The Gay/Lesbian convention in Minneapolis, MN

It certainly wasn't like this in 1945. I was spiritually dead in 1945. And isn't it great to be spiritually alive in 85? Before I forget, I want to thank the committee and the man with the water for the marvelous hospitality. You know, it's really a great honor to be here.

We've had such warm hospitality, our friend Gary from Australia and I. And, it's been such an honor actually listening to the workshops and the speaker last night to realize that I was on a program with so many distinguished lushes and queers. If up until now, you think this has been a good roundup, I agree with you. Up until now, it has been. If it starts going downhill from here on, consider the caliber of the committee that put it together.

Pillheads, and sodomites, and lesbians, and that's who we are. I just love being at this kind of a meeting, and there haven't been this kind of a meeting all these years, where I get to see all my tomboy sisters and my sisters brothers. I'm not going to talk about my drinking, but, oh, I'm reminded to do something else I'm supposed to do, And that is to bring you greetings from Lois Wilson. I talked to Lois last night, yesterday afternoon. Lois is not very well, you know.

She's really quite fragile and feeble. She's in her eighties and she's saving up her strength supposed to be saving up her strength to get to Montreal for the 50th anniversary convention there. And, I've been Lois's traveling companions. As a matter of fact, the last time I was I was in, Minnesota, we were here for the I brought Lois out here for the first Al Anon State Convention in, I think, 1982. And she had a marvelous time.

We both we loved it. And, so I called her from here and told her I was I called her, told her where I was and I was I was at an AA meeting. I didn't describe the kind. I said it was a big a bash of some kind. And, she said, well, you give them all my love.

So I give you all her love. And, I said, what have you been doing? Hoping she's staying in bed and taking the medication. She has 7 terminal illnesses standing each other off for the honor of killing her. You know?

She's somewhere in her nineties between 91 and 99. It varies from year to year, and I think that's fine when you get to be your nineties. Last year, I swear she told me she was 96. This year, she says she's 94. I think that's the way she remembers it, you know, and and that's just fine by me.

But Lois had to give you all her love, and she hopes to see all of us in, in Montreal. All of us all of us couldn't get there. I'm not gonna talk about my drinking for several reasons. One is it is so damn boring. You've all heard drunkalogs and you will hear a lot of them and they're very important.

And I try to tell my drunkalog I make myself tell at least twice a year because I think it's good to keep that memory green. But I think there's something more important for me to do here tonight. In addition to being boring in telling my drunkalog, I've discovered lately that when I start to tell my drinking story, I lie a lot. Well, it happened a long time ago. You know, I've been so much much longer than I drank.

And, it was embarrassing to make this discovery. I was at an AA banquet and of some kind anniversary and I knew it was gonna be a happy occasion, so I was gonna tell my story but none of the sad parts in it. Just the happy parts, you know. Some of my suicides. The outside world really does wonder about us.

You know? We say suicide, and everybody goes, egg, with laughter. So I was telling this suicide story, which is the best suicide story I know. It's marvelous. And, just as I got to the punch line, I caught the eye of an old friend sitting right down in the front.

And I realized, what I was telling never happened to me. It happened to him. You know, it was the kind of thing that could have happened to me. So, I just picked up my story and was embroidering it a little bit. A picture of his story was embroidering my story with it.

I will give you, a caps encapsulate form my AA history. However, I did walk into it in January, 1945. And that very first day, I learned one fact about all AA members, which is still true. That is that there are 2 kinds of AA member, and I happen to know there are both kinds in this room. A great number of people, we think now from the annual the triennial surveys made with the General Service Board, there are now, about 40% of the people who walk into a or make some contact with a sober up just like that and never again have another drink as long as they live.

Others of us are more patient about our recovery. I'm not alone, am I? I had a sober year and then I experimented and then I had sober 5 years and then I experimented again. And, the last drink was in in, May 19 52. I don't know what day.

I don't care what day. I, discovered after I got out of the hospital that I didn't wanna go back to the hospital And I would start, I didn't want to drink. I I really want to drink, but I thought, well, I'll go to the a so I won't have to go back to the hospital. And about a month after I started going back to meetings in 1952, I began to wonder about my 5th anniversary. I'm sober 1 month, and I'm wondering about my 5th anniversary.

I'll have to go back and find out what day I had my drink so I can decide when to have my 5th anniversary. And that that moment I realized what a nut I was and how what kind of projection this was. And I said, it doesn't matter a damn, and I had my last drink as long as I don't drink today. And I've never gone back to find out what day it is. I'm an alcoholic.

I think you can tell that by the way I where I sound sober. I wanna talk about primarily our 3rd tradition, I think, and the its history as it has affected me personally and what I have witnessed in AA, from a particular point of view, of course, this is simply my one person's view viewpoint. None of us, as all of you know, speaks for a as a whole. And I certainly can't pretend to, or for any group. But I think the 3rd tradition is about people who don't who are not connected, who have felt for a long time they didn't belong, who felt alienated, who felt different in one way or another.

Whether we actually were or not is unimportant. We felt alienated, isolated, ostracized. We felt different and outside. When I was a kid growing up in Texas, I ran away from home a lot. And it's an easy picture for me to remember because I had on I was barefooted and had on big overalls and I probably had a bandana handkerchief with some food in it and I was I was also a sissy and and afraid of cats so I didn't ever go very far.

I always got, oh, you know, I always got home by by nightfall. But I was not trying to escape from anything because I had no reason to escape. I was trying to get in somewhere. I was trying to find the place where I really would feel I belonged. And for many years after I was an I started to say a grown person, well, I was tall anyhow, taller, I kept thinking I was born in the wrong century.

That's what's the matter with me. And then I'd take another drink. Now, I have a dear beloved friend in Texas, girlfriend, who was I went to school with. I was I didn't was not running away from home because I was not loved. I was loved at home.

As I repeat, I was just running to find some place where I felt that I belonged. And I remember I was a little bit late finding out about, some sex matters. I was actually in my teens when I discovered I'm in show business and discovered in show business that most adults, this was never discussed at home, most adults when they engaged in sexual activity had partners. I was I thought that was a very jolly idea. And I wondered why I hadn't thought of it myself.

And I determined at that point not to ever in my life, and I have ruled out one half the human race in advance as potential partners. I've been married and, I'm in intercontinental, not bicoastal. But this dear old friend of mine, this girl, we were in show business together, she was what would now be called Las Vegas type showgirl, very tall, beautiful woman wore wore beautiful, gowns on the stage and a g string and pasties and things like that. And all she had to do was walk around and show off all these feathers and her beautiful body, and, rest of the time she was had her hair up in rollers and sitting around bare footed. But she wasn't an educated person, very much.

And I began to think I'd better try to explain to Marzell what I was. She was very important in my life. It was very important for me to explain this to her. So I tried to explain to her that I, as I understood it, apparently some men fall in love with other men, Not with women. And, apparently, some women fall in love with other women.

Not with men. I said, do you think you understand that? She said, no. I don't think I ever would. And I said, well, it's very important.

It's because I think I'm one of those. And she said, well, honey, it must be a wonderful thing to be if you are 1. I think that's one of the most dramatic illustrations of unconditional love I ever heard. And years later, about 10 years later, matter of fact, I was able to take her to an AA meeting with me in New York. And I said to her, I was trying to explain to she'd, witnessed some of my alcoholism.

And so I was trying to explain to her something about alcoholism before we went. The fact that I was an alcoholic, and I forgot all about the other conversation, And so would she. And, I said, do you understand that I'm I didn't drink and do those things because I wanted to, but because I have this illness and I am an alcoholic. Do you think you understand that? She said, no.

I never will. And, but she said, if you're one, it must be a great thing to be. And I'm not gonna talk much more about the old days because I don't really like talking about the good old days. I don't think those were the good old days in AA. I think these are the good old days.

AA is at least 205 reasons better for 205 reasons today than it was in 1945 and all 205 you sitting right there. Look around. Look at yourselves. You're beautiful. We're far better off than we were then.

Far better off. We did the best we could with what we had. And, I was lucky enough to fall into the hands as I, fell into a a, fall into the hands of 2 homosexual persons. 1 man and 1 woman. And, in those days, we were not closeted in 1945.

We were sealed in vaults. But we had that we had that x-ray vision. We spotted each other, and, dear God, bless their hearts. One one of them is still alive. One is gone.

But, we we remained friends all all her life and all. His he's still living. We remained friends all this time. And we held hands desperately together very much because we felt, we were the only 3 we saw staying sober. We would see other people come in who were gay, obviously, and then they would leave.

And we only the only 3 of us seem to be staying sober, and that was very frightening, very frightening indeed. Now, the third tradition was not written in 19, 45 when I arrived in AA. That the traditions were not to be written until Bill started a series of articles in the grapevine in 1946 called 12 points to assure AA's future. And, he wrote that the 3rd tradition was one of them. And, by the way, somebody asked me a few weeks ago if I had actually met Bill Wilson.

And I stopped to think about it and said, no. I never did. Nobody did. He was just there. We didn't make historic records, and we didn't know we were doing anything historic.

Nobody kept records at all. As a matter of fact, it's a wonder we have in history at all Because we were too busy trying to stay sober, you know, and find a place to live and get jobs and get straightened out sexually and domestically. Or stay out of jail. You know, running away from process servers and all this. We had a lot of problems and, and had to stay sober on top of all that.

And you didn't meet nobody introduced you to Bill. Bill was just there all the time, and he was having his problems too. One of his big problems was we were jumping all over him all the time. As you know, he later said in years later, he's it's on record several places. He said in writing the big book, which is published in 1939, he would eventually became not the author, but the referee.

He would write a chapter and then read it aloud to the members in, in, New York and send it out to Akron. They would read it out there and everybody would jump all over the little chapter and mail it back to him and he'd have to write it all over again. And now he was trying out these traditions on us beginning in 1946. And every Sunday afternoon, many as many of us could would go to his home up in Medford Hills, New York, Stepping Stones, where Lois lives now. And Bill would read to us what he'd written about the traditions, and we would tell all tell him what was wrong with it And stop all over it.

He'd mail it to Akron. They'd do the same thing. And he was at again, had to be the, a referee and figure out what the and write down the traditions. Now, I'm going to read to you, a little section, just a few paragraphs, a few lines from the book, 12 Steps and 12 Traditions. I won't say what page because you can find it.

The pagination has changed from time to time. You can find it in in the section on tradition 3, and I want you to hear it as it is written here and then hear it in another way in Bill's voice. And you will hear the difference. And I think when you hear it the next time, when you read this the next time, it will have a special meaning for all of us. Bill wrote on the AA calendar, it was year 2.

In that time, nothing could be seen but 2 struggling nameless groups of alcoholics trying to hold their faces up to the light. A newcomer appeared at 1 of these groups, knocked on the door, and asked to be let in. He talked frankly with that group's oldest member. He soon proved that his was a desperate case, and that above all he wanted to get well. But, he asked, will you let me join your group?

Since I am the victim of another addiction even worse stigmatized than alcoholism, you may not want me among you. Or will you? There was the dilemma Bill wrote. What should the group do? This was published in 1952.

In 1968, the last time he was able to address the General Service Conference before he died, Bill made a talk on all the traditions and I was there because it was my job to write the conference report, not because I was a member of the conference. I was not a voting member, I wrote the conference report for many years. And I listened to Bill give his talk on the traditions with old hat. I'd heard it many times and I didn't pay attention to it. But recently, a dear friend of ours in, in Brooklyn called me and said, I have found something quite remarkable, Bill said in 1968, and you ought to hear this tape.

He made it at an open AA meeting and there are lots of people there who were not members because this is the night before the conference open. For all the conference delegates, as if the general service conference for those of you who don't know, consists of a group of people elected from all the states and all the, Canadian provinces who got together once a week, once a year, and they spend a week fighting and arguing and talking just like we do. And, they have no power and no power whatsoever. You know, they could go there and pass all kind of laws, and we would take no attention to them and go right ahead. Don't take orders.

You know that. But Bill was making his talk about the traditions, and here's what he said this time when he gave the talk. I'm gonna play it. He had emphysema very badly. It was not easy for him to talk, but I think you will hear it as he talked.

At about year 2 of the Akron Group, A poor devil came to Doctor. Bob in the grieve state. He could qualify as an alcoholic all right. And then he said, doctor Bob, I've got a real problem to pull you. I don't know if I could join AA because I'm a sex deviate.

Well, that had to go out to the root conscience. You know, up to then it was supposed that any society could say who was going to join it. And pretty soon, the group conscience began to seize and boil and it boiled over. And under no circumstances could we have such a power and such a disgrace among us. Said a great many.

And you know, right then our destiny hung on a laser edge over this case. In other words, would there be rules that could exclude so called undesirability? And that caused us in that time and for quite a time, respecting this single case to ponder what is the more important, the reputation that we shall have? What people shall think? Or is it our character?

And who are we? Considering our records, alcoholism is quite as unlovely. Who are we to deny a man his opportunity? Any man or woman. And finally the day of resolution came.

Not a bunch were sitting in Doctor. Bob's living room arguing what to do. Well, upon, dear old Bob looked around and blandly said, isn't it time folks to ask ourselves, what would the master do in a situation like this? We turned this man away. And that was the beginning of the antradiction.

That any man who has a drinking problem is a member of AA if he says so, not whether we say so. Now, I think that the import of this on the common welfare has already been stated. Because it takes in even more territory than the confines of our fellowship, it takes in the whole world of our fellowship. Their charter to freedom, to join AA is assured. Indeed, it was an act in general welfare.

So there it was in his words who the person was that thought he had to stick. I'm glad when Bill wrote the chapter, however, that he even opened the door wider by saying, not pinning it down to any one addiction or any one condition. He said, any, a person he said, man said he had an addiction even more stigmatized than alcoholism. That could be anything. And so it opened the door for millions and millions of people to come into AA who might otherwise have felt they could not come into AA.

I have to go back now just a minute and tell about a couple of experiences I had my 1st year. One of them was with Bill. There I had this woman member and 2 other good woman members who were friends of Bill's older women. They lived in Paris many of much of their lives, and they had no doubt that I was a gay man. And I didn't mind their knowing.

And they said we keep seeing fellows turn up here not stay sober. And it has been suggested that maybe there should be special meetings for gay people. What do you think of that? And I thought, well, I don't know. I wasn't sure I could handle that many gay people in a a meeting, you know.

I was still in my closet, you know, my vault. And they said, let's talk to Bill about it. So a luncheon date was set up and we all went and had lunch with the 3 ladies and I had lunch with Bill and they told Bill the the story. I didn't speak up. They said, we keep seeing, homosexual men, turn up in a and they don't seem to stay around, they leave.

And one of these 3 women by the way wasn't, was a lesbian. And, but this was never announced. She was out of the closet except for she was always in the closet except for her very closest friends. And, Bill knew, of course. And, they said to him, do you think it might be a good idea for these fellows to have their own meeting?

Don't you think that might be a good idea? And Bill said, well, you know, it might be the best thing that ever came down the pike in a hay. I don't know. I don't know. I tell you.

Let's think about it. Now, Barry, can you stay sober for a little while longer? How long have you been sober? I told him almost a year. He said, well, now you you got friends.

You can talk to these people obviously. And you can talk to me. So you you think you could make it maybe make it for 18 months? Stay sober a little while longer before we get into this. And I said, oh, yes.

I think I can. And he said, alright. When you, in about after you've been sober about 18 months or 2 years, come back and we'll talk it over. Well, of course, by the time 2 years had passed, the place was alive with a a member as homosexual, bisexual, and, everything else. And, transvestites and everything else that it didn't matter to anybody all over New York over this kind of member.

Now I know from hearing a man in, in New Orleans that there was another city in which a group did try to set up a great gay group early in a history. And this is in the year 1947. And before, again, before the traditions are written. But, this is a group of fellows in in Boston. And Bill was in Boston making a speech trying to sell those damn traditions of his.

And, people were very bored. And after they got through, he got through after he got through talking, he he always knew when he was boring. And if you went up to talk, said to him, that was a good talk, Bill. He said, don't ever tell me that. You know, I've bored this pants off of him.

It was awful. But, but he could also be funny. And, these 3 fellows in, Boston came up to him and said, we have a very special problem we want to talk to you about. He knew why it was like that. He said, wait a minute.

Before you tell me what the problem is, are you willing to go to any lengths to stay sober? And they said, yes. He said, well, what's your problem? And they said, we want to set up a meeting for gay men. And he said, well, if that's the links you must go to, go do it.

Why not go do it? I'm sorry to report that group didn't last very long. The only place I could find to meet was the basement of the YMCA. And, it just didn't work. My next experience in my own my own particular history was this I did my I don't know how I stayed sober that 1st year, really.

I didn't particularly want to change. I don't think I tried to change. I memorized the steps in case anybody asked me like that, you know, for a spot check. I memorized them, but I did nothing about them. And, I did the things they told me to do which would keep me dry.

I stayed sober one day at a time. I didn't take the first drink, which seemed to me very sensible. And, I did my turn on sitting at the desk at the old clubhouse. We did not have an office. We have an old clubhouse in Manhattan and no longer there.

But as long as it stood there, I went back once a year to look at it. It was an old abandoned church building. It was a marvelous old building. And, one day, I was doing my turn at the desk, answering the telephones and greeting you and people who walked in, and there came in sent by a policeman on the corner, a black man. We had at that time in New York no black AA members.

We had seen a few black people come into the meetings and had tried very hard to befriend them and talk to them, but they left us. They did not stay with us. They I think they found was as I thought, put it so beautifully, it was too damn white, you know. It wasn't for them. And, they left.

Well, this man walked in who was black. He was sent by a cop. He said the policeman on the corner told me that maybe you could help me. He was not only black, but he had long blonde hair like Veronica Lake. And, he was a real artist with makeup.

He was beautifully made up and he had on his back, strapped to his back, his entire worldly belongings. And he said, I just came out of prison and I am a dope fiend, which is a phrase in then in use. And, I am also an alcoholic and I need help desperately. Well, I was the last person in the world know what to do. And I ran around trying to get people to come in and help me in the office.

And a great number of them found they had to play poker that afternoon. They didn't wanna come in and have it wouldn't touch us with the 12 foot pole. But some fellows and particularly one woman, one one marvelous old woman, came and sat there for a long time and talked to him and and, but we didn't know where to start. How did you start helping somebody like this who had so many problems? And none none of those people could give me the answer.

So I said, I'm gonna call the person I know who's been sober longest. And I called Bill and said, Bill, here's the problem. I got so much to take the poor guy out and get get him a cup of coffee to start with. And I said, Here's the problem. This man is here.

I told him exactly what the man looked like and what the man told us. And I said, What do we do? He needs all kinds of help. And Bill was quiet a minute and then he said, Well, now, did you say he is a drunk? I said, Oh, yes.

We can all tell that. That's right off the bat we could tell that. And Bill said, I think that's the only that's the only question we dare ask. It's up to us now to help him. I'm sorry to say I don't know what happened to the man.

He disappeared. Somebody else came on duty and I I left and I don't know what happened to him. We never saw him again. I hope he made it somewhere, someplace, sometime. The next thing that happened in my particular history in, the, gay people in the a about the 3rd tradition came in 1973 1974 when some people from Southern California, god bless them, a lot of marvelous things happen in Southern California.

Just, I was just out there their roundup and, it was really, marvelous experience to get to see the, you know, temperature a 117 degrees. How many people can get sunburns under, lying around the pool all day and still stay sober? I don't know. But, anyway, these fellows from California were came to New York and or started telephoning New York and writing New York saying we want to be listed in the a world directory as a gay group. Problem.

The general service office staff has no power to do anything except what it is authorized to do by the general service conference. It meets once a year. And when we start talking about listing a group as gay group or lesbian group, We're getting into some black some areas that are not just clearly black and white. We're beginning to tread kind of closely to several traditions. What about tradition the tradition of exclusiveness?

If we set up gay groups, do they exclude other people? That was one of the big arguments against it at the conference in 1973. The staff took this subject to the conference and said, well, you will have to tell us what to do whether you wanna list these groups or not. And the discussion got going hot and heavy. It went was really really very very distressing.

And finally, at the end of the, end of the afternoon discussion which is so hot and heavy, the chairman I think had a very smart idea, a very smart AA idea. He tabled the matter until next year. But this meant it was on the is on the agenda for the conference for the next year. And so when the conference read in 1974, the question came up one afternoon, came time to discuss this question and 3 of the delegates, one from Southern California, one from Chicago, one from Washington DC had done their homework. They had been to all the gay groups they could find.

They had talked to every gay member they could find. One of them reported that we probably wouldn't even have, enough people to man our, volunteer desks if we didn't have gay if we work for the gay people. And, we want to these men had talked to their big constituencies you might say. So they had they knew what they were talking about when they talked about these groups and said they're very good at age. They wanna be listed as gay.

Let them be listed as gay. Why not? And but that wasn't to settle that was not enough to settle the argument. And the argument went on into the evening. And finally, evening was called off because everything was getting pretty steamed.

And the next evening's agenda was wiped off and devoted to this question. It had to be settled. Now, it is the policy of the conference almost never to settle any issue, without total almost total unanimity. We don't want to settle any matter as, simply by a majority vote that would leave an unhappy minority. We want almost total unanimity at the general service conference.

And I'm sitting there taking the notes and listening to this debate and I'm hearing some people say oh my god we're gonna let the queers in and then list queers while you do next year list rapists Ain't that rapist groups? And somebody else said, yeah. And then child molesters. Well, if you have read any of the literature on child molestation and raping and wife beating you know there's a little alcoholism involved. So I'm pretty certain there are wife beaters, child molesters, and rapists in AA aren't you?

And they deserve our love. And 1, man made a vicious speech about these, these deviants he called them as Bill used the old phrase sex deviant. And I remember the delegate from, one of the states that year was a tiny woman and she ran to the microphone when he made some remark about sex deviates. He ran to the microphone and she ran to the microphone and pulled it down to her face. She was only about 3 feet tall.

Pulled it down to her face and said, Hi squeaky little boys. And she said, where I come from, alcoholics are considered deviates. About that time about the time a non alcoholic doctor on our board of trustees the board of trustees is 21 people 14 are AA members, 7 are not. They are front, you know, they're just our front men. One of them which is just a just a custom.

We always make sure that is that the treasurer is a nonalcoholic. Pretty obvious reasons, you know. If the, if the treasurer were now treasurer of the board were an alcoholic, sitting on a $7,000,000 income every year from literature, it might be kind of tempting to use that power somehow. As a matter of fact, 1 year one of the treasurers did try to use the power and cut off the salaries because he didn't like something some of the things that were going on in the office, but that that was straightened out. And he was pushed off the board that very easily.

But, I met this most non alcoholic doctor whom I had known long before it got onto our board came up to my little niche where I was sitting in the back taking notes and said Barry when you first listed women's groups did they go through all this? And I said no. Well, he said, when you first listed in the directory young people's groups, did you go through all this? And I said, no, we didn't do this. So he walked to the microphone and I'm not going to tell you his name.

But I, Oh, I think we owe this man a great debt of love. Walked the microphone and said, I understand. And this is, by the way, the only thing I ever heard him say at the conference ever. He was on the board I think 7 years and this is the only words he ever spoke. Said I understand that when you listed young people's groups you did not go through these shenanigans.

Is that right? And everybody said yes. He said and when you listed women's groups you didn't go through all this for followed her all did you? And everybody said, no we didn't do it. We didn't do it then.

He said, well, what in the world are you picking on these guys for? And he took his seat. And you felt the room almost tangibly change at that moment. And the Chairman of the conference at that minute also felt the change and he called the question. And out of the 135 or 131 votes that year, 129 groups, 129 of the people voting said that we should list gay groups or lesbian groups if they wish to be so listed.

Only 2 people voted against it, which is very, very thrilling. And then then to put the icing on that cake, I love this. Somebody got up immediately after that vote was announced. Somebody got up and said, I want to make, propose a resolution that it is the sense of the conference that no A group anywhere of any kind should ever turn turn away a newcomer from his first meeting or her first meeting. And that was passed unanimously.

That was, I think, a great, great moment in our history when we really began to apply the 3rd tradition. We were some of us were already, of course, preparing for things like this to happen, looking down the road a piece. I had written before that I had written a book, which is one of the books which I wrote in 1972 called Living Sober. And if you read between the lines, if you've never read it, you don't have to, but, but if you want to read it sometime, you read between the lines, you'll find several things that spell out meanings to us that aren't obvious to other people. I think they took out one line is a little bit too campy.

It was something about cruising along, searching searching for love in all the wrong places. You know? I think they took that out because somebody didn't understand it, you know. One of the editors. Writing for AA is fun.

We have that many editors. And, but then in 1976 we again, the pressure had arisen from around the country that we must have a pamphlet for, gay people. There were in then, of course, many more gay groups by 1976. And, there also was pressure on that we must have a pamphlet put out for native Americans. We should not, not Indians, but native Americans.

We should have a pamphlet put out for Hispanics. We should put, we should publish a pamphlet for black people. We should publish one for young people. We should publish one for older people. And I'll never forget one delegate on the literature committee that year said, I think we should also publish a pamphlet for illiterates.

I looked at the chairman, and the chairman looked at me, and we both looked at the secretary. This man meant it. I don't know in what language he thought they would well, anyway. So they decided to try to answer all these pressures, to respond to all these pressures by putting out a pamphlet entitled, So You Think You Are Different. So You Think You Are Different.

I didn't like that title. I objected to it and started whining about it which I had learned in my 1st year was a very good manipulative trick. Just keep whining long enough and somebody will find a way around your whine or get rid of you. And I kept whining it. I thought it sounded snide.

So you think you're different, And finally a straight guy came up with, well, why would you like the title do you think you're different? That doesn't sound snide at all. And they said now we'll have to hire a writer to, write this pamphlet. And I said I have all the stories ready. And you read it.

Maybe there it is. We were ready for this one. Do you think you're different? And it does have in it black stories and Indian stories, all kinds of stories, old people stories, young people stories and a number of stories in here by people who are gay, but never talk about being gay. They talk about other aspects of being different, which I think is marvelous.

I believe that the 3rd tradition is a great blessing for us. It has it has given us not only a double whammy of love when we get together in roundups like this. You know, the other people don't have these get to have these love feasts like we do. They really don't. I've been to state conventions all over the country and some foreign countries.

And I've been to all kinds of roundups now across the country And, god, the roundups, the gay roundups are by far the most electric, by far the most loving, by far the most exciting in my opinion. And, however, I realize as this goes on that there grows for us some extra responsibilities because we have got an extra measure of love. We were all helped one way or another by other people of other sexual persuasions at one time or another. And this message has come down through to us from those people who started the thing in 1935, Bill and doctor Bob and the man in Akron who said he was a sex deviate and all the messages come down to us pretty beautifully, pretty sound. I think it's pretty great.

But it puts on us some double bird 2, maybe 3 double burdens. For example, the anonymity tradition comes into play here in a double way. I'm thinking about Doctor. Bob's last message in which he said, I'm sure you've read that, he says, let us by all means guard against that erring member the tongue. I happen to love to gossip.

And why do I when I see somebody turn up at a gay meeting, why am I simply dying to go tell somebody else, guess who came to the gay meeting? I think it's a violation of the a tradition of anonymity. I think that person is entitled to absolute anonymity at what meeting he goes to. I remember the first time in an international convention, we had a, a hospitality suite for gay members. It was called the live and let live hospitality suite.

Wasn't that cute? They had a 24 hour alcathon going on and they paid for it by charging a dollar a cup for coffee. But there were meetings going on around the clock in this hotel room, in the Hilton Hotel in Denver and the readings in Spanish speakers in Spanish and German, in French and I don't know how many languages some even South America, Portuguese, speakers in all languages. And they went all around the clock very, very quickly after that, it was decided at the next international convention that instead of trying to instead of letting that happen, so the DA members went off by themselves and had gay members had their own meetings, they would draw a bigger circle and take them in and so gay members were put on the program with gay programs, gay meetings in 1980 in New Orleans and there are 3 such scheduled in Montreal in 1985 and they're part of the official program. And I think that's kind of thrilling.

But here in addition to the anonymity tradition and the, tradition, there's one other tradition involved here. That is, the question of sexual persuasion is a highly controversial one in this country. Isn't it? We don't we cannot say that this is not an emotional subject. It's a highly controversial one and it's getting in some places worse.

For example, the AIDS scare has made it worse. We have to tread a very delicate line here and make sure we don't insinuate any kind of divisiveness any kind of controversy into the fellowship that has saved our lives. I think it would be dreadful if we did. I am also impressed by the fact and a little bit ashamed of the fact that I haven't yet learned to love enough. I think if the 3rd tradition saying the only requirement for membership is the desire to stop drinking means anything it means that I owe unconditional love to the next drunk that walks in the door.

Even if that drunk happens to be a former Miss America or a well known TV evangelist or a California legislator. I have a lot of learning about love to do. But I think we have to do it. Now as if we didn't have enough charter as we already have, in for having this kind of meeting, our kind of meeting. There is one other charter that I have found.

I discovered myself, accidentally, and I want to share that with you because I think it's the most beautiful of all. I happen to have in my possession in my keeping at home the original manuscript of the big book typed script of the big book as it went to the printer. I do not consider it my personal possession. As a matter of fact, my will says it belongs to the fellowship. It's already been given to the fellowship, and it own they own it, but it's in my keeping until I die.