Grand Ole' Roundup

I would go

so I have something wonderful to say about her

when I got here

hello my

the card

and I guess the thing that stuck out in my mind the most is that

yeah

well you're right about that

he

another thing

I don't think any of us did you have to admit that

another thing that stuck out in my mind is that her situation is a lot like my voice and he fell in love with someone who lives far away and where I live there was not someone hurt someone they are

we have a lot to talk about in those areas

the main thing that I get from one day to converse about the encircle speaker is worried about what

how does this story in particular could always

he has nine year and one month Tuesday

in a very special compliment to all the people in there he said he thought that we were just wonderful I thought that was great Allison from Atlanta

he body I'm really delighted to be here I'm I'm thrilled that that

everything up here on the day

we know how important that is

make sure I have my supply appears during some things never change

my name is Alexander and I'm an alcoholic and addict

hello family I am so nervous I would start thinking right about now but I think it'll stop a little later I want to thank the committee for inviting me here this is a tremendous honor what a gift for me and

some of the people in my life I want to acknowledge some of the friends that came out from this land so to be here for me I have a couple of friends here who have known me since I got sober and that's real important and one of my sponsor at

is there

he did not tell last night that that's what I call them

because he's been dropping numbers

I also one interviews the love of my life the woman of my dreams

of my lord

and and somebody who I could not be here without my mother Rebecca he writes on his

you have a lot of or

and I and I feel really

one that I have the kind of support that I do my love it here and

you take care of all the things in our choir

an aptitude that we get all the sudden I don't know how to go get my configuring

he was very worried the whole time to spend the whole weekend going you're gonna be fine you're gonna be fine well not really

I am I am a little bit nervous about being called the

iqor and and I told Susan earlier you know I

you heard my tape by I've worked with all the wrong people I've been in their lives I am

I've done all manner of things over and and yet you know he column

Baker I can't quite figure it out you know up

I'm gonna tell you my story later

all I think is really hard the card

maybe I'll tell you I'll tell you a story

that was the story the story that is very much like my own line

there was a man in the place not unlike this place in a time not unlike this time

build a wall a collar around and

and as time went on he plays every down in that wall

it grew larger and taller and taller and on the car lots of glass

and better than the stones so that nobody could get over it

and then seventy five that power and felt very

current people would come by and and yell over the car to come out and play in the car

but he didn't feel like he could

by that power for so long that he forgot what it was like on the outside

once in awhile somebody would come by and plow hours over the phone

one day when they did that you really went over and picked up the flowers smell them and remember that there was a world out there

any any climb to the top of the tower but by the time you've gotten there they were gone

right down in the shower and cried and felt very alone

and one day there alone

it was too painful and cried out god please help me

and a great light began to shine inside the tower and it grew and grew so bright that it burns the power and through the rubble and he was very

not at all he ran out to all the people that that was there and told him about it our call them what he's done

and what happened to him he was really excited for a while they listen

and get up on the rubble of the calories tell people what you have learned about god and about the flight and what could happen to them

the people started going away

they heard what he had to say

all the people were gone and got down on one of the bigger stones and cried and thought I'm still alone

I don't understand god what what's happening

and the light shines again

and at that look at what you're sitting on

that you built out of pride

another one over here

one

another of the fear of resentment

when you look at the tone please realize that they were here

unlike the other

your honor I can move the system

and I'll help you

they would go in there with the stones and they look at him and they are always the ones that they didn't want to

thank god they go around and talk to people and sometimes we go up to other people

Wroclaw ours over the top

for

right thank you

tell you about me

a little over thirty six years ago I was born into a military family

on a military base my father was a pilot in the army my mother was an officer's wife

I have two older brothers and a younger sister

I'm a lot like the rest of you I am I grew up in an alcoholic home my father drank and I can't say my father was an alcoholic not be able to say that is going on the denial of my family and the disease

I am I'm not going to say that you're an alcoholic you ask me but I mean no

if you walk like a duck and talks like a duck you're probably a dock and

and for me to be able to recognize the disease and my father was an alcoholic and he never never came to terms with the

he died a few years ago

my

my brothers both news and I believe addicted and my sister is the only one that doesn't use because when he does he

he tends to get run out of bars with guns and stuff like that so he doesn't drink

growing up in an alcoholic home and that I grew up in a home where there was a lot a lot where there were things that were necessary to to live that we didn't have things like food and clothes and shoes and please thank you my father got violent when he was strong and there was a lot of physical abuse and I'm also a survivor of sexual abuse I don't know all the details of

I am

in the end you know we don't have to know where the survivors of sexual abuse the resulting or consequential behavior is there we can probably figure out that it happened

on the result of that was sexual addiction and a lot of promiscuity and an acting out no I don't talk about that a little while

what I want to tell you about the

I started drinking

or my first drink was probably before I was two years old

with the beer and on and on and all of them are marking their and I I love to get from the people the growing up in America part of things and I felt really special and I really wanted to be special I wanted to be a part of things you know Alcoholics Anonymous is given in the form of an opportunity to be a part of and a place where I can I can now

he heard

I was on my lover before

just before we came down and

and I thought I could do my voice sounds different when I'm on the microphone and I realized that the reason that is is that I don't have to I don't have to be heard someone because I know you can hear me

I'm not so

on the gaming

we'll

really have those anyway

anyway I'm I'm grateful that you don't listen to me because you have to

I believe I'm going to know who you are

my story is really

I love it isn't it

my family was very intent on how we look

this very intent on creating out side and there's a lot of energy and I spend a lot of energy given my outside to look right and because of the disease and the progression of the disease I lost that ability to even make the outside looks good my insides and my outside pretty good when I got sober I was now

on

I have my first month when I was twelve years old

no I didn't look around okay I got a bottle of champagne and I skipped school with friends and I drank as much as I could

and I got as long as I could and I blacked out something vaguely sexual happened

I still I still up I went home and I got in trouble

now that is my story

every time I drink that was true

every time I drank a drink as much as I could I going to black out something that will have to happen and and I would come to I would throw up and I'd be in trouble

every time that I would

and I swore when I was twelve years old that I would never drink champagne again

and I didn't for a long time

I am I'm gonna talk about drugs to my story and I hope that doesn't offend you if it does that okay I probably am going to and just about everybody in the room before I get because

I was a good girl in my family and and as we go I am

people are

I think you are I'm glad I'm I'm I'm

right when I was about twelve I heard you guys speak at my school and I think that this insignificant he told me he told all of us and inquire and the Miata tore him he was a drug addict and he ran drugs

zero one and he talked about how he was going around telling people as part of his recovery from that and I was really struck by this man I was really struck by the story and I remember thinking that when I grow up I really would like to work with kids and and help children find their place in the world and I thought it was wonderful and I made a decision that I was never going to be another like that

it really scared me

fine man I I've heard stories from my parents about people who use these drugs and they can never start and stop it would kill him and if they kept using it with hello so I didn't want to be an hour I know none of these that I know that when the teachers said what do you want to be when you grow up fireman policeman or attic he did not raise your hand that didn't happen it didn't happen for me either but I made a decision never used heroin

I didn't

the only thing I didn't because I have this phobia against needles and I guess but I think my line but I used just about everything else when I was thirteen fourteen years old I bought I did my first drug addicts Manson

by myself

it was fine

he

what are

an iron

I remember about that hi my R. during the median and a big cold glass I was babysitting these people happen to help yourself fourteen years old I drink that and I drank the whole thing

and

that's the big glass thank you and I got of course I got terribly sick something will happen a blacked out into a throw up and I was in trouble but the decision not to drink ever again and I have not touched a drop again

a

but

I was sixteen years old

any

I didn't think of the problem and I

KP

and I by the time I was sixteen years old I had run away from home a lot in common

that's the girl

I ran away a lot I love them

one time I ran right to the police

I knew I was there any way I thought I just get it over with

I will several times last week with felony drug then

yeah I've been putting in our home

I had a boyfriend I will tell you I was involved with boys

eight years of my own collectivity

I do not recall ever thinking about girls except that I was very fond of them I don't remember thinking about actually but I did I did about boys and I and I became sexually active when I was fourteen

hello but when I lost my virginity when I was fifteen and I was doing after

and I know

the loan and it didn't matter and I didn't realize until working quickly on it and I can write

so weird the the the way that I can put my line of blame myself but that was my fault

learn better about some things and that's one of the

I really only saw myself as a practical option I only could connect with people actually when I met you what the first thing I decided was whether I want to sleep with you one on

that was my question in my mind

Elmer proceeded from there

but I do have this boyfriend when I was fifteen and and sixteen and we ran off to see America

with twenty seven container pocket

and we planned for a long time L.

they think like I think I'm going to run away from home and if they all going to take me it was like something I did a whole lot of

was not very important to me

all kind of got away got in the way of my drug use and I skipped a lot of going back to school a lot of drug use and currency and perhaps now Intel and stuff like that because I also had a big now

I was very very angry as

right

and the way that I deal with my fear a lot of come out by

when I after I got out of juvenile home I was allowed to quit high school

and I thought that that was great great rock and roll was my way of life I couldn't wait to get out of my house I had to wait a year I do it till I was seventeen otherwise they get put back in jail but I did I think that you're working on and I'm stubborn stubborn girl real governor no matter what people told me I was going to do it my way and I thought they were wrong my father was a home run but it was a little bit you know Archie bunker

well my father was a whole lot like that man a little bit brighter not much and

he was he was more attractive than others very attractive man but he had the same kind of attitude about things so I was anti war anti military anti government client by dad and everything

I didn't like it it was all crap the only reason that they have high schools were to keep the kids then because they didn't want to take care of them and that was the idea I had about school

I have long

now

or the UK because of those attitudes and what I thought was really happening

I did leave school at sixteen quit school and went to work

doubt when I was seventeen years old as soon as I turned seventeen I was gone and I moved in with my boyfriend no one room the musician

we have a stable life in north from the very first night the

we slept together he beat me up

and he did that for a whole year

at the end of that year American

the thing that I did that is that my father told me it wasn't a good idea and they told me we couldn't make it we couldn't do it don't tell me

something that I'm going to do it and I did right up to the very and my dad was going to come back out of the month after that are we married I left him

I didn't leave early because the DVR and that includes being with other girls

and that

but I do believe and I think there's a there's a whole Democrat to be beaten that we blame ourselves we think that equates to about

but the right thing or a heavy amount of rooms of the call rate out what's my responsibility and what's there and the fact that I was able to leave that situation when it seems so normal to me when a thing like that the way things were back then I left that is a miracle and I'm not quite sure maybe my stubbornness I don't know

at that time not to be a drug addict to realize that there was a little bit a drug addict and I was doing I was doing acid includes and speed and all this other stuff all the time and I like to do it by myself

and I didn't want to be a drug addict anymore and I have the concept that like the guy when I was twelve and my duties here when I was in a junkie

and if I didn't drink down I didn't have a problem with Scott right and if I if I just smoked marijuana that'd be fine because it wasn't

it is no problems with marijuana anytime I want

what okay

I smoke I smoke daily but I decided that I wanted to clean up my act corner and and I ended up moving home with my parents well I went to California actually because I thought that's what was happening and I looked around and there were like three million women just like I did and I couldn't deal I just couldn't deal on the sides and there's someone here from California but

I play

that right there I looked out the window and I saw a mountain

or it was also great and everything and I thought there's something wrong with this it was

anyway my I lived with my brother's a motorcycle

he rides a Harley and if any of you know anything about Harley riders they include motorcycles and he did

and not all we do it all day long was was beaten and ride that motorcycle up and down the Boulevard and it was a great time but my brother is also violent and non abusive and and actually attempted to tell me to one of the guys with the employment agency so he could get a job

I decided I would leave

and I got it by if I left everything at the okay so I went back to my parents and I learned how to drink like a lady

I got dressed up you know and I went to the bar with enough money to buy wondering

and I picked out the guy wanted to buy me the second during

there there and then I let him buy me drinks all night long and then I would go to the hotel of my choice

and pleased with them and I really thought that I was in the war

and I didn't consider myself a prostitute

the head because god has been

and I would get up in the morning before you come to the board on all my clothes on and get the **** out of there

because I didn't want to ever see that person again I couldn't stand the thought of myself and I drive home at swearing I would never do that again

and I get home and I passed out and I come to and I would crawl to the bathroom and throw my god

it's only a few great thrower uppers

I was a great

you don't eat it

he'll

you need a big glass of water

so that you can throw in something not because there's gonna come up anyway you might as well be thrown something out then you just sort of lay there by the toilet because you know what's going to happen again

you know any kind of passed down in your own country you've got to throw out some more

and I do that and I while I was down there on my news at that point that I was never ever going to do that again ever

and then I I go when they're not gonna come through a little while later in our little part you know just to take the edge off

I realize more and by a cold front clock that evening Sir drinking again and I get all dressed up

end of the bargain quackery

and do it all over again

and I did that

for about a year now and move out nineteen now and I decided that there was something wrong there's really something wrong with a friend of mine said that she had just gotten her coat I used to go out and pick up in the building

and she got her coat and she got all the money and that that I could do

and I certainly can running out at the game that we play and I was going to do the

the letter was supposed to go do that I couldn't

I couldn't do it but I knew that something was wrong it was against every value that I

so what I do with engineering

now I was anti war

in

I can't remember standing there one in Detroit Michigan thank you one

I know he was

but I don't I was gonna go

some people in the interesting place in

hello is what I was going to do a concert going to be better if I could just go someplace else

and

I did a little while I did I went to basic training on log basic training it was like it was in my family I could do that I mean I can stand up straight I can mark my concern my shoes and they're in perfect order

they are perfect order

that was pretty easy

what was real interesting there's another one in there

but we're on

in one of our old one dot Bonnie

one current in and I had to lay down

he

yeah but I did

but I I'm I'm not I'm not my first lesbians in the military and hung out with them I thought they were great actually liberated woman that I once I thought that this was sort of interesting and I could check this part out and I decided that

I was bisexual and

but it is very difficult for me when we when I got out of basic training I drink to basic training a good drunk and find a way and I did I drink always throws a lot of use to walk down to the infirmary and I'd walk a little

turn around and throw up green mile you know how we doing more more than that that was part of my military career I am when you moved me from basic training to school I kinda lost a really long I am I was drinking so much of that time and drinking

M. blacking out so much that people were following me around calling me by different name when we're sending me love letters you know that our union lane I understand for my life and it got real scary for me and I was and I haven't gone here within five minutes from the time I was little

I got to tell you how are you with the

well anyway that's another story for another time

but I was in I was losing my mind because I couldn't sleep and I was drinking so much I was having delirium tremens when I when I

in the morning after I drink but I didn't know that's what they were I went to the home the medical people are decided that maybe I need a little mental health

because I was feeling so bad and I wanted to get out of the army and I asked them to let me out and that they were working on that

there was a time when that was possible back in the early seventies the war was over and everything and

I don't really have gotten to be too much for me because I went to class one day

and the guys

this is your teletypewriter

teletypewriter we've your life

and I thought we're on a

hello

they are doing and I told him about the

our morning low waters

but we all know

the company name and the lady was

he looked at me but

please

and they put me in the third quarter

and detox me no I don't remember a lot of stores clean and and my head was on my my test most of the time I couldn't get my eyes open but I do remember how much

that I had to have coffee in the help of caught in the grips of people at my

I wanted to talk then the told me something that was really very important

our goal is to turn that was the command with math homework

they told me there are third party start drinking it was going to

and a bottle of Librem

and there's a home

and I took that little room for god

but I was not home I forgot that the thirty go to Alcoholics Anonymous

and I thought there were I know there was a party that remember that I heard a little bigger problem so I needed to control my drinking I started controlling my drinking

I did that library might spend the next five years doing

my maintenance program with live Graham I would do that for a couple weeks it is much as I possibly could finish my prescription now and kind of burn myself out you know how we can

a good where everything's kind of a dull roar

and then I'll start feeling again so I would have to drink and I would drink until I was too sick to drink anymore things were okay and then I go back and get another script from my brain and I did that for five years I also

a very nice man

who

our our our phone line about him on the way on the way here and I'm not quite sure I have a lot of sadness and long over there mmhm

I know that my alcoholism was the reason that they're in that era

little bitty thing about being a lesbian but

no it was doing I have been on one of the two I wanted to be married and have a house builder and not a lot of children okay maybe one later on but I did want children and

it didn't it didn't happen

we were married for years and

I went to the doctor again

to get my prescription filled and he wouldn't give it to me

it was devastating to the therapist help me she said that my problem was that I was a lesbian and I need to come out

and everything to be okay so I did

I did that and I got a little girl and I lived in a little town in Michigan and I was related to half the town by America so we have to leave

we did have to leave and what items are packed everything up into my U. haul truck and I put my van on the back of my dog

the little girl currently landed to be a lesbian

I have read this now okay I read all the books and I found out where there was political I decided to stop being armchair radical feminists I you know I as the

a woman I have let my hair grow under my arms and my legs and I was being honest you know but I wanted to put it into action so I close a man because the vehicle analyst

when I went there when I got home

what

I had long hair and I wore makeup and nails

couple

anyway

and I had to go it was

it could be but what

you're a lesbian so what I did was I called my

and I cut my closing

Darklands book

yeah

thank you

good morning

what happened was

of the of the disease was close

I really literally was not playing any longer I could gotten anything that already that I knew about

not to drink or gotten everything about that I tried to throw away everything has been important to me before I didn't want any reminder of my parents why

mmhm

I became a vegetarian when I lived in the women's community all right

are your own

so so much tougher we're in my crockpot

and I did do the way I did that

because

I got a little problem with working now I didn't tell you what are the kind of work I was doing at that time being again I'm going to say that I was a bartender

the five year Spartan worldwide when I moved to Atlanta and go to work and the job

but I always drink on the job and I had a little problem with the money and and they don't work they don't want that at all

I really didn't want to work harder away made him look bad either really thought that I knew how to run the bars better and they really didn't want it and I got fired from my job in Atlanta will

mmhm

worker throughout

or a room I know that I went into withdrawal of one and I didn't have the resources to take care of myself I didn't know what was going on over and I pretty much lost my mind are your own

one PM for

mmhm zero one zero one of the our problem was we wanted to start learning the rhetoric god I love

well the crypto market with greater Florida started learning how to talk like that and if you ever have a problem with printer and you can't do that Stockholm norm because everybody's very friendly and you never run one from working but we also use you

do you recall someone like everybody else

yeah

all right arm

I will walk the road were right of my career

mmhm thank you your job working for

not a problem Griner

earlier I wanted to be a part of it

home

working with them and are doing I have to earn my own money laundering

are you there are different grants for almost more

yeah well some of which

for calling Grand Prix quarter room our group for work and it was more spiritual all

we will we will open out toward your warranty because for our room number or what number would you

former world or ministering to cars

about

circuit speaker we go around the room with him

got all

you

he's

we will remember group if you were born

recommended

one room

one moment

sure

our record in Iran

they told the girls won't do their

Taylor worked over route one

order from our corporate powers

the program or how it was

your available

all

we'll work with

every

Graham will

so I thought there were ripped from original window would refuse this

we were

mmhm

good morning hello during World War which system

hello Sir

strong through

I'm still in the

full drew's space mineral

hello

all of

spoke to

special

regarding your

regardless

one one

we've lost a lot of snow

one

we will

for

a real warm some

record your own

Sherri

Warner where's

but very slow

Bruton

works

four four

the warm room Walter

what

correct

worker

hello

one three one

four global for some real

one of

well

what

one

if you look

aluminum with a lesbian Allentown maybe

something called the merry go round and I never heard before

I never heard the concept of denial

more than

the result

remember your name there are always going to Bruno the last four years the morning news and what they're doing for you all day long just for your money

you can't remember what Koran from one minute to the Max

where I wanted to run through a quick aside anymore I really couldn't get hard I never thought were used anymore because I had to put the user so **** Maryland

so what we're talking about tomorrow

your call her call her

our records were going to meet I heard

about myself tomorrow broken I think two things going to happen for recovery warriors tomorrow has to break

the truth

domino homework

part of that is the hope came and they said there was no solution

there is a place to go I didn't have any place to go there was a place for me to go and people wanted me there

so those

for me that might

and I realize that I have brilliant the reason I'll talk about more drug use someone is

there are you just

the drug after drug and I were drug alcohol the drummer wanted to the drug speed back to the drug alcohol and I've done that over and over again

the card to put their guns down for one day I want them and I'll call it but I could

and I did that thirteen years away

and I realized I had been controlling my alcohol use with marijuana

my line

I understand that more

I'm not quite sure and I know there's a lot of controversy no call right now all but talking about drones

I heard this man I heard about the story about this man says that if you have a problem with my talking about drugs I want you to go home

and going to your medicine cabinet or wall your drug war

the alcoholic

and it was the first place I ever heard people talk and honestly I was the first place wherever

the truth and I could hear it

there are more

picked up a white should have been the day that I did that on

the open carried me across the room and I came back and put down in my chair and I started crying and I

the girl cried I stopped growing there's never gonna let anybody see me her

and I've been hurting and needs means and our quality management program nine years out loud not news Messi Hurden with you all of you

no I'm not one of those people were girls around saying that