Carla B. from Houston, TX at Houston Roundup in Houston, TX

the thing for me

works

really want to do the

okay

what I'd like to say

the first is that I'm very honored to be up here and everyone at our

your internal story tonight

and

also

Theresa was born in interviews me

it also

we don't want to get started here

sorry

I was born here in Houston Texas

the film's story

I was born in

June nineteen fifty five

June twenty third major factor you know I share the same technology

sorry

right

I just left and I was admonished sister helpful no my brother is in from Austin obviously very often he's a politician and former roommate and

as it were he said something to the fact that I was a teacher in the bedroom and I was looking at some pictures in her bedroom house and all her father's picture mom it was with my sisters yeah lotus sisters

in her brother goes

I said well there's pressure monitor with

he does not want to be another one of her boyfriends or who knows or what you know like run

my mother merry

it had

two children

my oldest brother and my sister and then she got divorced

and she was pregnant in the midst of that divorce which we don't know who her father is still questionable

it doesn't matter which she was put up for adoption and my oldest brother sister went live with their father

and then my mother

other than she had me and my sister now than ever she's a recovery off as you go through your insurance that I do in my younger brother

so

my father my mother's divorce laws about six years old almost kind of separate scattered I don't even really know I had older brothers so I was like I don't know two years old or something

would stay on but it is you know when you're here I guess you're in your own world you know you know you're not really thinking much about it

and the

right we were all kind of separated in

scattered and I live with my mother and I live with my father and my mother and my father and I went back and forth on these problems

in a row at the school all the time

the sister can live with my mother my sister

in our own she's like six things

and so then I was jealous of her because she was gonna drop car and I want you to drive more

we fight there go back live my father

and

when I turned fifteen sure by that time she was she had already she she was got married again

she was pregnant and moved out and left with mom and I work for the day

and then and that was insisting on a semi arcane river that but in nineteen seventy I was when when they're

and my mother took her life

and

our

fifteen

and you know with certainty loomer

he was an alcoholic and drug addict my father was an alcoholic and drug addict and now

that was really hard for us and then he came to live with my father and I

we

you know that in here during the long drive home

our first marijuana joint he gave me

up first the bill he gave me

I used to have almost crispy feels a little white crosses over to Dr Carson Tokyo

and

I knew I had a drinking problem not like

sixteen years old

I like the first car thing

retro sixty and I get this woman then do an eighty in the rear

and securing all way down

down the embankment

boy with me he hit his head on the windshield I remember that we don't work and I've done some big gaps that need to all

and I mean this power level thrown in that car

and I'm still trying to get away and put it in drive and go

gases this car is not going anywhere you cannot hit and run

you need to stay

so I called my sister to come here because my father without him she's all screwed up or down or he'll walk across freeway into like who's this person hello

okay well nobody knows not of this earth

and you know and so that's the kind of

apply I mean we were constantly drinking and my father was

thank you he was one of these people is pistol packing guy you know your friends come over here Michael said there is no longer in

while I was there for all of your windows now well my dad kind of paranoid you know

and you know I didn't and I was always getting it minus and troubled here lad you stick with the online

what do you tell the god damned truth yes

the one that I was making out they got a boyfriend

he's a great we all

you know if they're not

we can't

I believe

when you hear the rest of the story

most of your dad it comes back

so I get back on course dead set me up the leaves and comes back in course I get mac and I'm a little Christmas presents for more spring up

they got worried about the rising

yes I

I think it's better she gets in trouble get slapped the thing for some

the card to go to a lot of you guys

we always know I can

you know

so

exactly what I was doing when I

pissed me off

but you know I just I don't know he just always crappy

anyway so I mean later on when I became like nineteen not like ours

for twenty

my first lover

with my dad there's this big ruckus it happened at the car lot there was always a ruckus all right always a rocket you know I mean when I think record on the line

you know who's going to shoot

in this alone get our son came down from Dallas look me up in anyway they lose all their car out she said something about

leveraging containers anyway I got into a fight and I did

and then my first lover tells Monday as it

that's how I found out that I was wrong we were lovers

he looked at me

anything else

all you need is a good

how do you fill in the blank I don't

let the customer

you know they had a pretty funny you know you're threatened me if I didn't do it now you tell me I need to go get

the other way one thing that took that whole year I decided to try everything

but don't worry I'm headed all

and I did when I was nineteen years old that was probably the wildest you're my life I was up in Dallas

I live next door to some

what what some of them

we call the people that I mean there is in the Bible like

for some this completely out there

I was

and a couple of guys here and they said no thank you FOR

and they did and then I had a right

and that was in Dallas Texas

so when I lived in Dallas

every time I get mad

and I pick up

so that's when my life began basically Lewis nineteen years all of the way from there

it really took off for me there and I really my drinking you know my drinking from the eight you know ages sixteen all the way up I remember just extreme it was really really extreme

and

well the

a blackout drinker

correct a lot of vehicles and I'm very lucky to be here very lucky

I have a lot I had a lot of years and a lot of dreams and a lot of nightmares

and the reason why I'm saying that it's important to my surprise one

is because

later

we are just drinking drinking drinking during

and party party party party in the seventies Hey

eighties early eighties

lots of drinking I wore a mask

work started in in the automotive business leadership

twenty years twenty years over twenty one years old

and I had good jobs and I was good

I would like

I was well rated one of the best parts of people you know

I was a workaholic three

and that made me who I was my job was to our

if I had title to go with it

in the final over to go with it

you know

without those things there was nobody

and

I can't

my mother my mother when she died you know that was a big dramatic thing for me

I couldn't I always had dreams of her but you know I was living in California and we're like

twenty two

ten reasons and I don't know twenty two months apart

we're not quite two years

and I worry about her she worked in complete she worked at her like

in

only when I click on I call this is three four o'clock in the morning with the crown about mother coming we're don't

you know

it worse we still you know doing this yeah

in our about her getting killed the word about me getting killed

anyway

I want to hear about this dream

because those are

first of all

I'm deathly scared of airplanes

hi

one of the following

it took everything I had to go see her

drunk the whole time

get the complaints are committing a civil life down there in the wings

in one place and I thought no meant

but any rate I had this

I live in spring Texas license dropped from twenty nine twenty all the way over to

as for

during

warning explode

in the air you know I can see it

no it's just the plans and everything

and I woke up and was just hoping what what

scared

and

yeah

well it was storming

welcome

I lived in a trailer

three three

in the room

it was thunder and lightning real man well I got here are you ready for work that morning

hello solar power

so I had to hurry up and get ready

you know drive that far in on the radio on the way to work

they said that

the road certain roads were blocked off airport there had been a plane crash

currently the mad when I hear this lady on the radio calling you know they call in talk to DJ and she's there

that

that he saw the plane hit the power

and it exploded

for that movement

because you see the ring

was booked for

when I was in the shower that's when the power actually went

so the dream happen before then the airplane crashes nothing when she described that

exactly what I'm very

loomer

this can mean more

but anyway the point is that the owner may is that

I thought it had been you know in my drinking

you know kept progressing and progressing and meanwhile I quit smoking quit smoking a year before I got sober

someone drinking really escalated

and

that can't happen I had a one time I had a talk with don I was on the floor

you know when you know those hang over

you know what you're telling me there's no longer

right okay god you know you know you're doing it I know you have been

yeah a lot

and I'm like okay god if it you know if this is all happening to me because you know how everything happens to you you have the cloud over you know all this **** happens it will happen only I'll give up the in game

I'll be

ni no women in my

you know in all the sudden this boy's life

is the drinking

right

and I'll

this is why Rankin

the minute I get about women

before going

right okay

during

he got a good balance because we used to drink together

our him a beer and I even had this little armadillo

hello

pardon

coming up here with me everywhere

that's in the back of my mind about this is going to start seeing the commercials on TV you know those commercials about the

and I'm like damn channel because she's someone learn

so I got invited to a little barbecue one Sunday

in the

it was excellent in her lover interest people over there and

I

sure this is usual coming out always

how can it when one of the lord out of my head was laying on the table in the legal community go homeless late

or you find me in my car for me they want to go on in the car

so I'm I'm you know I'm growing up in a lover and are having fun

because normally when I was having affairs owner I was terrible

in the

there are you need to stay here this is on highway six

I rose and islanders bring up twenty nine twenty nine take the back roads

tell me you know and

you know you did not tell me what to do

especially when I'm wrong

well you know you need

I'm I'm a little

so what more can

Dr Andrew

you know and then we can determine that long

no one time while driving down forty five

always look to the left you know if somebody ever did when I got closer

there were so many most of you know like try to you I don't know what happened but they

I think a little

it makes up almost done and I'll start

forty five

the greens grow into some apartments when I couldn't find a more I came to us and what

I don't know

my name is Nancy

hello

you know it's never about not drinking

one moment

in

I made it in a blacked out already

when I was sixteen point road all the way twenty nine twenty right down the road from the trailer park

what is your water

well forget about the three

I had another dream last fall myself in a blacked out

going off the bridge into the water okay

prior to this

I'm also

think of yours

control over I'm here

when I

a water about four from the free

so damn grown

open the door fall under water

I need to ask them a

if you need some help on

can you believe that it will give you a ride with you ride home is only just pull me up are going to get

do you

the one

I don't do it you're

back up the road

whatever system around hope they give me a ride home I almost

well I don't

he lives right around the corner

in California

this

calling

because then you know he called

I'll tell me that

I didn't

thank you for calling all enough water and my brother you know to still amazes me

like I'm rob so drunk in just fine wow

you know what

he walked to the back of the card you don't get what

like all

they call me out take me home and I'm thinking about the whole terms are not driving the truck right

this is my other sister which you know I left this part out the adopted sister she founded in nineteen eighty

then this is on top of that

which is very much part of our life today

and

anyway in her husband's been booked for thirty years and my sister's pop Warner

that's the one

and that

I called her the next morning

because I don't know if my brother he wouldn't lose

I'm not go for a walk in a room across the land

in a scholar athlete

did you do to mark

this

two o'clock in the morning three o'clock

okay money more money to go to war

then mail it should look like Microsoft

share all underneath the transmission lines are dying No transmission fluid and I got a call record one more time

many of these stories throughout my career okay many

and all the way from there

for

with it was not frozen market record

one more turn right your talk to god

so many promises

so I didn't want anyone to say that I was not going to do this

but

something

because I was scared the hell the ring that I have lost almost US going on in the drain before that with the airplane in it really happened

although one god was telling me

like it's not gonna be accused of water

it's not gonna be just barely missed

I really believe

with that and I still believe that

five three I will die

by many turn

brands

they call you the problem is

they do not Alcoholics Anonymous

eight eight eight

so

I looked it up

this was in April of nineteen eighty eight

I went to lander I don't know I do not remember okay I don't remember

I don't even remember I got

I don't remember

I think I think so much by so much fear

it is a legal

but I was upset at the fact that you guys didn't have plans on the door to tell me what time the meeting started where it was and what it

because I just wouldn't ask

and so it took me nine one zero your first round of weed in eighty eight

there was a bright

in

I go to my first round of within a year because I didn't go to that many meetings in the first round

so I didn't really know that much about

so my first round up was in nineteen eighty

and I look at my first thanksgiving over thanksgiving and Christmas was with

my sister's

my family

so

in nineteen eighty eight of that year I mean

twelve years ago

I got three desperate my friends were real good friends

don't invite me to the Christmas thing

and I came up

in December

all girls are having this Christmas party for your before

and that's not all stories interviews with people

and you know people come in and out of our lives program

the two people that were there for me

they don't come to meetings anymore

and

it doesn't matter no they were they came in leading three four five I mean

every day from nine to three meetings Tuesday

and then for some reason they quit going

and

they played a big part of my life because it took me up to my fourth year before I can really talk

yeah

leave it

I was pretty sure

I think it was more scared

and

what I want to tell you is that

I literally grew up in these rooms

and every year thanksgiving I want to be here

there are many all of my sisters we are always

two brothers

I mean you guys mean so much to me

in their own

it's hard for me to explain it to them

it doesn't you know it's like

you know when I hear the word

I don't use the word

I like to use the words but

it's just my way

I feel like in here

okay

not that y'all

in human beings okay

but I feel like you know because when we're talking to each other

there's a connection because that's one thing I know that we can all talk about

is getting sober

we know that in like to reset

what I want

is that she loves eight eight

and that's what I look for in people is that they love eight eight

three

I absolutely love it

one thing that is because

it's saved my life

this saves me as

who are you it let me grow up

eight a fellowship please

you know

what can you

the light turns earliest writing

okay hearing in my ear okay

you know when and when I did my first

you know it's the time I really didn't have a sponsor at that particular time I was so desperate in post here because when I came in here they said stuff like you know not everybody's only in this room is only going to be just very few of us left in place overnight security **** out of me I don't really want to do it

and you know and they said you know the you're only as sick as your secrets I remember okay let's stick with the Iran so Iran I called I got

when I was five years old

right now in your home and there

whatever's going to get it down

and

and that was another thing that I learned and then the thing was turning my life over to god and I heard that and I was scared to do that I just knew god was going to turn me into something else you know

and I remember

I remember doing with myself mama because I really want to stay sober

you know

I see a lot of people come in and out of these programs

and

I have been coming to meetings

holes in

and I was just talking about this the other night I was told somebody that I told Theresa

it also appointing years

I come up there and I was in a bad place I don't remember what to do or how to reset

but damn damn years

I don't even know I don't know what else to do

those who made

the card is

because you're coming up on ten years have you eaten there was a

he will

yeah she's only thing like you know you need to have you arrested

you know the hit your knees I'll take a bath and I don't take them no one ever knows

but you know

what what what what what I'm getting at is that knew was to go to a meeting because that I have made a a mile long

I don't know we get burned out on it

you know in the in the thing that I heard in there a lot with balance you know and so

I don't know how to do so I can balance but you know I mean I try to go to

you know I'll probably go to read it you know I still have five meetings a week

you know it's important to me

you know it's like it's kind of like going home you know when you get off work you go home notions well I will meet

I mean it's just part of my life

and so therefore

when you get in a bad place yes where you go

and if somebody will call you when you should

call me by your doctor

your

and you know what

it'll

this call they tell me that

because you don't know the answer

and

you know

there's so much I mean you know what you just so much

you know when

there's so many stories about land but you know I mean I'm standing out

one time intervals worried about

somebody like me who the hell knows this is a quite a few years ago I had I don't know five years four years

and I was in the car at all

once you cross for all people to like you

you know what you give them your time

you know that really hit home with me you know I don't have any idea

the statement and then there's people that said some things that touched my heart

you know and

I will understand if your morning mist now

you know that I that I have had conversations with people in my writings anything lately

because this is not true thank you Marissa brawny

but I think early on being underclass

I don't mean to demean anybody and let you know that was hard for me the first five years

that I was so in the most literal

when people talk to me and I had gone and I would

talking and saying you know I just wonderful conversation with Carl

about this book because I don't remember

I'm gonna tell you

I don't know who it was anything else

with that really hit home with me and that's when I began to understand self centeredness

in

I always want you know there's a lot of people in here

he you know DJ

on the harbor I mean they they do

then on March

the service giving people you know they take time out for newcomers and

I'm not so great that

I have learned to reach out you know and I would like to do better at that

okay

yeah I'm not worried people run up and hug you don't take it personally it's just me

they've always used

and then the people would not only don't even hesitate you know because I mean

I love my sponsor you know

you know she's

he's coming up a lot on like her you know she she's she's not looking rough and she'll call you only she could you know she is just she's the most fantastic person and she's a very giving person think here you know and that's what I thought you know that's what I love and look for any people who truly

I love other people

you know in their honest honest I don't mean flying

I mean you know it's honesty with you know that you're doing the best you can you know because we all do the best we can

and there's no right way or wrong way to do this program

it's progress not

action

and I tell myself that over and over because I will beat myself

especially when you get tornadoes

you know because we will because we're not supposed to act like

and what they

well you know what we

one day that we didn't walk in during

okay

that's all I've got

so my said certainly wants to own a long term process

every word but

don't put me there all **** up just as soon as you say

because I'm human

and I did not

I never think that I would leave do what you all do I need to feel good about myself you know L. over

Hey good job when I lost their job through no should I go after many well guess what

you know and then next thing you know you broke up with your lover

you know you see them running on it remaining calm and polite right

it happens to you

learn every bit of it right here

if you decide you want to get sober

he truly wanting yes over

this ain't your thing man life is a wonderful

I never think that I could

enjoy negativity's leans over

I think that

boring

you know when you look back

no my back porch with a six pack of beer

talking about what I was going to do for the next five years

that was fun

you know are

your friends telling you what we did last time because you don't remember

are you scared to ask

hello

this

this is the way to go you know what people see people drinking in answering one of beer would taste good or whatever

but does it really

for that all appear

I think it's all appear

I wish I can give everybody this program and you keep it

it hurts to see your friends go out

and then you don't see people come around for a while

we get all the personalities do come before the principles in it happens

and we all you know we changed in here which changed her mind love

like

right right

Hey is this support all right

right right

but I mean I mean with myself

I warm up for therapist out

the support that I have gotten in here

this will be

little words you know I love the car won't

you know it it didn't matter if he was saying hello to

it really helped a lot

because you know you get into that being critical on yourself you know

only

tell stories

because only been right lately

a lot of them you know

why

there are no winners in their

that's still a little voices back here in doing that **** yeah I do it this way you got it Hey you got to be in your you know your some overlap in thirty minutes now

you know that's where my don't be saying because you're one of the you say that you

hello in our

and each and everyone of us get up here you know and we just do it

the way it's supposed to be done because I think god

we set up here if you want to control them out

we all want control how let me

I think we'll be doing it

I held a meeting one time I just love love it when they have currently

a lot of different way

you know

however it's a long long

you know it it brings people together one more time would be conflict if we all agree then there wouldn't be

it would be liable

a little drama in your life you don't around the

and then there's a little before personality that'll work sure that

well I know we're making this round ups over and

on

my little girl asked me to to

the only commit me around I have some I just really didn't want days longer hello Brian I really don't want to get to know on that one

what was the what your critical but you know if we're saying Hey you want to have a copy we don't have to know your personal and you know I don't know

because I do love everybody in here

and I am being honest about

and I really appreciate everybody in

more than you guys will ever know

I remember my first year sobriety or

standing in a circle of prayer

in crying

because it was so overwhelming I was so scared to go there and then so glad I was there Sakurada forgot during a crowded after but one was planned one was happy you know

and that's one thing that you don't see me do very much is crime I don't do that either

what I have done it in these rooms

and I can come in these rooms

and I'm showing that crap people know what's wrong with me well they look at me now how are you all right

thank you

J. did that to me one

you're not long ago

yeah they know me you know and I hate that sometimes

so

I don't know why

this person is largely like a mall for his been talking

anyway

I want to thank everybody for supporting me nine

for all the calls and I got the all round the year

it's also

and

you know one of the meeting Kevin was sitting in a me I don't even know him

turn around that meeting why he was sure looked at me and said I love you Carl

okay

with me now you know

and you know it takes sometimes it takes awhile for a program to grow on you can you start

you're here

now you do a little bit of the work as not telling telling me this stuff and if you're a new car I want to think about the current care year round and I think I have