Bill K. from Toronto, Ontario speaking at

your

you know

yeah

and I

your daughter is going to be restored so I used to go to the kind of hearing by the bar

in order

tonight in Toronto

for the last three

thirty years ago

a couple of days I have my last

right

Regis you remember next time

and I swore I would never come back you can

later in a couple days later I came back to the conference four years ago

I was probably

here are these three

but some folks

you will hear from the Pennsylvania

wonderful wonderful person professor

and I was sick

you're taking the time to

you

during the

as much

took me under his wing using

gradually we met some folks and

I happen to be from Toronto

Aaron he

about the Windsor connection last night while I look at it

Toronto

thank you Carla connection

I

first

I'm not sure I was

number coming out of that first happened

was

please

rather than

okay because I kept coming back

when I gave my

still

we can

I

one

okay looks like this is the gratitude conference in Toronto on a couple of others okay

and pieces of the story

this program work

times I have seen I gotta tell ya I'm really anxious to hear

I'm sure I can hear the whole story

but I'm going to hear how he does it

I'm really looking forward to that and I hope you

so without further ado would you help me welcome there okay

I'm going to get something

I can

the wave of positive energy and emotion in the room

today is really going to roller coaster of emotions

and I'm usually so

but I don't really start to

when I because I was really and which is not down the hall and long time

a number of years and your concern for the meeting after the dinner

that brought back so many memories that looking at me

but Kevin and I used to go on

another round

every year and it was a total drinking and driving experience

product that we would end up

whatever

here together sharing and enjoying the topic before I get into my

I'm just going to do a little bit I would like to thank god for inviting this is my

press conference lean

and I can remember when I first came into the program

we went to my first conference and

total at that point in the eagle

you cannot talk about something I would like to do I don't I will just get my story in order to memorize it and market it

no recovery

nothing about the program

broken

this is

in order and in important than in mingling

each time out of the gate

there is no such thing as one story but I find it quite amusing and

in the dealing with an alcoholic when he phoned me and asked me about my work hours and with considerably more conscientious about my hours than I am and I can tell you that she was

on on the six o'clock Friday night no time could be north shopping

I gently asked her about changes in here

great quite friendly that there are no changes allowed on the ticket and alcoholic I immediately started to

exert my will and

I remember

in January getting all dressed up and

in my job I'm going down the

and god

sign in to it and there was no way I cried with a phone call but then the wonder of sponsors three nights before the conference began my sponsor heard about my time and

somebody in Montreal who worked there

and

he only

and

to her credit

the phone

well at least

the story of the big

to be done by telling you what it was like an

and what it's like to gain

long gone far away

we'll be able to get away with that you can live in for a long

start with

when the youngest of five children

working class

only

and we've already heard this weekend some of the

that goes along with that

important about that

word two things one all right in

only that I would in any way to functional

attitude to alcohol

the road about the whole family was that whenever there was anything good or bad you have a great

it was a good thing to have a drink to celebrate and it was unfortunate

you're better

right I

over the years

to manifest itself in alcoholism

that attitude towards alcoholism

the second

and of course with the lads

we

from the younger

so that I can remember

it was different

that includes everything our

one thing and knowing in my heart that I was different in terms of my sexual identity

and so that

carried on over the years

combined with alcohol

got me to where I am today

hello with something I had in the start I was sharing with someone like that that

I'm one of those

so great to be an alcoholic

because I can't imagine what my life would have been if my life is great

not found the program

the changes that we can

so

three fundamental

and my life today so happy in fact but I can't help but but really love

I think

and

however to go back in the story

on

I'm going to live a long time right

right where

coming out

and

the real confusion and then we'll

digression the real going up the pathway I think the dancing in terms of self esteem

the ticket I didn't come up particularly young I was in my early twenties

and

I'm not

after that I was

crazy by that's grown and going out after the meeting and he suggested I go to Provincetown

and

the comparison that was a Friday night

morning I approached my sister

if you had any effect good afternoon my parents were away shopping I got in the car I drove virtually nonstop

Provincetown

thank you to not be invited me

the cocktail hour

millions of men for the first time

I knew I was home

well

right right the good thing

the unfortunate thinking rising back I am great

better values

that was early to protest song and not only

at the center of the case and then work in putting up I've been to the hospital for thirty years and

all right

I mean just put that on the back burner did what I had to do to to live in the bars

and that was really cool and I spent a summer holiday I had a chance to go to California

and when I lived in California

I really

I reported

in every way and

I remember being in California some terrible mistake that happened at my third point of the wrong

in the wrong country and that

he just had to be the land of dreams I went back to my teaching job in Toronto he resigned although this

in June but I didn't my resignation anyway

I got a plan to

get rid of the car and the apartment and moved to California

and it was at that point as I understand that I began to substitute

these are

and that I think

I just don't

as long as we know that we're not working in the program I thought that I was

as you put it on there in the wardrobe

I live my whole when I started my new

in the bar

and the rest

I get

number one Christmas by

and

adding to and crawling in the bar because I felt that my

the family

was there

and that might

biological

what

California I

when I go into relationships

relationships are then I I completely

for your home

I don't

is it harder

that

I don't want

America

another

the firm we believe that that my destiny late

late in the mereka

I moved to New York

I think that I dislike New York

but I didn't think it was very pleased to have on your resume as a good person to

in New York

I wanted a part time job

about it again my full time job within the bars

I just need to be validated at night

I'm not familiar with someone then

all that mattered

right what they

okay I'm contractor and once again I was bye bye

I told everybody in my life but I'm staying for one year and one year only

I thought probably I would return to California the one you're talking

on Monday I would like to talk about it in terms of the American experience when I decided to move to California and

I think it's worthwhile in that

differently

where myself green wires and remarking

when I decide to move to California I decided that we're not putting as many

and and I mean I don't know fifteen years old I was you know thirty I think now that a person close to thirty with down and go through a list of teams that one can use

but whatever was

at my dining table with the marines

at that rate California like land hard in and out one of the most

and

very good friends over

and I said

I just

and then he looked at me quite a

when I moved to California to

you know it'll ordinary

and

he was very quiet night reading through the list nothing what do you think that

I don't know what's wrong with

there you just don't understand you're not going to California

really thinking that

you know

in Gaza Robert my last name which is just so overwhelming

anyway

the plane going out to California and I thought

the number whenever anybody asks you to describe

California

and

it turned into a quietly what I did and what my name was and I and I just didn't in the right place

I thought that was fine because of the circumstances

don't tell me that you can

the hot

the rendezvous

and

I remember

I went to the wrong

and I went

you know it's always totally started

and

but what I would like to drink and I hadn't really

at that point I quickly looked up and down I always wanted to drink whatever other people were drinking alkaline water something and I want to

right seven nine nine

person that I wanted

that bond and and

and because I have a

yes I'm running around on the bed rest during the

and I took a deep breath

please read

and I thought

I

in

what

that I had known and unknown

right but I would have laughed and

what a wonderful story was six month relationship with this person in the relationship

in my

the end of the

clearly

lows down fifteen

and

that

and I

absolutely that not knowing who I was being told in the beginning I was one thing but being something else

here's

I

right alcohol there is it but about

alcohol

one one we

and it takes away the

and many years I enjoyed the women's

and it wasn't really until I moved to New York

and began speaking during the fire island on weekend and going out for

and then I felt that I I'm not I'm going to drive the alcohol

during the day to get to and

the plan offers that it did that night in order to get

and I just does or does something like

seven eight years that three other properties you can imagine

five years in New York and New

that aren't really particularly important to the story of

being held up at gunpoint twice once in the late night

right

look the point that

what is that I really thought out

it was very

and

right now I thought

I go back to that kinder gentler place

and my life

and things will be fine

well

two things that changed the course

actually

Toronto

so you substantially and so I was in plain Norma's disappointment

that I was doing my job in New York I got involved in a relationship and when I moved to Toronto I left relations moved activity that it changed and really be on the decline

as I did today

and here my story started

let me

one

I would like to go with the fact that

that describe

my bottom

right so important because after a number of years in the program number years living life as me tonight in these rooms with sometimes I sometimes forget where I can

some of those stories

does that

I got arrested for drunk driving

thank you so much

that it was a political because by

I was not

in the nineteen ninety nine

yep I can remember every detail of that evening unfortunately or fortunately

yeah please tell

and I don't mean to take off my belt

related office phone number being so totally degraded and wondering what my parents and my family would think

however it was a number of years before there were enough different incidents another incident I remember was

there's a story in the book about you know taking on like knocking on the times that I could I could I would go on binges and then there'd be a time when I pull it together the times when many times when I was in the school at lunchtime to go to a nearby restaurant

glasses of wine to control the state

after four or five thousand one balance and then go back through the afternoon

I can remember

thank you

once in the book

and and once in the classroom

I'm sorry the students want their marketing

and some help thinking

well I don't know what I'm thinking

I thought it was okay at the time

it will not lead to the program

the ones going into a online store and having the sex talk about it but I couldn't get the bottom line all

do we grandmother lady running the storage you gotta put it in a bag

I know you go to the ground on

I know the intersection the corner you know deriving ****

the bottom line is I got the top

at the

could you come up with the most like a

thank you for calling

please

in the morning

no nothing else to take a look at all the time but whatever

and he stopped me in court the wind down

great

cruiser

the question

what I'm trying to get my doctor to have a doctor

to get to the doctors and get this under control

when I get in someone's and he said

hearing me white one good job like this weekend

and I thought well that's what I'm going to see my doctor and

but

drivers it was a black

I was an alcoholic

what is the current not a doctor and he stopped and another one that had

thank you for the better

and he said without giving them ten dollars

I picked up a bottle of wine and he gladly keep doctor's appointment on Thursday I drank the wine and my only concern was that with him driving and hitting bumps in the drinking that was one of my caps

the way to the doctors I got to the doctors and of course

but where I was

times when we turn on summer holiday income as well with the work that I didn't have to put myself back

in Toronto and running

so given that crying because everybody seems to be having so much fun and such a good time and I was in clean and did not know what to do

and of course I think is that parliament

park and song to life without that there is a story that many more like them

I don't know where to Canada

and I

with one of my dear friends and

with the keeping the Nacala family you knew all the signs and symptoms and I was drinking in the morning from the glass but I didn't

and when we got

silent on the line and when we get back she wrote me a letter telling me

he didn't end up that

laid out a classic

I needed help and you have someone

tell my friends and you know

I wasn't really ready at

and selling the house

you could come I said yes and then I got in the door and then to the nearest

in order to follow one

however I do like going to

and if I found out the point is that my first venture

or whatever it was not a one

with

many of us have that if I went

time that I can learn how you doing and then I could graduate

I didn't want to become

I didn't want to come to connected

because they thought

and

at a meeting in the library and I turned it down because it I mean the job for six months and I tended to

by that time

so I went in January and the name of

birthday

mycological director I thought okay now I'm ready to

no not

and

for those who haven't had any doubts about what happens when you stop and go back that was the second

restrained by

the fifteen Providence St

that I can go with them

never did return to school

calls on my answering machine

because I had all the exams at all

I'm a Cognos

because I was

I

examines market

imagine

right

by early July on the other side of

I

because I think things that I know I have no idea what that is going to stop but the final thing was there was nothing

I decided I would stop on a Sunday night by Tuesday I wouldn't read

really

that

I I thought IT consultants on because I I live alone

and I said you know I've been out

I know

and

he came over and

at that time I was just so desperately sick

where did that he started to put on we could sort of only around

it's getting better and I would

biting and

I was looking very somber anything on top and the people in the program

going to a detox well I was sick but not the not the carpet cleaning

green I couldn't possibly go to a detox and I want to recall that okay provided we can get

you know what

and so

ultimately after that other within whatever his way and I went to a detox and what was

because they didn't automatically because I'm betting that was on the

of course you can you can walk in there it's a twenty

better

and

what was the great hall

the time has been questioned

exposure to

I'll call and drugs

I came in as the thing goes

but

I found that my outlook connected to my soul

and like talk

the program has

my user

am I right not only is always the most difficult part of the talk to deal with the part

I also know that the most important

today on

some of which I had learned to manage income which I haven't

I'm in the greatest character that

has been

intolerance

thirty two

on

except the very rigorous work to keep open mind

the fact that

my first inclination is to be judgmental

someone having sex in the

career in the dark

well you you got everybody totally on superficial

and value however

I'm not one of those

people who spends a great deal of time trying to analyze

I got you there now the Harker how I got but rather

even with the reality of it

I do not

is that when I am experiencing those feelings

hi

I

but

my expectations of others and my expectations of myself

there you go

example of that today

well

by noon

I was working out into what I could do that you know not a particularly healthy

frame of mind

it was a combination of

two nine

a combination

when I when I really sat down for about five minutes I realized my expectations that are

the program

I relied on one paragraph in the book more than any other

it's a paragraph nine copies of the book

I would think by now and was not

the program but he understood the benefits of the program and returning it for sentimental reasons the copy but it does not have the story of the doctor alcoholic

but

and the number nine and

drop the paragraph that that is the answer to all my problems today

where

hi

fine one person

an unacceptable to me and that I can find also running internal conflicts are

until I need it have to be changed

well

it has

they're only half of our

getting out of the loop if I stay in the hotel

I'm not sure that I need to get more

in the end

well maybe it is I know that

I need to get out of the building for one thing when you get out into the sunshine and wind rock

and

okay

looking

and

but

turn that around

simply quite frankly my method of getting

and out of my feelings

in different environments for someone else the answer might have been to have gone through yet another workshop for

talk to someone

everyone has their own but I mean I have been to work in the morning and I you know I was just afraid that unless I used

Linda

and I'm Linda

part of my problem of course is that feeling trapped in a sentence

you know how many of us not

and to be here without a car yeah

and and not have control of where I went in and what I did

so I went in and I started to walk to the nearest mall

our

the card into it

I think

good rockers

to the mall

I don't think it

and now the front desk and pointed in the wrong direction

pretty much the story of of my recovery I suppose in many ways

really the wrong way to

on the road and then turn around and I was determined I was not going to be

the point at the rock dot

to to the mall

the knowledge of suddenly

all right

you know

resentment toward disappointment or plans that hadn't yeah the way I would have liked to have been a couple of hours in there

just walking up and down another story

and

I felt so much better

but

but the problem lies with

and that

three

the tuition

good one and it will be good or I can choose to make it and continue along that road until until I've had enough of that

I know

times and people love to talk about relationships

you don't

in terms of times and all that that I really know absolutely nothing

Dr

various levels with the doctor

I will tell you a little bit about the last one because it it's not it was the springboard for enormous growth and people tell me I should come to this person

thank you

I'm like

but

the pain was so enormous and

what happened was when I was two years older and you know I listen to my own program with the not the first year and I just

to put in the time of one year your

you're now ready

but I would certainly think that

I don to the monkey on the big

whatever conference in Montreal

he went home to visit my parents in Ottawa another young man now

what I didn't mention that he didn't have a year you get like nine months

and

in the relationship and it was the classical portion of the the fortunate thing is done with that I could have two years and so when you months later he just

here out of my life and unlike me totally understandable I didn't know to go to meetings every night there and it didn't matter

first time did not exist great meeting or

home back story around Toronto

IBM

the wind went into therapy so in that sense

it was an enormous

growth inspiring

however

the interesting

aspect is that

I have not really

relationships

I did get a dog two years ago

and I understand a lot

I'm one of those guys that are important to lock something

whether it be

or a person and the doctor the reason it's important for me is that it gets out of out

until the doctor came along all I thought about

first thing in the morning with what I need and now it's something other than the

com first

I think that's healthy now whether or not that's ever going to be healthy enough to get me into another human

the subject of that nature remains to be seen

I'm well aware that one of the reason I'm staying where that relationship better is near of all medically any relationship but clearly both yourself

and your self centeredness

your willingness to compromise all those things and so

while my life

and I think it is enormously happy

I mean I must be honest and say that that is one mountain but I have not successfully climbed

I'd like to close by talking a little bit of conferences and what they've done to me or you

during my time in

some of the key things

not all of them I have worked the phones I have already taken a two year stint going in to present on Monday

I think that that would be a thirty

your experience then it

the wrong one one of the

great growth experience

I don't know if they have the greatest growth experiences was working on the gratitude conference in Toronto and I worked on the program and also in the same year

a large part in the console and what that did for me right give me

the confidence

to be able to follow something that I've I've had a good green

on the back burner I was

two two four

and although my teaching in the classroom gave me ample experience on many of those elements

in total sense so following gratitude I have the courage to to a distant part

cocktail with some

okay community thought every two years and had a role in that and we have been able to go on and and performed

in theaters in Toronto and done so thanks to the wonderful

get the programs given the communist

I am not eligible for

well

the words strange to me but I'm eligible to take early retirement and so I am eating up to thirty three years this June not as as you can imagine

our society and some excitement

stepping down

to

hopefully a career

Corman's

I know when I get thanks at night and I I give thanks usually nothing more I guess thanks for

the environment that my power has given me thanks for companionship and I thanks for the courage to change

are you gonna follow injuries because that's in your policy some of those other dreams

Bartlet's hearing and more powerful light than I could have ever imagined

so how do we we taken away

when I was drinking

I was able to come into the program

really

people with the wind

the wings for all thank you very much