Jerry B. from Houston, TX at Houston Roundup in Houston, TX

I am German alcoholic

yeah I found out early that as far as I or others that there's only two kinds alcoholic drug ones over one

and is indeed an honor to be asked to share here with you or whatever time may be after that a lot of different conferences over the years

I got sober I January twenty eighth nineteen seventy four and it's been quite a journey for me and that's right and money was right I I dedicated my life today I didn't believe it would work

just another day all you know and I had a drink for not even of many years maybe fourteen fifteen years old or had taken me and the different things that came up in sobriety I used to think it was all about my drinking and I found out a lot of my things are all about my living you know certainly I never overlook the way I drank and what I did in the abuse I did the people on the views of people did to me growing up you know my family I'm going to try Michigan

hi Kathy I

the people from others functional family is the best way to describe my area my family from my mother is up from a dysfunctional city

you're the weird one if you want to charge or if you had coffee or he uses the they always I was raised in the forties and my dad having this disease I had all I knew about it was I just forgot I was wrong

and we lived in an attic and house was so bad he tries and during the war what have you and so just to touch on that a little bit my dad put so much stress on me and so much everything on me that I had a stroke when I was seven years old

and I had shock treatments and back in those days the shock treatments were little like needles that energy and I'm I don't know how how much voltage but they hit you with this

and at the same time I got there because it has a lot to do with coming today and the different things we get to work on how powerful the steps are you know I'm step person and when I came in you know if you wanna step person you weren't going to be around that group bring along yeah I love it when people call well he's a big book thumper well why would you even make fun of that you you better be in that big bucket you very often it without being nicknamed

but so what happened with me at seven

hello my self esteem living in this attic and what have you I had the stroke and then I get ringworm and back in the forties I mean daily trader running warm they shave your head it takes like iodine in pain but it for disinfecting all over your head and in my view take part of my mom's talking her stocking make for not Senate import over your head

and I would go to school and I said was dysfunctional people and this is kind of where it was

for a long time

and it does start to laugh because everybody laughed at me everybody made fun of me

but I have one good all right what happened is I would I love basketball and I became a good basketball player and one day about two and a half years later my mom took me there

my brother help pay for everything my brother Johnny is no longer with us but he this guide loads up this machine one day

hits me and I won't I like to win this year the nurse had came back

so I was like my mom is in others my mom always program the whispers July the good life uses and you will come back you will be like other kids

well what happened not knowing I'm an alcoholic at eight

everybody does it mean to me brother I was gonna get back you know by the time I was there and I got it with their replies average you know and so I I know a guy came into the programs that I don't have any resentment I got even quick you know I was kind of like those people and my dad not being around as much as we could because Drake and I was right he raised in St Croix and okay when I was in a tough guy we had to get to where you protected yourself I picked up different planes all I could do things to harm people and then I turned ten you know so I I knew me and I didn't have much use for voice or whatever because I see how my dad abused my mother

and I didn't like that my mom was about four foot high this home back in I'm the youngest in the family and my mother had me when she was forty five years old

when I found out to my brothers and sisters over the year buying it out of my dad everyone anymore kids my two youngest to me is my sister Eileen and my brother in there I mean just turned eighty and my brothers eighty one

and I'm sixty three so I come in with this nice little woman that I was the love of her life she was Devon the love of my life

and I I this is not a defect that was going to have to work on still do is being nice to women in the program because I for one thing being here as long as I am for me now I'm only speaking for me so if you if you have a thing with me about Harvey say some that maybe offends you I'm just remember this is my story you know and if it does harm his you might wanna reach stepped in and twelve by twelve and they'll take care of that

well there's your problem but that's not all

you know the people places things were my problem

so as I grew I used to wonder how I can just get rid of that you know that's where I was then I turned a lap well forgot I drank so much that not knowing at all call is from

I was sixteen

and I was on about a basketball scholarship by normal because all this time I play ball nobody want nothing to do with me so I play basketball practice you know you get you down to church and they lock up the basketballs and I set up so many jurors okay what I would do they have these old football I could take a football going to corner by the moonlight in the gym and shoot basketball and

so I I went on to become a free basketball player my dad there were you know being so sick never saw me play one game my mom never missed a game and all and my mom would get on my dad's face my dad the clearest sign and sometimes I don't feel like eating supper is just briefly what I had to go through and the man was sick and I understand that today thanks to this program

I couldn't eat supper some night was like the next night I show up he said what are you doing at the table so why are so many me please here he's going to have supper well he could meet you know he did he does suffer less when you don't eat tonight

and we in this attic I lived in I set up on a roll away bed by the table so what my mom would do once my dad passed out she would bring the food out which you to hide and I would eat like at two o'clock in the morning hello this is just briefly of what went on for a long time

and then the drinking probably got to get a heart attack these are drinking ten high with nitroglycerin pills

and one day I saw him and I said I was sixteen never forget it I said how you doing

he said you know I'm doing just fine in terms of me I'm doing just fine

I thought very and I think everybody's come at me you never know who I never knew I had never

NFL gives me a call and invite him to let him in for his death

now the ironic thing of that is why I'm so blessed with the aliens that was January twenty eighth nineteen fifty four when I got here January twenty eighth nineteen seventy four

so I my we were so poor I went through my sister in Columbus Georgia and others a culture shock

and I go like wow I'll be my high school in Detroit I was inner city kid my high school had like three thousand kids in it at all most of the high schools inner city I got the temptations went to northwestern high school where I was raised in every terminally black area what it was all right with me because I learn how to dance and play basketball very young age

and all these great people I seen they were like my heroes I was four years older than most people

and and they and they all made good their over like you're like one and then we can recall gatal or or or you know I never had any problems do you know when I was poor when I got

thank you have a look at the new Mercedes

that's where we go all right so you know anyhow the joy was and I and II I met my love of my life and I didn't drink and she like that and we graduate from high school and I was definitely drinking because of my dad and his loving mother

I want things a lot about my mother she can find good and everything everything you know we're living in is that it one day and I said you know mom I don't know about this addict zero one

he just pulled me aside and sit me down here you know how lucky you are mmhm and some of the things he was just kind of give you an idea my mom

they you know when it snows before you hit the ground we're the first people to see it and the people on the lower levels and walking around they have to wait could actually comes all the way down on the ground and we get to see it up here our goal here is

you know if you would bring these things to me you know and so I you know I knew anger wasn't good but being raised it was like around people and being battered here in there and I'm a one time I just couldn't take anymore my dad was he was wide open hit me well I held off and I hit it right in the items apple is not the model he's gonna make me pay he made me pay off and on but he was you know if you're holding onto resentment of people like that are sick just a suggestion hopefully you'll get into forgiveness for them you forgive them because that's your channel to god don't want to mess with your sobriety you know and so I wanted out of Columbus Georgia this was met the love of my life because of my strong implant a basketball I never have any dates not at all you know and that was alright you know my mom was my day my mom is it

and so I I I meet this girl we graduate from high school together and

things happen to get pregnant and I go in the airforce

and not in service and so he comes with me on a fourth and

I I went to goose bay Labrador

I came back home on leave

I got there a little Labrador on I never been out of state ever in my life they're always known everything and I was like oh my birthday April in April and they said well everything we do here who you believe you know you play basketball I play basketball in the service you know about Reagan just that that was my love of basketball and my mom that's where I went now I have this woman

with after that time I had to get there very small and solo and I never drink glass are drinking up there I shot a CC looks like I mean I feel like that was like twenty cents cigarettes for a dollar or eighty cents a carton and informed everything else everybody if you're smoking drinks but nothing doing Tuesday they're right about that but there's nothing up there I was in a support group that you can get your command

three dollars that was when we were that were not you know with our egos maybe got into that with the little eagle in the hands and all the bad

you know so I I I see how I did everything that eagle drill drove me you know putting basketball and so I come home

I played on the use of the eighth airforce best basketball and softball team and I got to go by visit my wife was on leave and we only had two small kids and and I got her pregnant and so I go back by telling him on his way I have two small kids one on the way

and now when I got home from goose bay he didn't know I drank and I told her about how great what I found like Jack Lemmon in the movie one roses I brought her into the disease

and I strictly disease it looks like fun that is all which is it was a make up it was like one thing I learned about drinking maybe it made us high drugs or whatever but stop feeling supplementing what basically did and I learned that when I got here

so you know what she gets pregnant and I am

well we have one more child here you know juries is drinking it and get it I can compete with a woman but I can't compete with this drinking

I feel like well you know what and do nothing

I say you know I'm in service and good money's fairly decent pre hospital Milan

when my mom died not devastated me my mom died we buried her December twenty fifth Christmas day nineteen sixty two

so I grew up to Detroit very my mom the love of my life I came back home on the twenty sixth of December my family was gone

because of my drinking

and I just started drinking and that was open

it's not going to lose openers for me I feel like well they'll be back you know what never seen up to this day

ever

that's the price and you think maybe your prices and out there I don't adhere well I tell you when I went to my mom's funeral to tell you my life even though she left I know he'll be back no way no way and so I went on drinking water on it until I drank my way out of the Air Force you know I don't know basketball career in the last five years basically or in an alley you know and that was okay with me because you know it's funny to myself I love drinking and it was free the price I was paying which is checking out a garbage can here and there you know and I don't okay you could or you could just because of the whole room is a means of writing is great and I was ready I could leverage

and so why are you running Houston

the offering and drunk nuisance I used to wonder why my brother and had a hand count me in about my rap he was white well that's very humiliating wasn't like dealing heroin or cold cover real look like it was

drunk nuisance

your walking down Westheimer found drunk in park other party I would go on and I was just as nothing glamorous just the news yeah

as

they got my brother have you take is Detroit good day my sister Detroit couldn't handle it you know and it was cold there and what have you so she sent me to California I have a sister out there if you wonder at Eureka be careful but I I wore out being the baby of the family I would I would do it wouldn't it wouldn't last anymore well my sister in California she's very goal very loving this to this day is also loving next my mom misses this woman just full of love that's right the best way to describe it

and I and how you remember things

when my dad died my sister's oldest son now he was just born he had a heart problem and she couldn't come to the funeral

so here is my over slightly I mean it don't make sense

well when family and if you don't call me and we got to watch out for you and this and that

I said oh well they didn't tell you the whole story tonight and I'll grab dinner on ice

she says no actual loans are going to be honest about everything did they tell you about how he talked about you when you didn't come this is years ago that was gonna be like twenty years we didn't come today all good you're doing good did you have in California in the hills and all that and I look at right around the rate that we get it here yet

the family illness and that by I mean some of my family would buy the good biting on it they'll buy your stuff yourself you have to they drop the worm in the ground right and I think I will I didn't know that well I got it I got out of

it all and drinks so god bless her you know if you let me stay with her and and then when I knew my time was getting short and one back to the alleys well

you know so I did the nicest thing anybody can do to somebody in your family that helps you right I burglarized

all rights are often on

this woman is like treated my family

so now she's her dresser when her friends is the chief of police

he asked his wife what she should do with me showing the commitment to an institution

and the how the woman said now if you put in an institution you're losing any help in the phone book or seen nationally controlled

and that's all par I had this this woman Love Me Love Me

and so he told me how he says this do this in California called eighty six your you know I think you can't you're not allowed back in the bar they say you're you're not allowed back in your eighty six and I'll call around six AM

okay so anyhow I got eighty six have you ever been to California go across the room Jay Bridger Marin county

they had me eighty six from Marin county

and I believe this guy he was pretty tough so I drop me off or in the city

well it's cold in it the holidays impasse and mid January and I think it handles good panhandler I can use my veins too much because I donated some in California you don't sell your blood you so your plasma and you can give it three times a week what they do is take your blood out of yeah it's one hour and a half process for five Bucks

it goes down the chute they took a pass from the blood but bring brought back and put it in you and you get five dollars well man that's like well I probably use my veins are breaking

and I got back into the pan one day it was the power knowing how moving the

I woke up in this alley and I used to go around our hands or whatever I saw into the speech Canada drink it an old glass with wine and oil industry you know didn't matter I just want to drink you know basic yes or one news Drake

I mean if you have a nice club your drug plan if you're the only girl what we wanna do is drink yeah and so I got up I've been handled and for some reason when the bus depot I someone take it out of here is what I think I take it very far they look at me I was obese I found out and wait over three I'm sometimes I said well you know what here's a little ticket we can tell you about this but you get all so I get off the bus no I did argue that nobody I was beat us over

now walking down the street in this town

and I see a guy handing out don't get rate I thought was a head on joint he's putting out cookies

so when behind in

and I grabbed him for cookies as for the doors Hey wait a minute

something's going to happen here I think you might like it I looked at him a little short guy there's nothing going to happen here and I don't I don't know anything that would ever like just below a

and he says well I'll tell you what what

I have nothing right what I thought I had a new car

what

if you stay here this whole box of cookies

why do we have this cool

okay then I and I knew they were friends because I saw it you know how the boxes of the you learn a lot about food need not garbage cans learn about what yeah you know most of the fresh stuff is always at the bottom because the stuff on top of that if you ever get out of garbage cans think you need to go back out and try one more time you will survive out there is kind of miserable but anyhow is way down the bottom of the garden

and it's pretty pressure very wasteful people but anyhow and get near windy a Wendy's or McDonald's these are a lot

so I sat over there in that chair any system is going to happen here he was right my whole life changed that day that was January twentieth nineteen seventy four and never been back options

thanks to a man that I might leavened day came to this wine or house that I was vacuuming

in his words this guy here he wandered into our meeting at Madison I can hand out place because they threaten

sure there

the end is what I did not wander into a meeting with all people from the penitentiary and all

go

it was below me but you know I want

those guys as well yeah he's just about done so they're going to get cantus is a dirty shirt

your yeah

have you done the steps

well getting nine on event day

I said no I do the carpet

and he smiled and I didn't know this guy was really a hard nosed

he is not in recovery there is twelve steps you know in that room that you walk into the theater stuff on the wall nothing I really saw the wall was there's a big sign

if you want to stay sober what do you expect to start

and do you know so I'll go with me in that afternoon

well I started around ten by three o'clock this man took his time out of his life and I remember that to this day to take you through the steps please show me how it's done not and I'm usually government not wait to see if I'm ready to do all four or wait to see if I'm ready are you it's not good enough or that sponsorship in those days were all they were people to take you through the steps they weren't guardian angels they weren't as mapped active we're going to get rid of you know the better off the line by

and so he says here's what you do the force that we will ask you about that the force that is you know I never been Tory and injuries what you have right now right well look at it when you guys bring it to me so I didn't inventory that's like I read it to him thank

sixty seven he read to me when you go home since this is your home I read it to you because I could re well you know you overlook what you've done you did the best she could right eight nine our wherever there's a means to make wherever possible nine is whenever we made direct amends whenever possible ten is continue to take a daily inventory enough to help us stay free for this god works through us meditation is helpful contact with his god that brought this loving god brought people to this program that could be didn't bring it here god brought you here as well as helping others and having a good time it's the joy of this program he flipped over the twelve I chose to see here the joy of living is something of a star Stephan actions the key words right there in a book everything he did we can do it his way we did do it my way or everybody's ideas we did it anyway and that's when I came into this program not like apple enjoy

no I don't this roommate I had ice in his name is Sam Sam not yet no

we want to take a drink again one day at a time the rest of our life when you come down with that stuff with you through

is here comes your

another scoreless exam got a hold of one died about a year or two ago the other three of us are celebrating over twenty six years in January will celebrate you know so you know what and if your new out there you can hear all kinds of things from people

just go to the book

I mean it would have went through sept me again because I love this program I swear there's nothing can stop me from drinking

you're laughing at my mom's when I was at my mom's funeral you know I had that experience

during my mom yelling at me with my four kids I never see him again I'm not proud of this so how is the only status I'm sober I mean so many drinks twenty four years old I don't I don't know it's like not to drink and drinking it all for me got

to the end

and now I I love day because I found a way and I mean what I had thirty days I own a home yeah I was there anyone is ever known me that was here or whatever you know from my past okay I just lit up like a star because I there is no way that man also told me if you can take a drink the steps I'll buy you all you can drink and I don't have much money but I'll buy you your first one anytime you want

this dude man I got him you know he's going on he's talking about there's nothing could stop me

well it has not been out for over twenty six years because I was willing to look at me and it takes time you know okay what I was I was up three hundred fifty pound raging Archie bunker

what I was in the standing here in front of this beautiful group of people

the American people I can't believe this myself

and you know and that's why I always feel welcome wherever I go I like smoking cocaine anonymous I never used any coke but you know they want to hear about recovery you know they worry about cold story you know most people I've talked to like to hear about how do you stay sober from you personally what did you do here is all about contact number others very simple

help others do meditation help others do meditation I memorize that Chuck see when using my done with good job you know I got this problem okay what he would say you go out take care and god's business and you'll take care of your business

and before you die you wrote a book on a new pair of glasses because he believes that a a was like putting on a new pair of glasses the most beautiful man I've ever met the want the program let's just see

the greatest miracle you ever see in this program is the person you see in the mirror every day

that's what I learned from Chuck you know that's the one you know that story we were telling my daughter on my hair stories impress you you think yours isn't bad enough don't go out there and use our drink

when we don't care

I got here I got you know we don't

it is always impressed you Hey you know you

and and then you know then life right here with me you know I I knew things were going to come up and the people were with me I knew this day my excitement in the program is sobriety and in the days start

last night I was watching prince in purple rain and I love that movie well I tell you to get out there

get with it you know and I just couldn't you know I I couldn't you know not get out of my chair last night and not doing that movie I mean it was just a matter of fact I was going to call my friend here as inotes round the clock to put that right I get excited about why you know instill things that come up on the internet about my debt to you know layers and layers of nine years now going back to Detroit one of these great and gave them my nine year chip I know it alls ceremony kind of thing but for me to give away at nine years yep for me I have to go away any of my jobs is like you know like as a blessing you know and they do that out there you know somebody out there gives you a if you've got twelve years they give you thirteen are there twelve years that's an honor that means that they're kind of like a blessing you know and and it's not the chip to keep this over is that the guy there however however we understanding this guy told me here's the way it is brother

when we talk about god and the third step we don't talk you don't call it a light ball bar you don't call anything of the religious thing in here in here were all alcoholics and in here step three says a German like over to the care of god this is the group I mean with now so if you don't call it her it a light ball Hey so you call it dot okay initially I

any time you see me get a little rusty at a meeting if somebody's getting our program out of context and they'll say well I don't matter what does matter because I was also taught you never know who's the newcomer

you know so you start throwing around religious sayings you make it they make him on other dealing head out the door but I've also learned that you know what if they're not ready they're not ready and if they are not you can say that will keep on staying here

nothing give me a second here I didn't want this thing

you know and and then life came up my four kids you know that there's an inventory when I made my millions another man and raise them and they said Hey here's what we want

the man took care of your kids my wife tell me this might explain she says and you've been gone so long as that's their father you were the physical father he was a real

I had a book on that one Mr there's more to being a father than just

having a baby with a woman you know and I had a that was a hard one to choke down because I go to meetings and people are coming in I got my my kids back I got my job at Honeywell I got me a new car and nobody heard me

yeah

my resume what happened yeah I got that right now bankrupt bankrupt company I worked for went bankrupt you know

five years in the alley there was no employment going on in

I was at a job at Wendy's I was in his own wine or home and I got it slipped and picked up the phone and they said Wendy's who and he was drunk and they could tell it by time I got to the phone they said are we called no they never do this we called let you know that you are we work on a higher today you know I got okay imac and that meant everything there comes a resentment like I said I hated everybody but I I love sobriety I just didn't know I didn't want the people I don't trust you couldn't trust me you don't watch them watch that watch her

what interests me it was not about you

and every time I you know I talk about you I'm talking about has nothing this program has nothing to do with other people absolutely nothing nothing just on September the twelve micro neurons service or something wrong with us okay because I won and it took me time to believe that because I know windows in his room from the penitentiary I fell in love with her I just want to be with her and now the power sent me a job of selling things and I was able to build that into a pretty nice company and I married her he learned one thing in the penitentiary here for years and went back out

I wanted to join I met her dad got six kids six seven kids

and I wind up get me

we had islands I have about two years he had a year and a half

and we had all this and we make it for eight years and we know we correct that's the main thing here is don't drink they want to join you get into this power you get into things that come up you right about now do little to stop playing with that this woman would put me up against the wall by lap about meditation me

these listen

you are here

you know I mean I'll give you a for instance all walk in one time

the kids are there I came in from a trip that might work it's gotten better

and I said all I said was this is one word of authority I said I was sober I said Hey would you like to go to the ice during today's the day I shall

they all were watching do they turn out we'd love to go and then I said you don't want you know you know young with two personalities the drunkenness over one it never paid my cab is over one always paid my

there are plenty of other people so I said or or would you rather watch TV not done is somehow on occasion before we're both over she gets up I never cheer machines looking

who I mean

he grabs me again into the corridor

if you ever messed with our minds again

the decision

that we want to go and you play the darn game without another word in there you know what I'm gonna let you happen with doing that it messes with our minds yes we want to go to the ice show

I learned so much from that woman I tell you what is the greatest restaurant in my life I never had a bad relationship because I learned from their way putting back but my wife and my life

L. I. K. edges of you stay open to that you know you'll have such a beautiful light and I get angry and I my people change you know they don't know all of my drug ones over one they have other people have like cousins like

I like

illicit here we're we're gonna hit you told him okay here yeah I don't have the more than twenty people now how you like them apples

well we thought there'd be more than twenty no he didn't

look at all these people

and you know like in the in the meetings no the first time I saw this lady and I will look it over there

right over there hearing over there looking over

okay

the topics here you have a look over the

yeah

he has a lot of people in his hand really at all I mean that you know he has a real order is our help save his life

we'll just take awhile to get through confusing you know

well I'm composable reader always the that one is always lurking well this is going to get stuff we can have three pies and all

yeah yeah it is but I live here I look for you know the the the black people the Korean people they both people in California the Chinese people everybody in San Francisco there's every nationality there the gay lesbian people and transgender people whatever you know like that come across I hate it okay that right now I did all the jokes you've ever heard all right and I would take all the jokes and all whatever but I just don't like people because of my life from the past so people are thinking well let's see how far holy steps are I can tell you today that my heart is so full of love for people then if it wasn't I wouldn't be here just that simple thanks to this loving god your point on step seven and a twelve by twelve

there is like you mentioned home I tell not knocking the big ever there's more information you know well I don't know about the pain you know that was going to be ahead of me let my kids

writing inventories why mine didn't come back why there is why didn't why they're different people everything that is for the journey behind every surrender every time I'm into something I can't let go of it that's my surrender that's positive not negative don't drink that your journey

the first woman ever let me since a variety

when I was drunk I could care less well I care

yeah yes I have I forget how many years of it wasn't out as I left the house that was her name and is also

you know I'm not going to dump him and I went to a meeting that night the speaker meeting this one stands up and uses you know

two years ago you all know my husband was a that left me was a circuit speaker and it killed me our son was going to die of a broken heart my people went

I am

it's all about me now yeah he says instead

the way god used to remove him to open my heart to other people okay right now

when I was with certain people my age groups became very sorry at having arguably owned by thirty I actually did that you know I can't be sure the eight thirty meeting

I don't let me check you know this is not too long ago you know and so things got real rolling for me yeah my priorities because this person not there right now hi I just came out of our relationship it took me and I don't hide I like these top right from the get brother that's where I'm at no I'm not no hot shot speaker

I had this emotional

alarm for this woman and still do except the power in the steps of powerful like I know it's a journey and always remember that it's a journey on always surrenders to god here the people I don't know I haven't had many surrenders are they how they sound

you know to me and we talk about me well Jerry just turn her over

when I came in it was yes the idea is to turn over but every time I turn anything over as money women cars job whatever there's a journey

there is a process engine seven seven on the bottom of the second page over think and talk about this process and it says it's unbelievably painful so I can't even describe it