Liz E. from Crested Butte, CO at the 19th Annual Crested Butte Mountain Conference

when that happens

yes

a well I can

I can do anything for a walk that matches your opening

I need to talk show

for the rest of your life

how

all the people

he

several of the slide there's a lot

arguing the matter of fact when you don't drink

you don't have one of your great these great sorry about five or six years older than to get a quote

in the past

over the years you will use any harmful or you will be presented with sameday care

my father not to go with fifteen volumes of mountain bike complementary

right I have come to understand I accept myself in your life nonprofit humility seven seconds rushing in like a raging waters

right nineteen ninety eight and how do I pray right yeah long jump because I didn't have a good life

while the crack in the ways that I would get a hostile fox carpet so I got up here

I myself

there you are hi this message on the home phone messages that would be so grateful that competition that

right now all the practicing law that is my message is if you find yourself in harms and someone to talk to another body along the way discussed within a reasonable period of time in your devices so you can start to this yeah so working on this and are working on right now long term to the wrong person to the hospital not

John McCall to help you through the cancellation process

regular hard working

the record shows that next year how to tell you right now we can handle the person that they can take you through the steps

free election will

it is the willingness of message across

all

I mean give you more the workers back off we're going to take it down for you work out of somebody else exactly you are living in the memory of your life and a lot of care and Jacqueline that although not in the future his office is in class

right after the pain of the past all of all the melodies later on if you do not have to be a pain in order to have a whole lot

thank you for all you want

okay you are you're paying attention we'll take you out of your hurt thank you and the grass is not having guards need to directly in the office all

hello and if you feel like you have one

one of the personal call nonstop because you'll never be alone yeah Hey

yeah they got me into it because it's not one I would have chosen my thinkers not that good and I do our main speaker lands for rational product price

good evening my name is and I am an alcoholic

and I've heard something in my soul from about two days so I hope it won't prevent us from enjoying the meeting tonight perhaps on your calluses Manson from water and I would like to thank capsule inviting me and all of you for making me feel so well come how many of you have heard me more than once and I thank you for patiently listening tonight while I will be addressing the newcomers and yeah and I think you did a marvelous job five minutes it's so difficult it takes two minutes to warm up one minute to exist and you're supposed to talk about what it was like what happened and how it is today and you said it all thank you very much

I want to warn you that

Marcello thank you the last meeting where high school Saturday night

Charles who is here tonight was losing anything

and in his closing statement he said

I want to thank

we will not advise fire displaying immense

it is the winning horse who needs not be for a darn

you are welcome to us all the

we are not the gloom lots and we love to laugh

although we are talking about this

deadly disease we love to laugh and we want to love one another and we want people in the world to be here tonight with us and this is a pretty classy joints I don't know where you've done your last couple of years of drinking

but I bet that this is a step up from all

if you were looking for and your calls has yeah you'll have all of us and we're

and you may not believe that someone who looks like he needs a nice might possibly be an alcoholic

however I will tell you

eight that should be raised all doubt

I was sober for a few years and my office feeling very good about myself looking out the window and there is a young handsome man who passed science what is happening so I went back in a few minutes later he came back open the door and says hi do you recognize me and I said from his hands he says no I says real estate he said no deal will start he said no

what made my classes that problem it's not I don't know if you need to drink margaritas advised not known Lindo and although it raining we have my son Alton because you thought it was real nice to

this is

you make some mean all right

are you a non

and I said yes he said

when choosing what was your name again

now I am not

of the things that I did when I was drinking what I'm grateful for them because they want me to you we are calling synonymous

what you see this is the way that I can write

as hard as I could as often as I could

and as fast as I could I needed to drink

and it's not hard because I did not remember was telling me that I had had actually three days with them during the day

and I have no recollection

please call five years old I was riddled with Sears

I was extremely self conscious I would not like me I knew you would not want me I was afraid of my father I was afraid of my mother I was afraid of the dark I was

hello zero five I had nightmares

I could not make plans I feel that I did not belong I felt so different inside and you also

this is your call I did not know how to do that and it was everything falls

and when I was about thirteen years old I went to this party and I bought six beers the first time I think I tried

and this was the answer to my problems all my feelings of fear they all went away and it was warm in my last year were highly as an actual job only I was with you we help each other out when

my sixth and last B. Anthony told me my girlfriend Susan Drake my idea I found that and I slapped her on the face

now this is not social drinking

this is already hot and forces alcohol was to me the answers to my problems

well it's a license to practice law and I think more I thought well I need to go to California then I could be happy I came here and have to work and had all the time to drink even more

so he has a young handsome rich boyfriend that I could be happy I found him and we trying to get

and I thought if only I had a cleaning lady and I could be happy

and I got a cleaning lady and while supervising homework I thank

hi because I am an alcoholic my circumstances are irrelevant

I train because I am an alcoholic and what needs to be addressed friends than a normal person is that I cannot have one or two drinks once I started doing I have some signatures my problem is beyond human power

two thousand games

and I don't know why this is the relationship with this gentleman did not work out except that I slept with his best friend

and I hope to never again see

so much pain and hurt in someone dies because I've called this

I did not write his best friend I was instantly drawn cannot that's nice

and I spend the night in their apartments and at six o'clock there was a knock on the door

there was a marked down on the floor and I put that on and we open the door and it was his girlfriend who happens to be my boyfriend secretaries

it's amazing how quickly I can create so much havoc

I was one of those bad things that happen to good people

which has been put in trash bags

after both of my father and these were all my worldly belongings

and that's only I knew that although I had a great education I was emotionally unemployable because until we are sorry can I have accepted that

I knew that there was not a man in whom I could be possibly interested in whatever marry me because that's the way after they cannot have access to the

I knew that all I wanted children I could not have them because of the way I drink and I have access to tasks not to doing one since late and consular ball

I live for the next time I could not those feelings the Sapelo things almost self esteem the lack of self worth said not knowing how to live and not knowing how to be your friend how to make a phone call and set up an appointment with a girlfriend how to have a decent conversation have to have friends back home would not mind being golfers sometimes it's handing the party was not being sponsors I did not know how he was when I was wrong

nothing is doing for them to come to the polls and so it is easy to imagine apartments I slept on the floor in a sleeping bag in my clothes were on the floor and the very best

when I was twenty seven years old when I was sleeping on the floor alone I was a strange for my family I have lost my friends and I did not know what was wrong with me

I wanted to win that part back because I did nothing I could live without a manager without someone to keep a lid on the decisions for myself and I have learned how to scrape Mexican tiles and there's this beautiful home where we live we have three rooms a beautiful house and I would do that for him free and so

I love my car there and I worked out Thursday and last night I slept in my car it is only because it was more comfortable than my floor is very simple and I had my druthers by pondering some of it in the morning and I arranged a dam and good morning and and I got on my knees so it's crazy

so files and they were having a party that afternoon there was a tennis court in the backyard and so forth and my friend

we're coming to the party

and old friends I have over to my house for dinner

but I was not invited to that party I was on my knees cropping and they were saying highland fasten me by going to the tennis courts in the backyard

I can tell you following singles but I think that you know

Nolen awful homesick sense

in the morning was over

and that man's knees on the floor

and this is a man who has loved Disney X. with me I looked up and I realized that he was trying unsuccessfully

and this was a banger

through my heart

right through my soul

it was almost an actual understanding of what I was feeling

a feeling

that I was worse since last

the new house because he told me to stop by on the first floor and I bought two small models which I got all this

and I go home to drink some more

rob this weekend but I could not get drawn from councils and on Monday morning are we for the bottle of vodka asking if we can stay down so I had to be years to settle my nerves a little bit and I talk I called up almost synonymous and then and then all you would like to stop drinking after all no no no no no I just want to learn how to have five or six well when you're ready to start drinking call us back and we hung out

and I saw myself in that thirty per full bathrooms so that half of the year

and I have no where else to throw

and there was room for a voice in my head that says millions this is this is for you

there is nothing lasts in this for you this is all over and by one o'clock I called back on the whole list anonymous ninety three I can never ever take credit for my sobriety

because I told them I didn't want to stop drinking I never played the violin I never imagined it and raising this whole fall I'd try I did not want to stop drinking and by one o'clock I had had my last drink

this is a guest

and what does this lady from your area I will call you back and she didn't really talk to while I have no recollection of what was best expressed

he's somewhere yes traveler I love going places

and I would be taken off I would send a mail to my ex who was wealthy I didn't think that would be any problem and she says pack of peoples and my husband and I will pick you up and if you

and he think me up and it could be a PAC downtown

I was born

anonymous yeah sad day for me

the counselor gave me as many questions

yeah I think it's much more difficult this means any problem at all and in fact I did yes seventeen right the first time

you are not

no

no kidding you're really are not

I know

what is so funny about

and so we're on line only someone tell me what is wrong with me

I myself a lot of things and being an alcoholic anyone telling me that there are other people

who has done does change people's brains four have dragged awaited ideas

and that they have found a way to be happy and sober absolutely so that is one thing but to be happy ends allover was uncomfortable to me

and he said as long as I was willing to follow this simple suggestions laid out in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous that I could be happy and sober too well this was there right this news I have heard in a long long time a long time

and so I stayed in the dark for ten days

and I wonder exactly how far off on a form and then I'll tell you I have a lot of hormones

all these years since I was little and all these these tracks and it's only that I had

well the truth will make you free but first it will make you very miserable

so we have to find out what were those emotional blocks which prevents it needs to be comfortable enough to be sober

and there's no promises that things will always be perfect and wonderful so what it's telling me is that depending upon the business financial condition I will always be comfortable enough not to have

and then five nine conference at some concerns this is my job to nurture my sobriety is my responsibility the same as the flowers and I grow

no matter how much my higher power wants on my flowers to grow on this high water them daily they was overweight and died

no matter how much market higher power ones will need to be sober honest I nurture my sobriety on a daily basis I will will go away and die alone and I never ever want to drink again and if you are a new and you never want to drink again you don't have to it's and bill Wilson why didn't you say never have we seen as well we know who we were talking to and if we have the same goals in the back or wide away with six four show you one

so we would really

for those who have sought only follows the path and thus far only that's my job

and each and everyone of us is going to be absolutely most important things that we can do in our lives today and the still waters are so blinded gardens so today we can be comfortable and not not to have to drink

and I will share with you that should be comfortable enough not to have to drink has been and minimum most days are joyful and happy and there's been a tremendous advance hearing if you are new please and mark opponents western

we have the divine creator who's made it wonderful alcoholics roller coasters shops for us

and it's solid and it's well ordered and it's well designed it is safe and it is secure yes on this one

it doesn't harm his weekend warrior where we can be happy we can live without fear and it can be warm in our guys here where we live longer and constable with our fellow Americans

and the emotional blocks which need to be removed need to be removed as well our simply quickly and it's not easy I've just been going to this area as in the last few months we have had to let go of some of my defects and and it start passing former bulls

every

I don't

this gorgeous man and I have a weakness for bad boys

in a week that's all bad boys and I call planes and they are not loving and compassionate

right

Bruce Wayne

and then

Laurie's

and

this evening of me having one of my phones and he said you're part of the console not no one's ever ever confronted me with my senses and all my friends since I was a little girl if I don't get my way isel attention on any other day listening are you get defensive tackle Max and I have some ammunition to play with but if someone says not saying that hi it's fall right back into my face

and so thank goodness I was going through your job that works out for which I am so grateful that and it's one of the fascinating if you live in San Diego that you don't get to come up and senators and north county to attend to her staff or something she's here with us tonight she's our little and little we call her and if anyone if you really want to be a single staff it usually starts in January

and it's on every Monday of the week for two hours and fifteen minutes and you have all the old stuff and it is an absolute blessing and although I've been sober for seventeen years watering my garden is daily for seventeen years I have learned so much and the timing was perfect and so I had to give up the facts and make comments from ninety six and one yeah in one of the books that I have read it said that god will exalt the humble humble the exalted

and so I was being humble for a while and I couldn't wait for the time to learn to swing back and now I'm feeling elated and life goes on and it's wonderful so do not be so afraid about getting rid of those emotional blocks that leads me to believe in them and have to be on happy and what happened with me and I believe it's the same for all of us one one of my future career its ugly head they all come out one day after the rain

what needs to be angry means I have to be judgmental critical self righteous self centered warning it my way yeah I am creating havoc again within the next ten to

and

I don't want to do that anymore I'm practicing right now I'm loving everyone

and on that he

people greet me I feel love and acceptance of them and therefore I can feel loved and accepted as well it has to start with me to love one another

there is no time anymore for resentment and walls and suspended between life is too short let's just love one another and we have the tools to do that here we are we teach each other how to love one another

and once we have these character defects we know

yeah we do build the inventory and and we look at our date constructively this wonderful book if you don't have one yet please do not leave anything from life without it and I'll tell you a little secret so so you are you on stage if you fix itself every night when we do upon retirement and is very helpful for we resentful worries selfish dishonest and it takes about five minutes

well maybe he's already on the bad days

we look at it and we keep our slate clean and on awakening will look at our day and if we have an indecision we fall

all

are you national father's

now you go to see a lot of

all right

right now all of our relationships are the days

let's not worry about anything

life for absolute adventure and

in a way it helps us to be moderate a little bit and something else that happens to be moderate is prayer and meditation well now

there is something very disappointing in the big book about trading and it says we cannot praise for selfish things

and if you knew when you don't have a sponsor it's time to get one because I'm a sponsor and I know Z. press and all the sponsors here tonight the the secret level sharp

and the particular time I wanted a new motorcycle as to what I did is I have a girlfriend of mine the phrase and idea

fire is very powerful

last year I wasn't his job managing a real estate office with fourteen employees and I was not suited for it and I was getting kind of annoyed with people being mad at me and I'm happy and I did not feel loved and wanted an accident that's for sure and on Thursday I was that's one of my meetings and I shared that with his previous year's stats all in your prayers night ask god to show you how to make these people comfortable with you

neat idea I did that in the next day I was terminated

so I called her

I don't like your flyers but I need another one

I'm sorry for the person that one day there was a message on my answering machine the end of the violence legal staff and you have not been registered with us for a long time and I know you have a good job but I have to say the fourteenth and I thought I'd let you know now Wednesday that meant nothing on Friday I had a different attitude about it

we didn't know this was last November and this is now my job and I love my job and if it had been presented to me before I decided I would have turned it down

and I began working for the company in a something else came up and it suits me perfectly on the legal secretary which I've never done before and I'm not fooled her

and this is my life

actually I had a hard time having a home rule for more than three years ago then I take a break and I go back again and I change fonts are after a few years and I change from one bad boy and then I take another a little while later on and and not working thank you I replayed those water accidental invocation and its findings and stresses to the secretary about the why the I never hang out long enough for them to figure out my defects five

the ads in this

they always nice to me because they need my favors in March

hi all also because of the phone call that came two days before I was terminated from the job when I was still on patrol simple and this is a roller coaster of the divine order that I was referring to earlier there are no mistakes here

everything happens for a reason

and another little fire that I'd enjoy

I love cats and I had two little ones appeared

and they were to breeze in which I was interested in I couldn't decide and so on

gold

right after

my little angel I thank god and I I said all I hope it's okay from false too expensive CAD that was the week that was terminated as well and the next morning I'm on my way to work in the bumper stickers the license plate in front of me that is fine

yeah I would say no no no man

and for your

meditation is another ball game altogether

it's still difficult to see we are busy over here this is not a place

and friends have them all those years and is just waiting for me to slow down or stop calling my phone service to not have commitments anymore so slow down on my needing

not to say my prayers anymore it's just waiting to catch up with me

and it's my fault the responsibilities to remain vigilance and diligence and she continues to do that daily if there is one thing that I can move since UEFA nine would be what it is that you do with your own personal program no it daily meetings you attend today

you must maintain your sobriety and if we do that we get to stay sober it is so simple and it's sad when we see our friends just

the living away they don't fear us anymore and it's too late there is nothing that we can say or do you just leaving so if you are a new family that first year

really close to us so you have a horse leach

and I do still go astray on a regular basis but not very far and not very long because I'm a mom too and I'm being changed back

always safely and soon enough

and the patient's health call me on my cell

when I first began the fourth good little alcoholic outboards also meditation I started in and I need a little altar against the wall and I has religious imagers formal Wallman candles burning in France and my father had set twenty minutes or so get some farmers barely twenty minutes

close my eyes and my legs and I sat down

and then I heard the dogs barking in the street

then I began to worry about how I would pay my rent at the end of the month this was three weeks hence

then I heard the hunting in the refrigerator and I found that the ice cream I would have asked the word

then my shoulders started yes but you can't move

then I think yeah what I would say to that man's award hello my had a pharmacist the next time I saw him

and then lo and behold my leg is going now

it has been a minute and a half

it's getting

I often feel uncomfortable and we talk about we are on the plan

and so few people suggestions in the big books help us becoming more disciplined and still no matter what I do it in the morning or late at night I go to lots of meetings I sponsor always have a great news man there there are things that I always do in the morning when I wake up when your head is on the pillow and your role that like you're supposed to be side to side step higher than the seven staff writer and is there anything fire

to push that monkey behind me because it's it's wakes up what's

I don't even think it's three

yeah waiting for me to open my eyes well I have to be boring I have to be ready and tackles and based

when we talk about loving one another and loving everyone at work we are surprised terrible Flores and on one of them the R. three secretaries who are not licensed by the Allison Gregory's because they criticize the reason for the fact staff the R. Wu disrespectful very very difficult in fact I will go in the area and I can feel the temperature drops and now the warm water fish

this is

and

I decided to try something and I believe now that this was declining inspired as night begins hurrying all three of them actually it's worse from Georgia since works out because she told us people to pray for night and night shows all free and I ask for god's supervise them would happen as he enjoyed

as we know these incidents I was given an assignment among the party is

Friday

and the third or fourth day into this experiment and others secretary came to me and says so how is your experience on the sixth floor

I think it is so joyful and peaceful

having a wonderful time she looked surprised as you said why you're going to change our reputation

and I finished my two weeks feeling love and harmony with the three ladies and the temperature was as warm as I wanted to make it it was not the box down although I had a lot of evidence to the contrary

the power off

I no longer want it's not that I never do it again but I don't want to and I don't seem to want and dolls in this meal is an option and also on most mobile where when someone else is involved in negative talk about another and he no longer have my support because I am not interested

to love one another problem all the flak guns work phone cell

can we still feel full with census in the spring of nineteen losses and somehow we can conquer that

and love one another and be open so why did he get hurt a little bit so what

we get back and we just do it again

the notifications and authority we tried to carry the message and that's why we're here tonight and also going to meetings is a vital part of my program because I look at this as though I had a kidney disease and I have to go to the hospital three or four times a week to have my kidneys dialogues on ourselves otherwise I will poison myself and die so I come to these meetings to have my thoughts and my feelings Dialight otherwise I will force myself and not

going to meetings is absolutely vital

but it's also a very small part of my program is only half of the twelve steps where we can read the message that you love them and I have other stuff to do and if you see up here tonight and you do and we think so graceful and it seems so easy don't be fall this is like that just fine on the right one so graceful and realized they were experts in Seoul the yield of folders if only you saw the little feet underneath the water

these are the

I have yeah that

alone in the slot

and it's hard because well I'm the only one doing there's no no otherwise you would not be here tonight these are all doing our homework

and it takes a little bit of credit for this business Zacks it's a way for my higher power

but when we

to call another awful Molly to drive all the way to San Diego to see to get on my knees every night and write in my journal for free for these people and look at my day

my higher power could not provide me with content in the body

my supervisor is the result of taking these

and we can do all kinds of stuff twelve seven four in fact I remember a few months ago this is a weeknight it's eleven thirty I get a call from central office and then we have Eileen here on the phone for you once he's strong and she needs help

so I called highly even she said those hi hi this is Linda I'm calling you back how are you

well not too good I love my job last week and I've been an additional all weekend and crafts and you could hear the high

White Plains

S. and she was not going to go to the station that's a well I can understand sometimes things in life are pretty tragic in this difficult and then I wanted to establish a relationship with her and I said sorry are you single married she said all I'm single and single

really

Susan no we talked a little bit more and I have since she had she said she had to cancel that I

I can't believe

I'm talking to you

a little bit more and few other things that we have in common and this is going on for about fifteen minutes now and it was time to get down to business and so I said well since you called us you probably have a drinking problem

silence

who the hell do you think

can't believe they'll let you represent that company

put me on hold and give me back to them and I was talking to earlier I'm going to report you

well I think reporting is a very good idea this is a home with a regular home phone and I cannot put you on hold she said with me on hold I'm calling my attorney

I assume that she was in a black pearls and have so much fun starting with me that she forgot who she was talking to

so wherever you are lien holder you are so

and I hope that you come back to us so maybe you're here tonight and it was fun talking with you we we never know who we need to know what will happen

when I first got sober I thought what am I going to do with all my heart this is going to be boring I'll never get another day I'll never get a good job again news that we have all kinds of activities we have conventions and we celebrate birthdays and we laughed we go to movies after meeting sometimes we go for coffee there is a full socializing going on here and I'm gonna look synonymous and if you can take some phone numbers and I will give you a phone number away and begin to know some of us I promise you you never have to go through anything alone again and although I have sympathy for the tragedies that CMS has to go through laziness of why he was his mom and his father I've had showed you these myself and see if it had not been for you I would not be sober today make no mistake because they have been sometimes when I hit the wall and I remember my fifty also widely when I sell sold worth less and use less and so full of fear that I did not want to go to another meeting I did not want to do that it's saying anymore after all my efforts every day all those years and I found this place and I didn't want to do it again

and I woke up that morning and a little ball under the blankets with a few little over my head and I didn't want to go out there one more day

so it's been a long with my higher power along with my big book it wouldn't have been enough I wanted meeting that morning and you were there and you put your arms around me and I was able to go to that little job at five dollars an hour with ten sharp and I send my resume everywhere and nothing was coming to my sales were not they

not because I wasn't farming and nothing was going my way

and so after that day I went to

the beach to meditate in the quiet there and what I heard was

my primary purpose in this life is to stay sober

and I have known that the facility for five years and then my heart of policies with me and Kerry the Mavericks to others this offer and I had been doing that the best of my ability when requested

and my higher power was pleased with me

but this was after we had a little talk because I was mad at

and I told them

I know that there are people who've been happy in obedience and poverty and celibacy and chastity but I have not taken out

I have nothing right now anything you have me confused with someone else

but

Hey that actually surrendered to my higher power

he knows what is best for me he knows what is best for me but I need you when I go through these difficult fearful on possible time to put your arms around me and I need to hear the laughter and I put my call back workshop meeting on Thursday nights and soul search your older people been going there for twenty five and thirty years and to see the familiar faces there gives me a sense of safety all securities

that Neil coming down that path with me I am no longer alone and I was so devastatingly lonely

when I went to childhood lonely and teenage who is lonely

and that was the state of my life until I came to you so we need each other and all of you are here tonight I am so grateful for your presence your smile well hello hi landscape I think because you will you come with me I cannot do this alone

I am tremendously grateful to be here tonight to be among friends I love you I know that you Love Me thank your currency is in a part of my life two years now and I'm so grateful for her she's teaches me so much and I don't think that she knows this

if you are new five days of you to come back whether it's called a master of the highlands coffee because you have no or else to resolve it doesn't matter

because if you don't come here it's not going to happen

so why it happens right here amongst us and we will teach you about those few simple things that you need to do in order to be sober if that's what you want thank you for having your call has been me and god bless you all

introduce our speaker for tonight and I'm sure we're in for a good solid eight messages the story is I'll give you a lame **** from Cleveland I asks