Betty P. from Las Vegas, NM at the 19th Annual Crested Butte Mountain Conference

good evening everyone my name is very quiet and I am an alcoholic
and it is only through the grace of god a god that I found in this program and people just like you who loved me enough and encouraged me to get involved in my own recovery that's the only reason I'm here tonight filled with with along with the peace and with joy
and for that I say thank you Alcoholics Anonymous
my sobriety date is April twenty third nineteen eighty five
before I get started I would like to say thank you so much to each and every member of the committee that put this wonderful conference together I'm not real good with names and I've met so many new and wonderful people and so I just say to each and everyone of you I know how hard it is to put together something like this and to do it from out of town to me it would seem what an order I couldn't go through his
but it's been a wonderful experience for me and I thank each and everyone of you the phone calls the love the concern the hosting to all of you on the committee thank you so much you know every time I try I Michael this program and I've tried the best of my ability to pay back and you know it's so hard because I just keep getting and getting and getting and so again I say thank you
I want to thank all the wonderful people that hosted us and took us to dinners and two lunches with all of their friends and to each and everyone of you who has helped me through this whole weekend and is here tonight to sharing your love with me thank you
you know when I go home and I'm going to want to come back to a release special place I'm going to close my eyes and I'm going to be able to see that mountain
covered with chocolate chip cookies
never seen so many chocolate chip cookies
thank you
I I spoke with my sponsor yesterday and she reminded me that when I'm asked to share I have nothing to share with you but my experience strength and hope and anything else I try to say it's going to be a lie so with all earnestness of my command I will try to share with you as honestly as I can
what it was like what happened and what it's like to get
and for that I'm gonna take you all the way back I was born December thirteenth nineteen thirty and I'll let you do the math
to another mother who was a student nurse
and that back in nineteen thirty I was given away immediately for adoption
I stayed in the little girl's orphanage for a couple years and was blessed to be taken up for it and adopted by a family who lived in Las Vegas and had a daughter who is four years older than I was and so I stayed in Las Vegas until I was around four years old and that was in the early thirties and times were hard and so my dad moved us all back to Santa Fe where he could get a job with the state
and I was immediately enrolled in Loretto academy school for girls
now I want you to know that right from the get go I did not fit the plan of the good little Catholic girl that sits with her skirt pulled down and her hands folded because because I want to know one
and because when you tell me why I've got a better reason and don't tell me they'll show not
because I I can figure out a way that it'll be okay for both of us
so that was my experience in Catholic school I have to tell you that my mom and dad never told me that I was adopted but you know how kids learn they have big ears and and people would visit with my mom in that state always is is that her and isn't she cute and I knew there was something different going on when I was eleven years old my mom had a little boy and of course he was the apple of my dad sign so now I'm in the middle kit I've got an older sister and then there's me and then there's my little brother and people would say to my mom you're so lucky you have a daughter that looks just like you and the sun that looks just like his dad and I'd say well mom
polite and she'd say oh Betty Marie you just look like Betty Marie
well you know
there was there was unrest within me and I know one time we were out on the playground playing a silly little game called colors where there was a step mother in the big bad wolf and colors and there was no reading the step mother couldn't do any running and so nobody wanted to be the stepmother and some one of the little girl said
repeat the step mother she step mother she'll know how to
well my heart sunk my secret was out they knew and I immediately went into not just anger but a tremendous range and that was pretty pretty frightened because we were all pretty young kids that I knew then that my secret was out that everybody knew and I was different
well we continued on I went to school when I was in junior high school
the war was on World War two and there was a tremendous shortage of nurses and so I got a job as a nurse's aide at the local hospital and at that time they had the cadet nurse corps in right away I idolize those women and what it was you would graduate from high school and and sign up for the ticket at their score they would put you through nursing school and then you would serve a certain number of years with the military and so I went that was my life it was planned that's what I was going to do
but in nineteen forty eight when I graduated from high school the war was over in the cadet nurse corps was abolished and so so much for that plan
well I decided I'll show them all just get a job save some money and put myself through school
now in Santa Fe New Mexico at that time there wasn't a big demand for young ladies just out of high school with really not known skills and so I had an opportunity either to go to work for state government or the telephone company and I didn't have any political mentor to get me into state government so I went to work for the telephone company and that was in the days when there was lights on the board chords and the operator said number please
it was a good experience for me and taught me responsibility I had my own spending money I didn't learn much about how to handle that but that's another another program another story
we all have to join the union now you know I'm seventeen eighteen years old I'm going to do what everybody else SO we join the union and once a month we had a meeting and we would go to different people's houses and we would deal with our business and then we would all pitch in money in the Kitty and they would order either a K. case of beer or a bottle of booze in those days they were delivered to your house and I don't remember getting drunk at those meetings but I do remember that I stayed until I drank my share and if if anybody had to leave early I was available to help finish it up
we used to get paid once a week and
we wouldn't the one time we all all us girls got together and decided we would go to a little town Espanola New Mexico which is about twenty six miles north of Santa Fe and go dancing because they wouldn't card is there
and so we all drive up there and and so we sit around this table everybody orders drink some one else that I can call him a song well I don't know what that was something like a plan to me so I didn't have one zombie I had to
and what happened was I got drunk
act out and I got very very sick and I can remember those skills driving round and round in town until I got sober enough to be able to crawl up the stairs home
and when I got up the next morning feeling really bad you know what my first thought was
that was fun I wonder when we're going to do it again
well
you know I continued working my sister was dating a young man they were getting kind of service and he came over to visit my mom one time any broader this bottle of sherry hearing Ansel my dad opened the bottle everybody got a little glass you know in the alt right shift and everything and mom put the bottle away she said you know wasn't very good will
you know nobody asked me
but the same group of gals we get together and once a week we go roller skating so I lived on the north end of town and the only girl that had a car would come by and pick me up first and I would invite her into the kitchen and we pour out a little glass of this year hearing
and then we go stating what
well you know one Saturday morning we're cleaning house mom looks at the bottle and it's empty and she said well what do you suppose happened at this and I said mom mom is all sugary beverages
so
you know I was already
the beginning my journey
my sister got married and my brother in law had had his younger brother be the best man so we were invited to a lot of parties he and I got along pretty good and after my sister was married he and I were dating and my sister was married in June and the following February I was pregnant and merry we do that a lot of my family
and so the one thing my husband said to me was no wife of mine is going to work so I was a stay at home mom and god blessed us with five children
one of the traditions we had in my house I didn't drink when I was pregnant not because I didn't try that but I just physically couldn't and
when I had my first child the doctor said to me
I need to nurse the baby and I said yes and he said well I suggest that you drink a little beer that helps the process and so it was a tradition every time there was a new baby in the family Daddy would go pick up mom from the hospital and the new baby stop the liquor store for a case of beer and
I mean you know I was raising my family
I can also tell you that
my husband was in Catholic but I still was and so we were raising our kids in the church and that means you know
there's got parents because you've got baptism confirmation and first communion and you know graduations and on and on
and so the one thing that I can tell you as I look back over for now that I'm sober is if you didn't drink you're really weren't invited to be part of this godfather hood you know
and we would have these big party
and we lived I'm sure some of you have heard and Santa Fe they have the burning of old man gloom at the annual fiesta and we lived only a couple blocks away from the big park with that all took place people would come to our house and parked the car and we would have a party so for about a week before the party your friends would start bringing in the supplies you know there's always cases of beer and booze and we order it K. again
you know one of my kids said to me you won't you don't mind do you remember those fiesta parties it was a bigger celebration Christmas was
and so and so it went you know my husband was self employed and every Friday he had to put out a report and in those days he had a mimeograph machine hand cranked mimeograph machine and then you fold up these papers and would like the envelopes with stamps on it so Friday at noon he would quit work come home and run off his report and we buy a case of beer because we had to lick the envelopes
and so
the weekend which starts Friday afternoon and Saturday and Sunday you know and as the years progressed sometimes a weekend would start on Thursday to get ready for Friday EDM sometimes by Sunday it was better to have a little bit more on Monday my husband and I were were drinking but he's so the kids grew up and we found ourselves with three children in college and although they were all working and have scholarships finances were a little tight and so my husband said yes you can go back to work so I'm
back to the telephone company to work and I was working late hours and after a couple of years I've reached my previous service and so I had some pretty choice hours I could go to work at say five in the evening and work till eleven or six till midnight and that worked really nice because I could be home during the day and then work in the evening the only thing is like on the weekends it was hard to spot to drink all day and then shower and sober up and go to work
and one Saturday night I guess I went to work a little boisterous and
chief operator called me off the off the board and she said that Betty I'm only going to ask you this once and I knew what was coming but you see I had I been to parties and I had had drinks with this lady and I knew she was worse than me I mean I saw some mornings shaking you know she said did you come to work drunk
all she said all right well you know what that means it meant I had to keep warm mince and not be someone's
life continued on and technology improved the court boards went away the dial tone came in you know there was there was a lot of progress in technology and pretty soon different offices begin to shut down and officers begin to consolidate and by then I had worked myself up through a supervisor and then I was an evening chief operator and the only choice I have left at that point they were going to close the office was either could commute to Albuquerque or trying to get into the business sales department and so you know how we are you give me a challenge and you give me a test and I'm going to be ready and I'm going to do it and I did and I just stood up and I was accepted as part of the sales team now they were very kindly sent me to Phoenix for a month to be trained on the type of equipment I was going to be selling
and the training center was they had a motel that was within walking distance of the training center and every day we would go in we get three tickets one ticket was for breakfast and two tickets were for cocktails well you know it didn't take me long to figure out who didn't drink and a lot of tickets
so I would go to go to class all day and then in the evening I would study in the bar any popcorn
you know worked really well you know it was a job I really enjoyed I
jokingly they used to say to me or the EEOC I was Hispanic I was over fifty five and I was female
and so you know I was selling telephone equipment and enjoying it it's a matter of fact I was doing a little bit better than most of the men in the office and I think it kind of bothered them and so they would have these meetings and they would set this benchmark you know and then you know I'm competitive you tell me I'm going to do this I'm gonna do this you know and so I continued on and work and work and all that was going on my husband is still self employed he developed heart trouble and don't
at one point had have bypass surgery and so what we took in Albuquerque he had that done and had a quadruple bypass and after about nine days in the hospital I brought him home some of the things that I've done in in my drinking days I'm not really proud of but I want to share this with you because I want you to know where my life was headed
I went to Albuquerque and picked him up and most of you that are familiar with
open heart surgery know that yet to crack the ribs and and and make an incision and it's it's pretty ugly and it was just healing and he was sitting in the backseat of the car with the shirt open still healing from this wound and I had a nice just to be or not
Oct one open and I said you haven't had a drink for a whole week you're a good boy
and so we started drinking on the way home
now when we got home
we try to
develop a better healthier lifestyle he was walking every day and he said are drinking was just gonna be Saturdays and Sunday afternoon after the football game was over we wouldn't drink anymore and I thought
who made that rule you know when I learned that I could pour Bourbon on Kate concluded in ****
I had my way he's
we only had one child left at home all the rest were we had college you're working and I can remember
coming home from work and my husband saying to my youngest son if you want dinner you better get it before you really get strong
well well I knew what it was because I would come home and we had this little cabinet and it made a noise when you pulled it open and I pour out you know what some Scotch and then I'd go to the refrigerator and get some ice that makes noise and you know so
I solved that problem every morning before I went to work I opened up the liquor cabinet and I learned to drink drinks without ice
there is a solution
well
so we're continuing on technology is getting better you know and then comes the big split the bell system and you know all of that and they started offering early retirement people and all my friends and my family got wind of this hopefully you'll get to retire early and you can call in and stay home and take care of your husband well I had a job that I really liked and I had a I had a an accounting or business account at these power lunches and you know one of the accounts was to call each
the brothers passed one
and
I
you know but I I didn't want to one of the things was they told me I could retire early and then when I was sixty five I would get a little pension and in my heart I knew I'm gonna live to be sixty five you know I wanted to stay here and do this to keep on doing this but there was a lot of pressure on my family and my friends were all expecting me to do it and so reluctantly hi I took the early retirement package and I'll tell you right now that was god working in my life I I I never went to work to work drunk but I did drive a company car with bad hangovers and you know I was working toward a situation where I could have made a bad mistake with one of these poor customers or or heard somebody in a company vehicle and it would've been tragic and so so god took care of the bell company
I retired
so my husband and I might I had a son that was teaching in Topeka Kansas and we decided we take a little vacation and we take a couple of the grandkids and flying there and we didn't do that
and
we flew to Topeka and that night we all we had the little sight seeing we're sitting down having a drink what else and trying to plan what we were going to do the next day
in my husband suffered a heart attack
and we left on vacation at that weekend and then we came home eight days later and and and I buried him
and you know I said to my children
nine you know when I said to god I know you were going to get even with me some time but did you have to do this you know no never mind that my children have lost their father that his brothers and sisters had lost a brother they really care for that my mom had lost a son in law that she really loved
I had lost my drinking partner and I was fine
every night I would close the curtains and sail away with cutting
by them
gosh was my drink of choice somebody told me that if you drink Scotch you don't get a handle don't believe
also I was developing some sort of gastric problems and the only way I could drink this to mix it in milk now when I sit in meetings and we read that story about the man in the milk punch and everybody says
they don't know what they were missing
so I guess that I I know I found myself no I'm home alone
I had quit my job
and I decided to go back to college I'm going to go to college and I'm gonna get a new career
and computers were the big thing then you know so I'm going to become a computer programmer
my sponsor tells me a little grandiose but you know so I'm enrolled in computer programming and computer science algebra now if any of you know me very well you know that to balance my checkbook I break out in hives and I'm you know I'm taking all these classes and then I'm taking swimming because I'm going to be a well rounded person
was gonna get cars beat this beats that did this did that and this little guy comes running across the room
I wanna be I wanna hear your CS
yes yes yes yes yes he did you all do it
and I believe this is somewhere right in here that it's not just not double crucial and vital stuff is about six fifteen in the morning this is the birds are singing in the movie I believe that god will and can restore you to sanity over to the book look at the problem from entirely different angle we look at it where was I felt
you egotistical yourself this could send your self centered you want everything your way but you have seen
in the spirit and I was walking into a fourth dimension of existence
yeah
but what happened was is that the six myself if you're an alcoholic mind with an alcoholic mother
and that's what I was trying to instill Joe isn't about going back to people and telling them how sorry you are they know that
making them the
one hundred eighty three dollars and sixty eight cents on nine different jobs
I calculated how much I spent on drinking and it'll jewel
I heard
they they are scrutiny back there are absolutely this is this sunglass boutique
all
I guess they want drunk last but I loved it Margarita I really what I hang out Marston I'd drink water for a long time right I love the box pops up make a laughs you know in the hospital
well you know they're out there dancing together
and then they left together in on there I wasn't drunk drivers never get picked up
and that's not cool
I can drink
okay
when I drink it returns
yeah
I feel comfortable I just cannot
intuitively Easton all had a handle situations that would baffle in the mountains it really is it's right up there in the mountains sound hearing aids that people who live at high altitudes for prolonged periods of time working on taking my blood
when you're in that kind of
I didn't have a driver's license they take in that three D. W. eyes earlier you know because I didn't have one at eighteen thousand dollars
I couldn't leave also fresh resident we have a better for you tonight
now the high pressure me get me to come in down there
that consumes the nine dollar nature John
I'm not going
these two guys mess I talked for a long time in the I didn't hear dancing this one watch whatever the way he's on
and I did the way he acted I was totally scared to death now what I do
I know I'm in a class
so you're after care if you go to a
I will be your aftercare program you go to a
so I go back there now so that we can meet I'm not going as well then you know call them and let them know that I'm coming
it is W.
he's not even anonymous anymore I mean
I can look him up in the phone book and a lot
son of a **** jealous
I feel better
some walk around Reno feeling better going
in the men's bag me was Christmas Eve
Thursday fell on Christmas Eve and they announced that the men's in that month that been going
one problem again in this meeting and I was asked if I'm gonna win the bus some prints from my book
that
right
I'm glad dont believe that nonsense
I'm glad none understood
you know any space after one more night you know
he just drive into the meat
so I started going on about I think when you would leave this man we use all the women at your first meeting
you're gonna love there's you know any women is going to come back every Friday night it is at school and then you're gonna love it and then when you get there tell me how god works
because god works through people
god works through people thanks by working another after drinking and dining with both had great moments
I think what happens around large numbers really pretty simple
my mom
screw that I did worse yeah
we keep and no issues that I need to cover with
analysts in the van
I was so screwed after next after about six months I want my sponsorship
you've been so kind of like me up and treat us so well I don't want to leave and not all that simple
and the main purpose of the book
is to enable you to find out how as the first access there's a lot of people in the world you know
yeah that's the real I need to do something myself I need to take control of my birthday party big big party people that
after the record primary leads all enjoyed working the front desk for an eighty acres we got away with what we got around a hundred fifty groups in the metroplex people in Dallas north that night he joined picks need to give the crosstrek copies and I know our downstream
you know the argument that
that'll work that'll work all right a few years back when you're ready go on airplane at south one United Kingdom points and she's embarrassing so not an issue you are what about your needlepoint
but you lost your love the conference room prior to that I'm finally specialized railway yes you need a plan
okay anyway you know
in a time where I wasn't running to do something
and some sickness auctioneer fire started in the last
no one
an incredible thing we got here
and that'll happen when we come out
pocket rocket
are any mood changes I'm
we'll go
you wanna
and they're on my lap
I've had a lot of
you know what it's like
and that's all right
I never saw it as a special assistant to the United States the general in the criminal division of the department of justice for the files I
I thought a man arrested
I had quite a different being dry and being stolen in my book that's just my opinion sometimes
when someone said that there was a certain principle which is about a long information and proof against any argument the message as I was concerned I
while reading what both now once that
I may not agree with the word that you say
but I'll get there I was in a while
and I started to
may I respond and I've got all the help we can on our everybody isn't ready for this day let's not kid ourselves
you bet you're wrong you keep coming back you get a chance
reminds me of the guy down here in Dallas
this is not being ready
racket going at a rate that Dallas marketplace
and he started his changes but I'm not ready
and he kept talking about poor woman like they had a connection it
well that
he sighed because I wanted to go home
the light
J. O. Y.
we didn't go that way we get in and out of there and I asked him I said what are we going Johnny and the while we going on and I didn't want to stay sober Rita
I love it so much
copy the poor a shot of gonna be honest John Huston
the things in the cloud
has come out the ends of my fingers
to change the direction of a matter a woman's life is the same length of time it takes off one
and I go far
there will
what do you call your dad like housework and
one of the boys on the really calling second rider but I do travel a lot and I was in the right hands in action
but should Canadian brothers and sisters
these are the words of bill Wilson
he sat down on
his wife probably
we were divorced in nineteen fifty one
yeah I promise Darling
and I had to set up tables and get everything ready
I said Karen I look if I saw those
it might might get home
and come home
and of course when she said this
I couldn't get it out quick enough that you've that honey my promise of Listerine condescension this thing might command bye and we're trying to do something out there at window rock Hey
hello Larry his grandfather got
and
I'm
three years ago teachers I tried Dr Gregory and I tried to call
and he said
now he had not contacted had anytime to contact stone
the rock would be okay
MRI is
and bell
and that little fellow who want to build on that November afternoon rush in my opinion would be today if it hadn't been for every factor
thank you Dr fourteen years and then that's fine today since it's convinced me at that I was born worthless
I came here with three strikes against me the only way that I could to survive was to admit that I was not worth anything that moves toward some sort of record you were the logical very seriously hi I really felt as though I was not
a very worthwhile zero five this is a signal for one more round and I want this house long enough I was able to tell you that it was because my father last you gotta you gotta my most effective ways of my life you know that's one thing I have learned nothing at all about the waters because the solution is the same regardless of the conditions
five or five source got loaded up when I was serviceable I was eighteen years old I was in a walkable bands and stuff
we were in a place called the lucky Mississippi and it was in the height of the Vietnam War and successive sailors who were getting shipped off and on a few days and so we have got a bunch of blues I think we actually robbed a liquor store to get it really rob this is the sensitive articles on like a house in a couple of
there's a lady who was head of the since you couldn't see anything anyway
and what you can do that I just regular bottles like because I didn't know anything about who's although he was always around my house and being with us from the world yeah this was on the will of the size of the force of happy hour any waking moments
we whatever we could to add up and went to the back of this club with my bands playing and and we have a very very setelah selection it's like a collection of all everything from schnapps to southern comfort the I haven't had a chance to go for the second one for some reason the more likely searching yourself
what sort of samples there were like eight of us in the stands and since there was and everybody so sample from the bottles and found something like that had a few more Swiss citizens and I continued to drink continues to saver the office of the Romans and textures and colors of the
about a half hour later I just in those huge technically go on all of this
I don't know if you guys know this was going to say is what is a drink that has different colors layers of the floor west of my car seat looks like
and I so the moment I started drinking I drank alcohol there was never enough
somewhere in my personality I have the psychology that if something is good then more of it must be better it seems very logical and very simple equation I I could never understand why someone would go out and and have a drink for two days with my wife and my wife this is alcoholic beverages I don't understand that a loss of three
to me it's medicine
and
the more medicine you take the better right
whether it's blues or or later in the eighties right before that Michael's
well before I go to drinking and no less not only in in retrospect I I if I was born in alcoholic I have the personality defects that everything else hold it should have stream lack of self esteem coupled with this grandiose self image issues if not we'll have to take well
and they produced a phenomenally allowed behavior
I was very afraid of you because it was logical that if I didn't know who I was and what he very much how could you possibly and so in the sixties luckily the Beatles came along and I was able to stop personalities that will more than full time
I mean I was nuts before I ever sorry
for this world to this day fast that's heavily since you're simply for months on end as a political person the name specific countries
I don't know that there's some fifty year old woman out there sitting at home and I'm looking at television and things Jesus Christ he was like I mean this guy and this is
what is so wonderful to be able to concoct a life that I think it was successful
it was so easy to pretend I was somebody else so that I could have put in place personality traits and emotions that I thought was made up a whole healthy human being
and I was very good at
right then in the early seventies I heard was actually place where you go what they paid you to do so
I was I I thought there was nothing else I could be with an axis you know I like you a lot of these
I don't like it much anymore by the way so when I get paid these days
our system and the fear and all that stuff will be most of my life I mean I was I was I was such a scholar I have had such fear that at any moment either Saddam or sarkari figure of whoever happens in front of me was going to be radically my systems and this constant low grades for years from class to talk about that where you wake up every morning and you just know that the day is probably not the one that's being very nice that something's gonna happen to use to verify the opinion you have of yourself
I can only say that I am very glad that I found out what I did because I do believe that alcohol prevented me from going completely psychotic
I do believe that you when your consciousness hard enough
I'm sure I will talk to my boss and he would be telling me Google chill if I had not had something
that was first turn it off you know that was turned me off unfortunately I was in charge of the sixties consequently I had the opportunity to blaze trails in the technicals that
as I like that you know this happened because I was going where no man has gone
that I was I was blazing and I was absolutely off the edge of a woman you know I didn't get arrested very much I didn't I didn't have a lot of people which if you heard but it's open I I didn't
but I certainly still people's lives in a way you know I was once described herself as a psychic vampire so I was sort of this I would do everything worthwhile and then leave you high and low and starting on the ground
unlike other homes
it's horrible but it's true
well I was saying I was
this is about your
when I was in fourth grade I was ten years old I lost the ball catechism books and the non member states including my mind shifted from sister meri white for some
I knew that I could not go back to her classes on his book otherwise my **** with the grass
so I thought what can I do what logically I thought long run away
I'm sorry what is important I was on playground within less than one hundred for music lessons and I walked off the school yard and I what has become the Mecca of walking and I was ten years old
I was in the heart of New Orleans were close to the Mississippi River levee runs right back of the school so I got a couple of years of walking down rivers towards no man's land Sean that segment of workplaces installations and fireworks of wonderful people
some other
I love going back in the afternoon I hadn't even thought I was scared and I thought well I guess I have learned you know
look at the documents for
well this number here because we have an option of it wasn't like I had I thought
it wasn't true or it was which is why
and I'm thinking I'm going to take any responsibility whatsoever for my actions a devise a plan
so I tore my clothes the goods are my little shop of uniform
and I split my knuckles on the sidewalk
and also going back to a school about two blocks from the school I assume the sort of quality mobile phone
so back to school
and the nuns come you know floating out of the building
number nine is or the carpenters artists such a long way to go yet
yeah and brought me to the schools that will happen and being faced with this dilemma I I I I fessed up that I had been kidnapped
on the outside a hundred just recorded that means the room in the back of his truck add up to be away
and and check me all day and I don't know anything about sex with time but it never occurred to me that so you know you're touching a special place or maybe I wasn't
a little bit of an issue I know this time of the absolute what you made me do I I all I could think of was made because of the radio
someone called and like when we were so much more money all my life so we moved in with my grandmother grandfather sensibly raised by my grandmother my mother works so anyway she comes screaming and crying the only reason why he's been looking for me for a second home changes me ice cream this means bad and I think
well it's not going to go over those men standing at the door and
it was the police
absolutely staggeringly they make seven dollars over the year and severely hurt terrible happening tell us about this well it was a little too early draft stories and so
I have receded to lighten them amongst my predicament that day on he will give it some more so give a description of a guy who really sort of liked wasn't wells within the
and it's not about the times with the image I had in my mind there's of Harry lineman
they they they're not even in the days they get a lot of sympathy with anyone away half of us are two days later they came back into the heart of
since you have a good alcohol abuse I really thought from a women's advocate since
so I'm
yes are you losing a seventy five cent book less than a thousand year over thirty
the scales were always
but I didn't I I I finally in the end he cheers and and gnashing of teeth by contrast what happens and everyone who you know that's the thing that's great about us we think we have this phenomenal
and we're streaming through the universe and nobody can touch us
and everybody knew from the from the ghetto these guys want hospitals and schools
really what really goes on simply one part of the story
yes it is it is hard with my wife
faced with the possibility of getting to use that I was a liar and a thief and a hall of the people I would far rather
in Hong the most absurd reality to trying get any responsibility deflected away from the for my own actions
and he went on and on more than one you know I I did that school I did that United States Navy you know I mean I think that this is the United States government for god's sakes Morgan assessable
the knowledge of the stature limitations of or inspired
I don't I I drank a lot and I do a lot of drugs into Colorado for some reason the guy that used to make my office do you live there
hi this is
when the technician was stopped on the side of the of the twenty five or nothing
I can look myself once again my breaking I've never heard the problems that I only have like five dollars on the I wanted to leave the store and try to be with these no facts of Gallo mountain form line
for half price of Lafayette Konya watchers will bus yeah so I figured you go for quality not quantity you can have a problem
California nineteen seventy three to pursue an acting career and was successful rather quickly as well as far as that goes considering your monolog one of my business I receive Rosenfeld and Sara I married a woman in nineteen seventy four
things are going along well this was my career was concerned for us on the phone like for some for the nineteen seventy seven
all right that's all I had a series of regular job my first service hold on public lecture
you know we were supposed to be brighter and and Bobby balls and this is the world we live the parts off screen as well as on screen
things are going downhill that
thanks for changing things changed because for the first time that I really can't recall getting loaded became more important than anything else
well my wife had to be designed around the possibility of where are we gonna get screwed up tonight and with what
my son was a was a ten months old I sent my wife and he and my my my adopted daughter to England my wife is a respectable to England because I thought would be better if you live alone separately financially would be easier
I just want to be able to revive the old
so I moved on to a friend sailboat and basically I'm I would lay down for three months I was too big to stand in the polls
discover how to win
as regular was like being that the still able to dance
and I wasn't working I was living off of residuals and unemployment etcetera and
right out of the blood bank downtown Los Angeles some very large
like fellow grab me and brought me into this because you get an extra two Bucks if you're on the buddy system people are friendly
I gave you an extra two Bucks and I'm going on this on this table having won the precious bodily fluids my personal vehicles it's rained out for twelve dollars and I looked over the television is a little little black and white television that's the bedroom I see myself on the television I thought you know
this is a really wacky
instead of saying the time for myself if you don't sorry this is a great story of Johnny Carson show on the
it was actually
so I got a job and I was wondering what that is like an inland and a supplement to a small little park in the north Hollywood somewhere this is horrible and it it just got worse and worse and worse and they are one of the few that I didn't think my children or or any of that stuff it's just a few years of
so I was kind of songs that would just wanna be left alone so I was over get on a flight and refocus will possibly
any place that was away from anybody I knew where I could put some unity if unity knocked out the notice of surplus water from there was forty forty pounds of sciences I look at my face is just like stuff with your mom's
in nineteen eighty I got a job in a film called strikes and we want you to do this film John candy and I shared a a motor home and during the time of their John Lennon was killed
and that we are not just wait for about a month
I can watch the film today literally not remember doing some serious
it is toward the end it just got so bad that I really kind of you know some ways appreciate the fact that the salon shop because it's working so far
and I went to a place I had never done before I was replacing being alone in a room number thank you for asking for this for three weeks
could be bass what I was doing to myself at all to try and steal something other than this whole mom of snow white forty three dismissals
it may likely want to check with them to a hospital just at the state has to Hans a good morning welcome all the symptoms are mentioned when I was growing up
those numbers was asked what it was before we went we went for a walk and he said I would be to drop this man in the world sorry that was my goal I thought all of my defects were losses following our history I thought the high alone in the world has the pioneer spirit of being out there on the ads to show you the old **** what life is really like
we're going to walk through the fire will god then I've not come across
this is what I want to this hospital on on the bed stand next to me was this this for this flu for saying this you guys I guess or some of your
I just got up at night right that's what
and I was working on my cell phone
since
so I left the hospital
I realize now that I know what the problem is like intricacies
who will be the making why he's doing this thank you
about seven months and nothing to worry about my G. two okay so for the for the first time the only time I didn't go in and out a lot
I just can't imagine going back out there I was gonna be living here
what it was about out there on those days with mandatory smoking
so I was sitting in his room centric and basements of churches in Glendale and and in a place that only read about John Fontaine novels and Rita Chandler novels I know you know existed at all these old men with these long cold sweet if you know your sister you couldn't tell the difference from the ankles on their feet they were so swollen
I thought you know what has happened to me what this is this
luckily
I was in one of those church basements and
comments about an actor whose work I've admired all my life and told the story it was something so about six years and
and I'm sure as many of us have had this experience my life's a lot of this man's mouth
my on my spine
sharks it was the most amazing experience I've ever had
and I realized you know what I notice is that anybody who is active status as a single person in this room for your woman or man we throughout the policy when ninety years old we all have something so intrinsically in common the thing that I feel for all my life was the rest of the letters where are the other members
we extreme individual I am I got so acted so fast that it's amazing that his lotus
as I said thinking of being Catholic I have very heavy atheists and that since
the only thing I thought that would stop me from staying here was this worth the phone everyone walks in sixteen oh one in every four one one six is this three letter word I thought you know I don't I don't know how I can stay here if I have to accept
the fact that owns this blog the thing can keep me sober I thought you know this doesn't seem fair
and then what was the second step to save my life because it it it doesn't say you know it just says a high powered greater than myself and I at that point even as as one of the enormously bloated ego I have I couldn't accept the fact that universe somewhere there must be a power greater than myself
and I don't mean that facetiously sing on it I've I've got a lot of anger and
I can walk to the beach so I could stand on the beach I guess all those ways to stop all day long and they won't they'll just keep doing your thing
the planet is a strong power in our hearts are with myself
and I found it I found a sponsor very quickly and I chose an atheist the Jewish atheist this is a
responded to my ugly as I possibly can again I you know I need to do so I was nineteen years old I didn't know what it was being very happy with the result that the system is something that was not very much else except themselves
transaction this of this Jewish atheists and I said you know I don't know if I can stay here but I have to believe in god
and he said fine okay trump
I don't know how it is going to compromise or somewhere
there's always a paper you wrote these words but as I understand obvious influences three dots is a government assistance
so I went back to my little part of
and what's normal I would watch before I never respond along Doss Krishnamurti and all of those guys that that I that I really craved as a young man to try to find the answer to myself find a part of you that was collected some possibility somewhere I don't have to be connected so I finally finished the seventh one place
rebels activists are those both my hands it was very very sensitive to the Florida is a final courtesy
I think it was it doesn't matter what it is while he was on the phone thing I you know I got really as I said very active I wasn't jealous and I was in the process faster I would I would walk in the bars of the four things like some some likely candidates you know sitting at the bar like I wouldn't
with with with an essay and intelligence is
I would rather go out of your way and it can be as I became
willing to realize that unless you ask for them I can give you the message for this reason we get to do that and also that I only have to carry the message about the drugs and I was really surprised marking lock brought into my house my number one of the scandal the end of your heart
and I would show them my son at this point was five or six years old yeah I was taken with the Barnsdall park is work on most of my life because of this remarking Hollywood over the distribution Frank Lloyd Wright houses houses will solve these problems of this whole city that lives in front of the school site overlooking for months and I would get on their final look this is not taken through meetings and other music so most of them died
for that matter some of the states over for a little while I had guys would actually go through the mother's perfume and stuff on there but I couldn't find any clues never thought about a salon for
I was
we are given over the years usable strong emotional concerns are so very grandiose pompous **** most of our for that he's now I recognize that for so long before I thought it was an advantage you know and I was just
but I realize that in order to see what she needs some sort of real women and
spiritual awareness I have to be willing to admit
that someone else could teach me something about my own life
they are growing up Catholic there's always people tell you about your license and actually there are some priests but sadistic actually opened me up to a lot of world literature art music
these rooms and look at some guy who is not that's my definition of the lotus notes that I'm willing to look at your life and take from this some particle obscenity that Olympians will fly tomorrow
it's remarkable expressiveness it's it's it's it's proven to me that we're all very much alive and I don't I don't say that with any sort of
yeah hi I'm
some heartless what I really try to think about the
works for me and my wife and I are you know
I would be getting referred a lot from this podium this is actually not about it beforehand John Belushi right now it's just
I've had a lot of people are dying on the fourth newsletters and so
I recognize that most people in most meetings will die drums which is no doubt about that just before the system show that this is a killer and that many of us will die from regardless of how long stays overnight no notice on August twenty years twenty five years and never got past
once one day classes in the first half of uniforms we got to do make it fast and this is all going to look for my fiance one question when did you stop to
with the help of
what if you get this in your mind yeah and almost invariably
the card that they stock solutions
that they started isolating because they started setting in the back of really going
I'm not I'm not that S.
damn why don't you go get a drink but it
this separation again you know I lived most of my life separate from the rest of your
and once I was connected and I got connected in these rooms are connected to hospitals and walk offs around this country in the world you know I go to meetings on and in many countries of the world I'm fortunate to have a job that actually allows you to travel to Sydney and
Newcastle upon Tyne England
no or or Paris France or or Auckland New Zealand and noted somewhere in that sounds there are levers
so I can walk with a bunch of other people who don't have noses and parts of their faces are falling off you know and I'll be right at home it is a it is a spectacular thing is a simple thing you know I used to think that the answer has to be
what we come here to see what works I mean anything that it's simple popular possibly boards might
investments you know there's a there's a bookstore in Los Angeles call the poetry spiritual bookstores with born in the sixties I guess when we're all of the friends of some sort or another most of us from the rest of the world up in the papers or
I understand this bookstore ten thirty at night and before I got sober and toward one of these books is just sort of fly off the shelves and hit me in the head with Paul Wilson and there would be the answer how can I be comfortable without the necessity of wanting to use force myself
I can tell you this for
what is the answer for me I think it's the S. forty off all of our listeners have spread across the world
who who are not helpful because there's Henry Miller right right once was enough always wants me to have a look for you to know what it was was in the process of one of the friends and after that you wouldn't necessarily have to use all the power of the man's identity describes I've always known he was a little bit by the fact that as we've done tonight can laugh at the most when this disaster is more more
it was like we can actually get some sort of fulfillment out of the fact that he lives that haulers desperate sickening lives
let people you know hordes believing women get behind us
so he wrote in this essay that is the world ran like a hole so I was meeting you could just spend every police force in every argument finest here was a group of people who supposedly had nothing in common other than the fact that they suffer from this malady called off the hallways and in the time that they are in this room together what they care about most is staying sober and helping the person next to say so for that reason
I mean that comes through all the bullshit
you know that cuts through any political any sexual anymore racial lines you know it is our souls together
this is a phenomenal player so there were a lot of a lot of need some answers and I don't know that's a lot of this sounds like you know when I was new when I listen to people talk to have any kind of time I was just hoping for hawking
since
but it really is and symbols of the motives of the missiles
I don't think that's enough
I think about four seven this whole bloody thing is number four because I think without that were able to I'm sitting with a full share so much longer than the absence sure
and I go through that myself
I want to be honest with me because I knew that there was no other way for me to live and when guys would tell me it doesn't matter what you do as long as you stay sober I thought it was a pretty good answers but I do believe it's more than I do believe it's important that we moved beyond that I think we got as a launching pad for my wife wasn't so that happens I have no choices whatsoever
however once I stay sober will talk about the four seven this is a separate mentally we are on the defensive side we're after B. Swanson feels self loathing what's that we wallow in this messy bog off and getting ready to ship in a painful pleasure out of it that's what we perceive as knowing how it should be maybe six supported spread nothing but living in the possible solutions of course we have lost all perspective and therefore all genuine stability for this fight in diverse if however are natural dispositions inclined to self righteousness will grandiosity
we will be offended at eight one suggested inventory
no doubt we shop with prices to the good lives and we thought we left before the bottle cut us down we should point that are serious character defects if you think we have any at all seven because chiefly by excessive drinking this being so we think it logically follows that sobriety first last and all the time is the only thing we need to
to work for
we believe that our one hundred characters will be revised the moment we quit alcohol it was pretty nice people along surprises and what needs to be there for a moment for you know we are so well this is real real importance you know because
I can make you feel like you are you are you are you pretty damn useless you know if I want willing to really open myself up to myself you know when this happens it's easy for me to deal with that part of it because I wanted to sexualize
I love it actually
it was a person in a room listening only to make
and he has refused me
but if you do nothing else I think the idea of sitting down and honestly and forthrightly looking past those things you know if we all take thirty seconds here is the scan across our allies and with me is there are these peaks of desolation and despair and sadness and anger that's just always there you know the ones that really large evidence of how what what what what you say why let me know and all the citizens several minds around includes restaurants for more on what to get into
when I was willing to sit down and really examine myself and take responsibility
Northfield
what responsibility for everything I've done in my life
then I was able to look at myself in present times we know you want to continue doing that and
you can
they don't Russell because we've all heard this I'm sure the definition of sanity that an old man once told me when I was it was over the repetition of the same action expecting different results and I'm wondering why it was
you know there's only two givens of Frank's message across
the district walking again well you know what you just want to feel
I thought was that god was with us your first
in the form of the morning and I was in some fast passes you'll know how you feel
a hundred twenty dollars for Italian very laxative
not a problem with them about the morning and we would be so ashamed to go into the house that would go into the garage
and for all other than the oil staying somewhere on the order
so my family woke up and they left the house my son would be driven to school by his mother my daughter was at school when I was called to the house effectiveness and switch to one of our many aspen is
it is two years removed from his office
at one oh three years
with one of our members
it would be a horrible disease
hi America say within the next twenty years with several children together I have an eight year old son she said when she was thrown out of school
if you have a playground for close around his appointments about somebody else's life will flash before
you know what
only next to me she saved my life more than ours is
she says
now if you look at the weather issues understand the left arm this is not for the children
choosing what should we do the more homicide yes but my horse
the scripts for the first
I think we have a special relationship
I am successful in business I have I think the odds are many turns my life
five
I know enough about me to know
that if I were more of anything
is the solution to my problems that's when I get in trouble
what is not the answer I think really truly from the last is the answer
by nineteen eighty five I was I was on
because of the story was with this disappoints the alcoholic personalities whose minds I am
I wonder how many wards for for activists for the show uses and
one of the awards show that's nice and nominated you know there's no way I was feeling very upset when they don't if they don't give us it is an enormous craft on
I was up in the coal mining
right on the stage and as a result my wife myself the apostrophe blessed no this is me so here I was worried the walls fifty million people watching on television I've got this great gold statue in my hands I am a fast
the stage when I walked out of the auditorium of my people who wants to live on this and it's like beautiful business sector of my beautiful house specific ocean I walked in the resources section I placed it on his desk so he stepped back very close which will be one of the government just hours
when I start thinking like that unable to really understand the gifts that I have in my life so you know I got three more
progress what was actually going
if you're new to this journey please don't take anything I say seriously find out for yourself
the only thing I know is the experience of higher has signed on as and so forth the only story I knows mine our flies in my life and how it was applied to my daily living in this in this world insanity and to fostering and evils and anger and violence I don't know if this is a paid in advance all I have to do is make sure that I understand that I have a feeling reprieves from the situation that was not
I didn't volunteer for this well I didn't wake up when I was seven years old there will be an alcoholic
I have a home I was born in alcohol and I have the opportunity of the only places like Affleck once
I love that officers some days of sales at all all right
I'm in a business where people work hate
to satisfy my needs
you know their jobs depend upon satisfying needs
and that's a really dangerous place for the holidays because I can get very wide shifts of others and I can be very justified
and I'll tell you something that you can find the license over number of times
considering my position that I walked up to
a great switches and others like pulls cables and stuff on the Senate floor four or five minutes that something was wrong and I feel lost in the moment
to walk up to one of these guys look as a missing woman yes I'm really sorry is there something I can do
one time loss you lose millions I just wanna have fun of what you know how fast we ourselves as well
thanks very
well I don't have to stand behind this legislation
you know I get it I can just look at you as miss Arnold absolutely and totally swirls I just wanted to look at you as a fellow human being
regardless of whether you're drunk enough you know I believe this is a school room in this life I was there I've got a treat those people like I'm willing to treat you
otherwise I'm only half full
I really do believe that Sir can you please go to meetings become aware of the opportunities as well each day is an opportunity to feel better about yourself and there are a lot of people around here who feel good about themselves for a long time
the book is a miraculous thing I don't need any of you if I have to force
what's great about having you is that I get to reflect on its troops from your experience which gives me a whole new dimension you know it's like watching five different guys have what I see five different service stations is very sick by listening to your lives I get an opportunity to reflect on my life back in Richmond because your people in this world wide interests in other people's role who are as much as seventy million
now that it's only six of twenty
do not become quantity
I'm just glad he's not the only one time or another you know
much of the time I would say for example allowing me to come down here and share my experience hi if you love you I don't even know you but I love that part of you that is new to salsa slacks my disease and like your specialization
thank you very much for inviting me to be here tonight I want to thank the committee or whatever one moment thank you for inviting me in for you I've been in town when done at dinner tonight you don't know okay all right down front right now we're looking up over the
negative warrants over the ground it's just wonderful to be in for an honor when you feel like it's one of the
you know I'm not gonna try to go online if you'd like if one of them in right now and I am going to present a really long time if you wanna be friends
finally
it is great to be in a meeting it's an honor to be in a meeting and it is the same honor speak anywhere anytime our problem
it reminded as well and when we were in the room is called
hold I'm in a pretty bald on out of the United
it's hard to get used to being on the interest but I'm not going to warm up here
I think the beginning
I'm sorry
I was born the same year that Alcoholics Anonymous I'm sorry
warning issued months before it was over and I started I was born in February of nineteen thirty five in June on June tenth bottom they'll gather in Akron Ohio and that was the very first meeting between anyone hello world final word everyone waiting because I
Florida started
because I really do believe that I'm one of those kinds of people on the lower left at home they told me that in hospital management firm we believe I don't normally talk about blocking the wind it means getting battered thanks for a while and seems to get the crowd going on yeah my experience was when I started running I never remember having the social brain
our whole building reminders all over the holidays I
from the brand is also part of the one of my brothers medical stays over for many years your religion and might have a software you're welcome now this is not the only way the if certainty about the first line
where site one school with the psychology
our young nine years old my family went back to the family farm activists contacted mirroring the sun
and there was a great deal of a number of records and stuff around their numbers eleven year old okay but I have to call him back on the floor and he felt kind of sorry for me because I was just a little little can't and never got anything to drink he called me one day since the autumn who this farm this beautiful park back in the summer and back in Wisconsin they cut a haze documents he was summer months before the winter what about in the in the pharmacy and all all winter long and he showed a whole new meaning into Haiti and what exactly as far as the free fall in like for my farm what we are left bottom of reputed airline in ages nine ten eleven on
despite about twenty two years old and I don't understand what this bottle of wine he needs a right hearing this whole utility one thousand nine at anytime you'd like to have a great opponent refuses to lock me up in the morning and they're great you can buy the whole part of it also increases I'm sure a lot the whole summer and the new
kind of a general doctor
that's one of the
and one day eleven year old yeah
legally blonde he's my hands went down on what they were having a movie went into the ladies room south Africa's parliament overflowed the manager was Amanda
for a lot of myself on my very first job then the next day here on Amazon right here okay growing up sicker than a dog and that was the beginning of my career that's how I kind of like Houston today and that that is about one ninety one of one of those I'm not able to be when I get a call working or
Record-Eagle alcoholic I was able to continue on with the school and I was shortly afterwards by dialling on management was not at the end of that particular year and the nineteen forty six
I'm gonna get me back and I got polio that's one of the real estate because I got a little background about three years before going to bed in the morning backseat for the reminder and it was because of the quality of my life is built around the office whatever you wanna call
that was all I could work on finally got out of the hospital and went to high school and was very very interested in all the things that happened in school I ran for all that has to be the best I don't know that I was in the band
president have a wonderful time but about every second or third weekend
hi yeah
never never had a social right and his number you can go up almost right through my hands on her and had something happen usually have some kind of a lack of control my kidneys are a little bit of a rack or something or something or not although I was constantly involved but I couldn't yeah when I couldn't bring it on the forums and I started working
everything seemed to go along with five of the same sex freezing up on me and haven't been much considering having these problems
yeah but he's talking the teenage years when I got out of high school went to Salem to Brighton this is another story and I went to a regular school but not every company here and broadcast engineered under the broadcasting and television although it was just wonderful it was just
it was going to be I don't know we don't have to walk because I can talk on the radio broadcast sporting events that are in the making a good living but even then I would notice every once in awhile hi I wonder if you guys want to do I love my work I love being in broadcasting I just want to be in my style but I think one of the reasons I was always the one who's going to a black out and crossing over and going to fox and hand him over to my god is the most horrible terrible debilitating following up as some issues were complicated swear I never drink again and upon arrival yeah
and I also
we're going to continue to work and then I got on the wrong one time doing this whole thing from I get in the mind so we're going to talk about myself or my brother when I went I went into this worldwide pants and in nineteen sixty eight I'll never forget I fell alarm accidentally will probably
those you love Reuters Wednesday to California which is the fabric of the state
at the age of the players I'm not a problem of interest in our state of our union is that Republicans wanted to do away with unions and things all right for Democrats and all very proper all the labor number that it came up and killed this veil called right to work and I'm just
one of the more than thirty five hundred fifty eight dollars and twenty three twenty four years of age I thank you for reading this thing began to work a little bit and politics very funny background all the people running for office and I'm not very interested in public life and decided to run for office
and I said that and I want
actually mom and talk to people in the act a little better and out of the nineteen sixty nine
and so it was just wonderful I understand I just couldn't believe what a wonderful honor that one and I remember those who died the city mayor
reference number one six nine he called me up to the house on the day before we were sworn into office gave me a
this is Johnny calling me and I will point members of the city council certain formulations if you are going together I don't know those guys down there all winter for a while and I feel pride in the future for you Susan I want to look through the walls and you can expect for our appointment you want and I'll give them to you and then I'll get the right
Jeremy long leaving well
everything like public buildings and parks and the finance committee and all that stuff
in certain cases police commissioner police commissioner
yeah they don't matter when you feel like you know
I like that right you've got it so the next Monday it was one of the offices of the San Marino city police department right when they book a book we accept what they were going to take my picture for a laminated card bring it up I mean I still have it at home beautiful part of it John P.
hallucination Arsenio
not exactly what you want to live with that money in my pocket and the way we go actress Anne does not find out get arrested for drunk driving the city of Santa Monica you know when you are finished now
nobody ever left the United soccer because I don't have that I still want to know you have a wonderful wonderful weeks or three
that time when I was going on over data mining the salon itself thrown off for now and get into some kind of problem but now I have some of the driving home right after four years in that position
July eleventh very much
when they found out the man who won the state if someone
I did a lot of popcorn higher office Blair William northward if I could run for that office is in the nineteen sixties why not let's go in August sentiment in general I don't seem to be having a lady behind him and I said yes that is a new primary at that nineteen seventy three or one sixty three sixty two I don't know what is available in your state legislator I'm only twenty six twenty seven years old it's about this
that's my name the lady and we actually right my second son sometimes people live with the second one hundred is very impressive lighting
Hey I'm working at the radio station nice name of city police commissioner and somehow it's not if the people in that
ET the status I'm nineteen I always get a reporter nineteen sixty three that was back in the days before they called nine hundred
seating second why can't you just everybody because Sacramento for three or four five or six months and I came up to Sacramento swarming in
background will bring all these people and I you know at the town hall all of these
incredibly enough most of us have which is that any any security like mothers than in life you don't know how I felt I was surprised that I was there I couldn't believe that I was there on the other hand was kind of an old self centered how long in one side and it was a very mind blowing things like what the hell I will walk through morning walkers and here I am in California legislators you know Karl Marx again I always wanted to undergo the process it's not that I remember seeing the system we have every policy follows standard automobile program at any hardware and any car you want and I have a black box nineteen sixty three black fever in your member that was almost gone and she even had the license plates on it instead members following the legislature's eighty families whose numbers within the days it doesn't from
but interrogated me that the legislators several salaries
he was entirely automatically
California highway patrolman when I asked him if he knows okay
they do today because if they don't let him not because of that luckily I have the drive when I present a long time I need to complete this nonbinding this is one of the state and the big paper and I was getting
it is common
you know ninety five hundred miles on either one time between here and
I was driving towards southern California he began to reign
when I heard until I was running one worker one ready for work and I looked down and I was going a hundred miles an hour and what's the problem with the wind
the work and move the blade up office
sign up for the Saturday before the rubber compound impact
hello this news letter saying one thing I want to interject one little thing here because I get to talking about alcoholism and alcoholics and how bad it was the truth is during all this time you know what a great member of the legislature I remember serving I wonder what number I can contribute greatly say hello and I'm very very problematic and others the info on the city council and a member of the legislature as I talk and he had controlled about those times and penicillin taking run down stories that I will be able to identify with thank you one hundred dollars I didn't go to work every day I work hard now I'm not one of the members of the legislature by local services moving body armor coming alcohol
and the first one I was one over the line you can hear me loud getting to be a hundred and twenty members
and about eight hundred or nine hundred western walls and does a wonderful job still to this day then what yes anything thanks for getting attention and repeating operations last night after what they were paid to do it and I was just
my my drinking continues but I kind of went off the scale of the things that really good with me and so this is our final at by all in the evening hours
when I was writing not really so much that I finally in the
and then for actually didn't even campaign so screwed up my wife left me but it's gone it's gone management off and on the alcohol like alcoholism
one more I couldn't function and what really and I think a lot of money in my hand yeah hundred nine say they didn't put people to not hold on these issues primary election of nineteen seventy four simply because I didn't hear anything else who's going to
in order to go out and put on a hundred campaigns and I'm not a loss
what I do this every morning we've also been inundated here and my attitude that Congress closed during walking over the mileage
the local wonderful meeting held on line at this Harold feelings on rejection and anger and I really or call on right
almost exactly from that date until the fifteenth day of December nineteen seventy six which is my sobriety date twenty five years this year I mean
this is a little bit and they used to have a hospital to be treated as a disease about all of the numbers that you have to sneak it out of a bad liver or something on the call to Canada he went back to the front door to give your name and that's what happened to be my son
check
hold on sign me up when I was there on my last race while I guess the fourteenth of September I finished off on the rest of the bottle Jack Daniels in the parking lot of that hospital and later and submitted myself with whatever happened when the father
I haven't had a bath for about a month arms north you know you got to want to volunteer because you're resting your elbow I don't remember but I didn't know
and I was a real mess I'm scarfing the wheelchairs metropolitan area those days are gone one hospital room sitting in a wheelchair
and when you have a broken arm you know handing control wheel chair you can only use one arm always around certain
so that's what I was doing it again I just wanted to circle they got banned from the off line games you shower and all this stuff and got the
the
medical stuff done that they had to do
and one of the things that they suggest that it is very minimal what they would do during the day if you followed a lot of lectures about what the World Health Organization has to say about the disease of alcoholism and alcohol affects the liver and all this stuff is always very very interesting and wonderful and I remember distinctly from one of the things that they strongly suggest we use a lot of cold weather eight meetings every Monday night
I have never in my life
okay I think I've read about it in a magazine one time yes we're talking about it but can you believe that you're a member of the legislature and the former city councilman dying in broadcasting and never heard anything that I really have in nineteen seventy six I heard about one I don't like to hear about the Rosicrucians enough well Karen's is that you know the auto club had some vague idea that there was a group called ABA but I didn't know a lot of water I've never been to a meeting ninety one Abbas and the reason I'm while I'm at it because I have known him the thing about it I probably would have formed a band
I was lucky enough and I've never I didn't know what was going on hello one of the ladies since Sunday night in the cafeteria at the merchants and one month old daughter Michael went down there it was a meeting a little smaller than that from you tonight mas was looking all set around having meetings and I went to the media center listens the funeral costs there's all the patients become non voters even though it's not even thinking about it interesting that was said I don't remember I kind of got sunburned weakness that I didn't really identify with anything those who have been waiting for something to be said or done or some of the world and maybe some can't see anything in favor of secret
WordPerfect nothing really effective and I think it was on the second step and that was probably thirty five or more people in the country you're in August last year and there's some really bad coffee everybody smoked in those grades in the whole world one of small number half meeting and the governor said the lord's prayer which is a little bit difficult for me a little bit uncomfortable that holding hands running around that went back up with you know fire it was just
no I don't know what that is about it frankly
next week the Wall held next week of lectures in the next hundred ninety one dollars thanks bye mom before we come in the form
nothing really that I could figure out how to get your life back whenever we
suddenly dawned on me for some reason
one of the ten
I have lost the compulsion
I didn't think about I think he had and he was gonna
yeah simply half it was a matter for me John Martin hitting eighty one I was miraculously even leave office outside of the front desk
a little
wow
it's a wrong one Max all of those days when I get back laughing in the parking lot on the fourteenth of September in about three months
like I said in that meeting and usually look a little like an after school with Max she I thought she was living in a car with a hundred stadium or something I don't know what he was doing he was called me and they would call on her to see that say something like one of the world's problems Moran they took from me the company also right and I think of myself as a Vietnam myself one of my favorite is the middle classes in the beginning
considering the unity needles on
and then I wanted to also do the same thing because we don't know for me to come home
hello yeah really and negative walking self centered over
I don't know I mean one day she was telling my story I just paid the eight in Ghana Morocco listening movies for many minor tires right I had a great reviews three months when I don't need to have a drink I didn't want to have a great I haven't actually even automatic it's just kind of went away
given that America's maybe because you don't want that it is a very very common story if we hear about
we get here many of the different way into my mind when I got here I just told you
according to the beginning I didn't get you to go to meetings I'll have to go to freedom we now and I continued to grow and grow and I want to tell you that hearing about the folder thirty four months of mind body and going back to the hospital after refusing a monster on the Sacramento
and that's where we now have all of that twenty three twenty four or twenty five years ago and he was a very very very important parts of minorities is right in the very early days I only remember we're not democratic can I ask you to just read another round of
even though they have a number you can call your number to be at home either and the drugs that
is that right
are you hearing from
well
you'll even
okay
thanks for reading I don't have the right numbers already but I do want you to know that she's a very important part of my story and we were together very very well on on and
she taught me a lot about the program in those early days in Florida I agree and the phone knowing unknown I really didn't know what would have happened but I guess it is the only thing that I did winds but I didn't and I went to a lot of these yeah that's fine they can beginning of mining
which is when the figures for almost twenty five years the general one of the things that
the unions in recent years yeah how long I want that next time about some things and that's what I really want to care if you don't mind
I was one of the people
that and we believe I don't know I don't it's not going on I don't know I really believe that I was going to die we've had very few problems my problem was that I
great how all
and then my mom bringing alcohol expected **** up my life another major and the state is doing bad things going on with my career
and so it is hard to find fascinating in mind that if I didn't drink alcohol I would be that would be removed from maybe everything but we weren't everything would be fine I will be back and I thought well adjusted we are never going to be great
under that format fifty years and a half because what happened is my going to tell you the truth eight years ago all right my star midfielder story I got so I got here what happened anyway I didn't drink anymore I understand actually it's not great I need you to go to a meeting sponsored by the people I am not a sponsor and with all the things that I heard posted to the
stocks a fundamental things change and that is that hi if you
in in the era of life in a constantly giving me the most problems my problem was and I found that as well my problem I don't really know he walks back having a relationship with another human being well I did a lot of everybody's not with me
I will never ever
I am married and I've been married six times
I have never in the border so many times and I have one more
I don't
on a day in October I'm reading documents off
yeah finally this is old this is all right and ready in the morning three times stronger
and not all next one of the problems
so I got married again
and this is about a hundred years getting worse I couldn't believe it I just couldn't believe it
that's what matters with the forces I kind of figured that soul number in the fourth
we had a hard time swallowing
but you know it was
Spence and all this stuff thanks for going to prison and that is what we call the young lady from Lodi and I got married again finally this day yes I mean I don't mind
yes I just couldn't believe it I really want the input it almost killed me
two years clean and sober today a government meeting for recycling in the collection plate
not one
one three three five I read it I read
I mean you know what
I thought I was
I really thought I was
yeah read some of the literature I want to commend the one night that I read anybody ever had any problems wow well once again you know there wasn't working at all and
sixty years ago it doesn't belong in our computer will be problem Alcoholics Anonymous the staff and the sounds that have a lot of one paragraph each
kind of messages you will spot it was written while thirty eight thirty eight or thirty nine when you don't have to reporters right hander stacks but you know I mean nobody really wants to get something here on my mother I think it's the most fabulous piece of literature in the twentieth century but when you want to remember writing that while there you had a problem twelve fifty six years of sobriety and the Manhattan revenge for a
and in the Senate staff that that seven steps in the problem rudeness vulgar in exercise in there sometimes we have to go through a
world of Warcraft says eagle
hateful products is that he's got a long way
if we finally get to the heart while you are waiting to reach the middle because we wanted rather than having to be poisoned and no one's going to read that and I thought
to be bothering them
now are you still reading that and I thought
they are being a little dramatic and I
I thought you know the man getting kind of being a little fun let me tell you on that that's nearly fifty years of driving you're on the boards my second solo record
and
yes differently with the character models exactly is another program called wallowing in despair I couldn't understand what the gloss and back where I want
you don't have a problem with your story I don't think that happens to many people but I'm not offended when I happened to me I was finally walk around me I don't know what we did I went down I think they are better off
I couldn't run I'm mad visible shade behind making most of all
water that I've reset I've ever met in my mind when I have a girl that works for me my sex drive I called up and made arrangements to go in the hospital in southern California yeah one of the last
above all call them never happened to me wonderfully and I had to have my secretary driving down the driveway Carson California I literally couldn't do it I had a meeting I don't
doctors hearing within this hospital setting up for a later Jones brothers and sisters
they're doing things non American icon in here to you I would never have done you
those who are interested thanks
when he
I tell you one thing I
getting enough
hi there broke down meeting people with nuclear weapons
underneath the internet package
all the people of their own maybe there is a little bit of a real number of our
I don't have any
I don hospital down there yes it is in the you'll have to get in touch with your inner child
no I knew that I had he
if I didn't get
several minor child we went out of my normal vision was to do whatever and say
you know what I started because one day John I want to go somewhere on this campus and so we got all of our little
you're you're probably on your behalf when I told you to let me know about scientific and I agreed that
I need you know how to get to see the presence of that
internally he said to me what I wanted to write
I believe that you know I got a little bit
I have my next week when I think about writing a letter anyway he says I wanted to take a stand on the right hand the whatever you're gonna
one wife a letter
a simple lovely black
and then what was needed and what I mean
in fact
I figure this
why would nobody would look at
I wrote a letter to house I want you to know that I love you once you know the amount of plastic your say I don't remember all the lyrics which is something I love you I I'm I want to provide a safe home for you whatever whatever the line
and I can't let
and yeah you're right that it was legal swallowing hard to read but I actually got a few words hello my name is almost like a lead your name everywhere reply with a weekly reported on my hands are
but it was a little scary then these these little reading many finance began to take on a comment about the spiritual side of getting service about it now I will go a long animations on hiring an unused room and read the minor child
anything I think is
another thing that they had to do was I had to write a letter to my dad and mom and dad it's all right fifty one and then I had to write a letter to all my relatives
argued that it needs those letters to the assembled all patients in the hospital
I had I thought it was terrible thing is my dad and dad nineteen fifty one writing a letter so I had to do it so I wrote a letter you know I've been a combination you can read that letter when I got that letter on this and we took a class in about halfway through the leading back of this letter again that happens
okay Greenspan is sounding like I haven't done I remember when it was a
I'm not advocating it is this by the way right down on the account of what happened in the
well I was not verified
home or make a living out of the swimming pool in the backyard and I used to say to myself about my grandkids
I hit one of the little **** come over here because you don't have to get it done on the screen
exactly yeah Hey on the right I just didn't like yeah
the little **** around how do you know what you want to call this is before I went away number back and I'm sitting in my backyard
you know myself
everything about his backyard
the warriors mold head is trending please avoid we have twenty five cents apiece all of the water with nothing out of place it was struck several I don't and we need to
hello I need anything one of those grand what congresswoman for general compliments when the grandfather house because they can hello there
so what I did was I started calling them up one by one he said and the funny thing is I found out I love children I'd rather not say anything
hi I'm wondering if you feel better he hated trump WC fields in my garage and number that I love that your money will make it on the golf course and all kinds
well that didn't seem to be more all
wonderful warm compassionate loving feelings for children and I'm not a big deal because I have made I come to terms with this your yeah I don't know I really don't want to hear all I know is that I found along with those wonderful collections people call mine old grandchildren I got a letter
they are actors a large number of mine mine mine mine from my wife and her
it's all over the place you don't want to clean their need for smart
I would hate to Israel we get a farm fresh Donald one spaces where we knocked over there wants friends from all manner that I think down there by L. A. with all of the right side of the policy strong winds or something I
he's standing on the right
we got a hotel room and we just had a long range in age from Vermont Florida fifteen years of age and I found along with the one woman that were my only grandchildren because yeah I had gotten rid of the anger and he often depend on my stomach about the birds
I want them to the point where I couldn't reach out to minorities and while an invoice minus hold
the prior in eagle and Yang and the software internet
open the door complete with the future fallen on that one thing that made me so very very much in my life today I was able to finally believe it or not I mean you're you're wondering I didn't you know I don't know who's waiting for a very long time but I have never had any
and more for more power when needed about everything today she was the general secretary local groups and we live in a while and we get a small amount of time there is nothing very four years this August he was lovely lady named Linda we haven't had any devices no matter going on the war is over you know the prices are down it is waiting I believe that in my life because we played the same thing for me however I don't have yet I know that there are places in a anyone they can have you talk about things like your child working only stop my story and it happened to me and I know that I would never have been able to think about it all on the floor in my in my mental attitude one from the back of my hand is basically screaming in the locker room in there all day I don't remember reading some utility that are under hill W. soccer himself from Lorraine Herger raised his price right one time and then we'll see what goes to better manage that for a week
wait Paros we had a little different because we get out of and I believe it was a hundred thousand games in front of one hundred eighty
he said the money needed regular local Mexican in the back room and narrowly missed the local raining bad
because of the depression anything out of pocket father father balances your problem is if you notice that what to happen towns
this is what you needed was for sentiment aren't the only things that must have been really really eighty personnel on duty after only one problem is the building if you are the father Amin yeah and because of that I was able to help you find a lot of times helping the right passes the negative review your cold enough pain be able to read that part about the end of a long long road he's a legal
the painful even
at seven twenty one that's one thing to be backed by money was out of the open for all the rest of the wonderful yes it can be mine as I continued flooding my role that happened yesterday
wow
hi everyone
when they tell you when I'm feeling down and because all of my life at about the time I got out of the hospital setting there remains something of money
I've been known among the locals people want to get a number to be and not only because someone once over
I don't see a lot of corn a living and I was able to get a job as a lobbyist not one of those markets and I talked about earlier the bodies of the blues I don't cert advisories but it isn't really part of the job selecting marks so I've been working for the last twenty five years in Sacramento has a lot of and I represent the represents anybody don't county riverside county which is wonderful because there's just far enough away and I don't see that often and that's going on with that okay when I do represent those who comes down and down in the state capital I think of all the affairs and has any interest in them in any case the funny thing
I don't know I don't know whether yes it is collected I don't know what it means but it just because of my stomach
Twitter almost with him when I think about the man with the big boss and the top number one guy great American group whose name was looking to do the walked in the room and I'm writing a wallet I mean you really going to seventeen years in a
and I hope we will operate this fabulous member of the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous and I had nothing to do it just happened that the guy couldn't believe it what else we've got here from the
the man who is the number one chief of all armed forces down there two years clean and sober today and he's not going to be very close to six thirty PM attitude adjustment
can you believe that I didn't even know anybody lives out of six thirty in the morning I used to go on the on my wife six thirty I cannot go to burning we need every probably goes to the early eighties yet down riverside down to make another run the county government they are wonderful guys are just regular guys like you and I have been very successful in life but they're really bothering a lot of programming member today is one of the mechanics to work on there with them and have to join the thrill of meeting guys who know how to act in order for me to find out one little word or something or an attitude or a public spat I don't remember how it happened bank and find out there are also members of eighty eight it is wonderful to be surrounded I work out of the capitol every day the man who was the head of the Senate
one of the elements maybe the neighbor's name
senator John Burton Johnny in all of friends of mine for many many years ago and was a very interesting still had her on the phone rang the member in a accident many many years this is a sponsored Wilbur mills former chairman of the house ways and means committee and the guy didn't even know I was going down the street in Sacramento one life my purpose thanks for reading the article car
and I thought I thought it was weird and it was something that I can hear those voices yelling what
well what are
hanging on the back of his car yelling at me and it was right in saying hi how are you a woman
and this guy runs the front of the Senate there are several numbers on the legislators who are members of our membership of eight actual
these are the folks who went to a meeting by archon willing members active
when I was there well it seems to me like everybody's trying everybody's everybody's right loses everybody small not everybody
of course that hasn't seen the world with the perception of my eyes not all it seems to me like there is a kind of off and accepted all the whole idea of recovery and the fact that it is a fact of life and if you happen to understand what you're going to work every
more problems than mine our house colleagues died from my dad and all his brothers rock holdings I just everyone in the whole thing if it's a single family and every part of our
but there's something that I found out and I'm delighted about
that is that recovery also
trying to family it is absolutely Armonk hearing one comes into the fellowship status in the fellowship don't necessarily fall camp you don't have to leave try calling on them and stuff in the beginning one seed is planted Williams
so final from the perspective of the twenty five years of looking back at the number of people in my family my son of the most popular Oregon was clean and sober
yes my son's got going on eight years in eighty eight my daughter's cleans over about six years it's just unbelievable my requires that sort of model number at about six months and there's and there's no pressure we don't leave the office around right
it's just it seems like the most affected twelve step work we do on families is just to stay sober ourselves in the Congress and sincere about our own recovery and what we see and enjoy and practice our recovery it has this is contagious effect on your lunch tonight recovery is contagious and spreads families just as much as in prior years right through and you know that kind of thing you know you know the power of Republican power eight the power of the spirituality of our program is an enormously it is we need an enormous thing
hero I never met her
or someone who I think is a hero because she is banned transaction numbers wrong but it's not a problem anonymity at the public level she once in a while to have a debate on a table or the staff behind in a photograph or image CV interview which she has never broken the anonymity flaws yes I understand it is a very active member of our fellowship in a very thrilling thing for me was like out of state the other day from a friend of mine and I'm sure you know about this and intermediate level we can break the internet is talking about hurting anybody and it was Tony H. okay this great compound in Santa Monica this line is just a wonderful guy indicating is that great good afternoon the member of our program please install are working great programs in our culture
and it was also decided if I can see the guy next door number nine I believe shoppers right we can organize hi this is similar to the other
the airport and I think somebody on hot topics sure you know when you go to the airport they seem to be determined to get the hell out of there right I don't want to miss out on anything is known for Mountain is going off overhead building here caramel corn off the engine well this is when you guys come up it was raining and I'm going to select top and bottom comes up in the I said well let's just look at somebody because okay problem is just one more reason those around behind like and he doesn't promise that on my way to win it all independent background in science my name is Jenny that's my race and give me a smile that you've got a great time your car is going to remember that he will not let my fans
hi this
it just it just warms he was not a member here today and just a sweet numbers in again I've never seen you before that for that minute I was opposed to that guy that ever been even being in my life the power from the always notice even driving on the roads more interpreter and see somebody go by and honked the horn in the back and it's going to stop it is not our fault in my personal heroes claims the odd ones out of the LA who claim status and I totally agree with that and work and be able to monitor the line the big boss has happened in other words about holdings announced it had the most profoundly positive effect on the lives of more human beings on this world any other written in the twentieth century that of course includes a viable alternatives return
all of them there is always helpful to all the wonderful things that man is not for the entire one hundred years in his opinion think of a a has positively affected in a positive way more people than any other single act is a powerful thing to say an accomplishment I've always been in a learning environment I go back to the beginning just record starting off with
I've been in politics online trying to get people in the meeting in school finance you know quiet Hey everybody repair in the cooking anything just to get a few people to turn out one of the very worst problems I ever went to was impressed I can respond to nineteen seventy seven I don't remember but it was one of my first year so we can contact in the hotel with what we can do to help which is not good for you I don't remember their names for the other meetings he and then he said well it sounded the federal convention center
well I have personal convictions and many times going into a political
and they will all have certified conference the police identified from offering the political conventions and younger people moving around and you go inside in the mean world they're navy group rate article with the political conventions and it was interesting but I was kind of hard so I don't remember that this time I go to one eight invention over there and I noticed that my nose mostly there's nothing personal why not no one is saying anything
our parking lot is just very confusing and market it was only one more office about five stores in convention center and you can open one only inside
there's a couple ladies of the car thank you if you're wondering what I'm reading and I'm still running one hundred
there's not much for them
hello all in order
there's two thousand all images
I was speaking with members since he was a senior in America what happened Canada or somewhere on the phone here some of our
one minute on the lack of action on mobiles
because honestly this is born out of this task is always beautiful a much higher
you know the American not American units and eighteen you know that it was just unbelievable I really want to call it New Delhi if you're somebody who's going to believe
many people were sold out it's the first of many many many many people care
one moment
how many of you reading in on the scene of the worldwide convention center and all his numbers eight oh five six years ago I'm I was able to go down there we went on a baseball stadium or the San Diego Padres play baseball cool what's the name of that street what's the name that I
thank you for
I'm a general state
our sixty five thousand people in Essex sixty five thousand people you know many people it is a hell of a lot of people don't like to see a lot you know
a number of people so all those things are cool do you feel miserable there are people in a beautiful class are from different nations and hundreds of nations from all over the world and then there's sixty five thousand people
Sensenbrenner
I'm interested in she will be here on a whole lot more orders trying to get loose on the meetings and stuff all my life right good evening and here is what and I know this we can neither of the cloud and the fact that the policemen who were working in the parking lot outside nobody was yes no longer nobody's trying to drive over one on one it was just unbelievable well the language of the heart
I'm sixty five thousand people in one
they had to put together a whole new box isn't just for the convention and people in the same vehicle background
nobody said they were common nobody said anything while they were there
Eddie how wonderful whenever marketers are losing control of
why don't we get all the people who we ate with block buttons the last woman to meetings and small they had to forget about no smoking and no doubt because most mediators yes but anyway I'm gonna close with that just to say to you that this experiment on running and one with my fellow citizens okay displacement the only thing is the overwhelming number in our own lives and bottling household incomes and people and if you don't want a lot of all you don't say I know when people are talking to somebody I saw that coming down off the camera hi yeah and not experience my family and stuff related I need some magic yeah well I just learned about myself so I just won't do it anymore but I thought I'd come here
someone from Amman handling
some people say to me you know well yeah he's a narcotics at
I actually got one isn't gonna all I believe absolutely there's no such thing as an old young there's only all across
he said that you guys are pretty good one I
yes the only
maybe the reasons yeah
yeah anything that we can get over online gambling chasing
and then of course there's there's not a lot of the eighty eight thousand the second and third generation somebody called me and then there's a new group called children of adult children of alcoholics this call
what
the thing about it is there is any anything there is a there's a there's a warm calm with Hungary a lot of that our approach that works in a cruise down much of the meeting and I didn't have the desire to remain or something that had been running game and compelling me all of my early life I do believe that your interaction in a
there's one other thing now I have to come home and play
I can find something here in explaining you work with your child in that all this stuff and it is gone and I'm going to mention that not when I have a problem there was none in this power
mentioned as a possibility public power coming into my life when I am explaining and offset and not doing well it comes from
and my wife is to simply say foreigners recognize that so I don't want my partners about coming off here tonight and I'm missing some winners were done absolutely work and that is what I call my doctor I can be I can be offset and turning and **** and banging my head around and never say that some lenders prior whenever there's a need for some humility and he will come to me so I can honestly say including my hotline that I really do thank god for a whole month but mostly I would like to thank all the loans are getting the mine thank you very
if you're wondering what I'm doing I'm playing right now
while Indian
I want to thank you for those nights would
now I wish my wife was here
I met Kathleen a
about twenty four years ago
something to be said about being compiled by default
but I like it
my oldest daughter she's in the program
thanksgiving dinner he came over
I'm telling my wife that she had tickets to see and Roger and Holly Barton
god I haven't started I told my wife she has the story you're in me again Roger
that's why I'm alone tonight
but I'm going to call Giannini in
and I like that
I
I've heard a lot if we can I think that that
among other things that I learned through in your life in the program
it's to be able to see myself in other people's
to identify and to understand
hi guys yeah
my friend Jack Friday night last night I don't know if you'll identify the stories told about I think I think you understood rather than identifying the story told about that eighty five year old man
I don't think you're old enough to identify with that
not only a little understood it but I think you like that
I know I didn't do I I have a friend at home
is the type of policy is everything and the other night he was talking about the first sex experience
he said he liked it
he was at home
anyone alone
I don't know if you identify with that
I think it's
it's a wonderful thing to be able to look back in your own life and
and to realize
how grateful you are
somebody mentioned about time some of us don't like in a
sometimes reality
and now
the god the way of telling us that not everything happens all at once
what time is the beautiful thing because the name you don't learn
I'm your friend to get some insight about yourself
some understanding about the illness of alcoholism
you learn something about prayer
and I have been fortunate enough that I had been given time you may
learn all these things and when I look back tonight
I realize that I'm a lucky person
I have a lot to be grateful for there have been
some special people in my life I know that took time
to help me
those days when I really needed help
and I didn't know how to receive it
one of them like a lawyer
I met him
back in nineteen fifty seven
I would imagine that night because I live in the future offers
almost eight years
I would go over and bomb came to see me in the mission
and now
he asked me if I wanted to go to an a a meeting
and I didn't know what N. a meeting live
and I didn't want to go any place because I like to drive
and now I needed a hair cut and I have always suffered from one story and that usually that took me about six weeks before my face with clear up
and when I'm in this condition I don't want anyone you know they have a copy of the bill not and they're free
the light that will go
I walked into that dental group
central group this meeting like this one
next
people from different walks of life
the man who stood at the door that night was a lawyer
and that's what he did every Friday night at the door and he would shake hands to everyone who came to that meeting
and he would do the same thing after the meeting it will take time everyone was leaving
and as I was walking through the doors of the hearing
a new grab my hand and he says to me
that he was glad to see me
and I wasn't black the team at all
but the only thing I could see life the way I look
the way I felt
and I found them might be carrying a let the lady Dutch
and I never even knew drugs drank
the one side if it doesn't that I never met one of them before
I'm at one forty three times
and he never once asked me to try to identify
and he got my mind all screwed up
and all I wanna do is get my donut get the hell out of there
but there with his lawyer
and that's what I'm grateful for
I'm grateful that
he understood
because when you're a bomb
when you have a long hair and long story you know you don't look too well
not too many