The topic of Sponsorship at the 12-step Happening in Reykjavik, Iceland

Chris is don't screw up hi everybody my name is Myers Roemer and I'm an alcoholic

this is the this is the good a minute ago I I took your picture and it was not to bust your anonymity it was so I could show my wife that it's like talking to a bunch of movie stars it's the prettiest bunch of people I've ever seen in my whole life

is there such thing as an ugly person nice one

I mean it's amazing thing to me

can you guys hear me okay there's something about flying that always makes my ears do goofy things that it takes a week for him to get back to normal and so it always sounds like I'm in a well what I'm doing this I just I can't tell what I'm talking real quieter weather talk real loud so if I get kind of out there you guys just

wave at me and I'll slow down

you know there are there are a couple things I'm hugely passionate about in Alcoholics Anonymous and and and one of them is sponsorship and one of them is twelve step work and they're sort of connected there joined you really can't separate them but it's the one area of Alcoholics Anonymous where we've really done a good job it's **** things up it all

did you ever ask yourself why it is that people don't want to sponsor and don't want to do twelve step work

the reason I'm guessing at this based on my own experiences fear we are we are afraid to step up to the plate and do the things that we need to do and because the fellowship as a general rule worldwide his his let us off the hook somewhat we don't have the right seat

early A. they said okay come you sober up and then it's your responsibility to carry the message to somebody else it's your responsibility to be working with somebody else and yet within our fellowship we've drifted from that and we have well meeting sponsors that tell us to take two years before we start doing this or do this or you know what you need to get get better first you get well yourself and then go out there wait a minute guys the book didn't say that the book didn't say that it's in the in the morning we're going to talk about the summit league this twelve step stuff but I want to focus

on on sponsorship specifically this morning for a couple minutes and I know Chris and Peter want to want to add some stuff and will answer some questions if you have any questions about this but it's an area that gets real weird it's at the there's no area that we talk about where we get more people asking more questions than about sponsorship because it's unclear exactly what our responsibilities are you say

if you look in your book

everything from the chapter seven all the way to eleven is about sponsorship that's where we know you know so people say well I don't quite understand how to sponsor local read it's right there every question the book from seven on tells us how to deal with relationships sex money

the health stuff you name it it's all right there and those are responsibilities but sponsorship goes beyond that in areas of of

what our responsibility is to to Alcoholics Anonymous in general what is what is our responsibility to our group to the guys that are there in the group with us what our responsibilities to our families and it this is all about sponsorship guys these are the things that we need to bulk up they just realize that it's our responsibility to go tell somebody and show somebody this work of

I want you to understand that I can Chris is stuff we'll talk about this in the morning some but

you don't Chris had a tough time getting here and then once he got here he was okay I didn't have any trouble at all getting day at none Chris rock me he said come on

he says come on you know go ahead let's go and I did you see and that's and that's how it works where I ran into a problem was after I got here you see my nightmare started a couple years after I got in today and I spent a lot of time really hurting you know they talk about your bottom being you know you'll get your bottom before you get day guys I'm tell you right now my experience was I hit my bottom seven years away from my last drink in Alcoholics Anonymous I was as miserable as a man could be and I had to loving sponsors during that period of time that Love Me to death and they are the kindest men I've ever known this sweet as they could be and and and they nurtured me and they Love Me and they damn near killed me

they did they did not know what was in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous to had no concept of the steps of Alcoholics Anonymous the we talked about these all nebulous kind of things and we talked in generalities and we talked and we never looked at it as a basic set of instructions guaranteed to get us to god we never looked at it from that perspective as a matter of fact the guy thing was kind of played down there was this thing that kind of went through our group that perhaps talk of god was scaring off a newcomer and so

I don't know we'll talk about that later but it was just kind of strange and and so as a consequence

it's seven years sober I'm suicidal I'm writing hot checks all over Denton county I cannot keep my eyes off other women which just my wife just loves that you you need

you can imagine what it was like around our house and I now have three daughters by this time in an eight

I mean the whole thing is just a mess and so I did it with a bunch of big books on first I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm just going nuts and I know I'm going to drink it I get hooked up Chris save my life the second time which is the weirdest thing he brought me in day the first time and then he watched watches me undone wind in our meetings and get sick again and he grabs me and says don't do anything

almost see if I can get you hooked up to another group and so he was in town and and any new a lot of people and so he got me hooked up with these this because crusty old guy named cliff bishop and I'm gonna change really bust cliffs of anonymity cliffs eighty years old and he's a he's the crusty ist meanest

there's not a man on god's green earth I love more than cliff bishop he simply save my life because he was willing to look at me and say Myers would you please shut up

but see because you have to understand I I have all this wisdom that I want to share in this new found group that I'm involved with the C. it doesn't matter that I'm sick so sick I can hardly stand to get up in the morning it doesn't matter I still have all this wisdom you tell me this ego in this error against I'd kick our rear ends so

I

I get to this deal and and I'm I'm telling you this because you have to understand that that that

the way it works in Alcoholics Anonymous is is that strong sponsorship

breeds strong sponsors you see and and and weak sponsorship breeds week sponsors and so it's like we wonder how things get down the toilet how things just get it all tore up well

I come to a and I'm too lazy to read the big book okay and so I'm sitting in a meeting and this fine upstanding young gentleman right here tells me something that sounds cool

and I said

that's hot **** I like that

now

it may not be in the big book of probably wasn't but it sounded good and so this man's opinion of what's in this book becomes my doctrine

you say and so the next time when this man sticks his hand out and say Mars would you help me do the work I'll go yeah do I pick up the book no because I'm too lazy to read it I don't know what's in it

what I what I what my default position is I go straight to what this man said I remember this guy said this cool thing in a meeting one time and then I share what he said

now you may have the power to kill this man it may have helped me at the time that I heard it but it may kill this man you see because it was not our basic text it was not our program it was not a a

well so seven years from my last drink and my last drug

I'm full take here with that kind of information

hi guys I know every cool one liner I know every snappy little piece of crap that you can imagine and I'm and I'm gathering up these little Buckaroos on sponsoring and I'm telling him all this stuff and they're all just fallen by the wayside they're just getting sick and dying and going away and I'm going what what's going on how come nobody stay in you see

collectively within the fellowship that's the question that everyone of us needs to ask yourself I am huge on asking ourselves hard questions why is it that these guys can't stay sober why is it that they're hurting so desperately in the fellowship

where you already know what the answer is we've been talking about it you already know what we've got here what they're dying because the message that we're giving these guys in these meetings it's not a it's a bunch of well meaning opinions that have the power to kill have the power to hurt people immeasurably

and so what we need to do

is take a proactive stance if you're talking to let's say let's say assume for the sake of example that everyone you guys is brand new squeaking new today in this program you don't know Jack **** about a eight

if we're going to start someplace let's start at one premise that eight we maybe not know everything or anything well so we're going to set our arrogance or ego aside and then we're going to take a proactive stance and I end up make up make up a packed with ourselves to learn what's in the big book guys I don't care if you're I don't care how many degrees you have I don't care how smart you think you are if you don't know what's in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous the first hundred and sixty four pages this book you don't know what to Kerry we're gonna show me what to carry no he won't he won't he's going to sit back and scratch his head and he's going to say the book is fair read the book

yeah

the first meeting that I went to a primary purpose we we're gonna talk about this tomorrow because I want I want you guys to experience this stuff because it was so funny that the but it was funny was pathetic it was it was actually is actually pretty sad but as I go to this I go to this group and these guys are just like

in here they use the term may not see it I don't really like that term but but it describes this group I mean there's like forty people sitting around this table and they all have big books you have to understand I had not seen my big book in years I had not seen it why why do we need it we're not talking about it in our meetings so I don't need the big book and I just set it aside so I'm sitting there at all but everybody has a big book in front of them and we start this deal

and so I want to share some wisdom and as I begin to share thirty people slid forward in her chair

and I'm thinking what's this about you know anyone got dragged me back in he said something you know like this after and I noticed it over about a week's period of time every time I get ready to say something thirty or so people slide forward in their chairs now it finally dawned on me what they're doing to get ready I don't think in my head saying these guys don't like me and they're trying to shut me down how dare they try to do that kind of stuff

and so one night I actually said that not so many words but I just said you know you guys are really you know you guys are seem to be all over me when I'm talking like this and this guy

you know you just kind of pulled me to one side and he said let me ask you a question he said I don't think you understand really what's going on here and I said what's that

I'm ready to leave I'm ready to go back to where I was you see because it will let me share

so he he says how long have you been here in a two weeks and he said okay in two weeks in two weeks the men and women of this group already love you enough to tell you to hush up and listen they already love you enough to to make themselves feel uncomfortable

to tell you what you need to hear and what you need to hear Myers and I will tell you and you can leave if you want to is that your an arrogant self centered son of a **** and you need to you need to sit and listen

I said well screw you but I'm going to stay and I did I sit right there and then like this and then we went back to the stuff but it took all the see what what they were doing was they were holding me real close and they were loving me and they were telling me that the the things that I needed to hear that nobody else in seven years and had the guts to tell me nobody my sponsors didn't say anything when I want to share about your goofy crap at a meeting they just sit there look at you see

these guys were going to do that so I got this quest you'll do to be my sponsor and there starts the deal and he shows me and and and guides me through this work and it's the darndest thing because as I began to understand what's in the book I begin to understand that line on page one thirty two in the big book where it says we have recovered and been given the power to help others the fear that consumed my life around Alcoholics Anonymous began to fall away and I begin to get healthy and I begin to understand that I had a message with that then wait the only I could transmit to somebody you see

that language of the heart I was able to do things for the drunk that these that the treatment centers couldn't do you understand that there's nobody in here that has not experienced that stuff you can sit there and look scathingly at a counselor this talking to you about certain things because he's not experienced what it's like to be so fearful and so consumed by your disease that is just kicking your **** you say he just doesn't understand

but the real drunk with a real addict that knows understands that

so real quick before I set out what we're gonna do is what what there are some responsibilities that we have around sponsorship and one of them is to be responsible to make sure that the guys that we work with get to do the work and that doesn't mean given the book and say read the first hundred sixty four pages and then we'll talk I guess you could do that but your responsibility is to stand on their neck and make sure that they read make sure that the miracle starts working you see what's left on our own devices what we do

we take the easier softer way you say and I'll read the first sixteen pages and I'll set it aside you see and so so

that's the reason why the only meetings that I go to our literature based meetings because we we have three meetings a week and that's all we do is study the big book we study all the way through and we start over and start back over again is eight we we don't have any discussion type stuff

but because of that I stayed focused in the word until I learned what was in the big book and become could become comfortable with it and you and you will too and if you do that what you're going to find is is that the message that you Kerry to the guys that you work with it's going to be so intense and their recovery is going to be so intense that it's the funniest thing in the whole wide world

over the years I've had the pleasure of working with hundreds of men and

somebody asked me what time is it what I don't understand why you spend so much time working with with guys in Alcoholics Anonymous

I would love to tell you that there's all kinds of other things involved in this thing but the truth of the matter is it's just plain fun

work with guys in this thing it's not that there is nothing cooler on god's green earth into work with some busted up drunk that comes in they can't put a sentence together it's so screwed up as a man he doesn't know what's going on and watch his life change you see and watching go back into his home life and watches family heal and watch as little kids come back in and not be afraid of him you don't the coolest thing for me and recovery was to be able to walk into my home and my kids didn't die

Sirius because I'd become the man I hated I become a bully you see

it's a system amazing stuff

things like

thirteen stepping you guys know what thirteen Stephanie is right yeah

I should have known they were sophisticates and they knew all about this kind of stuff

guess what guys man in this thing who's sponsoring guides I don't give a rat's **** to do what they say it is your responsibility to stop at stop yourself and to make sure that the guys who sponsor understand that the women that come into this fellowship need to be safe here

and so you women I see some of you not in

it's it goes the same way with women

you know

what we have to understand I you know it let me share a piece of opinion I don't think there's anything on god's green earth that god takes more offense of then somebody in our program that is supposed to be healthy taking a cheap shot in a new guy it's unhealthy I think god stands back in like this and goes

man basket can is just common it's just common because because as responsible sober members of Alcoholics Anonymous we're supposed to be healthy and the new guy coming in they can't make smart decisions in this kind of stuff and it's so easy prey here you see I can't listen guys I'm blessed with so many strong women friends in a and I love them dearly and I'll tell you we talk we talk we talk hours about this kind of stuff and about how horrible it is to watch a woman work the work get right up to the point where she's beginning to understand what our responsibilities are she's beginning to understand that there is freedom from this disease is kicking our **** and then the hairy leg guy stepped in the picture and now her focus is now no longer on god it's on this guy

and she's gone she's gone you see and it's so tragic to see because she was right there and guys I'm telling you women whose books I signed I write this stuff in there all the time I'm I cannot tell you how much we need strong women in this fellowship doing this work is it it's a fact

so with all the tact I can muster

if you're a young woman in this fellowship

and some guys hitting on you you telling to screw off you understand

tell him to leave you alone until you get healthy and once you get healthy

the gloves are off you guys could do whatever you want to use good luck makes I don't care

but until until the end be kind to one another be good to each other and and let's hold each other accountable and and and be with each other

I think that's all I wanna do right now yeah you got some comments on on deal Peter

it's got

yeah and they call me the evil twin

they got it all wrong buddy I get all right I just look evil I'm not really like this is talk one of the one of the cool things enough because not much of the the way the the message kind of got skewed is that this is kind of a temporary deal we come in here we get well then we go out you know this this line that we re re enter the mainstream of life everybody wants to take that as an excuse to leave the fellowship and it's like my question is how come you can't do it all you know why can't you stay in a a and go to the gym and go back to church and you know do some cool to start some businesses and go back to school and do all the cool thank my life started fifteen years ago when I got sober we'll talk about that tonight but she guys what a cool thing to say is and to be able to sponsor some men and women in this fellowship what my started to say earlier and didn't pursue and I'm sure he will tomorrow this

one of the reasons that we don't want to sponsor I mean I hear it all the time I said you know I I I I I'm sponsored again S. and I'm booked up I got too much on my plate at the time I said listen get one of the guys on sponsor to go work with this guy as well I'm afraid to sponsor gives is like what might say because we don't we don't know how we're fresh I'm afraid our herd in Salem St but if you stay in the book and just take him to the steps and understand your primary purpose you can't how can you hurt him you can't if you're playing junior therapist

you can kill it

a big if your plan Dr

well I think you ought to quit taking those antidepressants this is not your business if he's taken antidepressants you're not a doctor

listen what I think you ought to do but see here's here's the biggest misconception about sponsorship in a today in allover fellowships in cooking anonymous and our friends and brothers and sisters in narcotics anonymous it's all the same in in this is that this belief that I have to fix the alcoholic

you with me my job is not to fix the alcoholic I can't I can't fix him I can't fix me that's what the A. B. season after the hot read how it works may be seized you know that god could and would if he were sought my job is to get you cats to god period and then what you do with that is your business but this this bullshit that with I'm this is My Baby and I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna fix what's wrong with him buddy that's a look if the if I want to enter into this guy's life I can do that if I want to advise him on other areas I can do that but that is not our primary purpose can you all get out with that doctor Bob the co founder of Alcoholics Anonymous and he's a short life it was about fifteen years and that he was sober before he passed away he worked with conservatively five thousand drunks he sponsored five thousand guys I've seen estimates closer to six thousand guys that this give this man sponsored now now you will tell me how he can take on all the problems of every single one of these drugs say if you do the math on this stuff guys this guy was sponsored at and it closed at an average of like one a day

how could you do that it's like a jam Mars the sponsor sixty man is your ego to the way your sponsor to make people listen that that's horse **** that's absolute horse **** you can sponsor as many as you got time to sponsor my job is to take them through the steps how long is that gonna take

if you're not much heated up with a bunch of therapy and stuff it didn't take very long the steps of the steps were designed to be worked rapidly folks the steps were designed to be worked through in a very short period of time a few weeks if you're taking longer than a few weeks to work the steps you're spinning your wheels perhaps you don't understand the physical allergy the middle obsession the spiritual malady perhaps you don't really perhaps you have a lurking notion in the back of your head that you're not you're not even one of us and we need is we need to talk about that but if I've qualified you and I've got you to a place where you're convinced that you're an alcoholic why the living daylights what I want you to take longer than a few weeks to work the steps

put a cool deal to be in Iceland most of your man's awry here

that's the truth you know some of us got to travel around the got the country you know it takes takes some time to make some of these I mean you got to do a lot right right here you know a couple of days you can bring up some people write some letters you know sit down and you can make some face to face is with with the

the the the people that are not working the steps folks either they don't know that they're supposed to be working the steps rapidly or they're stalling for time they're trying to get out

sake if I'm a sponsor just like Meyer said I'm gonna stand on your neck and find out you said you're willing to go to any length show me

and let's work the steps so that you can turn around and help me help somebody else gets over that's what it's about folks stopped to stay clear out of your mind that your responsibility is to fix that alcoholic see all the little X. is over here so you are wearing little buttons though X. is on the outside those are issues those are things that god is gonna take care of

I wish you could take that to heart

transmitting the information that you have out of the book and you can absolutely not go wrong thanks

well I knew this was going to be like this I knew

no really let me clarify something real quick

okay

people say all the time I hear this I hear this all the time you know you can only effectively sponsor one maybe two guys at a time

the truth of the matter is is that early a because there were so few of them they sponsored lots of men lots of them it's only been recently that we got all blacked out with this with this with this numbers game sponsorship is not a numbers game I don't want you to make I don't want to even I don't want to even start the idea that you have to sponsor a bunch of guys to be successful I'm not saying that but if god brings a bunch of guys in your life to work with don't don't be Dustin a man don't be you know make excuses why you can't do that stuff most of the time if you if you're not doing it what what what Chris was just talking about a lot of times we spend too much time with these guys we take on too much we shoulder too much responsibility I'll never forget tennis real fast I started this this working with some guys that this treatment place and I had probably five or six guys I was working with and everybody would stay in sober I had this little A. A. Buckaroos and they were all doing the deal and I'm thinking you know me and my arrogance I'm thinking that I'm god's gift to sponsorship and

and I'm walking around going

I'm pretty good at this

in my sponsor oak cliff

he would look at me and go

but I I'm not sure that you got a grip on this yet you know none of this is your doing this is god's doing it was like something had changed all of a sudden it was like somebody flipped the switch in for my guys went out

and then I picked up two more guys and they lasted a week and they went out and then I picked up another two or three and they went out and now I'm running about a six month period of time where nobody stands over the sea and now I'm devastated I'm crawling around going cheese what is going on with this stuff man I thought you said this stuff works and so find a cliff I had this little sit down one afternoon and he said you know what what we have to do is get this thing in perspective of what's going on your seat you cannot take responsibility for the successes but you don't have to shoulder the responsibility for the failure either

ask yourself the question here it is again the big question thing ask yourself the question did you carry the message of recovery to that man

yes Sir

did you working through the work yes Sir

that's it that's all you can do you can't do anything more

that one other thing this illusion that we have to be friends with everybody we sponsor don't do this

don't do this because what happens is you start judging who you're going to sponsor or not that's not your business that's god's business who you sponsor god brings these people in your life guys I sponsored some of the most unlovable people that you've ever seen in your life I sponsor guys today that I simply I can hardly stand them

but I love them and I love what's happening in their life will never be budging they'll never be on my Christmas card list

but their children of god just like me and they're hurting just like me and we have a chance to get through this stuff it is it's the it's the coolest thing to experience one more fast think sponsorship is like this big final it's it's like this big inverted funnel and people say well how do you sponsor a bunch of guys well you don't do it all at one time if twenty you guys walked up to me and said Mars I want you to sponsor me I'm gonna dust half of yeah I'm gonna say no I can't do that I and and it's only a minute says sure I will now he's living Americans you see now is ego is driving the whole thing don't do that

well what happens is is that god brings men and women in your life to sponsor and you start out here on the little part of the final in your head in this direction with it into the big into the thing and it you know when you get a new guy you're you're holding a real close and you're doing the work and if things are pretty intense down in this narrow little part and then guess what the miracle of recovery happens and now it's god doing for them what they could do for themselves and now they're less and less grinding their let they take less and less time now you're getting into the big part of the final out here and now you're ready to take some more into the little piece of the funnel and then you work at like that you see so it's possible to have fifty or sixty guys out here you're sponsoring because you're talking to a what once a week maybe you see they're healthy they're out there on their own doing their own stuff you see they got their own Buckaroos if they're carrying through the work you see and that's the way that stuff works that's why it's so cool to see and so it's also your little barometer is set so that let's say you're out here in the big part of funneling you still got a cat that's call you every morning with relationship problems this dragons bass back to the beginning and find out what we left out where did we go wrong what is it that this guy's not talking about you see how squeaky clean is the in the rest of his life let's find out what the problem is anybody you still have to deal with a bunch out here his head is pressed you got a problem you need to go find out what the problem is and bring him back and fix it and it's really easy to do that you see

they may have any questions about this stuff

hope I was talking to a guy just a minute ago and I hope I don't know whether he's in here when he was in a meeting down the street

I was trying to escape any caught me out there on that no he he said he said that we were talking about singleness of purpose about drunk sponsoring addicts and addicts wandering drunks let me fall off into this real real quick again because it's a key to to to your stuff because of the traditions the way they're set up in our singleness of purpose I understand that a lot of people who are addicts so grew up in a god bless you and I'm glad you're here

where the rub comes in where the where we get to have a problem is in the next generation of the drunken adding you come in and you got sober in a in your heads up addict you got sober now are you are clean and now you got a drunk in a medium Alcoholics Anonymous they want you to sponsoring now you've got a heads up attic sponsoring a drunk who does not understand addiction like the attic you see I've never smoked a crack in my whole life guys I used to sponsor crack addicts all the time and you know what I've noticed one day that all my crack addicts are not staying clean

you see there we're not making the connection spiritually and emotionally the language of the heart is not being I don't know what it's like to suck on the high end of a crack pipe I don't know you see

and so it's that's why it's so terribly important that when we get involved with guys like that can we be a benefit to insure can we love him sure can we help him get some coffee and helping get plugged in sure that's our responsibility

but then it's our responsibility to flipping over to a crack addict that understands what's going on don't let your hair gets in your ego get in the way that stuff guys flipping getting plugged in someplace where he can be and it's a funny thing to watch a crack at it it's now in touch with another crack at it and watch the miracle happened and they're both smiling at each other and they they say three words to each other and they smile they know you see the connection was made I've been working with the guy for two weeks and we can't get anywhere the arrogant son of a **** you see I'm browsing around we never made the connection and it's usually important

anybody any questions about this stuff sponsorship stuff will call on that you guys are either the shy as people I've ever met or or you're the smartest people already I know how

I'm thinking it's more the smarter part

this is

I think it's a nightmare

I I think it's a train wreck waiting to happen and the reason being is that

is that we are we are we as addicts and alcoholics are hugely deceptive people and we can say give me ever meet a drunkard Attica couldn't talk you into anything we are hugely into the motivation and the staff will say whatever we think you want to hear but our eyes do not lie when a guy I sponsor that I know walks in and says I mean I say Hey what's up because they're going to find

and I'm looking at his eyes like this and I know he's full of crap and I just say but I know you think you're going to go to a meeting tonight instead of the big book but you're not you're not going in the back room and we're going to talk you see and I can dust sweeping out of there and we can go get back on track and see what's really going on in this kid's life you see but then that but that's what I think it it's important to have friends in the fellowship it's important to have buddies that you can deal with my email is Lou I love the email stuff and I'll email everybody in this room about stuff if you need information on your information got help always be there for you but I would never I would never be so arrogant to think that I could effectively sponsor somebody long distance like that that's that's a permit a probably a personal opinion I think it's in the big book anywhere

you may also cool yes ma'am

you know that is an absolute excellent question if I had a gold star I give you one right now

the question was is it possible to sponsor somebody if you have not worked the steps

I think that's what you ask my ears are still

no it's a good answer

no it's a good answer but let me say it's a I want to I want to say that as a qualified no because what we do is is that

it's it's arrogant on our part to think that god will will will sometimes god puts people in our lives that we need to work with quickly in in recovery and it doesn't mean I got guys that I that I work with that have been sober for two weeks we're we're halfway through the work we're getting ready to do their stuff they're already starting to experience this spiritual awakening in their life they're already starting to do now we go to a treatment place because my guys after a week they're out there with me at a treatment place three times a week we're out there doing that stuff we'll talk about that some in the morning and twelve steps down but but can they sponsor guys in those treatment places no but they can show them what happened in their experience already in two weeks it's the most powerful thing that we can possibly do it's been two weeks since I had a drink or took a drug and I'm hearing this treatment center to tell you that there is hope that this stuff works it is not crap it's not just empty rhetoric you see this and and and that's that's where it's so hugely effective that we do that that's what and that's where our recovery is boosted and we get so much good from that and so the my fear is that you will use it as an excuse to never get involved in sponsorship and I've seen thousands and thousands of men over the years do that just that well

you know we're here into the deal in this case still not work is work well I can't sponsor anybody because I have a work my work with Y. Y. court the work you see come with us and do this stuff but don't shirk your responsibility that's the service part of this deal somebody walks into your group and they're lost and they're kind of looking around you know the feeling you were there once and I don't know where the cracker is they don't know where the coffee is they don't know where the show help them don't don't just point go get em put your arm around him tell matter welcome here you know that's what yeah that that'll give him

and then for next Wednesday when the

hi I love that question we talked about this stuff last night I Krystle probably have some comments on the stuff like that I let me tell you from my experience

I could not I tried sponsoring women

and I find it a huge distraction and I also I do

but the grind the part of this stuff it I it's not that I don't believe that I could effectively carry a message to a woman I think that I could but the grind of part about it is is that I have a wife at home that I truly adore and to put her in a position of having to cease to be there while I work so intimately with a woman you know because if we're working together we're going to have to talk about stuff and I'm gonna have to talk about that guy you touched in that you know this we're gonna have to talk about this thing and when you call me in the middle of the night because some hairy leg I broke your heart again and I'm talking to you on that for an hour on the phone and my wife is lay there listening to this whole thing you understand what I'm saying it it's not fair to her to do that and to get in that kind of a situation you see but that would be my biggest concern about that kind of stuff cliff bishop this all do that I'm talking to you he sponsors lots of women is he's is effective at doing that kind of stuff