The 50th World Conference in Montreal in July 1985

This is a recording of the talk on the origin of the 3rd tradition given at the 50th anniversary convention of Alcoholics Anonymous in Montreal in July 1985. The audience is over a 1000 lesbians and gay men. The speaker is Barry L. From New York. Barry passed away 3 weeks after this talk.

Would you please help me welcome our first speaker this morning who is Barry Ell from New York. My name is Barry, and I am an alcoholic. Hi. Jean Marcel Barry, Agencies Narcolique. I have just exhausted my French vocabulary.

And to me today, that feels like a stinging character defect because I do so love this beautiful city and the marvelous hospitality we've been shown. Isn't it nice to be at another intimate little meeting of just us? It's a double whammy, you know, not only drunks and drunks and drunks and all in all in all in all, but also my tomboy sisters and my 50 brothers. This is not the way it was when I joined AA in 1945. We weren't in closets, we were sealed in vault.

And I'm going to steal a line from another Barry, Sergei Imbary. When you go home, ask your grandmother who he was. He wrote a play called Peter Pan. I've always wanted to say this line but never before had the chance. Do you believe in fairies?

That's unfair, but I enjoyed it. I want to talk a little bit about our 3rd tradition and the way it got started instead of talking about my drinking or any of those dull things. I'm going to read first from the book, Trial Steps and Twelve Traditions, 2 or 3 lines written by Bill and published in 1952. And you will hear this language that I'm going to read in just a few moments in another voice. And I think the next time you get to read the book, 12 Steps and 12 Traditions, you might hear this in a different way.

On the AA calendar, it was the year 2. In that time, nothing could be seen, but 2 struggling nameless groups of alcoholics trying to hold their faces up to the light. A newcomer appeared at one of the groups, knocked on the door and asked to be let in. He talked frankly with the group's oldest member. He soon proved that his was a desperate case and that above all, he wanted to get well.

But he asked, will you let me join your group Since I am the victim of another addiction even worse stigmatized than alcoholism, you may not want me among you. Or will you? There was the dilemma. What should the group do? A few years ago, a friend of mine called me and said, I just found a tape that might interest you.

He collects tapes, Ron. And he said, this is the tape Bill made in 1968 at an open meeting. It was the opening night meeting of the General Service Conference and there were lots of guests there, so this wasn't at an open meeting. And he made a talk on all the traditions and I'm going to play just what he said about tradition 3. At about year 2 of the Akron group, a poor devil came to Doctor.

Baum in a state he could qualify as an alcoholic all right. And then he said, Doctor. Bob, I've because I'm a sex deviate. Well, that had to go out to the group conscience. You know, up to then it was supposed that any society could say who was going to join it.

And pretty soon, the group began to seize and boil and it boiled over. And under no circumstances could we have such a power and such a disgrace among that. And you know, right then our destiny hung on a razor edge over this single age. In other words, would there be rules that could exclude so called undesirability? And that caused us in that time and for quite a time respecting this single case to ponder what is the more important?

The reputation that we shall have? What people should think? Or is it our character? And who are we considering our record? Alcoholism is quite as unlovely.

Who are we to deny a man his opportunity? Any man or woman? And finally, the day of resolution came. Not a bunch were sitting in Doctor. Living room arguing what to do.

Well, Bill looked around and blandly said, isn't it time folks to ask ourselves, what would the master do in a situation like this? Will he turn this man away? And that was the beginning of the age tradition That any man who has a drinking problem is a member of AA if he says so, not whether we say so. Now, I think that the import of this on the common welfare has already been stated because it takes in even more territory than the confines of our fellowship, it takes in the whole world of our. Their charter to freedom, to join AA is assured.

Indeed, it was an act in general welfare. There are copies of the transcript of that tape in the International Advisory Council Hospitality Room in case you want one. In my own experience, during the year 1945, I was taken to have lunch with Bill by 3 wonderful ladies, 3 of whom were who happened to be among the 6 interesting directors who started the Grapevine. And the question arose at lunch was this. We see a great many people arrive in AA who may be bisexual or homosexual and they don't seem to stay sober, they arrive and stay just a little while and they disappear.

Don't you think it might be a good idea, Bill, for us to have special meetings for these people? And Bill said, well, it might be the greatest thing in the pipe, they're coming down the pike. How long have you been sober, Barry? And I said, oh, about 11 months, almost a year. And he said, well, now you can stay sober another day or 2, can't you?

And I said, yes. You have friends obviously, yes. Well, now when you've been sober 18 months, I wish you'd come back and talk to me again about this because I want to think about it and let me know what you think in 18 after you've been sober 18 months. I forgot to go back and have that conversation because by then there were so many others, it didn't seem very necessary. I also had the experience that your 1st year sitting on the desk at our old sub house in Manhattan, which is part of one of the chores that we could do.

We'd take turns sitting at the desk, answering the telephone and greeting visitors. And Monday, the policeman on the corner sent in to see us, a black man. That in itself was unusual in Manhattan in 1945. We had no black AA members then. We were not to really start having black members until 1946.

But the black man came in and he had long blonde hair a la Veronica Lake. He was also a master cosmetician. He was a wonder with a paintbrush on his face. He was absolutely beautiful. But strapped to his back were all his worldly belongings and he said he had just been released from prison and he needed help.

He began to tell us what his problems were. Among others, he said he was homosexual and he had he was a dope fiend and he had no place to stay and he had no money and nothing to eat. What could be done? I asked a number of the older members around at that time, what they thought I should do and they all left. Not all.

I shouldn't say that. One dear old soul, a gal named Fanny, stayed and tried very hard to help. But she she couldn't get very far. She didn't really know the answer to this. So I said, I'm gonna call the person I know who's been sober longest.

And I put some coffee down to the man and went outside and called Bill and told Bill the story. And I said, we don't know what in the world to do. He needs all kinds of help. And Bill listened for a few just was quiet for a few moments and then he said, did you say this man was a drunk? I said, oh, yes.

We can all tell that instantly. Bill said, well, I think that's the only question we have any right to ask. I'm sorry to say I don't know what happened to the man. Someone else took over the desk later and I never saw him again, but let's hope you made it somewhere. It was my job during the 1973 and 74 General Service Conferences to write the conference report.

And those are the 2 years in which the question of listing gay and lesbian groups arose. They came up that came about because of pressure from some wonderful people from Southern California. All kinds of wonderful things come out of Southern California. They want to list themselves as gay groups or lesbian groups and the general service office, of course, has a very ticklish job. They really should not do anything very much that hasn't been done before without direction from the General Service Conference.

And so they took the question to the General Service Conference. And it was debated in 1973 at some hot length. And finally, the Chairman, getting very smart, said, I think we'll table the question till next year. But that put it on the agenda for next year, so everybody knew it had to come up and be settled the next year. At the General Service Conference, and if you don't know what the conference is, ask your sponsor.

The conference has absolutely no power over any of us, not one bit. It has the power of example, it has some moral authority, but that's all. And the conference likes does not like to do anything by halves or even by bare majority. The conference proceeds generally along the lines of almost complete unanimity. So in 1974, the question went back and forth, back and forth for 2 days 2 nights.

Much of the agenda was wiped out. I remember one man saying, well, if you are going to list the sex deviants, I guess next year you'll list rapists. And I heard another person say something about, well, we're gonna get this kind of deviate and what other kind of deviate you're going to list. The delegate from one of the northern states or perhaps from a Canadian province, I'm not sure, was a delightful woman about 3 feet tall and she went to one of the middle microphones out here on the floor and pulled it down to her mouth and said, where I come from, alcoholics are considered devious. The debate went on, but when the vote finally came that night, only 2 people voted against lifting those routes.

It was all mister Nunez. I think it was 129 to 2. And after that, something even better happened. Someone arose and offered this resolution. It is a sense of the conference that no AA Group anywhere should ever turn away any member at his first meeting and that took in all of us.

The conference drew a circle bigger in order to include us all. I've also had the fun of getting to write some things I've been hired to write some things. One of the things I got to write was a book called Living Silver. And I want you No. No.

You should have seen it before they edited it. One of my favorite sentences was cut out only because the editor didn't know what it meant. It said something like cruising along looking for love in all the wrong places. I think you'll find some things between the lines if you look hard enough. And then in 1976, the job the conference came up with another bit of pressure.

We must have separate pamphlets for every kind of minority group. We must have a pamphlet for Blacks. We must have a pamphlet for Native Americans. We must have a pamphlet for old people, for young people, for gay people, for lesbians, for everything. And as a matter of fact, one of the members of the literature committee of the conference that year said, we also should have a pamphlet for illiterates.

Our fellowship is very broad. I never even found out what language he thought we should write well in. At any rate, they said, now we have to hire somebody to write the pamphlet. And I said, I've been collecting the stories for years. And so we wrote, do you think you're different?

And I think that's pretty good. It picks out no single minority, but speaks about several minorities. I think this brings up for me the fact that the 3rd tradition passes on to us an awesome responsibility. First of all, we must remember the tradition that says AA should not be involved in any controversial matter. And let us face it, sexual orientation in North America is very much a controversial matter.

It is not appropriate for our age to become political on that issue from in my opinion. We also have the problem of another tradition that is the anonymity tradition, because we have 2 kinds of anonymity to protect. Certainly, at an ordinary AA meeting, I have no right going outside and telling anybody, guess what movie star showed up at this meeting. I have no right to do that if I respect the traditions. I think I would be betraying the whole fellowship if I did that.

I certainly have no right to go to a gay meeting and then go outside and say, guess who turned up at a gay meeting last night. As a double anonymity there. And finally, of course, as that third tradition, and it puzzles me and embarrasses me because for all I know, the next drunk that walks in the door deserves the same love that I got and you all you got. And it might be a former Miss America or it might be a TV evangelist or it might be a California legislator. I'm not sure I've learned enough about loving yet, But they deserve it just as we got it.

Now I want one more for one moment, take one more minute to read what I think is an even earlier charter to have this kind of meeting. In the big book on Page 12, you will find the section that begins despite closing example, I'm not a big book scholar. I don't know a lot about the big book, but I happen to have in my possession the printer's manuscript. It's just in my keeping, out of my possession. And looking through the old manuscript one day, it goes to a archive upon my demise, I happened to find on the flyleaf some unfamiliar writing pencil.

And I looked and these were familiar words, but the handwriting is not familiar, it wasn't Bill's handwriting. And I went back to Nell, our old archivist and we began to run this down. She said that's Hank P's writing. That's Hank's writing. You know one time Bill was telling his story and he told this part of his story and had forgot to put this in the typed manuscript.

And when Hank heard it, Hank was a marvelous promoter. We wouldn't have had the big book if it hadn't been for Hank. Hank even sold stock in a non existent company to get our book going. And bless his heart, he wrote this down and told the printer, put it in put it in told him where to put it in. Now it's written in abbreviations and very hard to read, but I want you to hear it and think about this.

Despite the living example of my friend, this is incidentally, this is the time that Ebby came to see Bill in Brooklyn Nights. Bill was quite drunk that morning on gin and on self pity. And Ebby, his old drunken friend came to see him sober, which is disgusting. And he said he'd found religion. And Bill said, oh, Lord, what kind?

What brand? We thought the brands, you know. And he said, well, I don't think it's in a particular brand. We just have 6 ideas from fellows and they seem to keep me sober. And Bill thought, well, that's all very well for him, but what about for me?

And here's what Bill wrote or said that night and was written down. Despite the living example of my friend, there remained in me the vestiges of my old prejudice. The word God still aroused a certain antipathy. When the thought was expressed that there might be a God personal to me, this feeling was intensified. I didn't like the idea.

I could go for such a concept as creative intellect or universal mind or spirit of nature, but I rejected the thought of bizarre of the heavens, however, loving his sway might be. I have since talked to scores of men who felt the same way. My friend suggested what then seemed a novel idea. He said and you will find this in italics, why don't you choose your own conception of God? Bill said that statement hit me hard.

It melted the icy intellectual mountains in whose shadows I had lived and shivered for many years. I stood in the sunlight at last. It was only a matter of being willing to believe in a power greater than myself. Nothing more was required of me to make my beginning. I saw that growth could start from that point.

Upon a foundation of complete willingness, I might build what I saw in my friend. Would I have it? Well, of course, I would. I know I'm not the only a member who from time to time, young or old, new or so many years, from time to time is a bad day, all wakes up in the middle of the night sobbing and doesn't know why. We all have those days.

And I wonder if maybe it would be a good idea to ask myself at that time, how big is my conception of God? Let me ask it this way in behalf of all of us. Is your conception of God powerful enough? Is it forgiving enough? Is it beautiful enough?

Is it loving enough? If it has limitations, there are the limitations we put there because it's our own conception. I pray for all of us that that power is big enough.