Mickey B. from London, UK Workshop on Step 1, 2 and 3, Part 1 of 2 at Road to Recovery Convention, Reykjavik Iceland

California Mickey Bush.

Hi everybody. My name's Mickey Bush and I'm an alcoholic.

I'm probably an addict too.

Probably. I've been told that I have to talk

slowly

because you bloody foreigners don't understand.

Well, I'm going to be speaking tonight about my story and sharing with you that, but today is like a workshop. It's a workshop on the first three steps. What Steps 1-2 and three.

So

I'll be talking about the steps and about the programme of recovery as outlined in the beautiful book Alcoholics Anonymous. This beautiful book, Alcoholics Anonymous. I love this book, Alcoholics Anonymous

and the Steps as I try to teach the people that I work with. Steps 1-2 and three, which are the basic foundation of the program

in the beautiful book Alcoholics Anonymous.

It starts off

where it where it says and I'll read it to you just so that you don't think I'm making it up or giving an opinion because I don't give opinions. I know it's popular for people to say everything you hear from me is strictly my own opinion or I'm just talking for me. No, I don't just talk for me. This is a wee program,

not a me program. And so I don't talk just for me. And if you look at the word me,

dig it, ME, me, if you then flip it over, it becomes

we.

You dig that this is a Wii program we got here. So I'm not going to have the balls to stand up here and tell you my opinion.

I wouldn't do that. Why would I do that? This is my experience. Strength and hope. There's nothing in the beautiful book about opinion, strength and hope.

It's experience, strength and hope. And not only that, but especially this weekend here, we've we've seen it so much controversial stuff. When people like me stand up at areas like this and claim that everything you hear from me is strictly my own opinion, it's very dangerous.

Because a newcomer here's an old fart like me,

say that I'm giving you my opinion, and then the newcomer thinks his opinion counts too.

And it don't.

You know,

in our beautiful book Alcoholics Anonymous,

I just it says here

half measures aviled us nothing.

Half measures didn't avail as half or a little half measures availed us nothing.

We stood at the turning point. We asked his protection and care with complete abandoned abandoned of self.

Here are the steps we took comma which are suggested as a program of recovery.

It's as a program of recovery that's been suggested. They did took what whatever you like about the steps, but they got them in their life.

It says if you want what we have and are willing to go to any lengths to get it,

well,

what is it that we have?

What is it that we have that we suggest you if you're new, goes to any length to get. That's what it says. That's what it's about. That's what you're doing here. That's why I'm here. Stay sober, Carry the message. Stay sober, carry the message. That's what the primary purpose is. So that's why I'm here. Hopefully that's why you're here.

So what is it that we've got

that we suggest you go to any length to get. Must be something, mustn't there? What is it? Well,

here it is, and it's very precious. And if you're wondering about all this stuff that we've been hearing about the steps and since the steps and the steps and the steps and the steps, we just had a little meeting at lunchtime, very precious little meeting where we talked about this. What is it that we've got?

Ask people that it's no longer a theory, It's a way of life. Us who have worked the steps, us that have got this program in our life, us that do this thing on a daily basis, us that live. What is it that we have? Like the book says,

you can join us on the Broad Highway. See. Well, what is it? What is it we got?

Well, no, it's not power. See, look, on the 12th step it says having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, that's what we got that you ain't got.

She asked to have worked the steps, have a spiritual awakening as the result of the steps.

Now I see people that have had awakenings, have miracles in their life, have breakthroughs, but they haven't done the steps or ain't doing the steps. Well, I'm glad they got what they got, but it ain't what we got because what we got is as a result of the steps. So if you want what we got, do the bloody steps

because that's where we got it.

So I don't care about those people who don't want to work the steps or don't agree with working the steps, or if they haven't got the steps in their life. I don't care what they want. I want what you got. That's what I did when I came here. I'm glad that I learned two things when I first got to Alcoholics Anonymous.

One of the things I learned was that you never wanted a bloody thing. I had

and I wanted and needed everything you had.

The second thing was that I wasn't the same as you. I wasn't the same as you. I wasn't equal to you. How could I be equal to you? You didn't want nothing I want. I had and you. I wanted everything you had. How could I be equal to you? If I was equal to you, what I had would have been equal to yours. And I was dying and you were living in the sunlight of the spirit.

I mean, I wasn't equal to you.

Maybe in God's eyes we were all equal.

Maybe spiritually we were all equal. And so I tell the troops in my house, I tell the guys in my house, if you think that, if you think, well, in God's eyes we're all equal. Well, on the way home, if you're walking home and you see a Bush and it's burning

and it's talking to you,

then stand there and listen to it.

But if that don't happen, listen to Mickey Bush and I'll tell you what this says.

The other thing I learned when I got it was that I couldn't stay clean and sober just because I wanted to. I couldn't not drink because I didn't want to do it anymore. I couldn't cease and stop drinking and drugging because I wanted to.

I had to not want to do it and then do these steps and this work so that I didn't do what I already didn't want to do.

I couldn't just not do it. I had to do these steps in this work so that I didn't do it. If I could have just said no,

we'd have a different ball game going here. Wouldn't we just say no? I don't even know where that comes from. Just say no.

I will drink and drug no matter what. No I won't just say no to a full blown alcoholic like me. Just say no.

It's like telling that homeless dude out there on the street, hey homeless dude, just get a house.

If I could get a house, I wouldn't be homeless. Yeah. And if I could just say no, I wouldn't be a drunk neither, you know. So I I couldn't just say no, I couldn't not do this just because didn't want to. You know, I didn't want to, and yet I did. Did any of you do that over and over and over? I'd say no, I ain't doing that no more. I ain't going to do that no more

and I will wake up drunk or come out of a blackout.

Oh, I ain't gonna drink no more.

And I come out of a blackout and I'd done drugs and I'd been done cocaine. And

it's like, I ain't even gonna touch that cocaine again. I don't even like cocaine. I ain't even a cocaine. Dude, man, I never gonna do that again. I'll just finish this last half

and then 28 last halves later, you know,

so I had an illness. I had something wrong with me. Like the book says, like when Bill and Bob are doing the third man on the bed and and they say you are an alcoholic. She's in the book, folks. I'm not making this up. You know, we say you can't tell anybody they're alcoholic. I don't know where that comes from. That ain't in the book. It don't say we don't tell folk they're alcoholic. It says we'd rather not or we prefer not to. A totally different thing.

See I I needed you because I couldn't self diagnose this disease. I know people say that.

I call Idlib flapping party line bullshit.

How could I self diagnose a disease that I'm powerless over and tells me I ain't got it?

How can I do that?

I couldn't do that. What, am I going to stand there and argue with it?

I'm an alcoholic. No, you're not. Yes, I am not. No, you're not. Oh, yes I am. How could I shelf diagnose a disease I'm powerless over and tells me I ain't got it? I couldn't do that. I needed you to help me do that. I needed you to tell me. That's what happens when one alcoholic comes together with another alcoholic for the purpose of recovery. That's the magic that we have in rooms like this all over the world, all over the world, there's Alcoholics doing what we're doing here, coming together for the

purpose of recovery, which is the third factor when one alcoholic comes together with another alcoholic for the purpose of recovery. And that's why

if you think that hanging out with Alcoholics or just coming to meetings is gonna be enough for you, you're nuts.

If you think coming into a meeting and putting your butt in a chair that you're gonna get this thing through osmosis,

it ain't gonna happen. You think you're gonna put your butt in a chair and it's gonna come up through the hole in your ass, you're nuts. It ain't gonna happen. See, hanging out with Alcoholics ain't what happens. If that was what was all there was to it, we could go down any Skid Row in any town in any country in the world and hang out with drunks. Drunks have always hung out together. There ain't no big deal about that.

But what we got is for the purpose of recovery.

That's what we got that those folk out there haven't got and that those folk out there don't understand. That's why we come. And the magic of one alcoholic relating to another alcoholic for the purpose of recovery is what we have that they don't have out there.

And you know what they don't understand? Those folk out there, they don't understand. Good, well meaning people don't understand

my own mum don't understand my own mum loves me dearly. She lives in northwest London. I go home to see her at least once a year. I've been four times this year in London and I live in United States, Los Angeles. But I go home to see my mum. I I walk in my momma's house knocking my momma's door. Mum, I'm 18 years sober. She's just, so is the cat.

She don't give a crap. She certainly don't give me a pat on the back for not doing something 'cause I shouldn't have done anyway,

'cause she don't understand. She don't laugh like you guys do, you know? So we come here to do what we know. And what our beautiful book says is that if you be alcoholic of our kind, Alcoholics of our kind, now you may find other Alcoholics, you may even be an alcoholic of another kind. I don't mind. I have no truck with anybody's preference or what that is, but I know

I'm an alcoholic of our kind of the kind described in this beautiful book, Alcoholics Anonymous. I am an enemy of the disease. I'm an alcoholic of our kind just described in this beautiful book. That's what I am. Now. If you is an alcoholic of our kind, great. Welcome. If you're not an alcoholic of Alkene, hey, have a party. I don't care.

Doesn't make any difference to me. If you got something, teach me. Show me. Tell me. Let me learn from you. I'll give you what we got. Share with me what you got.

If it's as equal, I'll take it from you too. If it ain't have a party,

you know, I'm, I'm just glad to be here doing what I'm doing, not dying, not dead, you know, living a way of life that you guys have taught me how to do, you know, And so I'm an alcoholic of our, our kind that want what we have, which is this. So I want this. So I don't mind if there's other people that want other things. I really don't mind.

I have no truck with anybody's preference along those lines. I really don't. And but I want what we are and what we have here when, when we talk to people, when we work with new folk,

if you want what we have, well, what do we have? We have a way of living a way out that we can absolutely agree upon, the book says. So we have a way out that we can absolutely agree upon.

And the book even says, with this attitude, you cannot file.

That's pretty good. Like guaranteed, don't you think You would buy an appliance or a car, Oregon, something that was absolutely guaranteed With this, you cannot fail. Wouldn't you do that? Well, that's what I want too. That's what I got here too. So what is it when when a newcomer comes and says like, well, what should I do? If you're honest? We say we set out on a rigorous course of action and we work these steps.

Well, that's what we got. We got a program.

Now I'm going to break it down, but I'm going to ask you to play Stunt the Drunk with me. Let's play Stunt the drunk. You know, this is a workshop, so if you have a question, raise your hand or come to the microphone and ask the question. It's a workshop. That's the benefits of a workshop as opposed to a meeting. It's a workshop where you can ask things that may be troubling you. OK, so raise your hand or come here. We'll have a little break. Well, are we going to do

an hour and a half something like that? We'll have a little break. I don't know what time we started, but we'll have a little break here. And I got what time is it now? 1:30.

So alright, what time did we start? 10 minutes left. Alright, so we'll have a little, maybe not, maybe not anyway, I'll see. But play Stump the drunk with me, try and stretch me, try and give me something back because I got to get something out of this too. You can't just suck off me and Leech off me. You gotta, you gotta like let me get something too. So we gotta stretch me and, and, and help me. So play Stump the Drunk with me, you know, and if you got a problem, I'll do my best

to answer it. And if I don't know the answer, I'll lie and tell you that I do, you know?

But anyway, so now, first three steps. Let's get straight to the point. Because there's a lot of work to do if you're alcoholic like me, before you even get to the steps. There's a whole mass of work to do before you even get to step one. In fact, on page 20 of the beautiful book Alcoholics Anonymous, it says if you are an alcoholic who wants to get over it, you may already be asking what do I have to do?

Well, if we're honest, we'll tell you what you have to do

is work the steps, starting with step one. So admitting I'm alcoholic is not step one. People think it is, but it's not. Admitting I'm alcoholic is not the first step. You'll hear people say that, but it's not. We hear people say you do the first step as soon as you walk through the door and raise Rihanna's alcoholic. Don't believe that That is not true. That is not true. In fact, nowhere in the first step does it say we admitted we were alcoholic.

So on page 20 it says if you are, you have to come from a space of being an alcoholic to then ask what do I have to do? So admitting I'm alcoholic is not the first step. Now on page 30 of the beautiful book Alcoholics Anonymous, it says we learn we had to fully concede to our innermost self that we were alcoholic. This is the first step in recovery.

It's the first step in recovery, but it's not the first of the 12.

It goes on to say the delusion that we are like other people or presently maybe has to be smashed. So we had to do it and it has to be done. There is nothing suggestive there my friends. All this crap about suggested only program. In fact, that some more lip flapping party line bullshit because nowhere in the program Alcoholics Anonymous is it only suggested that we

do these steps nowhere. Check it out. I hope those people cracking that gum, you know, I guess we'll have to parent you or something. Surely your parents didn't allow you to do that, did they? Or little orphan people cracking gum in front of people. Yeah,

good manners, you know.

Anyway,

well, it's just, it's just respect for the programme. Would you do that in front of you, like your employer or the court judge or something? Sit there cracking gum in front of people.

Anyway,

where was I? What was I saying?

So we learned we had to fully concede to our innermost self that we were alcoholic. This is the first step in recovery. Now, there is a total difference and it says we learn we had to fully concede to my innermost self that we are alcoholic. This is the first step in recovery. Well, if it's the first step in recovery, I want to know what it is. What is it?

I ask folk they don't know. And if it's the first step in recovery, we learn we had to

fully concede to her innermost shelf that we were alcohol. There is nothing suggestive there. We had to do it. So what is it? What is it? What is it about me that makes me alcoholic? I hear people say they're alcoholic. I say, what is it about you that makes you alcoholic? You know what they don't know? They can say they is one. They can say what they do because they're one. They can talk about the alcoholic addictive

behaviour, but they don't know what it is about them that makes them alcoholic.

Well, that's a crying shame. How can I fully concede to my innermost self that I am if I don't even know what it is about me that makes me what I am? And you know what? There's not enough people like me telling enough people like you what the real deal is all about. And to fully concede is totally different To admit acceptance, surrender. We people talk about admittance, acceptance and surrender as if it's the deal. But it ain't the deal, folks.

Admittance, acceptance and surrender isn't the deal. It sounds like the deal. People talk about it as if it's the deal, but it's not the deal.

Admittance, acceptance and surrender is not the deal. Fully concede to your innermost self that you are is the deal, and then admit acceptance, surrender to that. But if you're trying to admit acceptance, surrender, without having fully conceded to your innermost self that you are, you're screwed and it won't work.

What's the difference? People don't know. Well, let's go over it, shall we? In the beautiful book Alcoholics Anonymous, on the very first page, page one, which is Bill's story, it starts off war fever. Ren hi. In the New England town to which us new young officers from Plattsburgh were assigned. It goes on to say I arrived in England. I visited

Winchester Cathedral and it goes on to say the bottom of the pages,

a veteran of foreign wars are returned at last 22 and a veteran foreign wars are returned at last. Bill is talking about the First World War, the World War, the First World War 191418 World War where Kaiser Wilhelm was going to take over the world and he was rampaging through Europe and and other places and and he was going to take over the world.

Well guess what? He upset them big bad boys in the US of I

and the big bad boys from the US of A came over to Europe. You may remember those Yankee Doodle Dandy and over here and the the Americans came over to Europe and kicked the German armies arse, beat the living tar out of them and that German army were defeated. That German army were defeated. They admitted that defeat. They accepted that defeat and they surrendered to the American advanced forces.

Saved our bacon. We're glad you did.

Well, guess what? I was born in the Second World War, 1943.

The Blitz was on in London. You may see this on your TV's. I'll read about it. Second World War The Blitz was on 1943 Hitler was bombing, the Luftwaffe was bombing the crap out of London and the Blitz was on there. And guess what?

They upset the big old bad boys from the US of A again. And Hitler was going to have 1000 years of Third Reich, wasn't he? He was going to take over the world. But then boys in the US of A weren't going to have that.

They bombed Pearl Harbor. Ooh, that was too bad for them, wasn't it? They came over and kicked Hitler's ass, didn't they? Saved our bacon again, didn't they? And you know what? They defeated that German army, and that German army were defeated. And they had. They admitted that defeat. They accepted that defeat and they surrendered.

But guess what? That wasn't the first time they did that

in the First World War, when they were beaten and they were defeated, and that advanced forces of the American army defeated the German army. They were beaten, then they were defeated, then they were defeated. They admitted that defeat, they accepted that defeat and they surrendered. But did they fully concede?

No. They admitted that defeat. They accepted that defeat and they surrendered. But they didn't fully concede. So guess what? They came back in 1938 and did it all again. And when little ship part Hitler said let's go storming into Poland, they said whoop Dee Doo, Yeah, and then we'll go into Czechoslovakia. Nobody said wait a minute, don't do that.

If we do that, then big bad boys from the US survey will come over here and kick the living tar out of us. Don't do that. We did that before and it didn't work.

So they did it

and what happened? They got the living Qatar kicked out of them, didn't they? Sound familiar to what happens here?

Do we admit acceptance, surrender, but file to fully concede to our innermost self? Because I don't know what that is and nobody's teaching me. And so I do it. But then I relapse and come back and do it again and again and again and again. Sound familiar? And then I become a keep coming back up instead of a sticker and a stair, I literally become a keep coming backer. And I come here. I get sober. I

I go back out and I come back. I get sober, I relapse and come back. I get sober, I relapse and come back. And so I'm in a vicious circle, going round and round, and the disease has got me set up in a pattern of repetition so that I can't break the cycle and I'm doomed.

If that's what you want, have a party. That ain't what works. So what am I gonna do? Fully concede to my innermost self. I gotta learn how to do this. I don't already know it. So what is the first step? Well, we admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable.

Hmm. What is that? What does that mean? I don't know what that means. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol.

What if I'm an alcoholic? I'm powerless over alcohol. But what does it mean? What is it about me that makes me alcoholic? Well, people say I can't control my drinking. Well, that's true. If your alcoholic can't control your drinking, Well, once I start, I can't stop. Well, that's true. Alcoholics who start drinking can't stop. We got a phenomenon of craving. We talk about that later. Well, one's too many, and 1000 ain't enough.

Well, we know that about it. That's knowledge and information. But what is it about me that makes me alcoholic?

Do I know? Has anybody ever taught me? Have I ever asked? What is it about me that makes me alcoholic? Not what do I do because I'm alcoholic? In one of my houses I've got 2 Barrett Budgerigars or parakeets. Parakeets,

a blue one and a green one, we call them Bill and Bob is after our Co founders Bill and Bob and I've trained them to speak. These parakeets speak in a limey accent by the way

they speak and you can stand by the cage and they'll go. I'm an alcoholic. I'm an I'm an alcoholic. I'm an addict.

Their bloody parakeets is what they are, but they can say they're alcoholic. Are you a parakeet walking around saying you're alcoholic and don't even know what it is?

Well, maybe, but I gotta learn. I gotta know what it is. Well, we know about alcoholism. Carl talked a very good talk today about it. See, we have a disease called alcoholism. It's a two fold disease, an obsession of the mind, allergy of the body. But if I'm an alcoholic and I got a disease called alcoholism, A2 fold disease, obsession of mind, allergy of the body. But why is it about me that makes me the alcoholic?

Well, here it is. It's a simple thing. It's a simple as this.

If this occurs for you, you're alcoholic. If it don't occur from you, you ain't. And if you ain't alcoholic, you can't make yourself an alcoholic. And if you is alcoholic, you can't dis make you. You can't stop that. See look, alcohol changes my perception of reality. Alcohol changes my perception of reality.

That is an abnormal reaction to alcohol.

Alcoholics like me. My natural state is to be whacked out of my tree causing somebody some grief. That is completely normal and natural for me. When I'm not drunk, causing trouble. I am in an abnormal condition for me,

see alcohol creates an abnormal reaction in me. I react abnormally to alcohol. My three sisters and brother don't. I do. See, look, when I drink alcohol, it changes my perception of reality.

I call it a nerd remover.

Do you know what a nerd is up here in Iceland?

I call it a nerd remover. It removes the nerdness.

I feel like a nerd, I drink. I don't feel like a nerd. I feel like a nerd. I drink and I don't care if I'm a nerd. I feel like a nerd and I drink. And you're a bloody nerd. Screw you.

It changes my perception of reality. It changes how I think about myself, how I react when I drink alcohol. Like Cold referred to the doctor's opinion this morning. I like the effect produced by alcohol. It changes my perception of reality. We got a girl in my Home group, Mary. She's a delicate little dude. Do that

and, and, and she's just always been taken advantage of and what have you. But she's a real alcoholic. She describes it as well as I've ever heard anybody describe alcohol. She says that when she drinks, she feels wittier, prettier and tittier.

She don't feel like a little delicate dudette. Boom. She's a star man. And I know exactly what she means. You know, like when I got to Alcoholics Anonymous and they told me you're an alcoholic.

I mean, what do you mean? He said. If it looks like a duck and walks like a duck and sounds like a duck and smells like a duck, it's a bloody duck.

Just because he's been taking some shit and thinks he's an eagle now you're a duck,

You're a duck. Armor duck. Quack, quack, he said.

But, you know, I didn't fully understand. But I knew what he meant because alcohol did that. When I felt like a duck, I drank. Boom, became an eagle and went swooping around looking for prey. You know, that's what alcohol done for me, because I couldn't stand who I was. And I didn't know this was going on. I didn't know that this was going all the years I was drinking. I didn't know this. It wasn't something I was conscious about.

I know you guys seem to know because I hear you guys sharing about it at meetings. I hear you guys telling us why you drank.

I hear you guys saying that why you drank. You seem to know. I never knew. I never knew why I drank. I never had a clue why I drank. We always drank. We drank if the team won. We drank if the team lost and if it was a tie, we drank till there was a result.

I don't know why we did that, we just always did. But you guys know why you did it 'cause IE you share, IE you say, well I drank because I couldn't stand the pain. I drank because I was covering up my feelings. I drank because I was hiding behind who I was. And I think at what stage of the game did you discover that? I can't even imagine that. I can't imagine going into a pub and saying, oh bartender, hit me with a triple shot of your best booze because I can't stand who I am and I want to cover

the vine tonight.

It never happened.

Oh, Mr. Dealer Man, can I have an extra rock 'cause I really feel inadequate?

Never happened. I didn't know this, but that was what was happening. And you know what? That's what made me alcoholic. So now I know what it is about me that makes me alcoholic. I have an abnormal reaction. It changes my perception of reality. I like the effect produced by alcohol. Well, that's what it does for me, but it can't do that for me unless it's doing something to me. And what it's doing to me is taking me up to and over what we call an invisible line. And when we cross over the invisible line,

now the rules change. See, prior to crossing over the invisible line, I'm drinking like the doctor says, because I like the effect produced by alcohol. I'm drinking because I'm obsessed about it. I like it, I do it, and so I keep on doing it. But guess what? Alcohol. Like I like the effect produced by alcohol, but then it seems to stop working. Why? Because I've gone up to an over what we call invisible line. Now, you can't go over the

line unless you're alcoholic. And unless you're alcoholic, you can't go over the invisible line. Now that's weird, isn't it? You don't go over the invisible line unless you're alcoholic, and you can't go over the invisible line unless you're alcoholic. Now that's weird, huh? But it's also true. Now when I go over the invisible line, now, the rules have changed. Now when I crossover the invisible line into twofold

a prior to crossing over the invisible line of drinking, because I like the effect produced in line, I'm assessed by doing it once I cross over the invisible line. Now

I've got what we call a phenomenon of craving, an allergic reaction. I have an abnormal reaction to alcohol. I have now crossed over the invisible line into alcoholism so that it's now twofold. I got an obsession of mine and a phenomenon of craving. What is a phenomenon of craving?

A phenomenon of craving. Craving is a feeling beyond my mental control. That's the definition of a phenomenon, a craving. I've got an obsession of the mind to do it on. Once I do it, can't stop doing it because of the phenomenon of craving

is a thought to the exclusion of all else, including recovery, which is a totally different obsession to normal obsessive things like relationships and other things. The obsession for the alcoholic where alcohol is concerned is to the exclusion of all else, including his safety, his liberty, his children,

whatever else is in his life. Whether the obsession strikes him, when he gets sucked in by the obsession, the obsession takes away his ability to say no, so that then he has to say yes so that when he does say yes, he thinks he chose to or wanted to and he didn't see. Now that's something of the stuff that we got to learn or understand. I got an obsession of the mind to do it, and once I do it, the phenomenon of craving won't allow me to not do it. So the obsession sucks me in, takes away my ability to say

so that then I have to drink. Once I drink, the phenomenon of craving kicks in so that I have to continue to drink. So I got a body that mustn't do it and a mind that won't let me not do it. Can you dig that? So I can't stop from doing it. And once I'm doing it, I can't stop doing it.

Does anybody remember this? Yeah, no shit.

Twofold disease. OK, So what am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? It stop working. What do you mean it stopped working? I still get drunk. I shoot up dope and I still nod off or whatever. It's still working. That's not what we're talking about. We're not talking about the effect the alcohol drug has on you. We're talking about what it how it works for the alcoholic. The abnormal reaction. We like the abnormal reaction because it takes me. It changes my perception of

reality. When I feel like a duck, I drink and turn into an eagle. OK, you noted. Hold on. When I turn into an eagle, all of a sudden I'd I'd like that. And so now I've stopped. The alcohol is no longer working for me. Now I'm drinking and I'm staying a duck. Now I'm getting drunk and falling in the gutter and getting sores and ending up in detox and I'm not becoming an eagle anymore

and I can't stop doing it. That's what we mean by stopping doing it, because now I've become alcoholic

and now I'm not drinking because I like the effect produced by it. I'm drinking to satisfy a craving beyond my mental control. The rules have changed. Oh my God, you're looking very blank. Is this new to you?

Yes. Question.

Yeah, it's actually in direct relation to this. You said what makes you alcoholic, Alcoholic of the kind the book talks about. You go, you say it changes the perception of reality, the dark and the eagle, right. Then you talk about crossing the visible line, which would then be what you said. The duck stays a duck. All right, Well, if you've never developed to the stage, to that stage where the duck is a duck, where this, this this terrible, terrible feeling that it doesn't work,

are you then an alcoholic? Now what happens? Look,

the alcoholic is the one, as I tried to explain to you, you can't become alcoholic if you're not alcoholic, and if you ain't alcoholic, you can't become alcoholic. It's a really strange type of double indemnity there, because normal people can stop, given sufficient reason, they can stop before they go over the invisible line. People who don't go over the invisible line don't become alcoholic because it's twofold. That's why

can't be born an alcoholic. I know people say you can and the genes and all that stuff, but you can't. See. Look, alcoholism is caused by drinking alcohol. So if you were born an alcoholic, where did you do your drinking?

Now let's say your mother, like we have crack babies and age babies and alcoholic babies. Let's say the baby is born as a refractor. The mother, that's a physical allergy, but it's not coupled with the mental obsession. They've never done it. So it's still only solo and it has to be dual. It has to be a 2A2 fold disease. It's not solo. It has to be true. Carl talked today about strawberries. I got a friend of mine who's allergic to abalone. You know what abalone is?

It's a seafood, a shellfish. It's like abalone, right?

When he eats abalone, he's allergic to it. He breaks out, he gets a rash. Now every once in a great while he eats abalone. It's catch of the day or done in garlic or something and he eats it and he feels weird and he goes, damn, I knew that was going to happen. What a Dick God. But he don't have to go to abalone Anonymous because although he's got an allergic reaction to abalone, it's not coupled with an A mental obsession to eat buckets and buckets

abalone. See, it's not twofold. It's only solo. So when you say if you don't go over and pass the invisible line, many people don't. Many people don't go over the invisible line. They stop before end. The book talks about the moderate drinker or the heavy drinker. And then we have the real alcoholic, the person who wants to stop but calm. Do you remember this about the book? Yeah, And that's what makes me alcoholic once. I can't stop doing it like on the chapter 4

44 inches. If when you honestly want you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking you can't control the amount you consume, you're probably suffering from a disease only spiritual experience will conquer. See, alcoholism. So now I've got alcoholism. So what do I have to do about it?

Well, I gotta. What I gotta do about it is work the steps to induce an entire psychic change. See, look, it's not OK to just stay clean and sober. That's the base bottom line of this whole deal. But

for an alcoholic who just gets sober, I tell you what, he's gonna be in a lot of pain. Because alcoholism doesn't stop progressing because we stop drinking. See people who just stop drinking and don't work the steps in the program become dry

D ry doing recovery yourself dry. See Alcoholics that just stop drinking are in a very dangerous mode. Sober people

drink again. People living in sobriety don't. That's why, See, Alcoholics must have one of two things we must have. It's not open to debate. It's not open to a discussion. It's not my opinion, your opinion, what you think, what I think. No, you can go anywhere and check what I'm about to tell you. Alcoholics must have one of two things. We must have

alcohol or program. We have to have one of those two things

because it's the only two things that treat the disease of alcoholism. And I've got a disease, I've got an illness, I've got something wrong with me. I've got something that needs treating. I've got something that I've got to recover from. I can't just stop doing it.

If you break your leg, you don't say, well, I just won't walk on it,

you know, and I got a broke brain. So I can't just say I just won't use it. I can't just say I'm going to stop doing it because we got a progressive disease. The disease doesn't stop progressing because we stop drinking. We got to stop drinking and then replace the alcohol drugs with something else that works. And the only thing that we found that works for the majority of Alcoholics of our kind is the 12 step spiritual program,

Alcoholics Anonymous. That's what works for the majority over the long haul. Now, we know there's exceptions to the rule, but we're not talking about the exceptions to the rule. We're talking about our common welfare on what works for the majority of us over the long haul. And that's the 12 step spiritual program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Because it has to. We have to find something to replace

that. What alcohol did for me, Bear in mind, going back, we like the effect produced by alcohol. Why do we like the effect produced by alcohol? Because of all that turmoil and inside stuff that we couldn't stand when we drank, we didn't feel it.

Now all of a sudden alcohol isn't cleaning that up for me. So I stopped doing the alcohol. Well, guess what? All that stuff starts coming back up and now I got nothing to push it back down with. Like the alcohol, drugs and that stuff comes up. All that turmoil and stuff and it comes up and up and up. Well, before I used to drink and drag and posh it down and down and down, but now it's coming up and up and up and I ain't got no alcohol to push it down and it comes

screw me like that and I got nothing to push it down with because I'm not drinking. That's why we need the program of Alcoholics Anonymous to replace for us what alcohol and drug does. And if I don't do the program well, then won't get anything to satisfy that and it will drive me in shame to such a degree that will drink again because the pain of the familiar will become preferable to the pain of the unknown.