Cathedral Speaker Meeting

this call isn't it for use by members only

specter

public

thank you

it is really a wonderful ordinarily I hope

yeah

our speaker tonight is the girl's name

I love her very much for the wonderful messy

I don't know what else I can tell you the

the United States background

hi everybody I'm an alcoholic

you know what they do is

and they made it so

you know you

you know about now or in the night

right now our

I didn't hear anything

you know

thank you

I usually get

I want to acknowledge all of the birthdays and and they have the birthday and I want to tell the people that didn't have birthdays get up in the first thirty days from the first ninety days yeah I want to welcome you to Alcoholics Anonymous and I'm not you know in a minute here you know my my thing

you can't hear any minute

you know I do what I'm gonna tell you that there's a lot of people in the room that know me

I tell my story

you know it it's it's an incredible honor

privilege to be invited to come down and there was really a

you know I I remember because I don and I heard a woman by the name of radios

and I yeah I got a lot of different places

and you know

why didn't I knew that if I didn't quit I was going to die

you go to the first one and I never heard

I work with

you know I you know I had that you know you want yourself to give anybody an element you might

I couldn't find the right lady

Grady was the right way for me

you know it's an honor you know Patty called me out though we were

we both together open not ready

in the beginning of the year and

I you know I remember looking at the

you're in at least

on Friday and

Saturday and I thought I couldn't believe that you know

I think one not nineteen seventy nine I was in a day or night

okay let yeah they put a little button yeah

real world

it was a place called for fellowship and

okay my background in my life a little bit I'll let you know about that I come from a company called a lot of poverty

don't worry about how you can tell the difference

the original

the card is already

and I thought that you know what I like that lady

you know what I was doing the program welcome

I don't know anything

I wasn't the kind of person that they

because there wasn't much

going up there and nobody will tell me to come back and that was in nineteen seventy nine I like to think that I got over nineteen seventy nine but I didn't

continuously in writing

you know I'm like thinking about you actually commit your life to be in

I never had anything to drink or anything in my body

and we have a great

my little brother

I want my little brother not

twenty three new people

your brand of people for you you may

my little brother you give me to my first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous

the late seventies and early nineteen seventy nine I'm not sure I got out of the VA hospital in the morning

they will let me go to Alcoholics Anonymous without a board member of my family

no I don't know anything about request to get into college

I think that's a pretty good deal

well I think okay

I was on my best behavior

I thought I was a drug addict

the funny thing when I didn't have one you know

a damn thing

I went in there and buy my name now I come from my

background and being an award the corporate most of my life I grew up in foster homes in the welfare system is

well I grew up with

given that you

thank you

my name but I didn't want to work with

the

I don't know that any of you

now

right

you know something you know

and you know

when you call on first

my little brother you're kidding

the hospital

and I want you to know that

I am really

what phone number

the first but I want you to know that in

during that night a lot of drinking

I think that I don't know why you think things like that in public

because I come from a background is you know if they know

you know you don't let him know like when you hurt you don't let him know you heard

we don't know no you don't

there were people

pretty intimate things around the table and you know this guy was talking about when women's underwear to job interviews and

you need to get on it

you're in

whatever

I want you to know that night it's like I think a lot of the

but myself is that there was something that happened in that meeting that made you want more I wanted more and I knew that I was an alcoholic I absolutely knew I was an alcoholic but I do know how to not

my little brother he called me

he called me from your lodge Montana

my little brother he was thirty years in your life yeah

and he wants you to know that

if you knew

you don't ever have to do everything

you don't have to call taking calls thank you when you don't think it'll take

my brother for a long long time and they're like why can't they didn't have any you know you can I mean like if you go all over the country speaking out

Montana no

Mandhana now

about about

no I do not know

so

my brother

well I think it's probably got you don't even get done

now I'm gonna tell you what it was like what happened and what it's like today and I'm in the process

help with

because you know I was going to you know I'm one of those I think that'd be the poster child

Alcoholics Anonymous because I know you

there are many because they didn't want to let me in here

I know I get moved by thinking about what comes

the big

I thank the lord

I don't work

I think people holding a glass

no I think for people

thank god

and it's a big week whatever else is in the car

I don't know why it's not any different I think the majority of my childhood growing up in old cars all made of cars behind it'll be that far

and when I don't blame you in the car while they you know that in five or six hours in the car they have you lay down

hold on a bottle of

I have about this

and I cranked all the way back when I get my first alcohol

any of you but you know you great

you know I I don't you know

you know

almost all of it

you know

during my what I realized why they grind it out

for a little while

I don't think it does anybody like

my

it would be good for me is it burned all the way down and then it turned out he went long

you know that

and for the first time in my life I think you know about nothing

for the first time in my life I will for the first time in my life I didn't feel pain

imagine for a long long

hello hope

the place where you go

a lot of anger you know when when I think about the privilege of being able to

at a meeting of any kind or even be able to hear anything about the holiday not even think about the fact that my mother

never made

in a way that my mother found it entertaining walk down the hall on the edge of the bed

three years old

one

yeah I got my living with me I got

I have a family

Dr

I've got my living with me

and I have a little baby if they're three years old

live with

you know I

you're forty years old

and every time I talk about that I want to know

but what happens is I get to come they'll call it

yeah

you know what I can hear

I didn't know how to tell you that

any of those I was the one that was in the corner and I had so much hostility and hatred you can come in

you didn't approach

eleven

yeah well yeah

gradient

you know people like that hold on to me Bob Burton and all those people so many people in this room that were there for me and help me and loved me when I was in love with

you know there's a lot going on in the world like we have what we have and you know what you think

we got in your life sober

and

you know those big blue

and then they don't know that you can't we don't really

you know all the volunteering everything

the money for the

there are

and we know it's the most wonderful program in the world everybody in the world

and we're still

you know your new year's there are people that are going to die tonight could not be a comedian Alcoholics Anonymous well I believe that if you're in the room because you don't

what are the plans for you

you know I yeah I grew up in my childhood I grew up in my mind that I grew up with a woman

who is my cousin for about ten years of my

thirteen years old and you want to do anything for your

it will not go

and I think a little bit out of date

you know when they talk about rendering in the program and if I think about a time when we're living in low income housing in the film

you know

create new playground there and you learn and then apply to people because it's sort of like you

thank you no

walking across the courtyard

talking about the render and talking about I think I thought about the time when I was a little

seven years old yeah because I'm walking across the courtyard

by looking at the war

all right

he was not a resident of the

there's a big water bubble gum on the ground

you got off the ground I don't know why

tell me tell me don't come off

I mean little girl

one one by yourself

and I love that lady and I was I wanted to

by

you know I haven't bothered you know people they referred to in the ring right now

I would come for a little while and then I leave and I come for a little while and then I actually had a friend wants to buy a car

if you're holding my hand around

what I wanted to know if I did I would

then you have to be that way

that way that way a lot yeah the point right and I had to go to a lot lately because I didn't want to have to go you know it's one of those that you know although they started

the United

Alcoholics Anonymous were wrangling

you

now I know I think that when you were here but

that's who I was when I got it was really hard

you know you can

you're the program I can't comment on that

for the

thank

our records

really

you know it's really not

one night after work one of those

all the wagon wheel I love bars

they never turn on the lights and they never clean air and everything just

thank you Watson on the

do you live your life

what do I

when I was there and I was

control my drink

I don't know how far into

I would just go away

you know you're going

my going away at this point was three for five hours

when I woke up in my car

what

actually you know you know they

now you don't have to do that anymore you don't have to go out

you can stop

you don't want you know you look like a yes

yeah

you know one of those

red bandanna

the major part of his body

we had been hearing you know

really

and I think my my mind

you don't you don't

programs like wake up one of those moments

you know oh my gosh

oh my god

you don't know where you are you don't know if you've been

you don't know if you

you know they're driving your car that you remember it was registered you you don't know the right

probably not but if your car

and I knew that they were building towards Alcoholics Anonymous yes

in lower companionship those stories they tell us what you know

you know now

people

thank you

I don't know

thank you very much

bring

bar

on a good one

all you need to do and

they talk about

in the nineteen nineties

we go to three

live in the building there wasn't any

there are those kinds of things

there was money in recovery

the more you want

in the old days

but anyway I want you to know I don't know if we can bring everything

you got to bear well yeah you

yeah

the working daily but when water

it is right out of no where you know

our

I think we've been around for awhile

we're going to read the thing

I want my money

and I said okay

you know I went to one of those long gone out

four five four five days later I will I will go out and nobody

yeah

really

you know you know you're in a middle class environment

you know when it will look

pretty good

why

what are the

the only middle

their lives

liners in the

you know

well at least I'm still sort of month and end up with

both

but you know I mean I knew there was something that had to happen

my

my Wranglers

I'm returning

I was born and I think I called I don't know if you remember me my name and I go to that meeting down there sometimes

I don't know I remember you

and I said well

I've been on one

if you're coming

I'll go I'll go to treatment

where are you

I don't know

really

I never read the address

because that's the level I

and I would come more often than that part of it yeah

americain and pick me up and took me to

I barely remember the ride there

I don't remember being anything that I woke up three days later

that's what I remember I remember waking up three days later

that number because I woke up in the

Morton

so called reality

still there if you know a lot of people I know one thing there and and they wouldn't let it happen

Alex

you know I don't

you can't even dance all over

and I had on the green

more

I think it was

looking a little bolder and knowing that you're following it on fire

well there's the kind that you

they're all donated it

he's always waiting

here in the paper and I wasn't feeling real

I got all my my god almighty world we've gotten ourselves

but now it looks like

yeah

get out of here

well you know where are we

even though I looked

all the

I couldn't get over the

I played with them for forty five minutes

this girl again

no I just couldn't remember you know the

and I thought I would

you know I work in a union I

during the course

I couldn't I couldn't figure it out artwork and that's really what it was it was an out of any desire to become trailblazer or anything think about

but any rate I want to know I want to be part of the union ninety nine ninety nine I became

your available card

because of that idea I have blue shield I don't think

the boy in the construction industry you know it really is

I went through my life anymore you lose

right

right

you don't you don't you know we try to make

you know why

in the world and I pulled myself together and it was in the middle of the war there

there's a little a little person is assigned to one

and

you go over there you know

and you

the world

amazing the grandiosity that losing

I don't want you know that man my life

thank

you know cocaine addict

alcoholic to be clean fourteen year

I don't know well you don't understand

I got a company vehicle

there has been a great

you know you did when you were

you know I grew up with alcoholic

yes this is what

we don't understand I'm not an alcoholic

I'm a little bit right

here's

you don't need not

are you looking to make on my screen I mean everyone's interested me

you look at

you've been with three day

when you're in a chronic alcoholic

I can give you your clothes and you can go back out there

but I want to know that you're going to die

you're not well

if anything can help you

you need to get on your knees well

because you're one of those over

no one is going great I don't know of any human being will ever be able to

again I don't know what

I heard you know I knew

really something wrong with my life

not only did I was an alcoholic

I think we need to do you know that woman that I grew up with

after my mom died when you know you

read more

you do anything to do really bad things

an old car for a bottle of Thunderbird

never do

I want

we were living in Watsonville California a little

one of those little bars and over with the grandkids working by now he's out there working in the labor camp

in in the morning when you get a drink off the big bobble Carlo Rossi wine into people over stuff and I clean around

get

in my mind that's what a woman alcoholic look like a woman alcoholic drink off a bottle of wine and I just could not be

good knowledge that's why was that I was on an alcoholic Yankee I think you had to go there

I didn't really know what that I grew up with people that were really

they did a lot of things but I didn't really know they were alcoholics do they drink a lot we didn't brighten

are you thinking in the middle of the night they would come after the bar will close and they go down the street carrying all the cars and they go down you know I just knew it was wrong in my family

there was something really

you know how to begin to do that

you know I got on the call in reality

god help

in my life I think I don't know what I'm gonna do but I don't I don't want to die like the rest of the people in my family and I know that they are running from call story I myself thinking that I am

I don't know what I went through the twenty eight day program of reality forty eight days you know you got to go now

yeah you know when you're ready

do you know

well I've been trying to do with the most overwhelming thing for me to deal with you know you know what I did is I went through the day when I got out of

an old man by the name okay my life you know I had

thank you

or get a metal on the outside on the porch down when it was cold in the winter you can feel their loan through First Street

in the middle and then going over there

the little place

every morning

open the closed all day long

right

and I go there for you but I do

you can read magazine read the paper yes there are more complex enough

all started noticing me fairly regular never let alone in her name I never went over there

according

and I decided I don't know if you

we didn't want

and you don't know why

one thirty two hundred

the market

those those are the best

thank you for your call

one

a little bit yeah

we'll make it livable

round the table

the cable

I didn't think I was more than my lan line

I had to do and do and do

don't you think that

part of that group

two years ago world

less than thirty days

he died of a heart attack right there first

they moved in there in your place but I want to help people like girl

my life

I don't know that all men

I can tell you that I would be here with you

you might not

you want to become a part of

one of

nothing

really

you know what to do you know what you want me to do

no it's not ready with my

member of primary purpose

you know I don't know what we did a primary purpose but there's a lot of people over the

you know what every Thursday night every Thursday night you had to be there if you are new they pretty much all you

your opinion

your

then

every Thursday night we got down the woman can we get a third with all the new women

your gradient

when they get on our knees thirty four with whoever was doing it wasn't anybody

prior to the new one there

you know the things that began my journey in Alcoholics Anonymous

how long

I didn't really know what you mean trouble with

when

you know it

even you know even today

yeah

in the program

can be right with you

no I didn't I had to go get the thing you can't you're going to go over there and they you know they might not

think about

you know a couple of those will bother anything

I don't think that I don't think about it

I don't want to make a man's role you don't mandate

right now you know you're doing

in order to complete the

you know I learned in the last years

my parents like my

in my future

my

what I learned in

by doing the fourth you complete your you get rid of all that you take your

you do that you can live into

you

anything recognizable what you brought here with your

all right now you know you are but you know what

I got a little a little bring in that nobody wanted

welcome

you don't want to go

off the ground you know that lady

I don't know what he worked for the company you know the lady that I live with and you can download the

the playground there that day after I went through that great that a lot of government that lady remember that story yeah

I wanted to make you remember important

all

me home

I remember driving across the bay bridge that lady thinking I don't even know the value of the bag

big

I heard you

that's why I brought that little girl they would give away to somebody they didn't know

and the only reason I can tell you that you got me

what they couldn't get any money if I wasn't there

that's where I lived when I came to you

I walked into a room you know you go for a job interview I think we

what you doing your

alcohol and you keep doing the same thing with

I do believe that we

and then you can't do this anymore

what you doing for you complete your back you know when you're in this room

mark you need to get rid of

I hope they're not real close

then you need them

really

but it's very important that you know that if you think it's hard because well you want to

can you write it down on a piece of paper

you completed

get it all out

god

I want to go along with my

why

what I brought here

the people in Alcoholics Anonymous

and I got out my

today my life is unrecognisable from who we got through the door

you know three years over group three one

all right

yeah what are you gonna portable

anything

I couldn't go to work and get a job but I mean

thank you

you know California building inspectors

building inspectors

you don't get on the list maybe get a job

you know what I want you to know that I didn't know how to write a resume

people in Alcoholics Anonymous help me write a resume

one Alcoholics Anonymous and help me fill out the form

people in Alcoholics Anonymous drove me down to the place where you turn it in

and I turned it

and I don't want to know the people in Alcoholics Anonymous drove me to the community center the day that I had to take it

Alcoholics Anonymous walked me to the door the community can open the door and

the idea that I wanted to know

the first woman ever to industrial

in California

nothing to do with me

nobody wanted

related

going to the kingdom if you are willing

the work that needs to be done and you work you get three

you do the things that they ask you to do your life will be altered and recognizable for what it was before you got here

people in Alcoholics Anonymous meetings that your people

my my little bit

yeah

California my first job with the state of California

the hardest thing I ever did leave here and go down there and show up on that job

yeah

where do I live a little

your dad your dad that maybe I just

answer the question but didn't really know the answer you know

I don't think you know I really don't know anything

my first job was really painful day you know I don't

prior to you but I ran into a little resistance

a little

the principles you know

only been twenty eight years

in the inside of the car

he was

he read his own book

you know what I'm talking about

your presence outside the building down there

analysts down inside the car

well I know that minorities are going to get your you know what

people like that

hearing people like that my life and there's many things I thought about that moment but I do

thank god I woke up one day when

what are the minority

you know brown skinned female

affirmative action hire he found out later I actually scored higher on the

you do

some things you might want to hear but it's very important

it

yeah but you you know you can you feel it is

it all over the country but you can't stay here

you know that everything is good because I'm a member of Alcoholics Anonymous over woman

Alcoholics Anonymous

thank

I look at him and I

I realized the reason for my being here

but it

for you to ever speak to me like that ever ever ever again

because you can't

little junk yard dog

a piece of her mind

and I want you to know that that day something for me

right

in the bottom line is I know that boy really didn't mean you no harm

he really didn't

we didn't know any better because he can talk that way

and I don't I don't

and I want to know that I lost fourteen pounds when I left there was blood because it wasn't it wasn't pretty details on that you know there's a coffee on my desk

you want to

our

one of the things I didn't but I lived in I lived in the details and I live in a

what Alcoholics Anonymous my life and I've never had a day of meetings you get those people that that way and there's something in there that's called healing

the way I was in the past what was that

the spring fling invite me come the spring fling their fifteen minutes

I cannot this spring fling and I read the paper the paper there was a job that you

again people in Alcoholics Anonymous they hadn't put a resume together

application together and I went right to the diabetic David when interviewed today I interviewed I got an interview

they give me a job

about twenty minutes early and I read it in my mind well you get your car and leave

you didn't currently because you can't do that

nobody down in LA

you know what we can do is give you a better person we are today

and I think a lot of already great well we'll go

given the green light in there and it was the first one I ever interviewed five people

and I interviewed and it was for thirty five years old and they called me three days later well

you know thank you

they gave me my money

according

then I went on and and in my life you know it's a gradual

you know it's it's being involved with alcohol like hanging out with new people and making people can be involved in doing the things you don't want to do you rather rent a video

you know what I'm

right

the bottom line is that your life looking do you want to make

you know I want an Indian conference over in an animal

the down

at nine thirty and you'll look like you're about ready to go

because I'm not really I think what I'd like to say but I want to tell you about

well first of all I want to tell you about recently

eighteen months ago I went for a job interview one of those jobs the university it was one of those jobs for its development team

to be hired as on a development team

you know now you you know you never get that job but I want you know and I went into a big fancy room with

all my interviews with people

everything was in the in the in the real real bad

I walked in the door immediately everyone that little bit nobody ever wanted

but what I learned

when I interviewed for the end of the interview was very long and you

they're very very strange questions what the what a lot of questions they they asked me and I feel so proud of how I answered them

you know now that you're gonna be working in management

we want to know what you do in your community that really gives to the community you live

all the time or something

why can't

and then that part of my mind to believe what you know

remember

I know what you're gonna make that means