George B. from Lake Elsinore at San Diego October 8th 1998

And it now gives me great pleasure to introduce our speaker for the evening, George Peak from Warm Springs.

My name George, I'm alcoholic and that Warm Springs kind of a joke between my buddy. Actually, I live in Lake Elsinore, but there's a little suburb there called Warm Springs and and that's where I live. So I like that better. So I use that.

I want to congratulate everybody on their tokens and in the cake. That's great. Keep coming back.

You know, I became an alcoholic, I think, from drinking. I think that's what caused it.

And you know,

you guys could laugh at anything I say. It doesn't bother me a bit. You know, I'm, I'm glad to be up here. You know, there's no place I'd rather be than be here at this meeting. You know, I'm with my own kind here. When, when I'm out there, sometimes I get a little lost and I get an, a meeting. I feel at home. You know, it's like my doctor says he, he said I learned how to live in a room full of drugs. And that's, that's what's happened to me. And, and I'm grateful and I'm sober.

You know, I was thinking,

you know, I don't have anything yet drinking and I don't have anything against anybody that drinks. It's just that I can't drink.

I cannot drink.

And you know, I asked myself, you know, I came. I'm a long way from where I started out from.

And, you know, I ask myself what I'm doing here, you know, sometimes. But I know what I'm doing here

and,

you know, all I have to offer is my experience in my story and what happened to me in my life, you know, and it's my story and it's about my life. And if it's boring to you, that's OK. If you think it's funny, that's OK. But it's, it's what happened to me. And that's what I can share with you because that's all I have. And,

you know, probably

my associated alcohol probably started before I was born. Does that make sense to anybody? But I can tell you how that kind of came about.

I was born in Kansas. You can tell I might have a little accent, I don't know. But anyway, I come from Kansas. The reason, the reason I'm in California is about 15 years ago, I'm sitting at a bar with a with a guy from Puerto Rico named Milford. We're having a few. And he said I think we ought to move to California. And I said it seemed like a good idea to me. So that's how I got out here.

But anyway, and I was born in this little town back in Kansas, and it was always something

different than I felt about the way our family was and the way I was treated. You know, some of it I thought, I just thought it was that way. And some of it was real, you know, and they got AI got older. I found out that before I was born in a little while after

way back in those days, they had a prohibition era than they had after the probation. They had dry counties and dry States

and people like to drink and it just happened to be my daddy was the guy that would make the deliveries. So my father was a bootlegger

and I didn't know about that till I got older. And I used to wonder why some of the kids treated me the way they did. Well, you know, I I didn't know that when I once started school that I was at old bootleggers kit. So I got a lot of fights and I didn't know why, but it

but that doesn't make any difference. That isn't that isn't what made me an alcoholic. That's just part of my story where I came from

and, uh,

you know, my father never talked to me about it. But to be real, honestly, I started proud of the old man for what he does.

There's a there's an old car sitting in a ditch back there with a bunch of bullet holes in it with a Internal Revenue chasing out of Kansas City. And some guy told me that, you know, so that that's kind of some of my childhood memories.

You know, I remember my first drink,

I went down to the basement and there was a case of Budweiser, them long neck Budweiser. And I was about 12 or 13 years old. And I, I took that bottle of beer and I took it out in the bar and I went up there and it was hot. The beer was hot and the day was hot. And I drank that bottle of beer. And I just loved the way that felt. I loved that feeling.

After that, I loved everything about drinking and other people that drink. I wanted to be around places. I like the smell of those old stinky poo hogs and beer joints. I like that stuff.

And you know, I'd go get a job or something working on the farm. And I didn't figure

back then a quarter beer cost $0.50. So when I'd make a dollar, I said that's two beers. I didn't say I made a dollar, I said I'm making 2 beers. I counted my money in beers

and

on Saturday night, I remember when I first started drinking, after that first beer,

I could just go buy a quart and back then the quartz came and looked like a big oil can with a with a screw top in the center. And I only needed to drink one of them. And I got where I wanted to go. Then I got to where I needed to. Then I needed three.

And then, you know, instead of participating in school and things, you know, I'd rather hang. We only had one beer joint, Little town. We had one beer joint. So that's where I wanted to be, and that's where I hung out.

And I'd go down there and get drunk anytime I could. You know, back there, they didn't care about your age. I was always underage.

And then one night and there's one guy, we drink a little too much, I guess.

And so we decided after place closed, we just go back inside. After everybody went home, we broke into the place. He was a thief, but I was just with him. See,

my dream was to go back in there and drink beer out of that's picking without the glass. It hold my mouth and just drink the beer. And he he stole a bunch of stuff. And anyway, we got we got caught in the very next morning. So that was the and I went to jail for a few days and I almost went to prison over that, but I got out of it.

But I never related that to drinking. I just said I was drunk or I wouldn't have done it. That's how.

That's what I figured things, you know? Anyway,

so.

But then I quit. Cool.

I think I was 16 years old going on 17, but then, and I'd already been record pretty heavy for a couple of years, I guess.

So he's decided amongst all the people around there, maybe all, to join the Navy. It'd be a good place for God and grace. So I got in the Navy and I came out here to San Diego

and I got through boot camp all right, and I got home OK the first time and I got back and I got to my ship

and then we made our first trip overseas. The first liberty that I got in Santa Bo, Japan, I got over there and it was like being in heaven. It was all the booze and everything else that goes with it, and I just couldn't go back that same day or the next day or the next day. I had to have about 3 days of it. I was only supposed to be gone a day, so I was over the hill for a couple days.

What? I really wouldn't have done that if I hadn't been drinking. But I can remember waking up,

take an article back to the ship, but I had something there to drink. I just have a few more drinks and then it would be OK

and I'd wake up again. I think boy I ought to go back. Well, a few more drinks and it was OK not to go back. Well, anyway, I got 1 liberty out that whole year.

We want all these foreign ports and I had to stay aboard Chip all that time.

But I never related that to being an alcoholic. I just said, well, you know, I got too drunk or whatever,

so I got a little smarter at that. You know, I get drunk and get back to the ship on time, but it seemed like I kept getting in a little bit of trouble all the time and it'd always be from drinking

in my sick mind. I said, you know, I got to get out of this service. I said there's too many drunks in here so I don't want to stay. So I got out.

So

you know, I went to this trade school.

I wasn't in that school but about a week and his back in by Chicago

and darn we just didn't have a few one night in the top and picked this up and I got put in jail. So I had to call my dad to bail me out of jail. You know, so if I get out of there, and anyway, I go to work,

but I never relate any of this stuff to being an alcoholic. And I could always just say to myself, you know, I'm just having a good time.

But you know, I got to kind of go back all my life

and during all of these things that I'm talking about, you know, I never really felt right. I never felt like I fit anyplace. I never, I just never felt right about the world. I felt, I just felt different somehow. I guess I was different.

You know,

the first time I was asked leading a a meeting

about 10 years ago, there were about six or eight people in this room. I got so scared. I got it and went home.

I called the guy up. I said I can't handle all their people

and I have to give myself a little credit that I have grown from that so I can come here

and that's growth for me. So everybody has their own way of growing, but I

remember the first day, a meeting I went to, you know, I didn't get sober the first time I came to Alcoholics Anonymous because I wasn't quite sure. I wasn't quite sure about an alcoholic. And I wanted to make sure. And the only way to make sure you're an alcoholic, just keep drinking and you'll find out. If you're not sure, just keep drinking. That's what I had to do, you know, one time

my story is not in order, but it doesn't matter. One time I was in a detox

for two or three days and I got out there and I'd read the big book while I was there and said something in there about being a heavy drinker. That's well, that's what that's all. I am just a heavy drinker. They're not ready in the big Bucky. I said if you're not, if you want to find African alcoholic and I just go to bar so you can just have one drink.

I said I got to do that, I can try that. So I go in this bar and order one drink, and I drank it.

I turn around, I walk out. I said, you know what, I'm sure glad I'm not an alcoholic. I'm glad I found that out.

So I drove down the street about a mile and went another bar and got drugs. But I wasn't an alcoholic,

so that's the kind of stuff I used to do.

I used to do stuff like that. You know, I've been probably in four or five treatment centers and mental hospitals and stuff there. There was a period

earlier where

I was still working and I had insurance and then I had other insurance and, and I found I could go to these places and get dried out and take a little break and lay around the swimming pool for 30 days and, and bullshit a bunch of people and insurance pay for it. And then I'd send turn another claim in and they'd pay me so I could make money by going into treatment center. So I'd do that once in a while. Then I'll get out, maybe stay sober for a couple of days and then

I'd be off again. But I got, I do crazy stuff like that.

And you know, one time, I don't know how I still do this. They don't know how this happened. But some, I was pretty grumpy one morning, some people come and pick me up and took me way out in the country to detox. And I was out there for a couple days. Then I started tearing the place up and they and they give me some kind of a shot in my arm. They put me to sleep just like that.

So I woke up the next morning and I had to get the hell out of there. So I took off, you know, and I had some kind of a reaction to this drug that they'd give me or whatever it was.

I started to swallow in my tongue,

my tongue going down my throat, and I thought I died. I had to run to the hospital and explain to a doctor what I'd done. It was kind of embarrassing that I'd done all this stuff and so he had to call this place

and find out what to give me to stop that.

They'll ask you something. I've done much. I don't makes any sense.

Anyway, where was I? Well, I went, I went to, I went to the trade school and started working.

You know, I've done pretty good for probably a few years. I just get drunk at night, you know, just take the edge off, just eat or 10 beers, couple quarts, whatever. I thought 2 quarts of beer were just to clinch my thirst, that's all.

And I done serious drinking on the weekend and I got by with that and I got picked up for drinking and driving a few times and I went to jail a couple times. Just short periods, just minor things. I said, you know, I'm just having a good time and and

you know, I've just been a little ornery. No big problem. But you know, there's always something bother. I always felt bothered though. I mean, I never felt comfortable. I was always scared of people or mad at people or or just uncomfortable Being in the world is the way I felt.

I am not,

you know, so I drank beer for a lot of years

and then it just got to be so much trouble to have that much beer around, to carry that much beer around and have it every evening. I just switched over like the, you know, the third chapter from Beard of Brandy or whiskey, you know, So whiskey was a lot quicker, a lot simpler, you know, So for several years without him knowing, I'll just drink for Oblivion. I was able to go to work,

get off work and just drink and then go to bed early because I just passed out and get up the next morning

and still kind of have a buzz and make it. And I thought, you know, I'm really in good shape to be able to live like this. You know, it's hard to do, but I was doing it and I got away with that for several years. And then then things started going wrong. You know, the older I got, instead of getting smarter, I started getting Dumber. I started making dumb decisions and getting in a lot of trouble and getting into marriages. It didn't work. You know, I have to do everything twice. I, I couldn't just get married once wrong. I had to do it twice. So it didn't work out

and I would get good jobs and and I would just quit for no reason. I'd go to work and I'd have a hangover and maybe somebody say good morning. And I said, well, you can go take that attitude. I'm quitting or something like that, you know, because

so I just kept thinking I got all this potential, I'm going to be OK, but later, not right now, later. It'll be OK later. I'll go ahead and drink now and do this now. And I got these bills to pay, but I made good money. I'll pay them later. You know all he's going to do stuff later. Always going to catch up later.

Well, you know, later came, you know, but

so it took me 10 years after my first meeting before I got sober. So I got 10 years sobriety and I could have 20,

but you know, it just took what it took and I had to do what I had to do.

So it doesn't matter. I'm just glad that I'm here now.

You know, one time

when I was married to my first wife,

she was working nights. So I was at home drinking

and my head's thinking all this stuff is going on. I know she was out there running around on me. I knew this was wrong and I I just drive myself crazy for no reason, just drive myself crazy. So I go to pick her up from work

and we're coming home and there's about to have to drive down the freeway about 10 or 12 miles and

and I remember I had a new pickup back then

and so I decided I'm going to commit suicide and take her with me. But it went crazy. So I'm going down this freeway and I'm over on the shoulder and I got them little flags that are plastic and I'm hitting them in them like underneath the truck

and about a mile down the road. I know they're just big cement pillar and I'm going to run into it. Then I'm thinking, God, you know, I didn't say I'm going to do it. I guess I'll have to do it.

So I'm driving just past that truck ago, and I guess God with me because I run out of gas.

All right, all right, out of gas.

So, you know, I, I thought the next morning and I said,

you know, you, you, you kind of got a drinking problem, maybe you ought to do something about it, you know. So in order to look good in front of her, I had to do something 'cause I was so embarrassed I had to do something. I said, well, I better go to a A. So I called a A and they come and got me and went to a few meetings

and I went to a few AAA meetings. She went to Al Anon, they straightened her out and she divorced me and left.

That's what really happened. I went back out, got drug.

Yeah, I remember she came home after about 4000 on meetings. It Is this thing going to work anymore?

So I'm glad that you got help.

And I can't remember what I've done then, you know, I just blamed everybody and everything. And I just went on and

went to two or three more nut houses and different things

and then tried to get sober one time.

And then I met another gal. I thought, well, I'll get married and the same thing that I've done before.

But what happened different was about that time, about the time I moved out here and she came with me. And

anyway, I had a few days of Friday at one time.

Now remember this one night

I got off work

and this just sticks in my mind. Or the thousand other times it happened the same way, but just one time just really sticks in my mind. I was working

and everybody on the job was picking on me. It was their fault. Nothing was right, you know, It was a whole world. It wasn't me, it was the whole world. I said I didn't, I need a couple drinks, just take edge off. I said I don't want to. I'm not going to drink whiskey. I'll just get some Brandy because it's not quite as strong. I just going to have one drink.

So I buy a pork

and I remember stopping knowing I shouldn't be doing it. I remember taking a couple drinks

and

that's all I wanted to do, just have a couple of drinks. Next thing I knew, the whole bottle was gone

and I went home for no reason, terrified. That poor woman. Run her up and down the street.

She went and got the cops. I tore the whole house up

like a fool and I'm laying on top of a table, something like that, and the table's busted. I'm laying flat on my back and the cops come in and they said is there a problem here? And I said no, there's no problem here.

That tells me I'm an alcoholic. I was going to have one drink and there's no problem here. And I just wrecked everything I had. I lost my paycheck at night and that woman had the power to either send me to jail or not send me to jail. I'd give up everything,

you know. I drank a few a little while after that,

but after what I'd heard at the few meetings I've been to and after what I've been through, you know, I started really giving this thing, thinking about this.

I'm truly an alcoholic.

And so I ended up in another hospital

and those people told me there, they said, you know, he said, there's you've been around so long and done so much stuff, there's nothing we can really do for you. We're just going to have to send you home. But you just hopeless. But luckily there was one guy worked there in this place and he was an alcoholic. And he he sent me down and talked to me. And it was the first time my life ever got honest. I talked to this guy

and and I'm not ashamed of this. Today

we sit in this room, we talked and I finally told him just the simplest thing. I said, you know, I said that Booth is killing me. I just can't take it anymore,

you know? He opened up his arms. And I cried on that guy shoulder. I cried on the shoulder

and I haven't had a drink since that day. We went and got a big book. I put my Sprite at 8 on the front page, inside my name on it, and I still got the same sobriety days. I still got the same big book. I got tape around the back of it.

But I'm so grateful that I'm sober and you know, my life was so much different. I have Peace of Mind. I used to go to meetings and I see those signs. Trinity, Peace of Mind. I didn't have any of that ever.

And today I have Peace of Mind

and serenity,

you know, and I'm able to do the things that I've always wanted to do. And the promises are starting to come true for me. I'm not just saying are they really coming true for me? I don't have a lot financial, but I'm happy with what I have. I live in Lake Elsinore and I got two dogs and tree cats and an old mobile home and I never been so happy in my life.

Yeah, I got a pickups getting so old, it's almost a classic.

And you know, I and and to come down here, this is a bigger thrill of my life to come down here and and see you guys and be able to stand up here and tell you that I'm sober and I'm glad I'm sober. You know, if you knew me 10 years ago, I'm not the same person,

you know, You wonder what I come to a place like this. I wonder what I'm going to say. You know, God tells me what to say.

You know I didn't. I don't know if I really believed in God or not when I got here, but I do now.

You know, I believe in God today

a sponsored youth tell me said you don't have to believe in God. Just believe me that I believe in him. You know what, I believe that. And now I believe in in God, you know, because I I know that God done for me what I can't do for myself. And all I've done was just gave up. I didn't do anything special. I found I just gave up. Said I cannot spend the rest of my life with this Bellinger discovered attitude that I had.

And I'm so relieved that I I found a program with Alcoholics Anonymous.

I want to thank you for listening to me and God bless everyone of you. Thank you.