The Alano Club in Reykjavik, Iceland

Thank you.

Thank you, Thank you. My name is Polly Pistol and I'm an alcoholic. Hi, everybody. Gosh, this is so fabulous.

I I have three things I want to tell you that's really, really important. The first thing is I have a sobriety date.

My sobriety date is April the 11th, 1977. And for that I am eternally grateful. And I have a Home group and that's Monday night Seal Beach Speakers meeting and I am always in that Home group unless I'm doing something for Alcoholics Anonymous. And I have a sponsor and her name is Dotty H. And those are the three things that I need to have to be a member in good standing in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous.

I want to thank Thor and Ziggy for having me.

This is like thank you. Thank you for inviting us. But most of all, thank all of you. Because if you didn't come to the workshop tomorrow, then we didn't get to come. So that makes it just wonderful that you've allowed us to come to Iceland. I am so excited. I can barely stand it. We've we've been got, we've got around and saw some of your sights and it's fabulous, the beautiful country. But most of all,

you're who's beautiful. I got to be in the women's meeting last night

and the foot we got off the plane and there was Christina and Ziggy and it was wonderful. And then later on we went to Zulas restaurant for lunch. And then last night we came to the meeting and it was just all of it was wonderful. And Christiane, she interpreted for me and it was, I mean, what a beautiful people you are. Thank you, thank you. But this is Alcoholics Anonymous because see, the thing about it is, is

come from Southern California. Took me 10 hours to get here by airplane. But guess what? I sit down with you and we're the same. We're the same. This is the language of the heart. This is where the heart speaks, and this is where the heart listens. It's the language of the heart. I don't have to tell you what it's like to be an alcoholic. I don't have to tell you the kind of pain I've been through. I don't really have to tell you any of that

because you already know. So no matter where I go in the whole world, it doesn't matter when I walk into a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, we are alike. We have felt the same pain and we know the same answer.

We know the solution,

the solution in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous, in the steps in the tradition and the concepts, the solution to a problem. The big book of Alcoholics Anonymous says that we have a disease that before 1935 was hopeless, hopeless of mind and body. People like us died in a sane asylums, died in jail, or if it had been an alcoholic, meat alcoholic like me

just died on the sofa just one day, never opened their eyes again. That's what happens to people like you and me. We don't. We didn't have a chance until two guys got together and helped each other. And the magic is the magic of Alcoholics Anonymous. Is one alcoholic helping another alcoholic? That's the deal. If I came in here and I started preaching to you

and you knew that I didn't know anything about alcoholism,

you would just look at me. You would know just like that. You would know. You would just turn away and walk away and say she doesn't have a clue how I feel, doesn't have a clue. But you know, and I know what kind of pain it's like to be an alcoholic and you know that I want to not drink no matter what, but I can't not drink no matter what. And I couldn't not drink no matter what until I came to the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous.

The big book of Alcoholics Anonymous tells us how to give an AA talk. Oh, and I want to thank, thank, thank you so much. You were wonderful. And Ziggy interpreted for me, so I knew what you were saying.

So thank you, Thank you. But that's it. I can listen to him and I understand he's talking about, well, I didn't work the steps and I couldn't stay sober. I understand that. I came here three times. I didn't work the steps, and I couldn't stay sober either. We're not going to stay sober if we don't work the steps. Or if you stay sober, you're going to be what we call in California, stark raving sober.

You know,

you're just sober.

You've seen people sober like that. I'm sober.

Are you happy? Yes.

No, you're not happy. You're star braving sober and you're pissed off at the world because you can't drink anymore. Because if you work the steps, you find joy and happiness.

That's the secret, the secrets and the steps. The big book of Alcoholics Anonymous tells us how we're to give an, a, a talk, how we're to, how we're to do this. When we're asked to share what we're supposed to do, I'm supposed to tell you what I was like, what happened to me and what I'm like today. Am I going to talk about what you're like or what some people say, what it's like? We know what it's like,

what I'm going to tell you about what I'm like

and what happened and what I'm like today. And that's what the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous tells me I need to do. Now, the first thing I want to tell you is, is that a lot of people come to the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous and they think hard of the entry fee into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous is, and then you have to come from an alcoholic parent. I don't come from an alcoholic parent.

Neither one of my parents are alcoholic. My daddy died at 60 years old.

He's 60 years. He was 60 years sober. My mother is 83 years old. She's 83 years sober. I will assure you my mother is not the least that impressed with my 24 years of sobriety.

Her deal is if you just never drank, none of those things would have happened to you anyway.

She doesn't get it. I don't expect her to get it. She's not alcoholic, but I did not come from an alcoholic home. I read a book. Some of you may have read this book. It's called How It Worked. It's a book about Clarence Snyder's life. And in the book, the very first part of the very first line of the book, the author says

there appears to be two characteristics that cause alcoholism. Being loved too much

are not enough.

If that's the case,

I'm loved too much

because I was a very loved and cherished child. Now for me, I'm really glad that I came from that background because you see, I'm the kind of person that has never, ever wanted to take responsibility for myself. I don't want to take responsibility when I'm wrong. I don't want to take responsibility for anything I do wrong. I want to be a victim. I want to be the kind. They did it to me,

you know, they did it to me and and I was just an innocent bystander here. You know, I don't want to be responsible. That's the kind of person I really am. I don't want to be responsible for myself. But you see, I can't blame my disease on my parents because they're not alcoholic. I can't blame my disease on the fact that I wasn't loved because I was so loved. And not only that, I'm an only child.

I not only was loved, but I got all the love. I was a loved and cherished child. So that's not the problem. But let me tell you what the deal is. Because of a disease called alcoholism. Let me tell you what the truth is, you would think if you would have seen my life. How could she feel like she feels? You know, we talk about feelings. You know, I've, I've heard a lot of people talk about

that. Some of the meetings people come in and they sort of like vomit their feelings in the meeting.

I feel. Wait 5 minutes, you'll feel differently. You know, it's just

feelings. Feelings aren't

facts. In fact, if you take a different action, guess what? Your feelings will change. So my feeling was when I came to the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous was nobody loved me. I felt like nobody loved me. That's how I felt today. I understand why I felt that way today. I understand that because the big book is this the big book.

This is the big book, right? That does not look like my big book. That's what I asked.

Mine is different

find about this thick very it's different so I must be the translation so. But in this book it says that people like us are suffering

from a bot from a disease that is hopeless of mind and body. The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says that I am suffering from a disease that is a spiritual malady. The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous tells me that I'm separated from the sunshine of the spirit. The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous tells me that if I am suffering from a spiritual malady, nothing

is enough. You can't love me enough. You can't do enough. You cannot give me enough.

For somebody like me, there is not enough. There is no way that you can give it to me because I am so far removed from God that everything you do for me, I cannot feel. I cannot feel it because I am so removed from God.

We sit in here in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous because we have a spiritual malady, a spiritual illness. The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous tells me that one of the things that I'm here to tell you right now is, is that if my problem were drinking or drugging or whatever your deal is, then if I went to a detox center, then they'd send out, well, people,

if that were the problem.

The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous tells me that alcohol is but a symptom. I have to get down to the causes and conditions. I've got to find out about me. And in doing so, I'm given 12 steps. And in taking those steps,

those steps are there so that it can produce a spiritual awakening. And the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says the main object of this book is for me to be made fit so that I can be of maximum service to God in those about me. That's my job. That's what it tells me to do. What does the preamble say? The preamble says that my main job is to stay sober and to carry this

to other Alcoholics. It doesn't tell me that my main job is to be a speaker. It doesn't tell me that my main job is to go do a workshop tomorrow. My main job is to help another alcoholic, whatever that is. That's part of it. You know what another way to help another alcoholic? Sit in a chair you're occupying right now. What does that say? You come in here, a newcomer comes in. What's going to happen? Look at this room. Feel the energy in this room.

It's fabulous. If a new person walks up off the street tonight, never ever, ever having been to AA and they walk in here and it's like, Oh my God, look at these people. Some things working here, some things working.

It works because all of these people are in that seat. Every time I occupy a seat in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous, I'm doing a 12 step call. So one of the things that's really important for me to do an A, A is to show up.

You know what? We used to say that when I was a newcomer, you know what my A, A sponsor used to tell me, the first step was get in the car. Just get in the car. If you get in the car, you get to a meeting. But I'm not going to get to A, you know, I'm not going to learn anything if I don't get to the meeting, I'm not going to learn anything. If I don't pick up the phone and call, I'm not going to learn anything.

When I was 18 years old I married an Air Force officer.

So I know it's probably a lot of stuff that you guys don't know a lot about because your country doesn't spend 3/4 of their money on war. But

I was a military wife. And in a, in a sense, maybe those of you who are from Britain or somewhere like that, you know that there's a lot of aristocratic stuff that goes along with that, especially if you're an officer's wife, you're supposed to be,

you're held to a certain standard to be that person. And I've got a disease of alcoholism, but I don't know I have it because you see, I was raised in a church in Texas. I, I originally come from Texas and I was raised in a church. It's called Southern Baptist. So I don't know if any of you know anything about Southern Baptists, but at any rate, it's very, very fundamentalist religion. And it's thou shalt not drink. Thou shalt not,

thou shalt not do anything that's any fun.

And so I didn't drink. My parents didn't drink. I didn't know anything about drinking. It was not anything. And I married a man who was also a Southern Baptist. So we didn't drink. And we went into the military and they drink. But I am 18 years old and I'm uneducated. I don't have a college degree.

And so consequently, I think I'm really stupid. And I, you know, I'm saying, oh, I'm so stupid. I can't have conversations with these women. They're too much smarter than me. And and then here's this lady standing up behind a podium just like I'm standing up here tonight. And we got all these little second lieutenants wives in there. And she's telling us all what we're going to do to enhance our husband's career, how we're going to have the right dinner parties, how we're going to go to the right parties, how we're going to wear the right length gloves,

all the things that we're going to do in order to be better wives for our husbands. And I am terrified. Now, one of the things that I've learned in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous is you can be and do anything you want to be and do. And I know without a doubt that I could get all the education I ever wanted by being sober in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. But because of the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, I've learned a lot about myself.

And one of the things that I've learned about myself is I want the title you get from going to school. I just don't want to do the work and go to school.

So those are the things that I've learned about myself. I don't want to do that,

but I didn't know that before. It was much easier for me to play the victim. But I'm just not educated, you know, I can't do this. And I was terrified. And I had these overwhelming feelings of inadequacy, a feeling like there's just no way I can measure up. There's no way I can do this.

Now, Clancy, I'm sure some of you've heard Clancy's tapes. Clancy has a tape out. And if and if you guys don't have that tape, I'm going to see to it that you get copies of it. I'll make sure that Ziggy and Thor get them. And that tapes called alcoholism, a disease of perception. And what that talks about is that when we have the disease of alcoholism, we don't see things the way they really are.

My perception of reality is distorted

now. When I was a little girl, I can still hear my mother saying to me, Polly, wherever did you get that idea? Nobody said that to you, but I could have swore they said it. So you never, have you ever sat there and just been so mad? And somebody said, well, why are you mad? And then you tell them and they'll say why that's not what they said.

But I could swear that's what they said.

And then I take in all these feelings because of it. Because the problem is, is I have a disease of perception and I don't perceive reality like everybody else. Now in the States, we say people like us are just a half a bubble off plum. You know, we're not playing with a full deck. You heard those kind of a brick short of a load, you know, all these kind of things that it's just that I don't quite get it.

I hear and see things that aren't happening

and today I understand that. Do you know, why would a person like me, 24 years sober, need to go to a minimum of four meetings a week? Why would somebody like me, me to do that? I haven't had a drink and April on April 11th, it'll be 25 years, 1/4 of a century. Why would I need to still do meetings like that?

Because I don't have a drinking problem. I haven't had a drinking problem and almost 25 years,

but I will assure you without a doubt, I've got a thinking problem.

I I have a thinking problem and if I'm left to this head very long by myself, I'm in trouble. I'm in trouble.

Because you see, my perception of reality is distorted and my perception of life is not what it seems. So when I'm here, when I get a bright idea, your sponsor ever said where did you get that bright idea? I said that to you, one more bright idea and I'd have been dead. You know,

that's when I come into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous with my bright idea.

Thank God I've got you and a sponsor. You know, it's like a bright idea would be be go back to California and say, jeez, I think I'll go move to Iceland. That sounds like something alcoholic would do.

No, no thought, just go. You know, that's the kind of things we do. Instead of somebody saying sit down, have you thought about this? Have you paid your bills? Have you taken care of this? Have you notified your employer? You know, all this sensible stuff that people and Alcoholics Anonymous tell us to do.

Because, see, that's because I have a disease of perception.

I was a really young girl at 19 years old. I have my first child, and then I have another one and I have two little boys. And I don't have a clue how to be a parent. I don't know how to be a parent. I have these two little boys. I'm stationed in a place called Loring Air Force Base Main that is at the very tippy top of Maine. And 50 below 0 is not unusual.

It was very, very, very cold there. One of the things that it's a it's a very cold country and it's inland, so that makes it even colder because it's not on the water. And here I was in this place, there's hardly any people except Air Force people. I have no clue how to be a parent. And I have these two little boys. And these two little boys are driving me crazy. I'm having a nervous breakdown every 20 minutes

and I go to an Air Force doctor and they say take these. And from 1962 until 1977

when I came into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous, I drank alcohol and I took Librium and Valium and 2nd all and Nematol. And if you take those kind of drugs and you drink alcohol, I will assure you you're not an active alcoholic. I call myself a couch potato alcoholic.

I was not out there having a lot of fun. I was not a party girl. That is not what I was doing. But

the really sad thing about it is, is I was a mother.

And I just want to tell you today, today mothers like me and my children who had to have me for a mother, are not allowed to keep their children today. Because you see, my children were abused. My children were abused mentally, physically and spiritually. I absolutely could not take care of my children.

The most beautiful thing about the steps of Alcoholics Anonymous Anonymous

and I hope when you come into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous that you will get a sponsor and a sponsor who is willing to take you through the steps. A sponsor who is willing to tell you the truth, whether you want to hear it or not, but just tell you the truth. Because when I came into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous, I had such a sponsor. I'm just going to quickly tell you that I went to treatment three times. I was not a success story. I

into treatment. I just couldn't believe I, I just felt like, you know, that I was above it all that how could somebody like me be an alcoholic? And I ended up having a jitterhouse romance. Anybody know what a jitterhouse romance is? That's where sick falls in love with sick and you walk off into happy destiny.

I'm sure none of you have ever done that.

There's somewhere in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. I know for sure it's in the 5th step in the 12 and 12 that says an Alcoholics are absolutely incapable of conducting personal relationships.

That's why we're going to have a workshop tomorrow

because we don't know how to have personal relationships. And I didn't either.

See, my deal was is that you're going to do it for me, you're going to love me. And if you love me enough, I'll be OK. And I had it all confused. And at any rate, I ended up drinking and I came back into that treatment center. And Clancy talks about the disease of alcoholism on this tape that I have that I'll make sure that you guys get. And he talks about that if, if alcohol were our problem, then detox centers would send out, well, people,

we have a thinking problem. And you see, the deal was sober, I can't live inside my own skin. I go into these treatment centers and I can't live inside my own skin. So what I do is I end up leaving that treatment center, getting a bottle of Scotch and a bottle of Valium and check into it and check into a motel because I cannot live sober and I know I can't stay drunk.

So I'm going to take my life. And I ended up being, you know what a 5150 is. When somebody gets 5150, that's when that you're put on one of those psychiatric holes and taken to a psych hospital for 72 hours and then they end up putting you in a treatment center.

That's what happened to me, this wonderful woman, that people like her

because they didn't like the idea that I was trying to take my own life. And what I did is I ended up in this treatment center, and I'm so grateful for that 'cause I stayed there for six weeks and I stayed there long enough to catch the disease of alcoholism. And for that I'm grateful. I had these two sons. My two sons had been neglected

and harmed. I mean, the biggest thing was as I had little bitty kids, that I was too passed out, too drunk to get up in the morning, get them off to school to take care of them. They were absolutely products of blatant neglect. It's a wonder that they even survived it. It was so bad and my husband was gone. So I don't, I don't even have him to blame. I can't blame him because I was left there with the care of my children and I could not do it.

And when I came out of that treatment center, I was told to do the steps. And this treatment center was a five step treatment center. You were to do the first five steps. So I did the first five steps in this treatment center. I was forced to do them, to do the steps. I was forced to write an inventory. I was forced to do a 5, the 5th step. And if I didn't do it, I was going to stay there, I guess, the rest of my life.

So I was forced to do the steps. I'm grateful for that

because I'm a, I'm the kind of person that I wouldn't, I've never done anything until I've had to. That's just part of my disease. I didn't quit smoking until I couldn't breathe. I didn't quit, you know, I didn't quit drinking until I could, you know, tell everybody around me was dying. But I'm so grateful for strong sponsorship and that I was given the steps. Now, I'd love to tell you that when I did those first five steps that I found God and my life started to get really better.

But it didn't. It really didn't because I still didn't find God, because I had this perception of this God who lived up in the sky, and I had to go through those people to get to God. And this God was going to get me. And if he got me, I was going to burn in hell forever. That was my perception of what was going to happen. So I didn't have any trust for this God,

but what I started to believe is I would look at you and I'd say, but your life is working

and I believe in that. I believe that your life is working because this God I knew would not love somebody like me. That was how I felt.

But I was told to take a set of actions because I had a sponsor and my first sponsor had been a Monsignor priest. Now, I don't always believe in men sponsoring women or what have you, and I don't really care. I know a lot of people do it that way. It doesn't matter. But I just want to tell you, for me, my first a a sponsor was a man and he had been a Monsignor priest. And when his mother died and he felt no longer

to be a priest, he left the priesthood and married a woman he had loved all his life. And that's what happened for me. But because of this man, he helped me to get through the things that I believed in God. But most of all he knew because see, he was a here was a man who was a priest and he didn't find God till he came to a A and he had been a priest.

So he knew that if I just took these steps,

if I just took this action, that I was going to find God. And I took those steps and I did the 5th step and I don't, I don't recall holding anything back. I did it at that time as best I could. For one thing, I thought I was the I don't know if any of you have felt like this. There is nobody on the planet that's any better than me.

That's the way I felt. There's no, I mean, he's going to hear this fist step, you know,

and he's gonna just never speak to me again. Well, you know, I felt like a couple of times I need to shake him and say, are you still awake? You know, wake up. Are you still there?

But that's 'cause when we hear a lot of fist steps, if you've heard a lot of fish steps, you pretty soon you realize nobody does anything new. You just wish somebody to do something new, hear something new. But at any rate, when I got through telling him, and the thing that was tearing my guts up and my soul up the most

was my children, was what was happening to my children. And I knew that my children were not doing well. My children had been raised by me. My children had been raised by a child abuser. And this man looked at me and he pointed out my character defects in step 6. And we got on our knees and we asked God to remove them and step 7.

And then I had a list of resentments,

but he told me that the very first people on that list were going to be my sons. And he told me that I needed to go to my son's and I needed to tell my sons how sorry I am because I'm a child abuser. And he told me I didn't get to say things like, I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry that I did this. I had to say it the way it was

because I had to validate

my children's feelings and their truth. I had to validate that by saying yes, this is true that happened to you. And then by doing that, he said then they would probably have a lot to say to me.

And they did. They had a lot to say to me. But I didn't get to say you shouldn't feel that way. I'm sober now.

The only thing I got to say was, is I'm so sorry that that happened to you and I will do everything I can from this day forward to be the very best mind I can be.

24 years later,

I'm still being the very best mom I can be. And I have a relationship today that is beyond anything I could have ever expected with my two sons. But I can guarantee you they had a lot to say to me. And I sat there and I listened to it and they were angry and they were hurt and they felt neglected, which everything they said was true.

And I just had to say, yes, that's true,

that's true. My son and I, I have a son who's in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. I don't come from alcoholic parents, but I kind of make little Alcoholics.

And

my son and I this past August got to do a workshop, a whole weekend like Dave and I are going to do this weekend. He and I on the family Afterwards, very important book chapter in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, The family Afterwards,

the steps work, it's hard. I didn't think I could do it. It took more courage. You know, when we say the serenity prayer, there's three parts to that prayer. And a lot of times we all walk away saying, well, I can't do anything about that. Just accept the things we can't change. But we never stop and think about the courage to change the things we can. And that's step 9.

That's step 9. When we begin to do step 9

is when we pick up the courage and we begin to change the things we can because the step does not say I'm sorry. The step says to amend. If you look in Webster's dictionary, and I'm sure Iceland has a dictionary too for your language. If you look in the dictionary, to amend is to make right. It's not to say I'm sorry,

it's to make right. And that's what we begin to do,

is to make right the past. Today I am to be accountable for my actions, past and present. Step 10 gives me a way to keep current, to keep things on a daily basis. The book tells us what to do at night, gives us a checklist of what to do when we go to bed at night. Step 11, you going to be here Sunday morning. I'll give you some stuff to do on Step 11.

Fabulous step.

God talks right to us. He talks. He does. Step twelve thing I get to do tonight. Step 12.

When I was three years sober, I married another member of this fellowship and that's my husband Dave. Dave and I are two Alcoholics hooked up together. What an order. I can't go through it.

We've been married over 21 years. How do you do that? How do 2 Alcoholics get together

and have a relationship

with a lot of sponsorship,

with a lot of step work? We're going to show you how you take the traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous and you apply them to your relationships. Because I loved what I heard last night in the meeting. You were saying that last night when you led the meeting, and that is that the steps keep us from committing suicide.

Additions keep us from committing homicide. And I love, I love it because the steps are going to teach us to find out about ourselves. That's what the steps do. But the traditions are going to teach me to live with you.

And so Dave and I learned to apply the traditions in our relationship. I'd love to tell you that Dave and I have had, you know, a Rose Garden. We just got married and got an A, A and just skipped along and everything was wonderful. But life's in session, OK? The good news is, is if you hang out in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous and you do the deal and the deal is working the steps, helping others, doing the deal. I loved it tonight

watching everybody say, OK, we got to move the chairs. I love to watch Alcoholics in action. And boy, those, I mean, it was done just like that. That's a, a, that's how we do things in AA. And if you do those things, when the times come, when tough times come, we're here sober and we can do life. David, Dave and I've had huge financial problems.

The bottom fell out of the United States or certainly California

in 1993. Kind of looks like what we're experiencing now. You know, the stock market went and aerospace took a huge and Dave's a computer scientist now you would think he's a computer scientist job shouldn't be any problem. The only thing is he was 57 years old and nobody wanted a 57 year old computer scientist. So we had a lot of things that happened. We had, we lost our home, we had to file bankruptcy. All those really shameful, horrible things that in my opinion should happen to newcomers,

not people who stay,

but it does. But because of this program and because of the steps you can you you do it

and you're just in a course me. I'm I don't know if any of you feel like this, but my deal was always well, what are people going to think?

You know, I

found out it doesn't matter what other people think. What's important is what I think of you. My life depends on what I think. Dave and I have learned a lot of fun stuff. One of the things that you'll hear about tomorrow as we've learned to be happy instead of right. I don't know if that means, you know, if that has any, you know, appeal to you. But being right doesn't always make you feel good.

So the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous is that we make amends whether they're real or

fancied.

So that means we make amends even when people think we've heard them and we haven't.

So these are the things that we've learned to do in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous, and we've learned to have a marriage that works. And we'll tell you that in a little bit of a detail tomorrow. I'd like to let you know that 6 1/2 when I was sober, 6 1/2 years, my youngest son came to me and he said, mom, I want what you have.

6 1/2 years before I was supposed to attend a function at his school and he says don't you dare show up at my school because I am ashamed of you. And 6 1/2 years later, he wants what I have. My son James in January celebrated 18 years sober in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous

and a vision for you. We read it last night in the meeting and a vision for you. It talks about that if we stay spiritually fit, that great events will come to pass. That's the great fact for us all. My life today is so fabulous. Both of my sons have me in my life and their life. They love me. They want me to be with them.

That's that's a great event that's come to pass.

I have 5 grandchildren.

My sons allow me to take care of those five grandchildren.

Do you know what you've done for me?

I have a grandchild that's deaf. And that grandchild is the one that is, is with the son who is an alcoholic synonymous and his wifes an Alcoholics Anonymous. You should see the parents. You've made them. You should see the parents because anytime you have a child that has special needs, it's difficult. And this little boy is absolutely handicapped in no way because of his parents. And because

of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous,

Dave and I have the opportunity to be grandma and Papa a lot. And that's a special thing. You know, I was a child abuser and I abused my children. But I want to tell you, because of a program called Alcoholics Anonymous, I am a dynamite grandma and absolutely dynamite grandma.

The miracle of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous a few years ago, James and Kelly is my youngest son, came to Dave and I and they said, mom, if we've made a will and if anything happens to Kelly or I, we want you and Dave to take the kids. They have three kids.

About six months later, my oldest son came to Dave and I and they said, mom, we just wanted you to know that we made a will and if anything happens

to Cheryl or I, that we want you to take the girls. Now, here's a mom who abused her children. And because of a program called Alcoholics Anonymous, my children want me to have the most precious thing they have, and that's their children.

Don't tell me the steps don't work.

The steps work. The steps work. And you know what? You don't have to do them right? You just have to do them.

How are you doing?

Just do it. And what will happen as a result of that is one day

you'll just kind of open your eyes and you'll be sitting around and this feeling will come over you and it, you know, maybe some of you will have a big blast of, you know, light and all of this stuff. Some people get that, you know, the book says in the spiritual experience that most of us get the intellectual type. You know, it's just very slow,

which is what happened for me, just very slow. But one day you'll just wake up and there'll be this feeling and you'll just know that no matter what,

everything's going to be OK. Everything's going to be OK no matter what. I love being sober. I absolutely love being sober. I love my life today. I love my life

and I'm going to tell you one of the reasons that I am so busy in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. One of the reasons I want to help as many drugs as I can. I want to do as much as I can for Alcoholics Anonymous and I absolutely no way can do enough because I don't ever want to lose what I have. I don't ever want to lose what I have. And I know the only way that I get to keep it is to give it away.

And I talked to my son on Wednesday. We were sitting in the airport in Minneapolis and Dave and I talked to him on the phone.

And this is how a A works. My son says, mom, you be sure you tell all those people in Iceland that your son James loves you. That's a great event that's come to pass. God bless you. I love you too,

I.