Larry D. from San Diego at Lemon Grove August 13th 1999

Hi, my name is Larry Dixon from San Diego.

Here it is. When he said Dixon, she said, but it's OK, I don't mind. You know,

my name is Larry. I'm a alcoholic and, and I'm very happy today to be one. And it wasn't always like that. I, you know, I come in here and and I look around this room and sometimes I don't know what happens. But when I have an opportunity to participate in, in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous in my own recovery,

it seems that I, I get a little emotional and I don't, I one day I'll be able to control that, but I get a, a little emotional because my life is so different than the way it used to be. That is so unbelievable. And as I look around the room and I know that here in this room that there's a lot of people who understand that, you know, who have blazed the trail long before I came along. There was even thought of him some cases, but I, I grew up in San Diego and, and,

but I guess before I do that, I want to thank Gary for having me here. And, and I was hoping Lori was here. I heard that she had a little role to play in that. And I wanted to thank her too, because I believe that anytime that you can do what I'm doing tonight, that it is a gift. And I want to tell you that I have this plan. I always have these wonderful plans. I'm a serious Padre fan. I mean, I love those Padres, you know, And what happened was that my son and I, we've had some my son Curtis, we've had some unbelievable things

happen for us as Podgy fans. And this father son, we bonded in a way that you know, he's he's my pal and we go to as many games as we can go to. And last year, what an incredible season that was. It was one of the most incredible things that I've ever experienced in my life. And my son and I would go down and we go down to Mythic Valley. We parked the car, we go jump on the trolley and we go into the stadium in the trolley ride. All of it was just special to me, you know, and, and we go down and see the game and then I have a special, special friend who who

say part of the Padres, he vice president of the Padres and his name is Bill. And man, he, that guy probably tell you a little more about him, but he's, he, he's touched my family in such a special way that when there's something that's happening down there and I'm unable to get tickets and I try not to bother him, But when I'm unable to get get tickets, I call him up and, and it can be a last moment thing, but you know, it doesn't bother him. And, and

we're able to sit sometimes right behind home plate or down on field level. And last year we had the opportunity to go down on the on the field. The last game of the season went when we played the Colorado Rockies before the game. And my son was able to take pictures with Tony Green and Ruben Rivera and all the players and I, I, I was taking pictures and the first picture that I wanted to take was a picture of Bill with my son. You know, I mean, I, I really love this man. He's a special

man, has always been an influence ever since I've met him. But I wanted to take this picture. So I said, come on, build it. Can I take a picture with you and Curtis? And when I get my camera ready, Ruben Rivera is jumping up, you know, like he's trying to get in the picture. And I'm like, what, what couldn't get in? And he jumped in and, and as I'm taking these pictures and then Tony got into it and, and Archie sent Falco and I, you know, I've taken these pictures And after it was done and we were, was able to see watch the game, I went and I got these pictures developed. And when I got the pictures developed,

something real special, shouldn't me? And what hit me was that this was the very first time in my life. That's something that I was so incredibly excited about and something this was the first time in my whole entire life

that I was on this side of the camera and it wasn't even a thought to get on the other side. It was just my son and the players and I was just so happy. And I was saying, wow, you know, I didn't take pictures with anybody and I was so proud of that. You know, I was able to get out of self. And so we did all that and and we went to every one of the playoff games. We what a rocking time we had, you know, and everyone except one, which was the the amount of brave game and we were down at the stadium trying to find a scalper and I didn't want to bother Bill because

we would like I know he has family. So I'm down there and people are offering this tickets at $150.00 and I love the Padres, but not that much, you know. But anyway, so, so tonight, so coming up to this, what happened and the reason why I'm telling you this story is that's the kind of fans that we were or are. We watch them when, you know, I mean

when they're away, you know, we're serious about Topaz. And so I got these four tickets to go to the game tonight

and I have forgotten about that. And, and I was at a meeting and I was talking to Gary and Gary says, Hey,

what are you doing Friday night? And I looked at him because whenever someone said something like that to you, you know, I mean, if you've been around for a while, it's like, oh, you know, I'm going to make coffee or clean ashtrays. But anyway, he, he, he asked me, would I be the speaker here? And immediately I looked at him and that that that nervousness came up because this is the easy does the speaker's meeting.

And I've been here before and I remember a long, long time ago when this was down on University Ave. I used to come to the meeting all the time when I was doing my little first dance with Alcoholics Anonymous. And when I was doing that, there was so many wonderful speakers, the Barney M, the John H and the tears and and the I mean, it was just unbeliev candy and and and you know, they asked, they were all grabbed me in one way or another. And I remember I got a nine month token there at a meeting and the speaker,

I stood up and I said my little deal, a 90 day talking weather. And I got said my little deal. And then the speaker, he was Candy and he stood up and he started sharing and he was going into this thing and he said, oh, and congratulations Larry on your night. And I said, wow,

90. He remembered my name and he's the speaker, you know, and oh man, you know, the little things that happened to just pull you along, you know, and, and so when he when he said this, I I said, sure, you know, I'll do that, you know, and it'll give me an opportunity. And please believe me when I tell you

that this is an opportunity and God has that God has bestowed upon me the blessing to be able to come here and say thank you for what I have today because this meeting was a very, very serious part of that. So what he thought on my way home and I'm saying, well, I'm speaking to this. God damn. A lot of people here sometimes, though,

man, this is, oh man, I don't know if I can handle this. And as I'm going along thinking this, though, then I said, oh man, the poverty's in town. They're going to celebrate Tony Grills 3000 hits and oh man, I gotta get out of this one. And then I, well, all right, I'm going to need somebody to cosign this, but I need something to be able to call someone who will say,

man, just called him up and cancel. And every time I call someone, I say, hey, you know, here's the deal. And, and I've been around to know what what is real and what let's and check this out. As you know, Tony Graham, man, 3000 hits and man, my son is so excited and we're going to go down to the ballpark. But you know what? This guy asked me to speak, and they said,

oh, Larry, just just call him up. And I said right on. I said, yeah, that's all I have to do is call him up. And they say, you know what, Larry? All you have to do is call them because, you know, it's not really important that Alcoholics Anonymous has allowed you to go to those places. It's really not important that you wouldn't have anything for Alcoholics Anonymous. And I was like, yeah, well, screw you. And

thinking, yeah, but, you know, that's the fact. That is the fact. So I had this wonderful plan. And what I was going to do is that my son and I and his friend were going to go down to the stadium, and I was going to bring a friend along. And then I was going to leave. And, you know, I was just going to see the ceremony. And then I was going to leave. And I was going to come over here. And then he could catch the trolley or whatever. My friend, whoever was there, could bring him home. And all would be well. Because I can plan things, you know? And Raphael and I was talking. And by the way, Raphael, I mentioned your name one time. That's $10.

I said I had these plans and Raphael was saying, OK, well, what we could do, I could pick you up at the stadium and we could do. And I'm like, yeah, you know what I'm thinking about this stuff. And then

let's see, you know, today I I'm calling home and I made arrangements to give away my two tickets. And my son is happy. He went to the game with his uncle. And and I'm telling you when I was driving down the freeway because this is what I'm supposed to be doing. But when I'm driving down the freeway, I don't know if you understand it, but this was emotional to for me. You know, I'm driving down the freeway and as I'm driving down the freeway, I'm looking over at the stadium. I'm seeing the trolley drive up. You know, the trolley never was important to me before, but now I'm seeing this trolley on his. Look at all those people. I should be there. And that's like,

yeah, but you wouldn't have anything if it wasn't for it. Plus, it gives my son an opportunity to bond with his uncle that I think is very important, you know? And so as a result of that, I get to come here and I look out and. And I see a lot of people that I know and that I love. People who, like I said, was way before me who watch me go through my little deal here in the little dance. The in and out dance is what I called it. And Harriet used to laugh at me. And she said that's OK, keep coming back. And

you know, but so, so I'm here and he's there

and, and, and it's a very good thing because when I got home and I was trying to try it on, I felt it was really important to dress up in a suit. Because I remember Ted Howell used to tell me when I go get a token or something like that, he used to say, I said, well, I'll do it. How do I dress? And he says, how would you dress if you went to her funeral? I said, what do you, why do you say that? He said, well, how would you dress if you went there if you're not? I said, well, I probably put on a tie or something. He says, well, if someone was dying,

continue with put on a tie. So if someone is living, and this is what happens here, people learn to live, they shouldn't you do the same thing.

All right, so now I'm at home and I'm trying on these suits that I haven't worn in a long time and

they just don't feel the same, if you know what I mean. And you know, it's just, I couldn't believe it. I'm trying to, this was going to work as well. As a result, I'm pretty comfortable now. And just in terms of that I got a couple of months ago. And so I feel good and I and, and you know, it's, it's really unbelievable because when I came up here, I was starting to feel this, these nerves come up, you know, and then as I watched Mike come up here and share about growing up here in San Diego, you know, I started to get a little more ease, at ease.

And then my friends start coming in. And then I said, you know what, this is just a little thing that we do all the time. We go to coffee together, we sit down and a lot of people that I just mentioned that I was speaking to, they show up.

But I got one problem that I, that came up that Raphael, this is $20.

Raphael gave me a call and he says, listen, we're on our way and, and I'll see you there. But we're stopping. We, we have to find some tomatoes. And I said, tomatoes, what are you talking about as well? If you tell some lies or whatever, we'll have tomatoes to throw at you. And I, you know, I said, ha, ha, ha, that's pretty good, you know. And then I come in and I looked at Harriet and I said, what the hell is this? He has a back, He has a bag of tomatoes, you know, and I'm saying

kind of stuff is this is this. I said easy. Doesn't speakers meeting have come a long way when you get stuff enough to throw at the speaker. And then I looked over here on this table and I said, well, they got a few for me to sew back. So I'll be just fine. You know, So I'm, I'm really happy to be here. Like I said, I grew up in San Diego and, and I've done a lot of things here running around the streets trying to be somebody and, and not knowing who I was and trying to be like you or act like you. I I grew up trying to be a baseball player. I wanted to be a police officer

and I run to be a cowboy. So I was always confused. And so when I was growing up, I come from a family of and I say this and and and and before I guess I need to tell you though, and something that's very important to me is that I want you to know that no matter what is said, that I need to say to you that I love my family. Every member of my family I love. And there was some tough times that my mother and my father with you sometimes when I was younger, I didn't appreciate very much. In fact, a lot of the things that happen in my family I was

very much ashamed of to where I didn't want to be around my house. But at the same time now when I look back, I realized from looking at myself and the things that I've done that my mother and father did the very best they could for me. And I know that without them, I wouldn't be here today,

good or bad, I would not be here today. And so I love them very much. So if I say something that may get you to think that I had a bad parent in any way, I did not. They did pretty well by me because I was, I was,

we came apart. We didn't have very much. I graduated. I remember I graduated from elementary school and the way I graduated, I was in this play and this play that I was in, I stood there and I had this little role in this play. And I stood there before everybody as they were taking pictures in a diamond green. It was green, dark green and light green diamond shirt and it had Bobby pins holding it together. It belonged to my brother and I had a pair of purple pants

and purple and green really didn't go together,

but I had that and, and, and I had holes in my socks because we came apart. And as everybody was taking pictures, I just knew. I just knew they were just taking them so they could show everybody how bad I looked. It was all about me. And then what happened when that was all over with, I was so embarrassed, but you know, I just had to be cool. So I went up to my girlfriend and and as much as I knew about girlfriends, I was in the 6th grade, but I went up to her because we had these little books that people would find. They were autographs, you know, I mean that, you know,

similarly, you know, went to be signed these little things like roses are red or violets are blue. And that's what she gave me. And they said, and I just needed someone, someone to just touch me and make me feel good. And her said roses are red and violets are blue, birds are skinny. And so are you. I'm on the right track now. I just knew. So what happened was that I was very disappointed. And I found that what happened is all my life I was just disappointed in people because people didn't know how to treat me. People didn't understand that I needed love. I needed care, you know,

our delicate And so then I was playing Little League baseball and I was on this baseball team. When I made the All Star team, I was so proud. It was the first year that we got to wear these brand new powdered blue uniform. They were white with powdered blue trim and it had Gold Star and it had SE for Southeastern, you know, and I got my number four and I was on the team and I knew I could play and I was going to be the 2nd baseman and everybody was going to be able to come out and clap for me when they had announced my.

And So what happened was this coach who came in and he was going to he had this guy came in to help the coach and he used to play in the major. So everybody was in awe of him. You know, he had a cup of coffee and in the majors. But anyway, he came up and he felt that it was really important, really important to have a left hand batter in the lineup. But the left hand batter played the same position I played and I wasn't it. I wasn't left-handed and I didn't understand why we needed, you know, we're Little League,

you know, we're not the majors where you got it. So I is when I, we were told that this was going to happen, that this guy was going to bat seconds in my spot, I was quite angry. And

you know, growing up, like I said, we came up very hard. My family had always used those four letter words,

you know, and and I thought that was a way of standing up for yourself. So I said, who the F do you think you are? I play second base and you're not even our coach. As everybody sat around and everybody looked at me like, wow, you know,

I was big time. And so the coach told me to be quiet, which I didn't appreciate, but he told me to be quiet. And we continued on practicing. And then we got to the first game and I didn't play. Then we got to the second game and we beat this team called Encounter

Five to nothing

and we went on to play on Lemon Grove here and we at this Little League field, they got right up here off of Hampton up here and we played another game and then we lost our 4th game and we were out of it. And in all those games there was only one kid who never ever got to play and that was me. And that was the most painful thing as a youngster that I ever experienced in my life because everybody

was there watching and I knew that everybody knew

that I didn't get to play. And I remember crying and feeling that, that that shame and that, oh, it was just hard to take. And I remember that I knew then that no matter what, no matter who you were, I knew you didn't give a shit about me and I didn't give a shit about you. And it would be okay because now I'm going to get what I need. And I commenced to doing things that it just, I didn't care. I didn't know how to care. I didn't have no role model or anything like that to teach me how to care and to tell me that bad things happen to good people.

No one ever told me that, and I couldn't understand how a human being could do something like that to me. 25 to nothing,

I'd have to be really something to cause us to lose 25 to nothing. And so that's the way so I, I grew up with I guess now we call them resentments. So I had a serious resentment. So I'm growing up and I decided that I was going to go off into this world doing my thing and I became a little hood, you know, I started stealing things and I but

I always wanted to protect my little sister, who was about five years younger than me. She would she, my mother was in the store and she spent the money on candy and I'd have to go out and steal bottles to get what my mother wanted so she wouldn't get a whooping. And and I try to care for her. And I remember that I saw my mother straightening her hair with this hot curling iron or whatever you call them, And I remember one day her hair wasn't comb. So I was going to do it for her.

And I put that comb on the fire just like my mother had. And

when I put it there here, it turned into paper. And I was like, wow, you know, And I burn her hair out. And I said, that's OK, your hair must have been dirty. And I sent her off to school, you know, And I could really think back then

that went on to high school and I started if I made AC, if I made ACI was doing really well. D was the only important thing because I want to play baseball. And I knew that if I learned how to play baseball that I could take my family out of it, you know, and that during this time, though, I, I started someone had mentioned something to me along the line about this thing they call God. So I started going to this Catholic states used Catholic school because I wanted to become a Catholic and I wanted to learn about God And I thought maybe I could bring him into my

hood and taken to my house because it was just really, it was, it was bad, you know, I mean, and when I say bad, I mean it's just that I, I really wish it had been more not for just me before the family members, you know, and my father had long disappeared. I didn't know where he was. And I found out that he was in jail and had been in jail for a long time. And a lot of people knew about it. So I got teased about that a lot. And, and we call it capping on each other, you know, and so anyway, so that passed and, and I went on to I went to this thing and try to bring God.

My house was a young kid and I just didn't see it working. And I remember I went into this, where this, it wasn't the actual church. It's where the priest stayed or whatever. And we would go in there and study, you know, I guess catechism, what we study. And I remember I saw this, this white cross.

And I knew if I could get that cross and get it to my house, that God would visit. So I stole that cross. I stole it. I went to there and I looked and nobody was looking. I took it home. I was so proud of your mom. Look what the priest gave me. The priest gave me this mom. He gave it to me because he says I'm really doing good. And my mother hungry right above the door. And I said, oh man, these are going to change. But things didn't change. And one time shortly thereafter, I got real sick

and I was laying up in the bed. And when I was laying up in the bed, the priest brought the other kids that was studying with me, brought him to my house.

I was laying in the base thick. And all of a sudden my mother said, you have visitors. And I said visitors. And I looked and there was the priest with these kids. And I was like, Oh, no, they're gonna see the cross.

I don't think that he even paid attention to it, you know. But anyway, it was shortly thereafter that I I just realized that God didn't come to Southeast San Diego.

I think he was too busy and a lot of things were happening. And I started getting this little thing called anger, and then I got into high school and then I found it.

And she was two years younger than me, and she was fast. And she came up and she told me she liked me and I liked her. And I was off and running and nothing else mattered but her. And I turned 19 April the 12th, and she turned 17 April the 6th. And we got married April the 27th. And my son came along that same year in September,

and I didn't know how to be a man. I didn't know how to be a father. I didn't know how to be a husband. I didn't know how to do nothing. But I knew that it was important that I took care of my kids and I did not abandon my kids like I have been abandoned.

So I tried to do that dance and I didn't know how. And it was shortly thereafter, as I'm working at this company called Standard Office, I was always able to get a job because I started working at about 15 years old. So I got this job and I'm working and, and I got a friend of mine. He, he, his name is Robert Dear, mine's Larry Dixon. And we were, I was born April 12th, he was April 14th. And he came to my house one morning and everybody was laughing because he got these papers that said greetings,

and he was drafted. And I was sitting there on the rail and I was laughing at you said, man, you're going into the army. And all of a sudden, the postman came around the corner and he was looking at me

and I said, no, you don't. He said, yes, I do. And he handed me this envelope and it too said greetings. And I have started drinking then. And like I said, I got married and I had a family and I didn't know how to pay bills. I didn't know how to take care of the family. I just knew that it was important that I continue to play basketball and hang out with my friends. So what happened was that I went down there to the draft board because I was going to tell them off. I was going to tell them, you know what? You can't touch me because I'm married and I have a kid. You can't touch me.

You understand that you don't know who I am. And I went down there and told them and they said, you're right, it's no problem. What we'll do is we'll reclassify you and everything will be OK. And when they said that, that hurt my feelings. They didn't want me. And I said, I got this moment of clear. I said, wait a minute, can I think about it? And the lady looked at me, said, think about what? And I said, well, I might decide to go in. She says, well, when you come down here for I said, that's none of your business. I just, I'll be back. And I was, and I, I got this moment of clarity of what I, the moment of clarity

was that I wasn't much of anything. And I remember it was always saying, we will make a man out of you see the world. And I said, you know, I need somebody to do that. And I knew that no matter what, if in fact I went into the service, what could happen is that my wife would get money. She get this, you know, this allotment or whatever. And if something happened to me, she get a lump suck.

We had medical benefits in. So I went down there and I told everybody, you know what, man, they won't let me out of this deal. Man, I can't believe that. And I signed on the dotted line to go in. So I went into the I went into the service and left my family. And when I went into the service, I went through basic training at Fort Ordon. Then I went to Fort Gordon, GA. It's a radio teletype operator. They gave me a choice between infantry and radio tells.

So anyway, that was real hard choice.

So I went to Fort Gordon, GA and and next thing you know, they said, hey, Larry, you will be arriving in Vietnam in November of this year. And I said, wait a minute. Well, something's wrong here. So you don't understand. I had a choice. I could have stayed out. I didn't have to be here and I don't need to go. You know how well they listen. So the next thing I'm in Vietnam and I tell you one of the great things about this book, this, this book of Alcoholics Anonymous is a, is a key portion in there for

like me. And it's, I mean, a key part in there. And what it says is that there are some wrongs we can never fully write, but we won't worry about them if we can honestly say to ourselves that we would write them if we could.

There was a lot of things that happened in Vietnam that I wish I could change, but I can't. I've seen a lot of things that I didn't want to watch on TVI was so scared a lot of times, But I had to act as if I had to go out there and be rough and tough because I was not a big man.

But I could talk pretty good and I was man. I just went. I went crazy over there. I didn't think I was ever coming back

and a lot of things happen as I made it back, of course. And I grew up over in Vietnam and my whole life changed and I had swore that I would never ever I was drinking and, and, and, and you know, we all have stories and I'm trying to get through this deal because I think that it's more important that I explain to you how good Alcoholics Anonymous have been for me. But what happened was that I had gone over there and I've been drinking a lot. I always drink. And when I got to Vietnam, one of the things that had happened is I swore because I've seen a lot of people sniffing glue and a lot of people getting

behind drugs. That's what never, ever would do drugs. Never. But when I hear Vietnam, what have you had? I wanted anything to Take Me Out of this deal. So when I came back, I became a drug. I became a drug dealer. I became a drug dealer because I wanted to be hip lick and cool. And I wanted to get my wife back because she was hanging out. And, you know, I wanted to show her that I was tough. And I didn't ever want you to call me an alcoholic. I didn't want you ever to say that I had a drinking problem because that was my mother and father. And I don't think you can call me a drug.

That's cool because that's tough, you know, but don't call me an alcoholic. And and so when I look back at it, you know, the number of things that said I forgot as far as when I was drinking, you know, they say more will be revealed. And the number of times that I wrecked my car, remember I was driving down this street, Federal Blvd. And I was driving down the street. I had a case of beer in my car because I was going to gamble and I wanted my own stash, you know, And I didn't want anybody charging me for beers because that when we gamble, we charge a dollar for beer. And I didn't want that to happen. So I had my case and I'm driving,

I'm drinking of it and I'm going across Federal Blvd. I'm going and right here on Federal Nuclear, my car, the wheel came off. I'm, you know, alcoholic car. But I'm driving down the street and all of a sudden the wheel came up. And when the wheel came off, it threw me across the street all the way. And I was so lucky there was not another car coming. But all I could think of was getting my beer

and heading for home. And I left the car there, never went back to get it. I don't know what they thought. I got some notices that I didn't respond to. I don't know what happened to that car. And then shortly thereafter, I had a little 62 Chevy that I left on 163.

It stopped. I got out, got my liquor, I mean my beer and I was gone. And I don't know who has those cars now. Every now and then I drive down the road. I said, could that be my No, you know, So anyway, I, I did this deal and then, then I got, I got busted a couple times for drugs sales and things like that. And so I went and got this job with Coca-Cola Bottling Company of San Diego. And my life began to change somewhat because I knew I was a single parent because I went and got my son. And so I was growing up a little bit and

but I was doing to do with drugs and alcohol and stuff like that. And so anyway, as I was, I started moving up in this company called Coca-Cola and I became pretty big in this company. I was working out of public affairs. And what I was doing is I was working with organizations like Special Olympics, March of Dimes, Cystic Fibrosis. I was doing all those things and they would come to me and we would talk and I would decide how much money our company would put into their program by through sponsorship. I was blessed with being able to work with a lot of movie stars when as spokespeople, I mean, they were working with

both persons for the March of Dimes. And my job is to try to secure some of them, work with them, take them to all the various schools in the county and get support of the Walk America that occurred. And I was doing this and, and then I started doing big things with big people that I, that we see on TV and people just knew Larry, you know, they really knew me and, and I was able, if you wanted to go to a Super Bowl, you give me a call, I'll get you tickets. If you want to go to a concert and you want to backstage passes, I can do that.

But I never could stay my right size. I was always living this way during the day and that way at night, and I just couldn't bring them together. And one of the things that was true and that was always a fact for me is that I could tell you what your shoes look like, but I never knew what your eyes look like because inside I was just worth so much less.

So it started getting out of hand. And I wouldn't go to work and I wouldn't call them. And they would say, Mary, listen, are you OK? Listen, all you have to do is call us when when you can't make it to work, just call us. And I said, all right, I'll do that. And then the next time they said, Larry, we asked you to call. And if you don't do it again, we're writing you up. And I said, hard, right? And then it's Larry, we're writing you up. But if you all you have to do is call it. You don't even have to give us a reason. Just call. And I said, damn. They said, Larry, if you do it again,

suspend, suspend you without pay. And when they were suspended me without pay, they told me that I would lose my job.

And then I found that I had gotten divorced and gotten another wife and had DeMarcus. And during this time, my son was an athlete. He was boxing and he was representing the United States against different countries, you know, Russia and these countries. And I would tell you about it and you would show up to see it, but I couldn't 'cause I was drinking and drugging and, and I and my son, they would come and say, man, what happened to you? And I come up with this big lie. And, and I, they would say, God, your son got out of the ring. And he said, where's my dad? Anybody seen my dad

and I was abandoned in my case, just like I was. I felt that I was abandoned. My father died in 1986, you know, and he had to the pioneer. What the hell is he doing? We're I said, dad, where are you going? He says I'm going to a media. So what kind of meeting? I was seeing people like you walk. I said, dad, what are you doing?

He says I'm going to a meeting. I said, oh, OK. I thought he was going to play bingo or something. So I said, well, what time do you want me to pick you up? And he says, no, that's OK, I'll get a ride home. I said, you don't want me to pick you up. What's going on? He's Larry. I'll get a ride. I said, but from who there? And he says, someone to give me a ride. And I couldn't understand that. And I remember as I was driving off, I was peeking in the window trying to see who you were

and should I leave my dad? And then I said, well, hell, I'll call him tomorrow. Hope he's OK. I'm on the truck, those people.

And so anyway, he told me he was going to AAA and I was thinking, Oh my God, my father, another thing to be ashamed of. And then when I fell off,

it came to a point and I tell you how, how it happened. Oh, I'm getting close, huh? I tell you what happened, and I don't mean to offend anybody, but it was sort of like this. I started to realize that I couldn't dream. I mean, I could not quit drinking. I really couldn't, even though I tried. So it was like there was this cat strolling down this alley and he was in heat and he hadn't had any relationships. I guess that's a nice way of putting it with another

cat for a while. So he was meowing and he was really in need

and he's looking up and down the alley and there was no other cat available but there was a skunk walking down the alley. So he looked around and he said well, nobody will know. So he ran over there and he jumped on that skunk and he started having himself a good time. Well, the skunk got into it as well and the skunk lifted his tail and when it lift lifted the tail, that spunk hit that cat so strong that that cat jumped off. That skunk went running down the alley. I mean it hurting bad. Well, you see, he didn't get all he wanted, but,

and that's what happened to me and I found myself getting all I could stand because I'm telling you, I went down to this little motel room where I lost myself up on a Wednesday and I decided that I was going to commit suicide. I took all the alcoholic alcohol I could get and I took some cocaine and I thought that mix would do it. And I was there from Wednesday to Sunday and it didn't work. I had written $1400 worth of bad checks on the company that I work for,

and it didn't work. And I woke up with just me

and I had to face the world. And when I went back, my company said, Larry, what's the matter? And I told him I have a problem. And they said, what are you going to do? And I said, I'm going into the hospital. And this guy that I was telling you about, his name was Bill Adams. He said, Larry, you go into the hospital, you would not miss a paycheck. We just want you to come back and bring the old Larry. And

I went into this hospital and I arrived because she was as sick as me and you needed me. And I went through that deal and I was never, ever going to drink a drug again. And then I came out and I started drinking probably about a month later. And then I started coming to the easy does, the speakers meeting. I started going to Old Town speakers meeting and we go out and we have good times after that. And then but I just knew that there would come a day when you come up to me and say, OK, hey Larry, you know, we forgot to tell you. Let me tell you how much the dues are,

'cause this wasn't real. And you couldn't tell me that someone could stand up and say, hey, I've been clean and sober for 15 years without aid, right? Not even a Miller Lite. So I didn't believe you. But I was hanging out because I was having fun. But then I kept relapsing. I kept coming here saying, hi, my name is Larry. I'm a newcomer. And I got sick of it, so I didn't want to be around you. I was so much ashamed.

And then this guy came up and he said, hey, school at homes, it's all about you man, Get your life together. So I start trying it again. And then I ran into a sponsor who said I came back on November 22nd or 21st and I'll tell you how this happened. I had gotten drunk again and and when I got drunk, I didn't want to ever do drugs again. And I found myself in this house with these people that I didn't know,