The 28th Bluff City Fellowship Conference in Memphis, TN

Laurie

thank you thank you very much mark my name's going Wilford I'm an alcoholic

how would the speaker's been great this weekend so far

a little Jimmy on Thursday night and then Francine finally made here Francine's your winstar chill she just she just founder state and Jimmy's here

Larry what well that's bad Larry's here in Larry not both know some people from a little together and and I have had a fantastic time was then looking forward to hear Michael tonight and done tomorrow and you guys have been absolutely awesome and I'm here to lower that standard

Hey he she think I'm can I'm nervous is a long tailed cat in a rocking chair contest

I really want you guys to like me I don't know if it shows are not

but the the the voices did fail to make one announcement they they reminded me just a second ago they fail to make one announcement the host committee of this year's conference has asked if you see any questionable behavior from anyone here this weekend please report it to a house committee member thank you

and

before she stole my line I was going to say

if you see any question will however let me know to

because I want to watch

can you lose here can you lose certain about halfway back in half measures section

and

I hear about them for years to come she she is my patron Saint of Memphis I A. whenever I come to Mrs so when I was first in so but I say we hear when we hear we say when we say and I heard one thing and I saw one thing I heard from his voice in her you know so can you lose us I remember staying at the cook convention center as well four foot nothing gray headed old lady start a hole straight through me all the way across that room

and it was her

and I wanna I wanna tell you that I love you and that and that young lady I had the honor of her her speaking probably three or four my birthdays throughout the years and I don't want to say that I love you and I'll call her many take me about a crime and you don't want to complain about you sober alcoholic women

well I called a few months ago and and I said the well I heard they got a really good line up of speakers for this year's ball city conference and I said they've even got a gas speaking from Tennessee and she said would that be you

I said yes and she said it doesn't matter

pop my bubble just like that you know so what do you mean it doesn't matter she said Glenn I want to ask you a question how long have you been sober

that's about fourteen years and she said how many speakers have you heard

and I said I don't know maybe a couple thousand and she said how many of those speakers do you remember and I said I don't know maybe fifteen or twenty of them she said so you don Mattera

if I ever need a dose of humility all of god is come down to Memphis and go hit up Kitty litter over her home group or call on the phone I'm guaranteed to get to get a good shot at that but I thought I got a joke on her and I know I've I've I've I've been given permission to tell the story I asked her the other day in hospital rooms you can go back on it now killer yeah I don't know this but she told me she said she told me that I'm the only one she told I felt real special about that she lost one of her little dogs last year you know she got a couple of dogs and she just said she started feeling really really lonely and all this kind of stuff so she went to the pet store she combine you can't replace it so sure and feels lonely and

so she looks over in and she's she seizes frog in one little cages and frog looks up and says

by me and take me home and I guarantee you won't regret it

so she looks at him and and and props up promise you won't regret it so anyway she buys frog takes in puts him in the car on the way home she looks over in the box in front in the frog says kiss me

just kiss me you won't regret it

so a little bit reluctant she leans over and gives it real quick Peck

and also he transforms into this really good looking fine handsome young prince

and and this prince leans over and kisses Kita lu on the cheek

you know what she turned into

personal tale she could find

no can you just turn brown back there

and

and mark was right mark and I have had the privilege of getting to know each other over the year when I just had to get out of Jackson's stuff is going on too much up there I'd say listen man you got a countervailing he said you know I do and I did the same thing he said listen I gotta get out Memphis nine us if you know where I live my house is your house and and we we were able to do this deal over the last years you're so however long it's been but

I don't

midmarket fist up not too long ago and I've got permission to tell this joke

because I asked him

mark was having problems he made a nice new crime I mean that nice girls

and and it was stressing him out just a little bit

and he

he came up and he said Glenn I found myself unable to perform

what

I said what would you do he said well once the doctor and said to me my girlfriend went to doctor and and the doctor said was no problem I'll just give you some background and you guys can go on your merry way and he said well you know **** in that for the older crowd can older crown have you got anything different

Dr kind of stretches hands that will

we got an experimental new procedure what we do is we take the muscles from an elephant's trunk

bear with me now

we we take the muscles from an elephant's trunk and we cannot work with them and we've had some success in this area

and so he looked his girlfriend thing you know and stuff I've got to something she she looked at him thinking yeah you're right you do

so I said alright doc let's do it so they had the operation went through success couple months later go back to doctor get the green light to try this stuff out so they go to a nice low point restaurant here in Memphis candle lights on the table low dam light piano music south plain background real real romantic

and they're sitting there staring Google out of each other like we do you know and also in this big monstrosity comes out from under mark's I'll take reaches up grabs a Rome disappears

will his girlfriend likes this

she's impressed

in the

and she said honey can you do that again

he said maybe maybe I could but I don't know if I could set another roll of minus

I need a good laugh and sobriety any good

that's right that's right this is a life

I'm only get on myself for just a second quick toned out for a little bit one thing real quick serve any audience real quick how many just the gas you guys only know girls this time how many guys only have one year of sobriety or less hands up real hot

if nobody's told you today that somebody looked if nobody's told today that they love you

tell somebody might I mean you know

all right girls real quick just a girl's time no gas how many girls have one year of sobriety or less hands up real hot

real

see me after this meeting

that's right

we're gonna get spiritual

that's right

you know they got a new book out is bound to be approved conference proved any minute says let go and let gland

that's right then the the next one's going B. as the lan so use it

so similar it's just me

the the house committee has been absolutely awesome the speaker's been absolutely awesome and I really appreciate what Francine said last night it's a truly an honor to be asked to be anywhere in Alcoholics Anonymous until right now

right now because of our flaws in my in my stomach feel more like seven forty sevens

and

but anyway I caught my first recently when I was three years old

my mother my father sat me down at our kitchen table and they said we're going to have a baby

now I don't know this but that is what they told me later on a typical three responses nothing we would normally expect I assume also if we don't like it can we take it back and get our money back

and you wanna know what was going to happen but you know that's insane to copper a resentment at three years old but that's just too I would I mean that is insane

Catamounts historic at the GAC grows in a bar and orders shot of whiskey bartender pours and shot the guy has a gun got pushes it to the side

let's just drop the bartender crazy tries going do this job look at later we got calls Barton Rovers says listen can I get a shot of whiskey so bartender the bartender pours in the shot of whiskey in hand it to him and he just knocks it back

well this just flies all over the bartender he does not understand this at all just really starts taking his lunch so to speak and he tries go do the job you misled he cannot stand so he goes back to gases listen I want to ask you questions your two shots while ago but you pushed the first one aside what's up with that he said listen I've been going to these a a meetings they told me water I do don't take that first drink

so how are

and that's how insane I was three years old you know resentful of my little sister came along I immediately became bad brother

and I'll be telling her every chance I got an E. in and I didn't know I didn't know anything about sibling rivalry out and no I didn't know

mosis came along and made it became a bad brother it was horrible her we did my babysitter's house and we did she give us a quarter you get penny candy back then you get one piece candy for penny so we go the storm and its eye make sure your sister get some candy so I come back about twenty two pieces of candy to come back with three

and that was common for me no that was common in one of things I get to do as a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous it came to me to help with a good friend it came to me that one things I need to do is try to be good brother

try to be good brother

I ask myself the question earlier this year and I swear to use lower and lowers my witness I had never thought about this I wonder what can a sister my brother won't

whatever it was I wouldn't him

not the funny guy that stands here before you you know not the got stands here was right now I've got one thing on my mind you know right as I stand here run lord god as my witness I've got one thing on my mind do a look okay

that was supposed to go over better now he also

all right all right

mmhm

but a in all honesty I want to get out of myself real quick and

I was walking around in in one of the merchandise rooms that a song and I happened to pick down all saw something immediately knew what god was telling me say one of the things I get to do an Alcoholics Anonymous as as a result of being a bad brother back then is I get to try to be a safe older male for the young girls that come into meetings in my tail

and the

France he said if you got a problem with with middle aged lady can control their emotions tough and you can't

you've got a problem with thirty six year old man who can't control his emotions well my god we're in trouble but turned

there's been a lady young lady that has been coming meetings not long

and

and a color model sister in sobriety

and she's real special to me

and then and I got to get out of myself for a little bit

in them

she's fifteen years old

and just this past week she celebrated one month of sobriety

in

it took her home from meeting that night and she got out of the car and I looked over and I said I sure am proud of you

it was like somebody had handed her a million dollars

and when I saw this right here

I knew what it was and I knew what my god was doing in my life it would be my honor if this young lady would come up and pick up a one month medallion at fifteen years old she has shown me more courage in the last month than it takes for me to stand up here ten times Carla come get this Monday

I think it takes a whole hell of a lot of courage

to try to get sober fifteen years old and

because at fifteen years old I had my head so far up my rear all I saw was was darkness

and I'm proud of you

I'm proud of you

I'm in my first day birthday my mother stood at the podium like this in front of a packed house in my home group and my mother said I'm proud of you and nobody had told me they were proud of me for about five years before I got to help the whole synonymous and I am so proud of you and I love you

from

I'm doing okay

I come from ricin family my father rice when I was a kid and and it was a source of shame and it was a source of a whole Lotta love when I was growing up is a source of love because man it was awesome bit that race track me around all those race cars and all that power stuff and I learned through inventory that my father was one of my heroes growing up because he raced cars and I love that and also learn that it was a source of shame for me because we were the only family on our block that had a race color in I mean look at y'all told me I was not unique when I got here what's this test right here how many all come from racing family grew up around it

me and two more

and I have asked people that question from Portland to west Palm Beach from little to San Diego and y'all I believe on the sixteenth and seventeen people out of the race their hands so I'm unique

of

but

yeah

but it was a source of shame for me because nobody else on our block race cars I mean we were the family that you know I'm sorry anybody else in your family race race cars stuff like that we were the family working on a race car seven o'clock in the morning Sunday morning while all the rest you know we're still asleep

and we will family on our block when you know the cops were getting called down for disturbing the peace and all that kind of stuff and my father have been nice and polite you know those kind of things and which was hard for him

in Seoul is a bit of a source of shame for me and the

it

a little bit and I didn't love it

and you know I don't I I grew up new and that I was different from people nobody else on on our block race none of the other kids in most schools father raced

so I feel the part from the pills I felt set aside you'll remember a cop this resentment three years old I felt abandoned my mother father take took all that attention that when they were given to a selfish and self centered three year old and he did all my little sister and I stole my phone

they stole my thunder

at three years old my god's left me

I learned their inventory later owned it when I was a kid I looked about at Christmas all two people staring over that creates

they immediately became my gods

and it's been a long time in sobriety a long time in sobriety in a lot of tears for those two people to become human

a long time and

and today I love my father I love my father for who he is not who is not

say my father drank when I was young and I never knew who he was

when he was drinking I didn't know if he was going to be that eight hundred pound romp and stomp and guerrilla roaring through the toll roar into the house like a tornado or I don't know if he was going to be that loving doting father that would come in and give you a hug and kiss you and put you to bed and and Rachel good night stories I don't know who he was going to be I don't know if he's an alcoholic to this day

but I hope

here's this type

one of these days

no one telling

there I'm proud to be your someone

because I blamed him for everything

it was his fault

it was his fault enter

and if we ever hears this type almost say dear god that I forgive you

please forgive me the for the things that I did

and I want to tell my mother she ever hears this type to tear gotta love you so much and he was met my mother before and and

she just wants her son to be okay

that's all

that's all

I rocked along as a kid that's about fifteen years old somebody passed up a bottle of whiskey my way instead you wanna try this I said well sure

you know I want to fit in and not long after that the they pass the marijuana once in your small business it will sure the one fit in

and now that was about fifteen when I did it I was about fifteen when I discovered six

he

now it's about eighteen when I found out you could have sex with somebody

yeah

yeah we we we came in here a little bit earlier in the Allen on had just left the whole mess all over the place

I guess they were trying to get even

you know hang till an alcoholic and non on around on their second date can't you

there's U. haul in the drive way

you know how they'll not have sex with you don't you

hi just attachment you screw yourself

it took her a little bit longer than it did the rest of us on

you know how you can tell when you're not when you're at a Alan on meeting known Jim

you spill your coffee now get up to clean it up

I remember

I remember what to alcohol and drugs did for me

in the beginning I remember sitting in my mother my father's house sit in my room my little sisters in her room yelling and screaming and crying because I don't know what I've done but I I probably been big hell out of her meet hell out over again my mother my father in their room they're yelling screaming each other trying to blame it I'm not trying to blame one another

and and that's normal in our household

chaos is familiar to me

I come from chaos hello was born AT dysfunction junction

I mean that's that's the truth about me but tough I remember sitting there fifteen years old listening to lead Zeppelin

a couple people identifying them

and

and that's when the damn broke for me

fifteen years old sitting there in that easy chair is one of the old drunk chairs you sit in it you sit down in your sitting like this and by the end of the night you're certain about what the US Senate

and you just can become part of the upholstery in the chair and

and for the first time in my life for the first time in my life everything was okay just the way it was

it was okay the model sisters yelling and screaming and crying it was okay that my mother and father are yelling and screaming trying to blame each other it's okay that the Alibaug barking it's okay that the L. cats meow on whatever's going on it's journalist okay inside my skin

and where I came from feeling abandoned feeling less than feeling like I didn't fit in what bill talks about on page one of his story I felt like I was a part of life it last time I did a five that when I read it because I felt like I was apart from life growing up all my life

that was true for me

mmhm

but we scandal whisking don't talk that way for me

and I felt a part of

I became rich

I became good looking

became smart

I'm came bulletproof

and at times I became invisible now

yeah and that was true for me and that's what it did for me

it wasn't long after that that it started doing stuff to me

it started asking me to give it things

it started asking it for my relationship with my family

and I said you haven't

it started asking me for any kind of money that I've made for any kind of job that I had and I said take it

it damn near asked me for my life

and god work through me and said wait a minute

hang out

I don't I don't know about you guys but drinking makes you think about stuff

made me think about get a job one time

so I had this little job and here's what a typical Friday for me was you know working distal job I get paid on Friday afternoon right I got two bills that I gotta pay immediately soon as I get off work I don't know man I gotta pay my Bartel two bills right two bills I gotta pay those two bills and that's all go pay those two bills and whatever I'm left with that's what I've got to make it through that Friday night with a typical Friday night for me was is go go buy a twenty five dollar bag of marijuana back in it which was a lot of dope in the early nineteen eighties

go back case of beer

and be scraping up off the floor for the car to get nickels and dimes to put two dollars worth of gas in the car

see I wasn't signed because I expected to run around all night long on ten dollars with the gas in the car

yeah

and you know that's that's just the truth I'm not a social drinker my mother is a social drinker and I can't stand it I have seen her started drink and nursed the same one for hours

that's alcohol abuse to me

I see the start one finish that one maybe start another one and leave some in the bottle

so needless to say whenever I was drinking I kind of followed my mother around if she was going somewhere Finisar's OfficeTeam body else's off I get my hands on but I asked my mother as to what happens to you when you drink one time when you I asked one time what happens you when you drink

and she said well I kind of loosen up a little bit I cannot get a woozy out of control feeling going on in in in I just feel kind of good

I said okay and I said what things

and she said I don't want anymore

it's exactly at that point that separates the social drinker from the full blown chronic alcoholic like me

because when I get that little Lucy out of control Phelan loosened up get the get the body flown and all that kind of stuff on the dance floor rose water that's exactly when I want all I can get my hands on

everyone up if I go blind bag borrow steal sell my soul to the devil for whatever whatever I've got to do that's exactly what I will do to get into

they told me once too many thousands on enough and if you've never heard that I hope you can stay here long enough to identify with it because ideas I'm not an alcoholic because I drink too much

the people tell me I drank too much I knew that I didn't know

there's no way that I knew I'm not an alcoholic because I drink too much I'm an alcoholic because I never got enough

and that's the truth about me

I'm a blackout drivers more fun that way

people ask you what you did not for I don't know

and you love finding out later that you had fun I mean that's all right

but tell

I will not I hate coming to in a car wreck

came in a car wreck one time and wrecked only car had little dark late one night in I remember that feeling if I can just make it home

no ma'am that feeling if I can just make it home

well blacked out that night and

Rick my car in you know cars don't drive too well when they're wrapped around trees

I know that anyway so the car won't move and I just caught him this get aggravated you know I just get aggravated when you're drunk it's not

so anyway so I start taking off walking

and I realize I'm proud about two miles from home so start taking off walking in and also to realize I've got a bad headache

so Rachel Graham her normal normal do Graham hair in a look down at my hand and my hand is covered in blood and I looked down at the clothes I'm wearing and in my shortest covered in blood you know and I've got a pair of pants in the front of the home is covered in blood

I immediately copped a resentment

it was not a resume with that I was drunk again

it was not a resentment that I had wrecked my only car you've been in another car Rick I copped a resentment because are ruined a nice white shirt a nice white striped pants

because mine advice was hot at the time and so that's what I

don't you hate car rich when you're drunk coming last time as it emergency room if one was drunk car wrecks and they had I had to stick in any charm and one up well you know one going up the backside and also because I don't know if I don't know if I was in the merges room four or five at jiffy lube

in a

and that's the truth

and I drank smoked dope store cocaine

every chance I could

every chance I could

see my mother when she goes out has one maybe two

she doesn't sit and think about the next time she's going to have maybe one possibly two

when I go have Luhan I think about it all day long

that's all I think about think about anything else our books is we have a physical craving couple

coupled with the middle session obsessions is it one of the scriptures for me is is an obsession is something that will push out every other thought in your mind

and that's true for me because when I drink that's all I think about something but nothing else in my body says you better go get another one

in India and that's the truth about make an

the truth about me is is I had my last one choice in my first one

the Citrix about me

well

you know I heard people talk about being an alcoholic annual an alcoholic No Way Out is no college not my conception of an alcoholic was a three coat wearing Piggly wiggly cart pushing bone that lived on the bridge I wouldn't that

I was sleeping in my car on top of the bridge

what now call it could be

in the what happened for me is I got to do you are in September of nineteen eighty seven you know that may not impress some old timers well the truth about me is I'm guilty of a thousand do you eyes and I've been called one time

this is a disease of perception

that's the truth about me I have no idea how many times my god placed his hand over my car and saw fit that I made it home when the only think I was when the only thing I was thinking if I can just make it home one more night

well I got the one September nineteen eighty seven and a rear into the back of this council small pick up truck and I did about a hundred forty dollars worth of damage that pickup truck and I paid that got back have no idea how I paid that got back drunk but I paid him back

but anyway

I remember when that cop put those handcuffs on my hand

I had a spiritual experience

how can a nice guy

and the

I vaguely since I wouldn't be into smart about that

but turned

but I remember that moment that caught totally missed well for we're taking you jail for DWI this data beyond acting and when do you it we're taking you to jail for the W. up in something ran across the front of my little pea brain that said

this is not supposed to be happening to me

didn't he know who I am

I mean my father grew up in a racing family I was driving the family's rice Kerr at the race track at fifteen years old before I ever had a driver's license

you know but it's hard to explain your credentials when your hand because

but I remember that happening and in that gun that cop sent me the back of a police car now I don't know about you guys but I know my god works in my life he's given me the courage to stand up here today in the fight through my own fears fight through my own mind secures it say when you don't deserve to be up there

and he's given me the courage to do that and I know my god it worked in my life drunk and I know he works in my life so we're because what happened that night from where I'm standing at this podium just about to the front of this hotel my grandmother was sitting in a bar and she saw that D. W. I. happened she saw that car wreck

and she sent somebody out of that bar to try to talk to a cop and take me to jail that night

now I don't know about you guys but I spent my drinking my driving career about three steps ahead of complete and total disaster

I'm grateful that got that my god was working in that cops like that night and in got that got to do his job and take me to jail because that's what needed to be that night

to protect you from me because I was a tornado roared through your life and I remember going to jail that night and

yeah he took me to jail and to illustrate even farther than that god was working that cops like I saw that cop in a bar about a month later he said don't go down such and such road down here in Jackson because the cops have road blocks in

how about that god using a policeman to work in my life to keep me out of another straight three steps ahead of complete and utter disaster

well

back then the made good made they made you go do you ask our data beyond school I have a resentment over dry over data beyond school to this day

I thought they're going to demand drive drunk

well is an all day class

and the woman teaching the class that day was armed with the facts about herself and they may just take a little test of the in the class of twenty question test had crazy questions own it like his drinking cause you problems with your family hail no they kick me a long time ago

has drinking cause you problems on the job

no I can't keep a job don't bother me

I remember taking that test and about halfway through that test I'm realizing I'm answering yes to almost every question only status

and the

after class was over that day the instructor's instructor **** she sent the giver by their little certificate you know like do you ask certificate incense may proud of

she asked a few of us to kind of hang around after the after class is over I was one of them

and I thought I must have been when the star students so in

so

she kind of caught us all and she got a call this one by one and office number when she called me in there she said gleaned from what you show me on this test you might be an alcoholic

she just say she was armed with the facts about our sales and old timers like killing from in in in the people like ten people up in my hometown they told me if you spot it you've got it she had it so she could spot it she was armed with the facts about herself

and she talked me into it she she said listen there's a six o'clock and there's an eight o'clock meeting tonight over here to screw pumps you go and I said I'll go to the eight o'clock meeting she said why don't you go to the six

all times like Charlie told me

that their best thinking and got them to Alcoholics Anonymous

I remember that day real will because my best thinking almost didn't get me to Alcoholics Anonymous because on that day I thought I had a choice

well I don't know why but I did what the woman told me to do I went to the six caught me I'm a two things about that meeting

there's little branded a long legged spider crawling around in that meeting

I wouldn't say and stuff of promises and was not hallucinating

my first monster said that spotter needed a meeting that day leave him alone

so if you're sitting in a meeting and you see some answer you see a spot or see a bird fly through they need a meeting leave him alone

in the

and a fellow came up to me after the meeting and he stuck his hand out discipline keep coming back

and I had no idea what I did that for a long time

but upon reflection upon a lot of inventories on no fly did that one that I know why didn't I don't know what stuck out in my life it stuck out in my life that day because nobody had told me to come back anywhere for about five years before I staggered through these doors

I believe the three war three of the most important words in Alcoholics Anonymous we can say our keep coming back

because when there's no way in hell I'll ever hear I love you when I'm still drinking and I'm still doing drugs there's no way I could heard that I heard that fellow tell me keep coming back

see what I brought to the range of Alcoholics Anonymous after after inventory number twelve finally found out what I brought to you was not a pretty sight what happened was is I felt horribly guilty about the things that I had known

and I felt ashamed of who are Willis

and that's what I brought to you

and you gave me the three most important words I believe in all of Alcoholics Anonymous she told me keep coming back

and I'm so grateful for you and that guy still sober today

because make

yeah that's probably the meeting that he decided to stick around right there

I've been standing around a a meetings for on all six eight months and one two three drink one to three drinks one two three drinking and I just I was not getting the program so has sponsors time he didn't he didn't fire me because I drank Hey so let me make those midnight suicide calls and all that kind of stuff and finally he said Glenn you know maybe maybe ought to go to treatment

maybe all the treatment

in the

so I understand okay I'm going here I will check myself in humble treatment and you'll be a new man after I'm done

well I have a love hate relationship with treatment today

one thing I hate about treatment they're not real fashion conscious and treatment

don't I realize how hard it is to pick up girls when those green paper down on

and if you're like me if you want to speak for each count Bob right all over the floor and stuff and they have to chase you down those little booties on all that kind of stuff