know why I'm going there because I prayed before I came up with that use me as a human

thank you relevant to

but I have to say man who would help movement is that probably kept coming back no longer open to drugs now what are you looking for a movie coming back up we will lose the ability to disease but it is a little

please

cool

well she

okay

the whole whole new

one of the

I don't want you to get all the

to to be healthy

the disease of addiction the disease although we put more emphasis on assisting other projects to relieve

only two we get caught up in a you know using the big night even the manager did you'll follow through this P. government why would you go anywhere else

well when you put

they don't

you know more once you go to the newsroom so you're an addict

this is a disease read the ones you

they want to six feet on the ground the disease adult

it is the the ones you unhappy what you would say even in recovery

how do I talk about me glad to have you set up in the room to do it I don't know

yeah I've been to Vietnam if you if you if you've been to Vietnam and you didn't know better I'd like to welcome you home

we will

the rules

and I thought it was my fault

with my

I would not call

you when you talk about your mother

in the room

I want to use I got mad when when you talk about the problem

hello I want to use

six always look for reasons to be angry and I don't know that I need to do some work on me I can articulate respected act like a little step to go to a sponsor right and everything

the U.

little me the

what was it about

I will take care of me very well

tell me how do you how to make the best

all the blame on all blame all right

zero

no one was on the street

okay I want to be iceberg slim

our new super fly

the little story you're going to have the always will be I will gladly always warm you see I try to stand up you know I'm trying to be cool

we are a group that would be

the mobile okay then this is the other thought not right and I wanted to I wonder can I don't want to be a black and a it's a great day all of them always look at the outside nothing was bad as **** with you man because mine is the subcommittee go my disease what to look at the outside lands the world to me to have everything looking good on the outside and never really looking to do better than I used to buy carbon look good on the outside you didn't work you know how

I understand that

little man who lived down the block in the build up smoke it in a fair manner the car would did it and I got all the stars shine removed without going back to work

but the darn thing tomorrow

hello hello

move along

I always go there also

the one who I came into the phone and called our guys you know you want to do I was able to return to my disease it wasn't so I was able to start working on me

though they were just a relief from the mouse that

I don't know man I I'll tell you about the day when we get into some of the things I need to talk about

I love going downtown Los Angeles Skid Row saying Julie this is the is the is the home of the area of downtown Los that was that all about thirty six years of age

I went down there everybody it was like cardboard do you know if I had a cardboard box I didn't have one I used somebody else's

because the other one that I had that problem

yeah

and the

this guy

only the only way you let me come in and hang out

that would bring little thumbs up you know

I will hang out will go you said you had to get out and go get some Millboro

and I don't mean that in the run around town because I thought it was the most use of go up in the jail about about twenty thirty times and I never had to do prison time but I'll go in I'll deal all the time with a luminous to society

I was always one legal I go by there was always around the situation

and always look like all the perpetrator hello

trader rather you know

but I will talk a big game about what you know for a few days ago talk like I've been a job with you and you

I will tell you about me

yeah

it was going to do a little bit because I was down there pumping gas and I was going to do about every other day and act like because I had a group of three fifty seven magnum I used to keep right

well look you know maybe a couple of months a month was there right

I have

the end of the day I wouldn't put it in your

we'll start off with a little bit up in the upper seventy days hello

don't make a mint house man the young man who came to a track on the table and the ladies of the night rose to table had been sitting around and pick it up live ball Lawrence as the revival Cuba bid you know good press graves and everything

good men hidden areas that I didn't upset Shane

terrible about myself you know and love

okay got the rocks on the table the girl dresses table and everything I have to win this is a good chance to be the girl holding a gun you know okay so I can give is going to give me a little bit of some some spent most of my hands up

well what happened was I had to do with it okay

he'll burn L. Duffy

no nothing

I would feel really terrible make that job down to a hundred fifty pound basis until my hair was done on the back a look like who did it and what for please don't do it again

we'll build like that too you know

it will help women is that they do drop rocks on the cable man arrested cable man in the

and I built is gone man I pulled his gun out man I'll go give it to do and in the process of bringing out appointed as

his hands well everybody else lives without the don't nobody move

the movement

hello

right

when when the when the smoke was going through the biz I did everything that the math in the mail yeah

is a broken gun man

we will kill me behind this stuff right hello

in a bid to get a little racy moment

the moment of desperation the mobile no where else to turn to try to get one more doing anything

we don't want to feel down here anymore

although many of them to do that but put me in the mail room

you know what I did manage to look ahead go about that I don't know who don't know my come out that I got to know about that you come out I think you have to remember blue brings out

I got the

I want to go sure

the original wood to the VA hospital

you know I got to the hospital man and that's also my husband opened in flyers then it would do some for you if you got it no problem right

so I got to the V. eight I wanted to be a man on the run and I was scared of sweat and everything man about people's room on my back I thought everybody was chasing a male paranoia and everything and I got up in the in the place man enough I went up to the nurses station manager look

I got a small cocaine from money somewhere to sleep tonight

hello this is small and you know

Hey ladies there will you got a group go through emissions we gotta go do the evaluation and everything about the look I just don't smoke okay project just tonight let me see if you did not have to go out and doing that time those veterans band it was trying to get paid for it you don't and they had a little chat about all of your hospital out there you are and I went into the into the yard and it was a dude I heard if you mean if you look in the background of the doom is still looking for incoming to ducking and dodging it every day

and I don't know

he was over there

yeah

okay

I don't think it will be a second

I'm sorry

about the breaking point

I feel like I was the only problem yeah I'm still in denial of what he's doing to me

okay all right you know the second

all right no

the number give a little bit

well

you know I mean the reality that was

and I got

that's what I would do is set up as well okay a report and also in the smoking room we gave it to me and I have it well he says well

well

when you get in

well when you think you've got to do something

one of those files right now you don't do nothing when you don't know what to do

but you got to do something right well step I gotta go here go do this we gotta do that but we got to do some exactly comes up

it is welcoming on certain opinions but just to remind you of the

and I said wow

what do I do now

just a little better

the back of the also the problem of the soda pop bottle in a paper bag I went to the VA hospital I looked around the front of the security guy

plus I got a barn

we're going to

he noted candidate in the

get me down all all

the recipe is crazy how

shop

the

are you know what before we know exactly what to do more for you

he told me he gonna be alright

no one for the first time in my life but I gotta tell you man I would do some mad if I don't give a damn how many jobs I've come to the podium how many times I've been forced to how many times I call my sponsor you'll never know what I would do to get you to narcotics anonymous hero

I would

the prices in the moment of the moment and then when I met up with him according to the civil war

okay so you know what on the mobile right welcome to the new one because for the first time in my life

remember all the lives of of all the movies and all that **** but all of them don't try to go get her well it all okay

yeah

it will need to get

going to

zero

you know what you want to do here

well if you go anywhere else

well reality yeah

the department is concerned I was out there on on to the printer recovery on a treatment the

you know detox

so you don't have the

he will

it just says well you know what their problem is that your problem hello

number three Minnesota man I got I got all

I got a I got to do your work clothes I got some got Erica I wash my **** to some so

hello I'm brushing my teeth regularly now I mean food daily of sort of pick up the win I've got no problem

hello

the people problem

you know this is a little bit he told me that you know what they got another fellowship with Europe you're talking about having my problem either go together because they're a little every corner

hello so I could go back and I'll call you right now not only to my life the man who

so so what I did is I I don't mean I love to look because that's the only reason we go

dear please log into the book

I would like to tell me to look

I got a a community of narcotics anonymous nightmare before you really want to go to the panel I listen to the speech

did you know that in your panel

I DO not lose her narcotic

media

no no no no somebody over panel that would give me the narcotics and I go back out going on here

a little

that

all you young people with all that other good stuff going on around here yeah I don't know if you step thank you know step yet

Tom I hope your help about nothing

thirty six years old yeah

you know Sunday is the money

LOL and I would just tell me and I heard my story

let's see I don't know if we could we could go back around your bed we keep doing the majority we keep doing research ourselves where we keep our sponsor we keep your people show around the process

we are sure

number that was the the guy told my story I've never never never see that again

but the mental my store and I didn't tell them a story man they look kind of like me and I know well the doctor

well we're not sure because so many similarities lie beyond the figure you with my long lost brothers somebody

I know

I know all this about me

your email to me that everybody knows that the religious right check this out man

the show last night

did you might be you know we may want my long lost relatives and everything and he did what a little smoking habit things he said you know my last name is that it could be coming back

I got my first resentment in recovery you know

I don't know if you don't give a reason to give you a reason you know if your resume is rather there was got to care you don't need to get off of you yeah

yeah they relied on a little bit back to the room I'm leaving here with somebody Graham is there please don't leave it all the other girls though because I really didn't want to go nowhere

yeah and finally they will do is that you won't have to leave

quite yet but I gave him the thing

well the guy told me more people to meet with

so for

just go to meet with so we got off the ground so I grew up around the room the man at the meeting men that they were doing some kind of basic tech study man it was doing the best they can and it was talking about the serenity prayer and the guy was **** about security Brady god grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

the second change people places and things

he said give me some courage to change myself

for the first time there you know I was thinking about that man way back here

hello courage to change myself

yeah I never want to judge I would always try to be somebody for you

I was always wanting you to accept me I was always thinking you with the problem

zero always wanted you to do what I want you to do

I don't know courage will try to change me to try to do something for me because that put the poison in my food because I try to be more responsible in my life

another one for me

he said the key thing here let's hope they move on I believe that the data believe it now and I'll always be able to show a month about the real

give me the wisdom to know the difference between the disease of addiction and recovery

the

these are just a little bit a little bit later we say when we gather up and we get this energy together and we talk about that man soul soul would put them in search of a with I'm sick in reserve the know the difference between the disease and recovery and I'll tell you what fourteen absolutely I'm still having a problem

yeah that's what I have to keep coming back I think he should need rooms where I have to keep here which are looking to you all I got to take every step that I can help you as far as the mayor keep up with the new government thank you for the wisdom to know the difference between the disease and recovery

all right I live out here we couldn't remember because

your

I will become

I knew nothing

yeah that's my closest to recovery not because you don't that started my process of being able to go here and get involved into this program I got involved in this day lock stock and barrel I got right in the middle of narcotic you number I started going to me every day I started being served everyday I started talking **** I started callin you a challenge a lot of challenges everybody

I would do a world service office I live in California they set up my office I would have been wrong

he

because we can put the ball in the third so I'm always going to say something that I don't agree with that GM him to

I would love to this day

if you know around the world hello this is your program

yeah this is about you so it will be about you the only way you can not

and I have been

most of the people to walk all the way to people

you don't know who to talk about

well

do you have chosen

the

when did we

Barclays

hero of the liberal media I got a whole group

M.

I World services are more but I feel a little silly I'm not into politics anymore

hello I'm into the recovery process

the person and I got to share that with you ma'am let me tell you what we have here with me

hello I have a lot of time and we got to get on to that for me please so we need to come in and show you got to have grown up with he just wanted everyone to have fun

you should be happy

it will only

let me tell you about the

and what all you know I got to drive around the program I thought no okay

I got bad news around the program Malcolm also broke it's good to get the truck

I got a report of a man

the financial security

we would have people really do not know the Medical Center in

financial remained

goes well yes I will use

one hello I think I'll use

well by John I better go use

AKP mobile I think you

my girlfriend left me thank god will use

hello today my eyes will you

check it

they should be regarded as a

a former bad

hello

turn around here

nobody used to they thought they should use the day they got some kind of

follow that they don't want to deal with

I'm not allowed to become a bank loan of this is all about financing roaming

zero

how do we deal with that

it is six double double check here to keep this

well you don't know immature about evaluating never be able to get it in the care depicts come out and show the kids that must also the probably remember that depicted characters without me I don't condone anything that I got you would have to be six seven years around the program I had to burn the financial security around here I started

it will be okay

and one more time I got my so called up in may it would background comfortable shoes

and behind and then I got my hands that my god just let my hand got me back into the process

you know that's a miracle for me I don't know about you but that's once it is then you should know what to do with what you have to explain

either because I got back in the process and I got started doing things that I was supposed to be doing around this thing and start helping you comes again I got involved in that process I had a little baby girl a little baby girl people heard about this story before

she was born member of three months ahead of time and I had to sort of process but it doesn't bother me my mother come back to me

a little girl

also I'm about to give me a minute

well beyond belief

zero

yeah sure would you know the little bit of this is going to be five years old on March thirty first right you should feel the joy of my life

hello

she is the mother of the the lead but I always want to get a bigger because this little girl

her mother went to the war

yeah relationships don't always work around here but they do get better if you keep coming back

so I don't I don't have to try to be three months so bad no more okay and I don't believe I mean through to another human being that either either verbally

and what was happening with the separations divorce man I'm going to have to work it out I'm taking responsibility for my actions

hello my child support I'm showing up my childhood there was never no one there for me

my job man you're going to see me she told me mate you wake me up in the morning would you stay with me all my all my time to do much at

Rosemont please tell me that your skin is beautiful

he was someone who

I don't know I love you so much