Michael M. from Evans, GA at San Diego

Michael M. from Evans, GA at San Diego

▶️ Play 🗣️ Michael M. ⏱️ 1h 9m 📅 14 Apr 1995
Hi, my name is Michael Manning and I am a female alcoholic
and I think it's a pleasure to be here tonight. I've had a I was really excited to find out I was going to get to speak in San Diego because almost every weekend I'm on airplanes flying to my speaking engagement and I thought this would be great. It's not too far and it took me as long to get here as it does my flight in Minnesota,
so I'm a little bit frustrated. I really want to thank the whole committee for inviting me and I just feel real honored to be with the scientists of speakers. I didn't even know who was speaking and I, several of the speakers came up to me and I know a lot of them, and it was real exciting to see him and I, I just feel overwhelmed sometimes when I'm with some of these people. I want to thank three of my sponsors for coming down here,
Carol and Mary and Susie. One of the greatest gifts I've I've received in Alcoholics Anonymous sponsorship, you know, and I learned so much more from these women
then anybody could possibly imagine and they're just all real special to me.
One of the special things about sponsoring is when I see them turn around and sponsor and I see them turn around and take people through the steps. It's, it's just like a spiritual experience. Anyway, when I called through the doors of Alcohol Anonymous over 15 years ago, I had a formal 9th grade education. I didn't know how to work. I lived on welfare. I was reduced to prostitution and I was a thief. And all of that was before I took that first drink at the age of 25. And when I finally,
when I finally broke down and took that drink, I immediately went downhill.
So as you can see, there's nothing in my background that's prepared me for speaking except for the fact that I am an alcoholic and I speak from the heart. And I've always heard that Alcoholics Anonymous is the language of the heart, where the heart speaks and the heart listens. And I really want to welcome the newcomers. And I like newcomers to know that the absolute highest you get an Alcoholics Anonymous is sober. It is not a speaker. And I am not an authority on a A. I'm just up here sharing my personal experience, strength and hope,
and the things I say from the podium are the things that had a profound effect on my personal sobriety. I like to welcome both of you who are not so new but are having difficulty with this program. I saw a sign in an AA club that always gave me a lot of hope and that sign says if you're not a failure unless you quit trying. And I believe that's true. So please, whatever you do, just keep coming back. But I was told early on in this program
that this program is not for spectators. This is a program of action and those actions are the 12 steps
has laid out in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. You know, Doctor Bob, one of our Co founders said if your boy was 12 steps into two words, those two words would be love and service. And before he said that, he said, I want to emphasize the simplicity of this program. Let's not louse it up with Freudian concepts that are interesting to the scientific mind that have little to do with our actual AA work. And I see a lot of things that come different in this program now, and they're not providing concepts, but they're just as useless. And
what they do is they just really complicate this very simple program.
Now in the big book under doctors opinion, it tells me that many types of Alcoholics do not respond to the ordinary psychological approach. So I'm here tonight to tell you that I'm one of those Alcoholics. In fact, so is my mom. We both tried to recover from this disease with psychiatric effort, different kinds, but we went to the same psychiatrist and of course the result was nil. But the good news is that today that very same psychiatrist is a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Now, my mom and I both quite recovered from this disease, their religious effort, different times and different congregations, and the result was the same.
And believe it or not, today that very same minister that counseled me is a sober member back like Anonymous. And I don't know if we drove these two men to drink or not. The truth is, and this is the truth, my mom slept with the psychiatrist, my slept with the minister.
Now, my sponsor told me that's not exactly a A's idea of a spiritual experience.
One thing I know for sure is that psychiatrists at Minister and myself are perfect examples that A A works when other things fail.
A little bit about my background. First of all, I'm Irish, German and Cherokee and I'm illegitimate and being born out of red light today is just not a big deal. But when I was a little girl growing up it was and my childhood is pretty appalling For my moms defense. I want to tell you a little bit about her childhood because if that is mine was my mom's was worse. And this program gave me the ability to have a loving relationship with my mom, even though she couldn't quit drinking. And I lost my mom two years ago. She died of lung cancer.
And I had the opportunity to practice love and service at home. My sister and I took care of her. We had Hospice come in and my mom died at home. And she died with a little bit of dignity. And I had the ability to get in bed with my mom and just hold her all night and love her unconditionally. And I had to watch her drink on top of morphine up until the day she could no longer swallow.
And it's probably one of the hardest things that I've ever done. But one thing I learned from this whole experience is that my whole life growing up, I was so focused on the things about my mom that I hated the things I didn't want to be like that I missed all of her wonderful qualities. My mom had a lot of wonderful qualities. She's a wonderful woman and I really miss her a lot today. But my mom came from alike background. And when she was 13, her mother was murdered in a drunken brawl. A drunk slip my grandmother's throat. So that left my mom out on the streets at the age of
trying to raise yourself. At the age of 14 she had her first baby, which she gave up for adoption and then she had me and she did everything in her power to keep me. She later met this man, got married, had three boys and we all moved out to California. That married soon ended in divorce and my stepdad moved back to Colorado. So that left my mom out in California trying to raise 4 little kids and we were raised on welfare. We were raised in extreme, extreme poverty, always having lights, gas, telephones turned off, always being evicted, even sleeping in cars. And then I had to deal with my mom's alcohol is mine to deal with
Constitution had due to suicide attempts. When I was 12, my mom got pregnant again. And this time she sent my three younger brothers to live with their real dad in Colorado. Now, my three brothers were my very best friends. When you're sleeping in cars and you're always being evicted, you don't have a chance to make friends. So my brothers were my friends. So I feel like at the age of 12, I already had all these feelings that I later brought with me to Alcoholics Anonymous. And those feelings were of low self worth, low self esteem, not equal to and just not good enough. And that was a direct result of all that poverty.
The drunken psychiatrist pointed out to me that I had issues of abandonment. You know, I never knew my real dad. My stepdad went away, my three brothers went away. My mom's always trying to kill herself. And because it's an other childhood experiences, I would say I'm a fear based person. I have always been afraid of people, places and things. And the two very important things I learned when I got to the program about Collect Anonymous is first of all, I learned that feelings are not facts. And all those things I used to think about myself were not the truth. And best of all, I learned how to walk through
fear and I learned that every time I walk through there, I'm actually exercising faith. And the last 2 1/2 years I walked to one of my biggest fears and it's getting on airplanes. It took me 12 1/2 years of sobriety to finally get on an airplane. And I have to admit that it's only an A request that gets me on these planes. I'm not so well yet that I do it for fun. It still has to be an A request. But first of all, I found out I'm really not even afraid of flying. I'm afraid of crashing, and
my sponsor told me I had to be clear on what my fear was when I was asking God to remove it.
And this is how it works for me today. When I get on that plane, I do not have any faith, but when I get off, I do. And I want to tell you about my first experience, my first convention that I talked at
it was in Duluth, MN. And I had this a, a woman that was going to take me to the airport, walk me through the spear and boot me on the plane because I just knew I couldn't get on that plane. And something came up an emergency or something and she couldn't stay. So she just had to drop me off. And I'm alone at LAX alone in my head. And that's a very bad place for me to be. And I come from panic disorders anyway. And I just started to put myself right into a panic attack. I knew I couldn't get on that plane. I just knew it. And I started to hyperventilate. My legs started shaking so bad that
they wouldn't hold me up. And I finally just plopped down in a in a chair and I just started crying and and I finally started talking to my higher power and I just said, OK, God, how do you apply the principles of this program to this situation? How do you play these principles to this situation? And just out of nowhere came that little inner voice and it said, Michael, why don't you get out of yourself and try and help somebody else? So I ran around the airport looking for little old ladies I could help with their baggage.
And I scared a couple of them. You know, they're just too,
they're not used to you being helpful at LAX, you know that. But that's what I do today when I'm in any kind of fear or any kind of anxiety, I look for somebody else I can help whether they're in the program or out of the program. And it gets me through these situations every time. So anyway when I was 13 my mom did have this baby
and I had to learn how to be a mom and I didn't even know how to be a kid. I had full responsibility of this this little baby and my moms alcoholism took her out of the home. She was never ever around and this little baby is sleeping in a dresser drawer and I eventually had to potty train her and bottle break her and I'm failing in school because I can't get to school because of this responsibility. Now after doing my inventory I found out the truth was I hated school. Anyway, now when I went to school, I was an object of pity around my peers and I was always teased about the way I dress my teased about my hair and so
typically to get out of my home life. At the age of 15, I got married and the man I married was 18. He lived in the neighborhood came from a similar background and I have such a colorful past that I I like to brag about this. I want everyone to know when I got married at the age of 15, I was not pregnant. At the age of 15, I had these high world and high values. I really did. I had two TV shows I used to watch. They were my favorite shows and most of you are too young to remember these programs, but it was Donna Reed and Father Knows Death
and these are family programs. And because of these shows, I had these high morals and high values my whole life growing up. All I knew is when I grew up, I didn't want to be an alcoholic like my mom and I didn't want to prosecute like my mom. So when I got married at the age of 15, I had this wild idea that I was missed on a Reed Mary. Mr. Father knows Best and unfortunately it didn't trap that way. And I believe the man I married was an alcoholic and one indication his name was Johnny Walker.
I didn't have a clue then.
I want to share a story with you about that sister of mine, the one that slept in the dresser drawer, because when I got to the program of alcohol, he's synonymous. I used to blame my alcoholism,
my mom's alcoholism, and I blame the way I turned out on the way I was raised. And after I got to this program, I took a good look at that sister of mine because she came from the very same background. In fact, I would say her childhood was worse than mine because my moms disease had progressed and my sister was literally forced to move out of the house at the age of 16. So
secrets going to moved out, but what she did is she took that high school equivalency test and she had to take it three times until she finally passed it. With this test under her belt under special youth program, she went to work for the city of Long Beach. At the age of 26, she retired from the city of Long Beach. She took her ten years retirement pay and she bought her own business. She later married the head traffic engineer for the City of Long Beach And two years ago, at the age of 30, my sister was awarded Woman Entrepreneur of the Year.
Now, even today, sometimes I still don't get it.
Same mom, same background, different reactions. You know? The difference is my sister's not an alcoholic. My sister is not bottling, mentally different from her fellows. My sister reacts to life situations differently than I do.
So today I get picked up responsibility, you know, I can no longer blame people, places and things. Yes, I am an alcoholic and I do have a disease. But today I have a solution. And for me, part of my solution is being accountable for my actions, my past actions and my present actions. So anyway, at age of 15, I got married. At the age of 17, I did have a baby. At the age of 18, I had to get out of this marriage because this man took me through a whole new phase of alcoholism I never experienced with my mom. And it's called physical abuse. And he never abused me unless he was drinking, but he abused me to
of cutting me up with a knife and I had to have surgery to repair the damage. And so I got out of that marriage at the age of 18. And I feel like that's when I started on the road of being everything for I'd never be doing everything I toward never do hadn't even taken a drink of alcohol yet. I always intuitively knew if I took a drink, I'd be an alcoholic. But it started out with me being a single mother living on welfare my whole life growing up like that. I swore when I grew up I wouldn't live like that. And there I was now on page 23 in the big book, it says the main problem of the alcoholic centers in his mind,
in his body. So we're talking about the main problem in the mental obsession and not the physical allergy. So I know for me, I practice my disease of alcoholism way before we took that first drink because I've always had the mental obsession part of this disease. And I practiced it in the form of compulsive overheating. I would shove food in my mouth instead of alcohol.
Then I discovered that wonderful world of diet pills. Now, that's back in the days when doctors used to give these really good amphetamines, you know, like methadone, Dexedrine. So I went on this diet for 16 years.
When I finally took that drink at the age of 25, I immediately had the physical allergy. From that very first drink, I had the phenomena of craving. From that very first drink, I had a personality change. Doctor Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, you read about that in the big Book, and the big book refers to that is a real alcoholic. And I personally so physically allergic to alcohol that when I consume alcohol I break out in a rash,
wealth and hives all over my body. And I was always too drunk to have a clue that that wasn't normal.
And if I'd had a clue would have made a difference. And from that very first drink, I drank morning, noon and night. And I did not draw a sober breath on the age of 25 to the age of 31. And that is not an exaggeration. I had a huge spiritual experience way before we got to this program. And this is equivalent to the one that Bill had. Bill Story
Now in the big book, it says as a result of a spiritual awakening, you'll have a change in psyche, a change in attitude. It says you'll have a huge emotional displacement, rearrangement. And this virtual experience I had was not enough for me to achieve that. And I believe it's because I did not have a plan of action to go with it. But it was enough for me to come to believe that a power greater than myself to destroy me to sanity. So what I did with this experience is I went to this church,
counseled with this minister, I told him all about my spiritual experience. I told him all my character defects and all my shortcomings. And this man assured me if I got really active in this church and I read all these inspirational books and did all this positive thinking, all these affirmations
that I could be everything that I ever wanted to be. Next I got this program. I heard a man named Chuck C say if you're alcoholic, you cannot think you're way into right actions. He said if you're alcoholic, you have to act your way into right thinking. And I am absolute proof of that because I got real active in that church. I even became secretary of that church. And I struggled reading those books because I couldn't read very well. I did all that positive thinking, constant, constant affirmations. And the only thing that resulted is I ended up having a torrid affair with this minister,
and it absolutely infuriated his wife. And
the rest of the congregation wasn't too thrilled about it either. But the one thing I'm going to share with you now is the one thing I thought I'd take to the grave with me as secretary of that church. It was my job to handle the money. And when I handled that money, I sold part of that money. Now, at this point in my life, I knew beyond a shadow of a shadow of a doubt that my only hope was God because I had just had a spiritual experience. And I turned to God for help. And I ended up seducing his minister and ripping off his church. So I truly know the feeling of hopelessness
that they talked about in the big book. And I want to share two stories with you. While I'm on the subject of the minister, I like to share this first story because it's first time I was ever able to laugh at any part of my alcoholism. I always thought my story was just much too serious, but when I got here, I heard that laughter was healing. When I got here, I used to hang out at the very back of the room and I have a friend named Teddy and Teddy calls the back of the room the half measure section or the denial section. Now I didn't hang out back there for either those reasons. I hung out back there because I couldn't read very well. And I was
that they would ask me to read something. I literally could not say the word anonymity for over six months. So I'd hide out of the back of the room and speakers would get up and show their stuff and everybody would laugh, you know? And at first I was incapable of laughing. And then after I got some sobriety under my belt, one day back there, I caught myself laughing too.
Right after having this big belly lap, I found myself thinking, well, that might be funny for you, but there's nothing, absolutely nothing in my background that I could ever laugh at. And then about three years ago, I speaking in Steel Beach and it was just my second time to ever give a talk. My daughter wanted to come hear me. Now, my daughter got to this program for the first time when she was 15 years old. And before the meeting, she got some of her programmed girlfriends over. We sat down, we had coffee, and she proceeded to tell these girls my drunk a log. And it's just the first time I was ever able to laugh at anything for some reason.
Little funnier coming out of her mouth and out of my head. But of course, of course, she's 20, filled all about the minister, you know, And I just never thought about how some of this stuff looked through the eyes of a little 9 year old. And
she's telling these girls that I am dragging her off the church every day. She's learning things like the 10 commandments, the golden rule, I'm constantly preaching all this religious stuff to her. She comes home from school at 3:00 in the afternoon. She opens the bedroom door and they're naked in bed with her. Mom is the married minister of the church. Now, when she first said this, I just felt all this shame, all this guilt and embarrassment, embarrassment. And I just looked at her and I said, God, honey,
that must have been a terrible shot. And she just looked at me and she said, no, mom, I don't know what shocked me the most in that minister naked or seeing his artificial leg on the floor.
Up until that time, I forgot he had this artificial leg. And this is a huge leg. I don't know how I could forget it,
but trust me, this man in no way was disabled.
My face gets red
after I got to the program about like anonymous. I started working those 12 steps. I found for me, the most important step was step 9.
Now, Step 9 is immense step, the step where we make restitution. And I recommend you do the first eight steps before you get to step nine. I know some people come into this program, they take a look at step nine. It's so scary. They turn around and they leave. And other people come in and start right in on Step 9 and make inappropriate amends. And I believe the steps are in order for a reason. And I believe this one in particular should be taken with the advice of a sponsor.
So I call step 9 the Freedom Step. This is a step
that truly freed me from the bondage of my past. And it's just not a coincidence that in the big book, the promises come after Step 9. And it says before you're halfway through, you're going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
It says you won't regret the past or wish to shut the door on it
and so on and so on. And I did not have to wait to get halfway through step nine. That happened to me. My very first amends that was going back to that church telling that minister I used to steal from the church funds. And he told me he knew that and I set up a payment schedule to pay back the church. Then I had to tell him that I used to fill out his wallet when he was in the shower and he told me he did not know that.
So I made the restitution to him. But the neat thing about this whole experience that he shared with me at that time, he knew exactly what I was doing by the time I got to him.
He had feared the sobriety in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous when he lost his leg in that motorcycle accident. He was an alcoholic and a drug addict and he actually died on the operating table. He had one of those near death experiences, which for him was his spiritual experience. And that's what led him into ministers going to coming to minister. And even he could not get sober in church. And I'm not putting down churches and I'm not putting down psychiatric effort because the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous makes it real clear that this program
owes a lot to both of these institutions. And in the Big Book, it says if you need professional help,
do not hesitate to seek it. But I got to tell you, for me, it was all about that miracle that happened when one drank reaches out to another drink. So anyway, I've been kicked out of this church. I'm 27 years old. I'm going into my drinking,
live in an apartment and being a vicious on this is my normal ammo. I've always been evicted, slicing gas have been turned off for a very long time. But I still had a telephone and I got this call at 11:00 at night and I could not believe the man on the other end of this phone. It was my real dad. Now, I barely knew this man's name was on my birth certificate,
and he wanted to make amends for not being in my life. He wanted to get to know me. He wanted to get to know my daughter. So he offered me an opportunity to move to Colorado to get to know his old family. And I did not want to go. I didn't have any desire to get to know him. But mostly I didn't want to move to the snow. But at that point in my life, I didn't have any place to go except for out on the streets
and deep, deep, deep, deep down inside. I had this little hope if I did this geographic, maybe I could change. So I made that move to Colorado and I lived there for three months. And that three month period, this man and his family could not wait to kick now the state of Colorado. And that three month period, I ended up having affairs with the bus drivers on the way over there, getting pregnant, having abortion, flying down the stairs and breaking my leg, ripping off his medicine cabinet, ripping off his booth cabinet, ripping off his money. So they literally kicked. Now state of Colorado,
I'm going to tell you how I broke that leg. Obviously, I was drunk and my neighborhood, the liquor stores closed at 12. And so I had to make my final liquor run before the stores closed. And I lived in a second floor apartment.
It's snowing outside, the stairs are very icy. And I'm walking down the stairs, hanging onto the railing with my right hand. My daughter's on the left side of me trying to hold me up. And all of a sudden I looked up at another second floor apartment because the door had just opened. And out of that door walked a priest. Now, I don't know what he was doing there, but he had the collar, the rope, everything. He's definitely a man of God. Now I am very angry at God. I'm angry at God because I just seduced his minister and ripped off his church. So now I'm mad at God. So I just looked at that
and I let go of the railing with my right hand and I flipped up my middle finger and I said F you God and I immediately fell down the stairs and broke my leg.
Now my daughter tells me that's the day she started bleeding in a punishing God
and today we both know it's because I was drunk. Anyway, my real dad was second on my list of immense snake when I started making my amends and I wrote this man a letter and I told him that I was sober in the program of Valkyrie synonymous. I wanted to make restitution for my behavior up there. And I sent him a check trying to set up a payment schedule to pay him back. And basically what he and the family did is they sent me the check back with a little note that said they didn't want my money
and they never wanted to hear from me again. However, I stayed sober. But I really did want to make these amends. On every Father's Day and on every birthday, I would send him a card and I would tell him that I was still sober in the program of Valkyrie synonymous and I still wanted to make restitution. And he would never, ever acknowledge me. And I did this for years and years and years. And in 1985 or 1986, I finally got a reply back. And I can't tell you how excited I was when I saw the return address on that envelope. I just ripped open the envelope. And the only thing that
it was a picture of his tombstone and the obituary of the newspaper. He had just died. And that was a family's way of telling me not to bother trying anymore. And there are no words to express the pain I felt. You would have thought I knew my whole life and I didn't. But I took it real, real hard. And the people now like synonymous pointed out to me, I don't make amends for approval. The big book tells me I don't make amends to be forgiven. I make amends to clean up my side of the street. I make amends to stay sober. So all I can tell you is that the actions I took worked because not
once, not even once, was I ever tempted to drink over that rejection. I'm just so sorry he didn't get to know the person I am today because I know he would have been proud. So anyway, I've been kicked out of this church and now I'm kicked out of the state, living back in Long Beach, CA across the street from Franklin Junior High. Franklin Junior High is a gang related school. My daughter is now 14 years old and she's running with a very dangerous gang. I'm doing awful, humiliating, embarrassing things to my daughter. I'm not only embarrassing my daughter, I'm embarrassing this entire gang
I was living.
This is really true too. I was living in another apt. I was being evicted from life. Gas and telephone had all been turned off for a long time. I'm hiding out from the landlord so I always kept my grapes closed and my apartments dark. My apartment is so dark that now I'm seeing evil spirits and unless you've seen them, they're hard to describe. But the scary thing is, other people describe the same evil spirits and some scary things. But anyway, these evil spirits would do things to me, like chase me around the house
and then I would do things like crawl out of the house on my hands and knees, butt naked across the street to the school and warned my daughter and her gang friends not to come home. The house is possessed with evil spirits. And this is the kind of stuff I did that makes me wish to God I was a blackout drinker and I'm not. I get to remember
all of it. Anyway, all my neighbors felt sorry for my daughter. They would hide her out. Sometimes they would feed her, sometimes they would feed me. Once we were both mixed with the neighbor's house. She was feeding both of us. Our counter had a bottle of 100 proof vodka. Something happened outside, a car accident or something. My neighbor and my daughter went to check it out. Well, I just wanted to drink some of that vodka down real fast and not get caught. So I just grabbed the ball. Like they're drinking right out of the ball. And I don't know how much I drank or how fast I drank it, but I do know it was enough to stop my respiratory system at that point
stopped breathing and I can remember the sensation. I couldn't breathe. That's the last thing I remember. Don't remember the paramedics, don't remember being rushed to the hospital, don't remember being resuscitated. By the time I had any memory, I woke up strapped down to a hospital bed with a nurse slapping me in the face because I was screaming out some of these at her. I was a mean and vile drunk. The
experience did get my attention this time. I had almost died under the influence of alcohol and it scared me. I did not want to die out there. So I finally started listening to my daughter because my daughter used to tell me on a daily basis she would say, mom, it's the alcohol, if you wouldn't drink, you wouldn't do those things. She said just smoke pot.
So this is my only experience smoking pot, but I'm trying really hard not to drink that day. Don't have any friends of my own. So I smoke this pot with my daughter and her friends and afterwards we're walking down the street. I have on these tight, tight jeans and I have both my hands in my pockets and I don't know if I took over a cracker my own foot by trip and I just started to go down. Now I don't know if any of you have ever been on pot, but for me it was different. First of all, I had the feeling that I was in slow motion. I had the sensation that the cement was coming
up at my face. And no matter what I did, and I tried really, really hard, I could not get my hands out of my pocket.
So you have to picture a grown woman laying with her face, massive cement. Both of her hands are still in her pocket. Everybody standing around me was laughing hysterically, just hysterically. And I'm in a lot of pain. I really didn't hurt myself. I'm landing a lot of pain. And I could hear everybody laughing. And as I heard that laughter, I had that moment of clarity right then and there. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that pot was not the answer.
And I went right back to my drinking
and I drank at the same pace for a while longer. And I don't even know what finally happened, but I finally reached a point. You hear about this program where I was just sick and tired of being sick and tired. And I woke up one morning on my front room floor
and I was laying in a puddle of fluid and I didn't know what the fluid was, but I took the first three steps and I didn't even know what the first three steps were. But I knew that I was powerless over alcohol and that my life had never, ever been manageable. And I already believed that a power grazed myself to restore me to sanity. I just didn't know if he would because of what I've done to the church. And this is my way of turning my will in my life over to the care of God as I just got on my knees and I said, God, please,
I don't care how you do it, but please just get me sober. And I managed to get to a telephone. I called the prayer line that was affiliated with the church I was in. And I asked them to pray for me because in my mind, I thought if God wouldn't listen to my prayers because of what I've done to the church,
maybe he would listen to their prayers. And they pray for me for 30 days. And within 30 days I was sober. And how that happened in that 30 day period, I kept every day, I would try hard not to drink. And I just couldn't not drink. I just couldn't not drink. I was so physically sick and I was so afraid that every night I'd break, break down drunk. And on one of these days, I knew it was going to happen again. And I just couldn't stand the fear and the pain. And so I went over to my mom's house. Why my mom? I don't know. My mom's practicing alcoholic. But one thing I haven't told you about
yet
is that my mom tried to get sober in the program about likes Anonymous and it did not work for her. And the truth is my mom did not work the program of alkyl likes non mush. She would do that a A2 step, the first step, the 12th step, no steps in between. And if you talk to my mom about getting a sponsor, she would challenge you and she would say we're in the big book. Does it tell you to get a sponsor? So consequently, my mom never did get that much sobriety, but a series of coincidences started to happen and I call them God coincidences. There was this man who
Signal Hill, he just happened to be driving by my mom's apartment. He just happened to remember her from years ago when she was in a A. He just happened to stop and try and talk my mom and to go into a meeting and she wouldn't go. She didn't want any part of Alcoholics Anonymous so he started working on me
and I didn't want to go. I didn't want any part of the doc likes Anonymous. I hated Alcoholics Anonymous. I knew this program did not work. My mom proved it. Watched her go in and out for years. I never went to a meeting with her, but I watched her go in and out for years. But the real reason why I didn't want to come here is because my mom ran around a lot of they Amen. I never once saw my mom with an AA woman, only a a man. And today I know it's called 13 stepping. They did a lot of 13 stepping and I was very young and they used to do this 13 step right in front of me.
But the real reason why I didn't want to come here, two of those men made passes at me. And that's what I thought about the men and Alcoholics Anonymous. And I think our actions out there are really important because we might be the only copy of a big book someone comes in contact with. But anyway, this man treated me with dignity and he treated me with respect and he talked me to go into that meeting. And I was so physically sick from withdrawals. There's no way I would have made that meeting without a drink. And I ended up having 2 beers before the meeting. Last drink I ever had that was on November 10th, 1979. And I don't
my birthday till three months later because when I got here, we had this brick line. I hang out with the old timers. The old timers and alcoxomers are the ones that got me sober. They're the ones that latched on to me. But we had this one old timer. And if you mention the word drugs, he would jump up, cuss you out, tell you to go to NA and then he would split. So I learned early on in my sobriety to keep my mouth shut about those diet pills. But what that did is that allowed me to take diet pills for three more months. But when I started working my, when I quit drinking, I started working my step.
And at least for me, working my steps, God revealed to me right away I was not sober if I was abusing these pills. So I gave those up three months later and I celebrate my birthday on January 23rd. Anyway, so I went into that first meeting
and I have two beers in my system now. So now I got a little bit of personality change going on. OK, I admit I am an alcoholic, but I'm not an alcoholic like you guys because you guys are Alcoholics like my mom. It's the disease of perception. But I believed it. And the first person shared that he'd been a blackout drinker. I looked at my 14 year old daughter. I said I have never had a blackout. And then the next person said that he'd been to jail. You know, I looked at my daughter and I said, and I have never been to jail. The truth is I was a home drinker
as always, too drank to get out of my house to go get arrested. When I crawled out on my hands and knees, the gang member took me back and put me to bed. So but the third person that shared shared that he had 550 twos. Now back then a 502 is a drunk driving and sometimes I'm embarrassed to show this, but you just had the picture me, I was so defiant. I was very unapproachable. I just had my arms crossed like this and I looked at my daughter and word for word I said that does it. I have never ever
had a 502. And this time my daughter looked at me, all the hate, all the contempt of little Alan Arm could have in her eyes. And word for word she said, Mom, you don't even have a car.
But when she said that something clicked for me. At that point, I knew I was sitting there looking for the differences. So if any of you are new or nearly new, I hope that you're not trying to judge your alcoholism by my actions or any other speakers actions. And I know I have a story that's hard to identify with, but maybe you can identify with the feelings. Maybe you've had those feelings of low self worth, low self esteem,
not equal to and just not goodness. We've had those feelings of overwhelming fear. And this is the kind of fear that paralyzes you and it keeps you from going back to school. It keeps you from getting a better job. It did that for me, but it also kept me. I couldn't get on elevators, couldn't drive over bridges, couldn't get on airplanes, couldn't drive on freeways. I literally could not leave the city of Long Beach. And it made my Rd. real, real small. I used to have severe panic attacks behind my fear in sobriety. Or maybe you're like that alcoholic in the big but grandiose and better than to me, it's all the same
alcoholic. It's just that my ego is in reverse. But the next person that shared was my point of identification. And I believe that she hadn't been in that meeting that night. I wouldn't be standing here tonight because of my attitude. But she said that she did not drink later on in life, but she said she practiced her disease of alcoholism way before she ever took that first drink. And she did it in the form of compulsive overeating and amphetamine abuse. That's when that jumped. That old timer jumped up and cussed her out. But the one thing she said, and this is the real reason why I stayed, she said her whole life, growing up,
some kids wanted to be doctors, some kids wanted to be lawyers. And all she ever wanted to do when she grew up was just not to be an alcoholic like her mom. That I started to cry and I could not stop. And I cried throughout the rest of the meeting. And that is absolutely the first time in my life that I ever felt like I belonged. And I went over and I latched on her and she became my very first sponsor. And she only had 18 months of sobriety. But that was such a long time to me. If you told me you had 30 years, I wouldn't have believed
real alcoholic at that point. I just wanted to know how you can get together 24 hours because I could not get together 24 hours. And I wish I could say that sponsorship lasted. It didn't. She fired me. She didn't even tell me she was fired me. She just quit talking to me and
so I ended up sponsoring her hairdressers and I just found out a couple years ago why she dropped me. They just happened to get in to talk about Alcoxonymous. My name came up and she told this hairdresser that she dropped me because I was too hardcore.
I'm a very sensitive alcoholic. She hurt my feelings. You know, I'm driving home and I'm thinking hardcore, hard. What does that mean? Hardcore? And this, these little hurt feelings start to turn into this huge resentment. And I started, I had to do some writing on it and did this writing. I, I came to realize first of all, when I got to this program, I was huge. I was very obese. I had this wild, wild bleach blonde hair. I don't know if any of you have been drank and tried to bleach your hair,
but to do this thing and it's called overlapping and it causes your hair to break off and and then I would be too drunk to even watch the bleach off it. Also, I had a few little bald spots and the last couple months before I got your program, I had I didn't bleach my hair. And so I had big black roots,
some bald spot, broken off blonde hair that went all over Today that would be in style. But back then,
but back then it wasn't. And every time this woman came to pick me up for meeting my house with the gang members, the gang hung around my house. And she did not come to my kind of a background. She did not know what to do with somebody of my stature. And she knew she was in over her head. And the whole point of this story is this woman knew that she had to take care of herself and
she dropped me and we both states over. Anyway, I'm supposed to share with you what it was like? What happened to change me
and what I like today and what happened to change me were the 12 steps of Alcoixonymous. So I always talked about the steps, and I'm going to tell you how I went through them. I'm not telling you how you should go through them because I know there's lots of ways of working these steps. And I believe when you're really ready, God's going to put the right person in your life to guide you through these steps. But I had this woman in my life that made me do those first three steps in a formal manner out of the Big Book.
You know, I tried to tell, I did those grocery steps on my front room florist's. I heard them. I knew I did them on my front room floor. But she made me do them out of Big Book. And thank God I had people that were willing to help me read. And we did those first three steps by reading the preface, the three forwards, doctor's opinion, Bill's story,
there is a solution more about alcoholism captured through the agnostic and how it works. And we got on our knees and we said that third step prayer. And the most powerful thing to me about that prayer was the part that said take away my difficulties. It did not say difficulties with alcohol. It said difficulty. So to me that meant God could take away all my difficulties. She had me studying the big book, page 64 to the end of the chapter where it gave me very specific directions on doing my inventory. If you just look at that diagram, it's confusing. You have to read all those pages and on that very
page it says though your decision, meaning Step 3 is a vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect and less at once followed by a strenuous effort to face and be rid of the things in ourselves that have been blocking us, goes on to say Lucas. But a symptom we had to get down to causes and conditions and my sponsor told me that at once met
if you don't immediately start on Step 4, you have wasted your time with the first three steps. And I know today that one of those keywords on that page is a word decision. Step three is only a decision. It is not an action. And how you follow up on the decision. The way you actually turn your will in your life over to the care of God is you take the actions of four through 9 and how you continue on a daily basis turning your will in your life over the care of God. If you live in 1011 and 12. Now in those pages, I found out I had to do 3 inventories. I had to do an inventory on resentment,
had to do an inventory on fear, and I had to do an inventory on 6. And as you do those first three columns, if they send a resentment, it tells you that you have to go back and look at it from an entirely different angle. Now you have to look at your part and the books very specific about your part because your part selfish design, self taking frightened. When you get to the sex inventory, it throws in the word inconsiderate. So she had me include that, make that into a fourth column, and include it on my inventory.
And she said because this was my inventory, I had to list everything I felt guilty about and she had me do it under resentment. I had to say I'm resentful at myself because I'm a thief.
How does it affect me and what was my part in it? And then I went on to Step 5,
sharing my inventory with God and another human being.
You know, I've done things worse since the district minister and rip off the church. But to me that felt the work because that was standing down the back. I didn't think I could ever tell another person about that. But I found for me, step five was not about embarrassment and it wasn't about shame. Step five was all about humility. And in the 12 and 12, it gives most perfect definition of humility that I've ever heard.
It says humility is a clear recognition of who and what we are, followed by sincere attempts to be all that we can be. When I did step five, I did 567 and eight all at one time. My sponsor did not trust me to go home and contemplate on my own character defect. She thought it was her job to point him out. And it's a good thing she did because I would have missed this one. She told me at the very top of my list, I had self pity. Well, I told him the most pathetic ways that I thought myself pity was justified. Look at my childhood.
And she told me the most loving way. She said Michael, Alcoholics cannot afford justified self pity. And then she gave me that old cliche, poor me, poor me, poor me. Another drink. We got on our knees and we said that 7th step prayer. And I can honestly tell you today, self pity has been removed and it's been replaced
with overwhelming gratitude on step H, as you do in three columns. First column with short term amends that I could do within six months. Second column was long-term amends that eventually took me 12 years because I had a lot of wreckage out there. In the third column, we worked out Ways and Means of making restitution to institutions I couldn't get hold of or maybe people that were deceased.
On Step 9, my sponsor assured me it did not matter how long it took me to do Step 9:00 as long as I was willing doing whatever I could. But most importantly, while doing step nine, I still had to live in 1011 and 12. I love Taxi. Taxi says this program is about uncovering, discovering and discarding. And to me, Step 9 is the discard step.
And you know, I know there's a lot of good psychiatrists and a lot of good psychologists out there today, a lot of them in 12 step programs. But that was not my experience. I went to a psychologist and a psychiatrist before I got here. We spent a very long time in uncovered discover, never once got on with discarding. And what that did is that allowed me to stand that victim role for a very long time. Now, I don't even know how this stuff works. All I know is in the big book it says you have to disregard the other man's faults entirely. So when I made amends to my dad,
I never once said but you were an older married man, you got my teenage mom pregnant and you abandoned us. I never once said that to him. I just made amends to him for what I had done and for some reason my resentment towards him went away. And I don't know how that works and I don't know how. I don't have to know how it works, I just have to know that it does. On step 10 my sponsor taught me to do a spot check inventory immediately. If I'm in the wrong, I do 4 through 9 on it.
But she believes all inventories, as in a business, should be done in writing.
So at the end of the evening, before I go to bed, my sponsor has me cast up a balance sheet and on one side of this, all my assets for the day. On the other side of this, all my liabilities for the day. Liabilities or any character defects I got into, anything I might have to run past my sponsor, just all the negative. And on the asset side, I list everything I did right that day. I always have more assets than I do liabilities. I get to look at myself in a whole new light. My sponsor says because I come from low self esteem, it's important that I'm aware of the things that I'm doing right.
Step 11. I do my form of prayer meditation in the morning on my knees and I get on my knees not because I think God only listens to it on your knees. I believe He listens to whatever position you're in.
I get on my knees to put myself in a position of humility so that I'm feeling humble and I say the third step prayer, the 7th step prayer. I always pray for God to direct my thinking. I pray to be divorced from self pity to not a self seeking motives. I pray to know God's will and the power to carry that out.
And then I do a form of meditation where I try to listen to God, and not once in that meditation has God ever come down and told me anything. But as a result of that meditation, I intuitively know how to handle situations throughout the day that used to baffle me and I have had profound spiritual experiences and unexpected times.
My sponsor really did stress the 12 steps and she broke into three parts for me. That first part, having had a spiritual awakening as a result of during those first eleven steps, she said, did not necessarily mean a belief in God. She said a lot of us believe in God when we get here. Some people come in here and they have to make the 12 steps their higher power. They have to make the group their higher power, She said. Having that spiritual awakening is where you've actually had that huge emotional
displacement
and rearrangement. You've had that change in psyche, you've had that change in attitude. Something about you is just different. You've had a transformation and it comes from deep within. And when it comes to carrying the message, if I have 15 days of spread, I give my phone number to someone who has seven. And she said length of time was not the requirement for sponsorship in this program.
She said the requirement for sponsorship in this program is that you have done your step because the real dog of a sponsor is to guide you through the steps of the program. I had two men in my life that were really instrumental in my sobriety. And I'm not breaking their anonymity. This is how they like to be identified anyway, as a Bill and a Frank Kenny cut. And
Frank used to always ask me how I was doing. And I guess I was, I guess I was up to Step 8, wasn't really into step 9. And I would, I felt so squirrely. I think squirrely. I just feel squirrely. And you know, I know a lot of people get a big sense of relief from 4:00 and 5:00, but that just didn't happen to me. I didn't get any relief toys on Step 9.
But anyway, first of all, my sponsor told me I had to stop using the word squirrely. And then I would tell Frank things like, well, I guess I got to work on myself some more. I got to do some more writing. And he said, for God's sakes, Michael, don't study yourself. He said what you have to do is get out of yourself and work with another alcoholic.
And you know, now I get to experience things today that Frankie's experience with me because I sponsor a lot of women in this program and I got some women that I call whiners. And no, none of you in the front row are the liners. I got some of these women that I call liners and I can say that because I used to be a whiner. So I know what a whiner is and they'll just call me. I mean this wench is 7 years of variety should call me all the time when you got everyday stuff that all this go through all due to her what Frank used to do to me,
I'll always try and bring them back to the steps and I'll always say are you working with any other Alcoholics and this is the normal reply. Nobody ever asked me. This is what Frank used to think me. Well, first of all, the only wine no one even knows you've done your steps but Frank used to say nobody ever asked you. You just go to a meeting and you watch for the newcomers that stand up with less than 30 days. The newer the better you go up to when you say do you have a sponsor? If they say no, you say I'm it they're brand new. They don't know they have a choice.
So I'm here tonight to tell you that that does work.
And another thing I do is when I go to a newcomer and I give them my phone number, I always get their phone number because it's hard for newcomers to call. And I'm telling you, if I'm in a bad place, I call the newcomer. I don't know if it helps the newcomer, but I know it helps me. And I know a lot of people today in sponsorship, they don't believe in calling the newcomer. They just believe the newcomer should call. But
all I consider, thank God Bill and Bob didn't feel that way or we might not have Alcoholics Anonymous applying these principles and all my affair, that means I have to practice living service at work. I have to practice love and service at home. I can't come into this program, walk that walk and talk that talk and then go out in the world and act like a jerk. And my sponsor knew a lot about Bill W
and she told me right from the start that Bill did not like to the same word twice, that character defects and shortcomings are the same thing. They're both exact nature of your wrongs and step five that we get from step four, and that principles and steps are the same thing. So if I'm applying these principles and all my affairs, I'm applying these steps in all my affairs.
And she said if I willing to grow along spiritual lions, eventually someday God would reveal to me when it's time to give up other destructive behavior. The big book says we have to get rid of all those old ideas. She told me it was not OK for me to just not drink that to go ahead and steal and it's not okay for me to just not drink, but to prostitute. It's not okay for me to just not drink, but to abuse my daughter. And it's not OK for me to just not drink but to binge my brains out and take diet pills. She said if I was working the last part
of the 12th step in Alkyl is anonymous. Those things were not OK. But thank God she told me I didn't have to do it all at one time or I surely would have failed. But all those things I just mentioned
when listed on my step six, my character defects, I don't practice any of them today and I haven't for a very long time
now. I have new character defects. Like I'm judgmental and opinionated, but I'm working on it. I'm working on it anyway. So I have six months of I am on my night step
and this woman told me had to get a job and before I start the point in my own contributions and I don't know how to work. You know, I went out there and I got my first job and that was so scary for me. But that's where I learned how to work. I learned things like how to get there every day, how to get there on time, how to not leave early, how to only take a 3 minute lunch break. I did not know how to do those things. And I learned him here now collect Anonymous. I worked that first job full time for eight years. I stayed on another two years part time after I took another full time position. So I was there for a total of 10 years. And when I left that job, I'd work myself up to assistant administrator.
And in that first eight-year period, I went back to high school.
I graduated from high school in 1985, and I was 36 years old. And I graduated with the calf, a gown, a real ceremony, and 400 and 5018 year olds.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Those kids were so bad they were kicked out of day school. They had to go to night school. So I just fit right in with them. I want to say I got into my character defects right after I got that first job. First of all, I worked my program according to the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. When I'm in the Big Book, I feel something spiritual. I feel that power that worked through building those first Alcoholics,
and I do not get that feeling when I read the 12:00 and 12:00, but I like the 12:00 and 12:00. There's some really good stuff in there. Now, in the big book, there's only two paragraphs on step 6:00 and 7:00. So I feel like Bill must have known I was coming to Alcoholics Anonymous. They had to be a little more specific on character defects. So he wrote step six in the 12 and 12 just for me,
and he nailed me on my character defects. He said greed to the point of being a thief that got me to the point of being ruined to your health, said God will not render you white as snow without your cooperation. And then he says that the man repeatedly worked on his other defects of character, grows an image of his creator. And then he addresses the fact that some of these other defects are harder to remove than alcoholism. He says alcoholism is not a natural instinct, so when you're really ready, God can just remove it. Some of these other defects are natural instincts gone amok,
and so they're harder to remove. And he said sometimes we just have to be patient. We just have to be patient with some kind of improvement. But anyway, that led me to believe that I couldn't
just sit around and wait for God to remove these defects of characters, that I had to help him a little bit. You know, like that defect of stealing. I had to stop stealing long enough for God to remove the obsession. And that was a hard one for me because it was habit for me to steal. And I catch myself going to take the petty cash at work and all of a sudden I'd come through, I'd take this hand, pull this hand back, and I'd have to talk to myself. And I'd say, Michael, you don't do those things anymore.
You're trying to work an honest program. And I can honestly tell you, I have not stolen anything since I've been in the program about like Anonymous. I've come close, but I haven't gone anything. And today the obsession has been removed. I can't believe I was over that person, but I was. But the one defect I did get into is my defective fear. I was afraid God couldn't provide me the money I needed to get to and from my brand new job. So I prostituted myself for the last time, an Alcoholic Anonymous,
and I was nine months sober and I was on my, I was six months sober and I was on my 9th step and
I got back from that. And you ever know if you call that a job or a gig, whatever you call it, whatever it was, I got that from it. And I, I just sat down and I just had this real sick, overwhelming feeling. In fact, I was in tears. And all of a sudden that sick, overwhelming feeling was removed and it was replaced with a spiritual experience.
I had an inner voice talk to me and it was so loud and it was so clear. And it said, Michael, this definitely is not God's will for you. If you just stick with the program about hypnotist and you apply these principles in all your affairs, you will never ever have to do this again.
God will always give you what you need when you need it. And that has been the case for me since that day. I've not once had my life gas telephones turned off. I've not once been evicted. I've not once been unemployed. In fact, today I drive a brand new car. I just moved into a four bedroom house and I have matching furniture and
and that's a real big deal for a drink. They used to sleep on the floor.
Anyway, what I've done for what I did for the next six years is I went and I applied for this position, this musical theater corporation, and it's equity, which means it's union and it deals with big, big, major stars. And I applied for this position at the bottom of the accounting department and I was not qualified for it. But for some reason they were willing to take a chance on me.
So I had to be willing to take a chance on them. It was scary for me to leave my other job because that's for myself esteem was. And I went back to school and within period of time I worked myself up to business manager of this multi $1,000,000 corporation. And as business manager I dealt with millions of dollars. And when I got to this program, I did not even know how many euros were in $1,000,000. And I participated a lot in union negotiations, and I still get invited into some of the homes of some of the most famous people you see on stage, screen and TV.
Sometimes I see myself in a picture. It's a very famous person. And I just get overwhelmed. And I would think, how did I ever get from the gutters of Long Beach to being invited into some of these places? And how that happened is I worked the last part of that 12th step, and I applied these principles. And all my fairs want to tell you about the first party I went to as business manager. It was a birthday party for Debbie Reynolds. Nowadays, everyone's so young, they don't have a clue that Debbie Reynolds is. So when I was young, Debbie Reynolds was my very favorite movie star. I just idolized her. And anyway, I went to this party.
You're sober. I'm business manager for the first time in my life. Everything is perfect. Everything is absolutely perfect. And I almost drank. The big book says you'll be placed in a position of neutrality, safe and protected if you're in such spiritual condition. I was not in such spiritual condition first place. I hadn't been to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous in two weeks.
I'm just much too busy growing in the business world. I wasn't working with any other Alcoholics because I'm much too busy growing in the business world. The big book says you don't even go spiritually unless you're working with others. So I started to get into the stinking thinking and I started thinking thoughts. Like maybe now that I have this very impressive job and I have an education and I drive a brand new car and I'm not that little girl from the other side of the tracks, maybe I'm really not an alcoholic. And thank God I didn't act on it that night because
unhealthy thing I've done for myself is I do not have anonymity at work. Everybody knew I was sober in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and I did not want to embarrass this program by drinking it from my coworkers. I put it off that night. I was going to try drinking the next day. I cannot believe how cunning, baffling and powerful this disease is. Anyway, the next day I just think God seems to intervene with people like me. I mean, I work those steps so hard. I think he just intervened because the next day I was asked to pay a 12 step call and make a burden. This man hadn't turned up at work for two weeks
and he was held up in a motel. The motel was trying to get him out, so they called my place of employment and my executive director asked me to go see what I could do.
So I trudged over to this sleazy motel and I knocked on this man's door. And I did take somebody with me. I knocked on this man's door and identified myself, Michael, alcoholic. And for some reason, he answered it. If that had been me, I would not have answered the door. And I stood there speechless. I thought I had the wrong room. The man I knew, his makeup artist, he had all this blonde WAVY hair, is really a doll. And the man standing in front of me is ball headed. He's 10 times his normal size. He's profusely sweating. He's bleeding from head to toe because he kept falling into objects. He smelled of urine,
alcohol. He smelled of vomit.
And as I said, they're speechless. I had another spiritual experience. I had an inner voice talk to me and it said, Michael, this is you. You're not like the people you were with last night. If you drink again, you're standing in front of the mirror. And that man doesn't know it, but he is the one that paid a 12 step call on me because that night I got my Fanny into a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, my recommitted to this program. I go to more meetings than I've ever gone to. I work with more alcoholic than I've ever worked with because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the longer I'm sober, the more I need.
The longer I'm sober, the easier it is for me to forget where I came from. I can't believe I almost forgot, but I almost forgot. And the best thing about speaking for me is I get up here and I remind myself where I came from. I did
recently had a job change and the theater was in a lot of trouble and they had $2,000,000 deficit. The board of directors came in and they cleaned everybody out except for me. I was so employed. They kept me and they were trying to save the organization. And anyway, all these new people that came in,
we're doing inappropriate things with the money. I felt like they were milking a dying corporation and I just knew I couldn't stay there working a 12 step program. So I started praying to my higher power to guide me to where he wanted me to be, put me in the place of employment where he wanted me to be. And the company I worked for for those first ten years heard the theater was in trouble.
They called me up at the theater and asked me to meet with them. And so I met with them and what they did is they offered me position of administrator of one of their retirement homes. And I turned them down and I got back to work the next day. I sat down at my desk and I knew I had just closed the door on God's will for me. And so I had to do some writing on it. I did some inventory on it. And I'm ashamed to stand up here tonight with 15 years of sobriety and tell you why I turned them down. But I found out I turned them down out of ego.
As a speaker, it's much more impressive for me to stand up here and tell you guys that I work with movie stars than to tell you I work with senior citizens.
And thank God that company came back and made a better offer. And
and thank God I had inventoried it or I might not have accepted. So I accepted and that's what I do today. I'm administrator of a residential care facility and it's hard, hard work. All my people. It's not a nursing home, but probably the step before a nursing home. And they're very frail and they're very elderly and I just love them to pieces that it's hard. I the employee problems would I have a hard time dealing with. I had to firefight people since I've been there and I I'm not good at that. That's not my makeup, you know, so but anyway, I guess that God has me grown
ways that I do feel like for the first time in six years that I'm practicing love and service at work. Anyway, one last time I'm going to close and until I came to terms with the God I have in my life today. I told you that my daughter was 15 years old when she got to this program. When she was 18 years old, she had three years of sobriety. She and her girlfriend were leaving in a dance. They were in the parking lot of the dance.
And getting into their own car, a man came up to him with a gun and forced them into the car at gunpoint and kidnapped them. He knocked the one growing conscious. Brutally raped my daughter for over 2 hours. And I absolutely hate the word rape because it sounds like it's just about sex. But rape is about terror and it's about violence. And the whole time this is going on she knew he was going to kill her anyway. She was so angry at God it took a two year to even remember. She did say a quiet prayer to live,
and this man was drunk.
He was drinking the whole time. He had a bottle of alcohol in his pocket that he drank throughout the whole ordeal. And at the point where he was forcing my daughter into the trunk of the car, somehow she got the courage to at least make some kind of an effort to try and save her own life. And she caught him off guard. She slugged him in the face as hard as she could. He tripped and fell down. The gun fell out of his hand. She ran down the street naked and she got away. At that point he got back into the car where the other girl out into the street and took off with the car. So both girls lived. But the road of recovery was real hard and it was real long,
and I'm not sure it's even over with yet, but my daughter and I felt absolutely betrayed. How could God let this happen to us? We were both sober in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. How could God let this happen to us? We will work in these steps as hard as we could. And this is a spiritual program. But the hardest thing for me to deal with is a sentence in the big book. It was one of my favorite pages. I used to tell people to read it all the time. It's page 449 and it talks about acceptance and I love the part on acceptance, but there there's one sentence that I couldn't deal with.
That sentence is absolutely nothing in God's world happens by mistake, Clancy says. Alcoholism is a disease of perception. On Still an alcoholic, I still get into my disease of perception because I perceive that to mean that if nothing in God's world happens by mistake, that had to be an act of God.
It had to be an act of God. And I wanted to leave Alcoholics Anonymous, and I wanted to leave God because I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt
that I did not want any part of the God that could operate like that. And thank God for Bill Honeycutt, Frank's brother.
He just took me by the hand and he said, Michael, God is good and good is God, and if it's not good, it's not of God. He said man has free will. That man was acting on his free will and your daughter was just the victim. He said if men didn't have free will, we would not be sitting in a meeting about twice anonymous. We'd all be perfect people. And
when he told me that I had a spiritual reason, I knew he was telling me the truth. I love to hear my sponsor, Polly share. She always talks about finding God deep within. And that's what it says in the big book. It says we find God deep within. And on that same page, it says it may be obscured by calamity, by pomp, by worship of other things. And when I'm into fear and I'm into calamity, I feel disconnected from my higher power. And that's when I so desperately, desperately need the People Now collection because it does speak within me
and God's people than you. And it's at these times that God will reach out to another member of this program and pull me back into the sunlight of the Spirit. And that's what happened to me German named Bill Honeycutt. So I came to terms with my God again, but I still had so much trouble with that sense. In the big book, I could hear somebody in another room say that sentence talking about something wonderful and I would feel absolute rage. And I sponsor a lot of women in this program,
and a lot of these women have had tragedies far worse than my daughter's, especially because I do so much speaking. I attract these women,
and one of these women whose tragedy was worse than my daughter's made the mistake of telling me that her tragedy must be God's will because in the Big Book it says absolutely nothing in God's world happens by mistake. This woman desperately needed comfort and I went off on her like a crazy woman. I started screaming at her to the top of my lungs that that wasn't written by the 1st 100 Alcoholics and it's not the 1st 164 pages of the Big Book. I took the Big Book. I slammed it down as hard as I could. I said that's not even in the first two editions of this book.
And I made this woman cry. And at that point I knew that I was the one that a problem. I had this resentment, a huge resentment without something in the big book. And this resentment not only hurting me now, it's hurting other people.
So I came to a place I've really been willing to give it up. And I prayed on a daily basis for God to help make that sentence. And about two years ago, I with my sponsor, Polly, and she was a speaker in a meeting and she was sharing about a tape out by Clancy and it's called alcoholism, disease of perception. And right when she said the words disease of perception, I had the biggest spiritual encounter that I have ever had. And I couldn't hear another word Polly said. And I couldn't see anything else in the room.
I had this inner voice talk to me again. And it was so loud. It was so cloud and it was not through the ears. It was so loud and so clear. And it was not to the ears. And it's really hard to describe what it's like unless you've experienced these inner voices. But this inner voice said, Michael, you know what happens in a meeting of Alcoholic Anonymous as part of God's world? What happens when you're working those 12 steps is part of God's world. The progression of all good is part of God's world. What happened in that car nine years ago
was part of man's world. And when I was able to separate man's world from God's world, I was able to come to terms with that sentence in the big book. And I, too, can stand up here tonight and tell you absolutely nothing in God's world happens by mistake. That's how I got to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous now, two weeks after I had this spiritual experience. Or a weird series of coincidences.
I found myself sitting at a dinner table having dinner with Doctor Paul, who wrote that sentence in the big Book. And I was at such peace that I did not have to tell this man all about my resentment, because I knew at that point it did not matter what he meant when he wrote it. What mattered was how I perceived it. And sometimes I have to work on my perception so that perception can work in my life. And that might not work for you. And that's OK, because I truly believe that God works for each one of us
at our own level of understanding. You know, I once heard when you take one step towards God, God takes 10 steps towards you. And in this lifetime as we know it, we will never, ever
reach God's level of understanding. And because we're on a spiritual path, God does not want to lose one of us. So he meets each one of us at our individual level of understanding. And that's why what works for me might not work for you, and what works for you might not work for me. But the beauty of Alcoholics Anonymous is whatever you believe, it will work within the 12 steps. And since that day that man heard my talk, we've had lots of spiritual talks and we've talked at lots of conventions together. And today I consider this man my spiritual advisor. And he told me he did not mean anything like that. When
that sentence in the Big Book, he was not thinking of man's inhumanity to man. He said my spiritual experience was the best explanation he could think of as to why evil exists in this world. And I am so thankful I paid attention to something I read into 12 and 12 under step 10. It said restraint of pen and tongue because I can't tell when I found out this man was alive. I used to think everybody in the Big Book was dead. When I found out,
when I found out this man was alive, I can't tell you how many times I sat down and I started to write this letter
and tell him exactly what I thought about him and exactly what I thought about that sentence. And if I had done that, I would have missed out on the skit. Because today this man is a gift in my life. And he gets lots of those letters. He gets lots of those phone calls. And what he does today is he gives him my telephone number.
Anyway, I want to thank you for allowing me to be here. I know today I've been catapulted into what Bill calls the 4th dimension of existence because I know happiness and peace. But best of all today, absolutely. Best of all today, I know usefulness. Thanks.