The 6th New Orleans Roundup

if I had to tell my story

thank you for inviting me

I need to be here

this weekend more than you need to

right

your

very very very very roommate is moving to Hawaii

breaking for another very very

for me the best

besides my sponsor is moving out

so I've been going through all these

I love this program

and I've got your

when he announced Wednesday

rejuvenation

just letting myself be love

real important

the speakers

yes

even a line up of speakers

it is really important for me because it is there is a solution

what it allows me to open up and tell you exactly what it was like

we have people who normally would not

this fellowship

which is indescribably wonderful we are like the passengers of the great liner

correct I'm sure correct when

C.

I like the feelings of the ship passengers however joined

your individual hearing share

share

one in the in the power

our

south whenever

everyone of us is that we have discovered

we have a way out

green

enjoying and brotherly

great news

for those who suffer from a lot of things

Charles

before I

before I was even

I was

my mother told me

as a child in the later years

she knew what I was going to be like

and I think that

what

a lot of

there was a lot of these people

I don't remember the date that happens

John was released and so many others were injured

I don't remember the

I was about four years before I got here

I know

I was but I wasn't

we never quite feels like in there somewhere

December twenty eighth of last last year celebrated

because in the end

you know I know I started smoking at age eleven

I don't know when it first during

related jail at age fourteen

and I want these people that never crossed the line that already crossed the line before I was born

I don't know what it is to bring

I never drank I mean there was never enough for me

I didn't drink

right

during

what I want and what I want

one

it is a child

I was on the wrong side of the tracks

I only or have friends with people that work for the

the only difference between

I don't know what it is

as a child to get a lot of new school clothes and all that other things

we got her shoes

when school started

I didn't

the school wasn't for me

I just got I was born and raised in northern Minnesota

everybody knew what everybody was doing

so everyone knew I was out of there as fast as a graduation party

graduation was over

twenty one

but if you're gonna live

Scandinavian

wonderful

you know there's a lot of people that would give you what you want

in later years that

being young black

why don't we just

whenever I

from ages eighteen

thirty

I was that was

why waste

during center didn't experience the way

in my last two years

over

the freedom of choice

right right and that is one of the greatest gift

this program is the freedom of choice

when I was drinking I had no choice

I myself a few things

sales taxes

my record

sorry I don't understand the loss if you're picked up for public intoxication

two hours

seventy two hours

there was a record seven times in one

twenty one

the morning we get

I have a very specific recollection

where

we were in the park

and we're going to need that didn't bother me

because I was going

he was

right

we just can't

hold

it is very cold in the winter

what the labor would

in the morning

it was wonderful

we're working a restaurant where freezing and I

thank

the best

all which is the main street

there was one where there was

three

call back

and remember what winter freezing

I was living in already experienced

as a result of being a counselor

people would come up

your

remembers

during

sure

there was no way

there is no way

I remember standing on the bridge

the bridge that crosses the Missouri River

once again the worst worst

one

and I believe is one of those

holding me in the

I just spoke with the alcoholic beverage

and that difference you

the only way

during living on the streets

every morning

when I first grade or Iraq

everyone from here

when I got into this program

the amazing thing is

where is the main thing that I have a liberal but there was no

and I remember when I was sitting in the back of the room

we're talking about

slumber party there were only one

ironically one of the people

sponsored

here's

and I don't know what

and the only

I guess I was just saying we're

every time was in the

all right things

and I remember when I was sitting in the back of the room

we're talking about

slumber party there were only one

Rollin

everything

call when you get right

I got over there

the next morning

and I said yes

for me

was there for the money

state

and

so after about three four days

you know the five stars to clear he was going

back in

what was my

people going into the

what I know now

is that I have gone through

voices

so for them to be in that room

please close

forty five days

when you get a very very good for me

I mean we were separated for the program

but we ate with the general population

the end

what happens

they are working

absolutely is

the number of people

as a result

and I saw myself

I saw the people doing what we call the shots so

other countries

make the corner that was I mean I was when I was going

I needed to be

civility

so they need

telling me all my life that I needed to figure out what that is

a one

our responsibility is the ability to respond to your server

throughout my drinking I come from

very friendly

rejected the church

rejected

when I finally got these rooms and I think it's part of what I'm sobering look at the steps as they were on the wall

I'm working

figure out

there was a

going in for hours together

just talking about

what we came up with really works for me

it works for you fine

about religion

and I wasn't able to separate

what works for me is that religion is a loving station

the person

station

in total

there is

damning when the church's teaching

because

it was an overnight

there's a lot

we are

last four

remove my god is all loving

all the best for me

it wasn't coming now

compromise myself

having compromised

as long

I would never be accepted

and it was a group of people that came

it's a great

is a very

and I was trying to grab some

because the only thing left right everything else

in order to control myself

without

one of the gals in the

yeah

just

your call is very important

but it was an absolutely

that was what she

it is our basic

right

you know it's been real important

and again I watch this woman

it was

without alcohol or any other way and I would watch people as they came

to the meeting

what color is it

allow to very nice restaurant

or

and I don't know what to do

you know

figure out your

all those people and I want everyone in there was something about that group

I wondered what

I am very responsible number for almost two years

they couldn't remember his name more

maybe call every day

and that was part of teaching me some discipline

no I had one I was told

my first years

things that would save my life the rest is absolutely

every day that first year

every single day

in a halfway house

you know I didn't have any professional

those things over the rest of my life I mean I have absolutely experience

where

my thing you're going to a meeting

and my heart was going to a bar

save my

I started working on this is taken off the wall

they were

the wall

we appreciate

you know

I mean some of us came in here most of us

most

it was such sexual hang ups or sexual problems and we don't talk about that

and yet the old timers I thought it was important to

thank you for the whole quarter of the inventory

you know we need to I mean I came in here with such

the least about words and I will gladly sponsor

for me

and I

there has to be

our or something or died or something like that never been able to do it

the big you know lack of power

that was

your whole life is not a

we have to

we have to find a power

the seller

for a long time

and my sponsor

this is what happens when the

meeting

unless

and

I consider myself today

zero meetings one is in in

the base

and we're walking down the hall everyone's one

what are you doing

where in church

course

the power

was

connected with the church

it's always worked for me

it's like talking to her mom

if I don't get to know

and I had to do that with our used to call it

but I still

come into my life

do what what needs to be done

about five years old

it was what the calls restless irritable and discontent

I was going to meetings

they weren't working for me

there's a group that was involved in

I have about five years ago

they had like twelve years

eleven years ten years

and they were planning

thanksgiving dinner for people that have nowhere to go

they started arguing over the guest list

in which my sponsor

and and and I said

that's a long term sobriety is I don't want

and there's like old timers sometimes bringing your absolutely right

you don't want

learn from the

learn when you get to be twelve thirteen years old that's how you want

well here

so

I had gone to a conference

in Kansas city Missouri

people from all

wonderful wonderful wonderful

and also at the conference there was a woman

her speech before it

huge

I was still trying to get

this hours

she talked about her story and she told a little story makes sense to me

as with all of our drinking you know our minds are like great library and the books have been turned

the page is thrown around

and her powers

that little man that comes in at night

and remind

he's also the one that make sure

when we lay down my heart beating

it sure is what it's supposed

I couldn't comprehend what she was grass

that is what I think is one of my spiritual experiences

what made the decision to move to Omaha Nebraska

I was restless

yeah

surrendered for the second

most of us go through

I was reading on his big

I got away from

it was reintroduced to the fellowship of can remember sitting in their meetings in the back room

yes

I don't care what they may be greater than your whole

welcome

I got a whole

plus

I was living in Omaha

because of your credit

spiritually things were wonderful I was connected with an active with over seventeen nineteen eighty seven

surrendered

and I totally

there were no more deals that was one of these people that

I mean there were

things that I would give to god to work on some of them

what happened was that I had to surrender totally

and I got also got down on my knees for the first time ever

on that night and gave it all

and my life hasn't been the same

as a result of that

one phone call

I got my old job back

I was just doing for me

I came back

this is telling me about

right

one study group

cavalier club

those looking

so

I

so the next time I

you know

where were you

another one of those

someone in my life to get me to the

Thursday's five forty five

service

I

yes

some of us with a little

yeah

the things that work at one year to year

we think you're not going to work

well

a couple months ago it was like

in going through

what makes me think that

thank you

gratitude glass

my sponsor has records over a gratitude list

you know it's great

I was grateful I could brush my teeth

and I need to be brought back

to that end of the program

you know that whatever is going on in my life

I need to be reminded that the greatest

you know all the rest

whether I have a good job

this material

the most important thing is

I started doing this work

simple basic things

that was over first

over

somebody asked me once you know after after your years

does it get easier

no

absolutely

there's a couple things that happened

when I was a very very young

in nineteen eighty eight when when I made the decision

to move to almost most of my family crazy

my mother

one

hello world

and I have never knowingly

I have no recollection of him being around

he came back and

he moved over to moved in with his father

I went I went home and living in Omaha at the time I went home

and I walked into my brother's house and my dad my past

we don't even know who we were

you know I was assigned I know he was my father

so so we were reintroduced to each other

and what happened as a result of all that is that all those questions

and all those things about who my father was what he was like

were were removed

when I was

he was the only one that called and said is there anything I can do

to restore something you know is there anything I can help you with

well

so I have gotten to know me I mean we started to develop a relationship

and he died very suddenly

and he had said to my sister in law on Sunday that he needed to call me

and he died on Tuesday and never made the phone call

so I came back for the funeral

and they had done the

at the graveside service he was a veteran they have done the last rites and and all that other stuff caps were over

and

the family was moving away

and I felt a real

urge to just stand there

and I stood by his grace

and I got this incredible rush of freedom

and forgiveness

and it was like my dad could go in peace hi

you see my god loves me

very very much and he wants no holes in my soul

you know and that day another piece of me he'll

this incredible experience

I mean talk about this enormous amount

I lost a very very close friend

may fifth he died of aids

he was a time I mean he was

Kim and I were we laughed at our mothers were stirred with the same standard I mean there was just incredible connection between him and I

first time I saw him in the meeting I miss her like I was because he was

sitting in the middle of the dance

and that's what he felt safe that's where he felt comfortable

and

yes he was getting sick

we're gonna spend a lot of time together

I'm talking about death

talk about life

and I watched this man

that

came from the same place ideas about god and spirituality

and I watched him transform over the years

incredibly

credibly spiritual

he was ready for gas except in

and

the day that he died we we were here at home

and we had a schedule set up where they were

the two of us that was set

twenty four hours with him

now

that J.

it was not my day to sit with him

yeah sure I ended up at the house

and there were three or four others

that

in in a realize now that was done moving means

there to be a part of that

and

in the end was coming we know what's coming they had called me on Friday at work to calm he was dying

I went to the rally

Sunday morning at five o'clock

the nurse called me she was sure he was dying

she was saying my name is going to size there's no communication

answer when he rallied

finally let go

Monday evening and we were all there

and

I have an experience this is very painful but it's also very beautiful I mean most likely to what we saw was talking about

when he died

and

his family was there they were from Iowa

small town in Iowa

the families minister was there

and an afternoon passed away

the nurse brought us all into the room

and we wash them out

com is there

and here are expired at this point

and put on his favorite shirt

favorite towns in service

these candle held hands

good bye

M.

the minister was there

one should all of this

and after after we have done that the body was gonna we're all sitting around

we hung on the phone

and we don't know who he was talking to

but

what he said was that he had never been

I have experience of experiencing an aids related deaths

and when he saw that night

it was one of the most spiritual things he ever saw

now this is coming from in this

and I turned to a friend of mine

and and I said

thank god I'm sober

that I get to experience that

so they get to I get to to take care of someone in life and in death

you know it was it absolutely absolutely incredible experience

thank you for being here I'm really nervous so I'm just gonna sit down

it's been an incredible weekend thank you very much