Rick M. from Santa Rosa, CA at River City Roundup

good morning everybody

all of the amazing calm come over me

indigo you could gain that need a lot of my after the tractor

you know

I don't know if I can

even if they do want to thank the committee

it's an honor and a privilege any meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous anywhere

I really love this particular

they were my partner and I are also celebrating seven years

seven years together and get started here

the water

thank you for having me in your appointment at the office and I can do about

confusion you know

it was billed as the inspirational speaker motivator really and

so you may have the wrong guy

thank you well you know everything we do and

if you think about it even if it doesn't feel like it and sometimes it doesn't you know

may not being very inspirational you know

sometime Wednesday and you know not every day can be a door so you know

if you get excited about the engaged and and and and loving life it worked for me and I'm always doing

but I didn't beginning you know I guess I'll start there at the beginning

you know

the format of you know what to look like and what happened and what it's like today and how I try to live my life and I do take pride because I fall short

you know maybe the last year maybe I'm just relaxing right and I'm not taking myself

maybe I'm **** up I don't

a third beginning and work through it

and there's three kinds of

the one that started back in April

well

where do you get ready for a new plan what you're saying

and over

and then I kind of threw that out and just went about my business and put it out of my mind really think about it strong insult

you know there's several different

okay we left the

and you know when you're in your car driving home with

that is really about the Brady

and

and then there's what really happened you know what and every time I even you know

any group you know you can think about what you want to

really you know I don't ever know what's going to come out of my mouth we do have that little

if you have one

but we don't

the popcorn and then it goes to the filter to the world around a little bit and then it comes out your mouth

when working

but I don't know what's gonna come out of my mouth with the good information

you know I grew up in a small town in California I don't know if it doesn't come out

now I want to do is we're gonna

you know

a injuring here you know and

your whole family like a lot of my father was

after the alcoholic

every day for a number of years and my mother was

you know you're going to make more trying to keep up with them or or be a part of life and

now looking back on it

thank you Mr so you know needing to come hold my parents right every day so

you know I used to think

they don't anymore and I'm glad that

you know that

the collective being and that

that just wasn't true you know

I'm in the house and then come home drunk have you tried remember mom with the car

the wires

back to the barn

the compiler

I don't remember that much wasn't very often but you know what happened in the end

you know it's all about having a drink I used to make my dad for him because I was going to be a big hit and I like to look at that face when when I need to drink

thank you for being an

make it even

and

and

but in the end

for color

look at your

my dream you know thank you come learn you know

go

so I got to take that you know we're remember

you know we

that we lived on a broken down our house is really used to be based on when there was a highway that ran through it

it looked like it

seven acres we have

everything

but other farm animals are there

freedom

you know and and of course our main transportation

hang in there we were taken off Mar twenty miles you know

the

hopefully

and we did a lot of trouble

that that is

a lot of freedom you know what I think about it at the time I couldn't wait to grow up

seven the morning

and I have my wife my daughter wanted to be an adult really when you grow up now and move out

start doing more to do

even if that means you know what I can get my way all the time and I don't like

and

his work for me so much

help

you know when you get out of there and

you know just you make you need yours I started drinking really

twelve thirty just graduated you might you know marijuana which I got from my parents

that was really cool

when they came home and we were smoking marijuana

we get our own

we should go

that is

anyway

in order for me not to get when I was little

image of the war

when I go to grammar school

you know I

I can't remember

very many good things about it you know I was

I you know wasn't into it I could show up on

three hour lunch

whole quarter or semester you know

I would forget my own notes to get back in the hole the more I thought that I could take it to the library

I went to the library with you like you can just like they did down in the nation's office

I used to people

and then they

which the typewriter blackrock

zero or something it looks weird

that was it you know

and

I didn't like it you know

nine years

a point where they are you know in the in the small town and

they were drinking definitely kind of in the middle I mean that thing is your stuff when they were doing the marijuana they were a lot more calm

the moment I got

I don't remember

I don't remember the number nine years right

yeah because it was kind of like tonight

about what I wanted on my one of my dad

how can I help

you know you know

he tried to you know give me back a little bit you didn't give me a

you know doing great teams you know I'm going to do what I want to do still and I'm doing and

you know that when you went up to the Mormon church my older sister and she probably doesn't really

and we're going

you know bill Clinton's and the bargains and stuff but I was because I was

probably another user and I thought that

well

what are the news went through everyone else in high school but having a good time you know what you did on your leaders and all and I can't wait for my twenty year high school reunion which is coming up I'm

going to really help with

you know I really want to

you know I was like five

you

the only change I don't know I really didn't like I'm looking forward to they are doing well anyone

no

when you get out of the house they could you maybe talk with me we were often

so we would get the car and you know people

we have a

I might let one engine one might say you know

every few months the teenagers clothes car

we went through it

in the case of beer and just go out and do stupid things you know how to get home by curfew even

twenty five

one fifty five number three with a hundred and twenty five miles an hour because

in the driveway with

I've been with the muffler

close to down the hill

well

you know but

you know

you know

but I'm pretty close my older sister was the Mormon but then

and

I don't think

and we really like her you know

we will be doing great now

for

my memory I think

from that far back

the head of the table and the other end of my

when we

table

Capitala group look at her from across her forehead

forty

and you know

we want other people and you know

Americans it wasn't because I was smart

right

you know

for real

and you want to be there you know one of

a lot of being as we don't work anyway but

do you recall which like the big

and I got twenty five thousand people you know you grew up on a farm and gardens we started thinking with people

seventeen I moved out

thirty

I

and they live a little and the world

your available the group really and that was what I wanted to do

you know little you know with a lot of a lot of work and then I also had never been

you know it's very inconvenient but

it was it was a delight you know and that that would be easier but if you like I

that was missing and you spoke to the viable

twenty nine or something wrong with this

you know simple things like that I wasn't able to do so I'm just forget about it

we're going to do what they're going to be producing

I didn't have a warrant for your arrest you can be on your way

you're not going to be in the morning

I mean you know

just you know start going through

you know I like to come

yeah I'm home and then you know that my brother you know

you know we've been like you know getting into a relationship and like you know sometimes you're trying to get out of

but

what what do you mean but you know at first it was just a little bit more I started to drink the more I got into it

and they did some things through the years you know with my partner I'm not really proud of and some people that know me you know unless I told you you would never know I think I'm the guy

I am

you know it's nice really nice really angry or anger come up it would turn into raging

things to harm people I mean we were just

you know and yeah

we also believe in broken glass in the police and hospital

almost seven and you know

I don't remember

but I

you know

you know

and myself

when I really haven't had much

contact with my family nothing is there anything wrong with that I was

hi to me to be around them and I think because many times

you know

we're worried

and I don't like to do other things

man now and you know and I want to be left alone and

warm up

and it was awful and it looks like that for years I mean you holidays

M. overnight it was hard

I wanted to write and

but

so

welcome to the bank I didn't have an instruction book

the reddit

we don't really we really need it anyway

thank you

is it really worth

so you know

thank

we'll be selling or whatever break down and then lover

and then years later in the proceedings of start and then then I would lose my job it would happen

just like that

the nation about you know

the back together in the building

small party

over and over and over and over and over and you know

you know everything you know everything to you know change

everything

a lot of things

you have to try to make a difference moving within the geographic

I didn't I didn't do it for one only after one

you don't

thinking

only about

I didn't think to do that but I don't know

you know

you know

coming into the United

the eighties and I went to school I would you know our

get out of the project I mean how

and then if you're looking into this holistic retreat you know

another

and we were just talking about the morning you're channeling all the crystals

I just find that out and cooking

and

get out of the county and I can tell I was a bartender you know I

and then and then

and that have been turned over and you probably remember

you know what and when you can you can have an occasional beer

well

you know I don't know anything you're

well

Warner or one of the liquor from brandy and coke so I think I'll just have those and from parks and rec I want to do what I want

so

thank you for the world around there

I mean when when things got ugly they knew about it pretty quickly

the last last night I was employed there I

you have

right right we're both working

and by the way his name is Michael and I have a plan or

the partner's name is Mike and overheard him is because Michael

one remote control

I didn't

bargained away

one home and I started

in the morning

how

me and you know that little

something just clicked from time to time and I remember

the owner of the Parker and I threw it and he had like wind up all the positivity later on the bark and

I'm all out

and it knocked them all through

the last one flying through the front window who

and so then we were fighting and I mean the polls have about Riptide other window down the ramp and then I need a jacket in a walk

I pulled the door handle off and you know

yeah I knew

I knew the behavior from happening but I knew that I'd better hurry up because I have a little bit you know what

the common

nor you being here

so are you walking up the road and

hiding at my friend's house and watching the police

I know you were looking for me

we need to do so I went home and out and I woke up the owner of the bar

I thought to wake me up in my my alarm yeah

I thought

he wasn't really surprised I'm

and

okay well you know

so we have you covered

home about it but if you could

you know where everyone knows your name and all the people that are there when they opened

I don't know what it might do you remember

yeah a lot of

so

Michael well you know I mean

but he didn't know how to do it either in there but I didn't

I'm glad that I've been able to go back

you know

you know

and it feels good to be able to do that you know I

you know he

what are we looking at our little house there and

the views out there but we have issues now and he said you know

a mother in law

you want to get

and I thought you know

we don't really

I don't know I think

working that day he's coming to town

the reason they cannot do that but he comes in here

that he

I was in the background

wait you know

in Turkey

you know

Turkey you know

every

but you

Turkey and I threw it out the door and rolled down the hill

another thing when you

when I went out there and without the power of Iraq you know

you know we got for that we've moved into Santa Rosa because clearly living in the Russian river trying to

thank

right

your relationship drama

our work and it was not our fault

yeah

yeah I can help either you know just to the Monday through Friday seven to four

a brandy after work you know

to my work schedule and get that job you know going a couple years in the future

you know you know it's sort of like you know

you know you're going to come through and he's going to be

I mean anyone

well I mean to the point where she had

you know yourself

if you want me to do that my

I have written a letter saying you know I I love you

in your life watch that I'm just gonna wait for the phone call I mean that's just what I need to do to take care of my health

you know when I get there that I can't do anything for her stop what I'm doing

as much as I wanted to hurt but you know you don't want to do what I wanted to do

so we were

one of us is going to be

kind of like I realized that it wasn't drinking but it was enough to leave

well my friend zero

and you know he was like my

I mean we can drink

bye bye bye for a long

it does look better he never had read I never heard back

you know I hated

I would you know when the

because you read I

I mean I'm just

hello

in the town and

I want to go camping and so

we're waiting it was like marker in ninety

for

you know

he is a bad Michael Michael we're fighting again and

we want to do anything you know

wonder

I think

I really think I need to get out of your

hello

we we we

you know

through Johnson's beach in Guerneville and

a Riverview campground

last month including utilities which there were

and and and table

he

but we need to

and so we

cable TV going you know

still working on and

prior to working graveyard shift by then you know that we have always been a part of my story

really just

the drag me down much faster I think the reason why they call it you didn't get

you know

in terms of the

not wanting to do anything that you wanted to do with me

you know you know the rest

I don't know what the right

you know

he will come in on Monday

I just

so anyway

the moment you know that the jumping off point

I was you know trying to kill a model that you know the morning down by the river and

whatever my drug

they don't want

and

you know the government started dating this

god and if you don't you might have a problem with alcohol

for years but you know it's like no magic and just sort of I heard him

anything

no you know the the the crowd harden right down

right and so it was like an instant at a meeting

happened

transaction

I mean

it was about a couple days later it was a couple days we're trying to get from come loaded you're taking those huge bottles of wine and

can get a lot of it you know you

yeah

be like I could be dead

almost at the

you know

on the way to work

people you know

drove around you know

so

you know

my first meeting in point you know things started to change I wanted to get over it I

but a one year warranty domino's going to do anything with the

I'm just really really tired and I don't get to do it anymore so

that was I can get in

okay records

the opening for me and they haven't

it happened right away

well we can get you in in a month or so we we do a credit card

the fourth

and then

credit card charge your own recovery just make amends for it later

three days

thank you

you know like my insurance would cover five days of medical detox and and I had three days

we somebody walking the entire time you know you don't we don't

I don't want

I really don't

what

and I got a you know a nice place

and

if you want you know

well we we

you have a medical detox and you you know you're not on the floor walking around with you know and then you know you're

not too bad and you know you're you're on the you know we take you out and just all my favorite winery here in a hurry what we need is another

you know

you mean to me

it was very hard but you just keep talking and I don't

you know

figure it out

anybody like you know in one particular being mean to me and and I I

in a meeting with a lot of wonderful you know

because the meaning that you know you

doing this from one probably gonna make

we all work and learn

he got out of there you know

I mean like really left

to the parking

our you know they just like you know

I can't

number one we can live

do something I gotta do something

how to do something I've got to make it work

it's just you know maybe dive even deeper so I first got here

and what

several years I was like you know all

secretary literature coffee you know

right

people

you know

you know as long as

I grew up together and well within a couple months each other and we can only just now

the winners and finalists you know I was thinking a loser so it must be to help people you know

you know they knew my wine

you know

it is rapidly altered

I didn't rearrange and promises

that's what I heard that's what I wanted to make you cry you know I'm like really if you do this you know

you know they they're looking right back next Tuesday

you know

your

awakening as a result of the

better to get a great sponsor

and

and you know he helped me

you know he's probably on the big board

use a dictionary award for their work you don't even need

you know we can't do by ourselves we need help I think

we think we do is we read the book I wasn't very good I would read something whatever that is I just don't pay attention I don't

but this is important

and so you know we talk about the whole two hours we meet the next week and

you do a whole chapter but

there's a lot of new things in the book and

I mean look at it you don't know everything

the girl that into my head

so you don't get to change again it says in the book you know relationships are restored you know

the war was over

thank god anyway so you know

we've been restored you know

your life you can get in the building yeah

this time from from any place you know

foundation and all

grown from there

everyday's a Doris Day because

you know if you're not careful okay you know I used to better disillusioned

like on a daily basis and you know look at the world like everyone's out to get me and I'm just gonna get by one first from life and then you know before

or you get it

you know not having to change

you know

we're going all day but I won't about you know just

the grace that were used here that's when god does for us

we've got we can do for ourselves you know that's been true for me

I'm just not smart enough to figure it all out sometimes and I need some help and there's been a wonderful people to help me out through the years you know other people I can call anytime day or night I need help and I know that you know

well

it's true

where I live my life today I tried you know I missed last year got a lot of traveling

a different place I I traveled all summer for work you know to the point of exhaustion so my

pretty much

this meeting before then so

inspirational

you know we don't do perfectly I don't know I don't know I mean like when I was one year two years three years I was doing

we never took perfectly

tomorrow morning

the end of my sobriety you know I'm not I'm not a total **** up because I'm not going to just great meetings and doing it and I haven't screwed every minute of the day as recently as last week you know we're on the strip on a property in northern California

this is northern California or north and we're coming back

yes this is a long way in line with

and in like three quarters of the way with my coffee and I'm in line

yeah

credible hurry

you know

and it was

unlike the front desk when I was checking in

the new B. seven excuse me

credit card that was kind of looking out

tired

you know some you know running up the poor lady

you cannot

his smile and I was on my way to walk out with these doughnuts if you don't like

and if I had called my sponsor with something like that he was the shooter the most

down at the time

your

what is it

perfect and

you know I

one thirty two

thirteen lines down from the top of the page

Williams insuring like today you know I was miserable before I got here

you know not every using yours remember sometime Wednesday there's nothing going on and

the TV and then you go to bed but you didn't tell anybody that they

he didn't harm anybody that they

yeah

leases from doing what I do most of the time I still need to do what I want to do which is really cool

what I tried to do it expensive others are you know and

I mean I didn't hear a recorded you know luckily it's worked out that way great partner thank god

it seems that way

it's true that a lot of wonderful friends and you know I I I

or anything else

I already know welcome to the new people I didn't mention that

you know if you keep coming back and I'll keep coming back and working out there I need to know that you know in your presence here will tell me that isn't working if it was working

it would be we'd all be disappearing you know when we have that we have

right here