The Sacramento gay/lesbian "River City Roundup"

My name's Leo and I'm an alcoholic. First of all, I wanna say that, for me, hope hope for you too. But certainly for me, this is a, joy and a, privilege. It's been, 5 years, I think, since, I've been up here to speak to this particular group. And, a lot's happened to me in that 5 years and I'm sure a lot's happened to you.

I understand Christopher is not here. He's had to leave. But I did make a point of, saying to him that, thoroughly thoroughly, what he I'd say. He was terrific. Wasn't it?

Yeah. Yes and, for me to share with you that I enjoyed it. I, was at the airport in Los Angeles. By the way, people never seem to know where I live. Nobody knows where I live.

People think I live in Ireland and people living in different places. I live I I'm from England but I live different places. I live I I'm from England, but I live in, in Long Beach, as it says, in California. Long Beach, was a very nice place. England.

Beautiful. Some of you have been to England, I think. Yes? Yes. Very nice.

Don't be shy. It's not a church service. I I'm I'm an Episcopal priest. Some people everybody wonders what the hell I am. I'm an Episcopal priest, and, but I was raised Roman Catholic.

I was trained to be a Jesuit. Some of you know about that. And, I left the Roman Catholic church on the issue of birth control. I could have left on a lot of other issues too but I I left on the issue of humane vitae, when I I was in England. I was in Oxford.

England's a beautiful place. Let me think now, when, when Prince Charles becomes king, they'll still have a queen on the throne. I always remember that. And this is being taped. Can you believe that?

Just don't send him a tape. Right? This is good. That's good. Yes.

A long time ago, George Bernard Shaw said that America and England are 2 countries divided by a common language. Sometimes you'll say something is true. Sometimes you'll say something doesn't mean the same as me. Sometimes I'll say something doesn't mean the same as you. At times, it can be terribly embarrassing.

I have a mother in 94. She just had an a hysterectomy. Can you believe it? At 94. And, my father's about the same age and he said that means no more children.

So they see they have a great sense of humor, but she came over and she, she very much like missus Thatcher. She's very controlling. I should have introduced her to, Christopher. But but, she said she wanted to meet the Episcopal Bishop and his wife. And I said, okay.

But you promise you behave. Because do you have a mother like my mother? My mother will ask a question and then she answers her own question. Yeah. And then she walks away mad.

Anyway anyway, interesting thing is, anyway, we had the bishop and his wife and, of course, they came, and my mother, she behaved all the way through the meal until the bishop was getting ready to go. And then she got the bishop by the hand and said, bishop, it was wonderful having you here for dinner. Now please go home and keep your pecker up. Because you probably realize in England, the pecker is the nose. What it means is hold your head up.

Be confident. I could tell when I looked at the bishop's faith that Pecker did mean the same. Bishop Swiper said to say, I wish he could. Every country has its same as Trump. You have d Martin.

We had Winston Churchill. I don't know how many of you know that Winston Churchill used to drink a bottle of brandy a day. Yes? Yes? Yes?

I don't know whether he's alcoholic or not but there are some stories told about him. Make you wonder. Lovely story, he was sitting, having dinner with Lady Astor. Lady Astor turned to Winston Churchill and said, Winnie, Winnie, you're drunk. And Winston Churchill in his inimitable way said, madam, you are ugly.

But I shall wake up sober in the morning. She was, she was very quick to say to him. She said, Winnie Winnie, if I was your wife, I'd put poison in your soup. Madam, if I was your husband, I'd drink it. Interesting thing though about that is you see the disease of alcoholism in those jokes Because the the disease is really not just about drinking.

In fact, as you know, I've got workshops going on, Only the first step talks about alcohol. The other 12 the other 11 steps deal with the personality and attitudinal changes we need to make to be sober. And those of us who are able to do that will have that. Spirituality. By the way, this is not a religious program.

I'm saying, saying to some people beforehand who came over to say hello to me and I enjoyed so much meeting them, that, this is not a religious program. I mean, I've spoken in, in Thailand which is Buddhist, I've spoken in Saudi Arabia. I've spoken in Israel and in all those countries, Arab countries and in India, Hindu, Muslim. It's the same 12 step program. When I was in India, I was the only only, only christian there.

And as you know, in New York, sometimes 12 step programs don't use the Lord's prayer because it's who's Lord. You know, just for us to con consider. It's not a religious prayer. I happen to be religious. In fact, I, as you heard, I've been Episcopal.

I've got a church. St. George's. Yes. 80% of my congregation is, recovering.

The other 20% should be. No, you think I'm joking. It's not it's true. But the pain my point I wanna make across to you and and, by the way, nobody nobody is more aware. You don't hear about sexual abuse, you hear about physical abuse, emotional abuse, mental abuse.

You know, I've written and talked a lot about religious abuse and there isn't a gay person in this room, and I include myself, who has not been religiously abused. There's no one gay person. There's a one woman. The religions that I mentioned, the 5 major religions in the world of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, Christian, Hindu, all place women, secondary role. And I'm only sharing this with you.

This is not the time for it. I said, to some of your people, if you want another time, I'll maybe come up and do a workshop as well on religious abuse. But there isn't one person who hasn't and it's not talked about enough. How in the name of God you can be shamed. How in the name of God you can be punished.

I do some people left because they don't want to listen to a priest. Doesn't matter who he is. This is a visual sign. I wear this as a visual sign, but it's not a happy sign. Look, I'm dripping in black.

It's like a penguin. But what it stands for is a the reason we dress like this, even the socks black. The reason we stand for this is because it's supposed to be a a sick, evil, sinful world with just a little bit of light from Jesus. And you know as well as I do there are some people, crazy people I think, believe that unless you're a Christian you won't go to heaven. And unless you accept certain Christian principles you won't go to heaven.

Now, I am a real Episcopalian. I'm a Christian, but I'm open to other religions. I'm not. And I understand why some of you are not religious. However, this program, and I'm saying this to you because it's important.

This program is not a religious program. It's a spiritual program. Oh, somebody said it's so beautiful. They said that religion is man made, spirituality is God given. It's like that, Religion has divided the world.

Spirituality teaches the world to hold hands. So this is a spiritual program and I have defined spirituality as being a positive and creative human being because I believe in a God, my higher power who's positive and creative. So it's about being positive and creative. You hear it in Christopher. Every every one of our stories, every one our stories.

You'll hear some of my story with the time that we have. Every every one every one of our stories hinges on how we moved from being the opposite of positive and creative which was negative and destructive into being positive and creative. That's our story. What it was like, what happened, and what it's like now. To what it's like now if you're in sobriety.

I'm not talking about if you're dry, but if you're in sobriety. See, you are a positive and you're a creative human being. You think, you change, you write, you add, you think new things. That's what the workshops are all about. Why are we surprised that so many of us have stuffed our feelings?

When many of us were raised by parents and by society that said, you finish you finish the sentence for me because you can do it. And I may not even know you but I know you can finish the sentence. If you can't say anything good, we learn to stop. We learn to bury our feet. If you can't say anything good, don't say anything at all.

And we learn to be nice rather than real. And I believe the spiritual program is not about being nice, it's about being real. So sometimes we have to say things that people don't like, sometimes we have to march for things that we, other people would wish we stay quiet about. There's a priest who's who's talked about his own sexuality and being gay, I can assure you this is not an easy road to to tread but it's a necessary road. Religious abuse.

I did a k a b c, k a b c, k a b c in Los Angeles. I've done it many times and I go on the show and there's sometimes, you know, you get the, you know, you always get, you know, trouble is coming on the line. Somebody wants to ask you a question. You know trouble. So, whiners.

They they always know with whiners. They have a whine. The voice. They come from the land of wine. This lady tonight when I talk to family.

I knew with the voice trouble is here. It was after the earthquake and she said and in in Los Angeles, she said, I think, she said, god sent the earthquake to get all the alcoholics and the drug addicts and the homosexuals. I said, well, he missed. Amazing. Always remember and you'll have read this through my talk today and as some have heard before, spirituality is always about a shock.

It's always about a shock. It's like the story, you know the story, it's a lovely story, it's a humorous story but it conveys it so well. About a lady who left doctors angry, left the doctor's surgery angry and the next patient waiting to go in said to the doctor, did you hurt her? And the doctor said, no, I told her she was pregnant. She said, was she?

Says, no, but it stopped the hiccups. In a way, we are to stop the hiccups in life. You will shock people just with the recovery. Never mind whether you're gay, whether you're not gay, and bisexual whatever. Just the recovery is a spiritual awakening.

Spiritual awakening you wake up. And he says, it's a powerful thing. It's about power. It's about how we connect ourselves with a higher power or with a God and suddenly realize that we are worthwhile. The spiritual awakening is very often that, that you were created to create.

There's a lot of short Say Hindu story. It's okay. They can still hear. It's a Hindu story. It's old.

Hailed. It's a powerful story about a man that dies and goes to heaven and he's knocking on the gates of heaven. And God says, who is it? And the man says, it's me. God says, go away.

This is ridiculous. Mother gates of heaven, I wanna get in. So he goes back. God said, who is that? That says it's me, George.

He says go away, George. This is ridiculous. Here I am in the gates of heaven, I wanna get in. How am I gonna Then he gets it. He understands, he understands.

He goes, may not God says, who is it? And the man says, it's you. And God says, come in. You want to know how to be successful? Realize that.

Realize it. Don't just think it, realize it that God is in every one of us. There's a he god, she god, Christian god, Hindu god. God is in every one of us and we need to respond, we need to respond. There's no magic, there's no tricks, There's miracle.

And I know many of us say, you hand your power over to God. I have a different twist on that and that's okay. You should appreciate the differences in the twist and then you decide as you go home. See I believe it's not a case of just handling your life, it's a case of you turning your life. Cause I have this idea of us saying to God, God, take my life, take my life, Take.

And goes up there saying, no. No. Then God looks at you straight in the eyes and says, why you return a gift? Why you return a gift? Live it.

Live your life. You fight, you bleed, sweat, you cry and you smile but you live. There's no magic. There are alcoholics who are loved by God just as much as everybody in this room. All over Sacramento.

God loves them just as much as us. God didn't get us sober and leave them drunk. God didn't get them got us clean and leave them still high. It's not about God's love, it's about our love. You're here today because at some level you love yourself.

Oh yes, there were people who loved you till you could love yourself. That I understand, I did that. But you allowed them to love you. You still had a role, you still had a part. Martin Luther King, 6 months before he gave his great speech in Washington DC, in Savannah, Georgia, Martin Luther King turned around and said to his congregation in Savannah, Georgia, predominantly black, he said, you need not only pray, you need to be prepared to march.

You've been praying for 200 years, a time to march. Ladies and gentlemen this is a program about you putting your body, your mouth is. We admit it. Who admit it? We did.

I came to believe. Who came to believe? I came to it. Who made a decision? You made a decision.

God is not a codependent. He's not gonna make you get well. He'll never make you get well. He'll never make you happy, he'll never make you sober, he'll never make you clean, He'll never bring you a lover. You find 1, you seek out 1, you write for 1, you talk to 1, you put yourself there.

There is no, no magic. Magic is a trick and it's dangerous for addicts. You know as well as I do, often in your drunkenness you cry before a crucifix or kiss the feet of our lady. My mother, my mother, remember my mother. You remember.

She's still alive. All the time I was drinking And by the way I've been sober, she said to you I got sober on the 4th July in 1977. It's 18 years. On the 4th July. Right for how many, many years ordained in 1971.

Been a long time, priest. And no drunkenness and you'll hear about some of it in the time I have. I have time. I have time. But, my mother all the way through those years she she she lit candles to the Virgin Mary.

Her immaculate conception, you know, with her hands out. She lit so many candles. The statue was going like this. She was melting her. If it had been in Portugal it would have been a miracle.

Oh, oh, many, many years she talked to Mary but it was when she talked to me things started to happen. Always remember that. There is no magic. Magic's a trick. New age people sometimes have exchanged their rosaries for crystals.

It's the same trick. Okay? You're not gonna get well or be happy or get a job just because you have a crystal. You have to do the work. You have to clean yourself up.

You have to present yourself well. There's effort required, not a crystal. And the reason I say this to us, the reason I say this to us is, many of us look for years on the outside. On the outside we look for the fix. There is no danger of, no more dangerous addiction than the addiction to God.

The unhealthy addiction to God, the obsessive, cohesive thing of you know what God's will is. We've just seen the tragic implications of that in Israel with robbing. There are many people who will hold a bible and, and you hit the face of a gay man and kill him almost or woman, whilst holding a bible. This is not a religious program ladies and gentlemen, this is a spiritual program. And that does not mean to say that spirituality cannot help religion.

I seek to do that. The only reason I went to my church at St. George's in Los Angeles, I said to the bishop, he's on one condition that you let me take my 12 step recovery program to that church. And because that the church has grown and is now, I think, in the safe place where people with sexual abuse, religious abuse, emotional abuse, as well as alcoholism and drugism. And drugism find support and health.

It's a spiritual problem. It's powerful. Powerful. It's about being positive and creative. Very quickly, just for you to know, I started to drink in England.

16, you know, it's school. It's a boys' school. A boys'. And and and it wasn't so much that I I it wasn't so much that I like taste, it wasn't so much that I got drunk rather, it was that I liked how I felt when I drank. That was my first experience with that.

I liked how I felt when I drank. I won't be the first speaker you'll ever hear or the last who will say to you, this is a disease of the feelings. Very much I liked how I felt when I drank. I'm 5 foot 7, 5 foot 8 on a very good day. But when I drank I felt 6 foot 2.

Big. Strong. Had a stutter for 6 years. 6 years of my life had a stutter. When I drank, the stutter left no stutter.

I can't I thought I found a friend in the glass, friend in the bottle. And as you know, many of you know, because you come from similar generation to me, never thought of alcohol as a drug. There were drug addicts and then there were alcoholics. Never really understood that alcohol is a drug. So we never had some of the taboos around it like say cocaine or heroin or even marijuana.

I liked how I felt when I drank and I found a friend and I went through university, some of the best universities, in Canterbury, King's College, and, Stephen's House, Oxford. It doesn't make any difference. In 1971, I was ordained to the priesthood. And like you, I wanted I wanted to drink. And I have to have like you, no different.

I have to have an excuse to drink. I wanted to drink. So I was the main excuse. I said the lost and the lonely, those sheep. They're out of shepherd.

Where are they? I need to find them. I said they're all in the bars. And I I I went to the bars dressed like this. I tell you, dressed like this.

Dramatic. Oh, best of luck. Very dramatic. Went to bars dressed like this in England. You go in a bar dressed like this people notice you.

People said there's an oil slick at the end of the bar. A walking penguin is just coming. And people Here's a give the priest a drink. Give him 2. Give him 3.

Everybody wanted to get the place to drink. People come over and talk. You'd say Jesus. Jesus is with you, father. You are one of the people.

One of the people. You people person. One of the people you are. You care for us. You you're one of us.

You you drink like we drink. You smoke like we smoke. You throw up like we throw up. People people started to go People started to go from the bars to church. One woman said to her husband, shall we stay at home and listen to Benny Hill?

Or shall we go to church, listen to father Leo? Because the same thing's gonna happen, and it did. I tell you, I've said it a thousand times. If you're an alcoholic and you're a typist, there were times you were drunk at your typewriter. If you're an alcoholic and a writer, there's times you're, drunk writing your book, If you're a doctor, there's times you were drunk in your hospital.

If you're a priest and an alcoholic, times you're drunk doing the services. I remember once doing a funeral drunk. Pile of the coffin into the hall. I tell you it's real scary when you hear the amens coming from above. But it's an Irish shoe.

Nobody cared. They just help me out. Get the facade of the hole. It's full of dirt. Just carry them.

Nobody cared about it. Nobody cared. It was like that priest is full of dirt. For the next time, and I'm saying this to you because, you know, when we look back at our lives, there were times we got away with it. There were times people hushed it up.

There were times nobody seemed bothered, and then there were other times. Employers got to know mothers, got to know friends, got to know it gave me an embarrassment. Mine came at a baptism. Yes. I had a baptism 2 or 3 o'clock in the afternoon.

It was a big baptism. People flew in. Friends, family, it was a hap, hap, happy time. People were happy. And then I arrived.

I'd had a liquid lunch. I wasn't drunk drunk. I was mellow. You know, when you're mellow you don't need any help. Give me the baby.

Let's have a baby. Give him a bath. God. Got the baby here. I baptized her because you don't need any help.

You know what you do. You think you know what you're doing. Anyway, say, I baptized the baby in the name of the father and of the of the son and of the holy spirit. Definitely. I never asked anybody.

The mother, she let loose such a scream. She said, father Leo, it's a little boy. I said, I don't care the hell it is. Stop me now. She said, is there anything we can do about it?

I said, no. Forever in a day, he will be called Daphne. It's a hell of a mess. She wrote Bishop. Oh, yeah.

She got enough. She was this was a curse on her son. She wrote to a bit. Couple of days later, I got a telephone come from the bishop. The bishop said, Bruce, that's my name.

Said, will you see me tomorrow at 9 o'clock, Bruce? Put the phone now. I thought, why does the bishop wanna see me at 9 o'clock? Then I got it. Promotion.

I go to see the Bishop and the Bishop says, I've got a letter. A letter. Good. He said it's about you, your fault. Said, are you sick?

Are we talking sick? S I c k e. Sick. Are you demented? Are you having another spray down?

Yes. You're right. Right. He looks at me in the eyes. He was only 5 or 6.

Looked at me straight in the eyes and then he said it. And I know you heard it from somebody. He looked at me and he said, have you been drinking? Have you been drinking? See if you can identify with this.

Who? Me? I swear on the bible. But he didn't believe me but he couldn't prove it. You ever been in that situation when you're telling a lie and then you know that they know you're telling a lie and you know that they know you're telling a lie but they can't prove it.

He said, quit it. That's how he talk. He said, quit it. Just quit it. Quit the drinking.

Quit it. He said quit it. I said I'll quit it. He said quote. So I'm driving home say, I'll quit it.

I'm gonna quit it. Here's a funny thing. You wanna know a funny thing? It's funny. I didn't drink for 6 months.

Turning, baffling, powerful. Oh, so patient. 6 months I didn't drink. And on an ordinary day people say when you have a slip on a Wednesday about 7 o'clock. Rainy.

On an ordinary day. Sometimes people think you only have switch of the weekend. On a Saturday. No, no. Thanksgiving or Christmas.

No, no. Wednesday, Thursday when it's raining. An ordinary night. The most ordinary situation. That's when this cunning, baffling and powerful disease strikes.

And I was invited to a a party and I went to the party and I was drinking 7 up and somebody knew there. I said, you're far away up to? I said, yes. I thought you were and I knew you from the church in whole Brighton. I said, oh, really?

Yes. So what you're drinking? I said, 7 up. I said, I'm fizzed out. I'm 7 up.

She said, didn't you drink gin and tonic? I said, yes. She said, have a gin and tonic. I said, no. No.

No. I'm 7 up. Gin and tonic. I said okay. Just like that.

I had no program, never been to a meeting, I just quit it. I wasn't sober, I was dry. And on the ordinary day, on an ordinary Wednesday I took a drink. And you may think, that's it, I bet you that's it with Leo, that's it, I bet he was drunk. No.

He's cunning, baffling and powerful, I drove home. And the next morning, because I left my watch in the restroom. The next morning I woke up and I couldn't find my watch so I called the bar called the barman. And I went over to pick up my watch. Same bar, same barman, same place, and as I went to pick up my watch at 11 o'clock in the morning, the barman said, here, have a drink for the road.

Last night I had one drink. The next morning, I knew when I took the drink. The lion was disturbed. If you're an alcoholic in this room, you know exactly what I mean. Cunning, baffling and powerful.

That night wondering, maybe 2. Enough. Go home. But the next morning he gave me a drink and I wanted another and then another and then I went to another bar and another bar and another bar and by 3 o'clock in the afternoon on that most ordinary day, an extraordinary thing happened. My car hit a tree and it hit a lamppost.

On an afternoon the car shot up in the air. The car just shookled. 2 old ladies in the garden said, look. There goes Faroe Leo. That's the way he travels.

But I didn't stay up there. Came down, crash, bang, walk. Crap. Bleeding, hurt, sitting at the side of the road. And I had a moment.

You hear me now? I had a moment. A moment when I saw me, I know a moment when I got me in my life. I can see now. It's what 18 years afterwards, I still see me, cut, pleading, got out of the car, I, here's the word, saw.

Remember when you see? When you see is perception. Do you see? Do you see? How do you understand?

Do you see? I saw me. I saw me sitting there bleeding, hurt, and you know in very simple words, I didn't like what I saw, didn't like what I was becoming, I didn't like that priest. Now you, you remember how you got here, you remember that night. Maybe for some of you it wasn't a car crash, maybe it was for some of you when the person you lost more than anybody in the house yet again, you're crying and screaming and fighting again.

Maybe for you, it was your mother, your father who you love more than anybody in the world who you caught yourself hurting and screaming at, how did you get here? Maybe for you it was your son, it was your daughter that you really do love for you saw fear in your son and your daughter. There are many ways in which you got here but believe in me you all had a moment. The 12 step program revolves around that moment. What it was like, what happened, the moment and what it's like now.

If you haven't got a moment, how are you here? And I'll tell you why people slip and I'll tell you why people relapse. Because they don't remember their moment. There's a lovely hymn that says, we learn that love grows cold. Sometimes we forget who we are.

A 12 step program is nothing more than a program of remembrance. That's all it is. This whole weekend is a program of remembrance. You remember what it was like, what happened and what it's like now. You remember.

The Jews say to us, we remember the holocaust cause if we don't it will all come back. That's so true for us. Think of your friends. They stopped going to a meeting, they stopped reading the big book, they didn't need a sponsor, they never bothered with the steps or the traditions as Christopher said. You'll be surprised.

If you forget your moment you will never stay sober. You may never drink again but you'll never stay sober. That's a spiritual moment, that's the beginning for me, that's the beginning because 18 years ago I then went into treatment, I then went to 12 step meetings and you said to me, you said to me, just like you will say to others and I will say to others, you said to me, find a God, Not a Catholic god, not an Episcopal god, not a Jewish god. Find a god as you understand god. As you understand god because that's the only god worth having.

Find a god that restores your dignity and your trust and your power. Yes, your power. The first step says, we admitted we were powerless and our lives have become unmanageable, that's when we were drinking. The purpose of our recovery is not to spend our whole life unmanageable. The purpose of the recovery program is not to spend your whole life powerless but when you're drinking and when you're using you will be powerless.

And when you're drinking and you're using your life will be unmanageable. You won't pay your bills, you'll be unreliable, you'll you'll steal and you'll lie when you get into program. You become manageable because you manage your life. You pay your bills, you honor your friendships, you respect people and you tell the truth even at cost to yourself. You manage your life.

And instead of being powerless where you won't say boo to a goose you will stand in chair for 20 minutes or 30 minutes. You will go to the prisons. You who wouldn't speak to anybody will elect to go to the prisons or answer telephones because now you have a spiritual power. Sometimes, sometimes we are so fundamentalist, so fundamentalist when it comes to 12 step, sole fundamentalist when it comes to the big book. Remember, that can be just as dangerous as a fundamentalist to the bible.

It's not exactly the words that are used, it's the spirit of the program. That's what you and I are about. And there is a poet in every one of us and let the poet see through the words. Don't you stay with the word, see beyond the word. That's what a poet does.

He takes the word, my love is like a red, red rose and sees beyond the word. So when you play with the words of unmanageable and powerless, don't just take those words as fundamentalists but see beyond the word. And once you see beyond the word you'll start to realize the implications of this spiritual program. I thought that my life was recovering from alcoholism. No.

I was recovering from addictive, compulsive, obsessive behavior. I started with alcohol and in the 18 years of my life I have suddenly discovered religious addiction that was in my life and probably in yours. Religious abuse based on the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. Codependency. All these things that have come eating disorders, all the things that you know about started because the poet in us, the dreamer in us dare to say if this works for alcohol, then let it work for a gambler, and let it work for a drug addict, and let it work for a sex addict, and let it work for a codependent.

Because if I can be free from alcohol, my God, I can also be free from other things that chain me down. And all of it is a spiritual program. You cannot be a liar in this program, you cannot be a bigot in this program, you cannot be a prejudice person in this program because this program is about change, about attitude and behavior. And maybe we in the gay community need to start to appeal to that poet in every one of us, otherwise we'll remain a silly people, a little people, a small people concerned with small issues that are selfishly around our own. We need to be bigger, we need to see beyond the words so that people will be and that's the only way.

There's a message here for people who are HIV positive. My God, there is. There's a message for people who are struck down with AIDS. My God, there is. But it needs people with imagination to be able to do it.

To let the poet and a person suddenly get in touch with that higher power that already delivered them from alcoholism and drugs and it can also deliver them from maybe a victimization around other diseases too. Maybe they will die but they die free. Maybe they still suffer but they suffer with a strength that they've never seen before. That's our challenge. It doesn't make any difference what clothes we wear.

For me, towards the end of my talk to you my whole life's changed. In the 18 years of me getting sober in England, I got sober in England, in AA in England and those of you who may think today he's rich. Yes, I'm rich. But 18 years ago I had one pair of pants and 2 jackets. I lost my license for 2 years and I went to AA on a bicycle.

It was wet and cold windy in England for 2 years. The nearest meeting for me in england, not like you, meetings here, dear, 10 miles away from me in england in 1977. I wanted it, you know. You don't go to any length. I wanted it more than anything.

You want it more than religion? Oh, yes. You want it more than God? Yes. You want it more than your mother or your father?

Oh, yes. Yes. You know why? Because I have no mother, no father, no church and no god unless I was sober. That I know.

It had to be first and then that happened. In 1981 I came to the United States. In 1984 working with drugs and alcohol I worked with doctor Rader with eating disorders. I did a television program with Oprah Winfrey 4 times, Sally Jesse Raphael. Many people to talk about recovery and alcoholism and drugs.

I've written books on spirituality and recovery, written the books. I drew a spirituality cruise for people all over the United States who want to celebrate. Not religion. Spirituality cruise, it is based on human beings coming together and yes, I bless unions. Not just marriages but unions on board ship.

Why? Because people need to see that spirituality is people coming together. And they're not just alcoholics, and they're not just drug addicts, and they're not all gay but they're spiritual and they connect. And that came from 1977 from me getting sober. The information on some of the things that I do, they have over at the booth.

But it's for you to know in your hearts how you can change. And after words when you come to me, some of you come to me, some of you may say thank you, thank you father Leo, thank you Leo. Whatever you say, thank you. I say to you, you thank yourself. You thank me thank yourself because you listened.

And at the end of the day you have to take it to Sacramento like I take it to Los Angeles and so we go on and one day maybe we will meet again to celebrate again. And if you've been hurt by religion, move beyond it, Move beyond it and create a spirituality that is inclusive and the dignity of all people And that's what needs an alcoholic and a drug addict. You will see meeting shrink before your very eyes. You will see numbers fall off. You know why?

Because they're not preaching the spiritual program, they're not living the spiritual program. Because the living, living program of spirituality will always attract. They'll always attract. The petty gossip and meanness and criticism will destroy us And that cunning, baffling and powerful disease doesn't just take the form of alcohol. If it can divide us and if it can separate us into silly little groups with silly little ideas, in silly little places My god it will wind all over again.

And so I'll end my talk to you. Not with a quotation from the big book, not with a quotation from a bible or a psalm but from a country in western song. Somebody said to me, do you believe that God can speak through a country in western song? Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes. God can use anything.

But when you hear these words of the song that I'll say to you tonight, try in your way to hear this is what god, your higher power is saying to you today and every day. This is god talking to you and the words of the song are these. Welcome, welcome to my world, won't you come on in. Miracles I guess. Well they still happen now and then.

Welcome to my world and leave your cares behind. Welcome to my world it was built with you in mind. Knock and the door will open. Seek and you will find. Ask and you will be given the key to this world of mine.

And who's the key? You are. You always were. In this program you'll promise 3 things. You will live again like you have never lived before.

In this program you will love again and start to love yourself like you've never loved before. And God willing, in this program we will laugh, laugh like we've never laughed before. Thank you very much for listening.