Jim W. from Alledo TX at Boise, Idaho

God, I don't know. There's that many people there this morning.

What do you think?

I'd like to thank Jim G for taking good care of me. We didn't overeat, but we came close to it.

Food is very good and room was very nice and you all have been very nice. And Jim B and Don and Harry, of course. We probably, it's good we never got together,

good to be with Ted again. And Ted and I've known each other for many years and we've talked about doing a lot and so nice and sweet to be with you. Last night she sponsored a girl in our group. We have a girl that was smart and everybody else. So she had to go to California,

get a sponsor.

It happened, you know,

and she's better. Thank God for that.

Groups glad too. Everybody's glad. Everybody's glad. June gotten the picture is going to be but Sherry is better.

I am Jim Williams and I'm an alcoholic.

Good to be here, good to be here. It's a good place. You got good AA here, not that way over. And I thought it was nice of you to let me come from 98° to 70. Enjoyed that very much. 50° in the morning, no wind.

We have wind where I come from.

You see mosquitoes, but they're

we don't let them hang around. We've blown out of there.

What's that new deal? That new deal where you have to have sex on time?

Codependency.

God, I wished out of all that. Why the hell I didn't think about that?

You know, if I thought about that, I've been making so much money I just sent one of my boys up here,

wouldn't that have been something? Can you imagine that God, God, Chuck Chamberlain years ago used to say, What controlled you? Codependency. Why in the hell did not think about that?

That's what it is. And what's good about is everybody got it.

That bank never told you. Everybody's got it. You can make a fortune out of codependence right in the world and not think of that, isn't it? I've been thinking about this since I'm late and didn't think about it. What if we had a quick fix, like a fast food thing

fix you on the way home, just a drive through.

We could get a chain of those going

here we are, right? We go to Hazleton, tell them how we are. They write it down, put it in a book

and we bite because we identify with it.

I told my sponsor. I said, are we that sick? He said yeah, we're that sick.

And this other deal where you have to have

to make you be alcoholic

if you don't have that 10 guy, it's your parents are malfunctions. No dysfunctional. Can you imagine alcoholic calling someone dysfunctional?

We're the all the ones that always function properly. Too bad about hats and stuff, they just didn't function right.

God, I can't believe we felt that stuff.

We'll fall for anything. We just fall. What do you think? Got clear? That program? Watch it on toenails. Let's go. I've got them, you know,

just anything. What is it? Well, I'm in the place that's going to save me from everything I've ever going to give me. Everything I ever looked for, everything I could ever hope for, everything I could ever wish for, everything anybody looks for. People that spend $1000 to find it. I've got it. Now I want something else,

and that's why I

we really don't need to be that sick. We're sick enough anyway. Fine. Why should we improve on it?

I like self help books. They got a bunch of oh, now we're we're making things so damn popular. It's unbelievable. People are making fortunes out of it. We're going, we're not doing well, but the people are doing good with us

and

go in there and says that was a place where they had a bunch of little AA and rest up with self help stuff. And this guy was talking to me hadn't done real well 12 years. I said, look at those books. He said, Oh yeah, I got a room full of them. I said, my God, go get rid of them. He said, why? I said that's you're trying to build up exactly the same person you're trying to get rid of.

Folks were not going to raise me being alcoholic.

I don't know why, but they did not want me to be an alcoholic. In fact, it never ended their mind for me to be an alcoholic. They thought I should be a Southern Southern Baptist. You know, we're the ones that pray for the Catholics.

Well, they drink, you know.

Best companions. They just got tired. Being Catholic

Presbyterians, they knew it was going to happen.

And the Methodists, they just didn't like water.

I think I'd like to been a Lutheran. They believe in doing everything just a little bit.

I've raised a little town out in Northwest Texas and Texas. You got 254 counties and 250 of them are dry, which means they don't do nothing.

You don't drink, you don't think about, you don't bite. We don't sell it and you can't get it. You have to drive to get it. You got to go to bootleggers to get it. And they have a guy standing up there just like me, says to me, think it's you might as well have done it. Well, I knew I must be thinking it. I didn't know what it was, but I knew I must be thinking. It

finally got to be about 13, which will happen to you if you do what I was doing one day at a time.

And one afternoon I got in the car with this girl and we slipped out in the country a little bit, got the best around. I got those funny feelings. They said we've been, I told them about it. They said we've been meaning to talk to you Say I knew they had

you know, we've been praying for you. You know, it's not like a a a said soul. Jim laying the Dicks last night. He lives. We'll get him and this bunch, they hone in on you. They see that gleam in your eyes or he's getting ready to think he thinks it does it. We're losing. So what you got to really do is watch them or they'll get you.

And so when I told him about it, they said meet us before meet you come and meet us before the funeral ceremony service.

We got back there in that room and we all got down there. They just prayed and prayed, prayed, prayed, prayed. Now when they said now when you get when they sing that last stanza, you come down that aisle and you get saved. I said, what problem? Haven't done nothing. They said get up and come down there and I walk down there and it's kind of like a set. Don't give out any chips.

They hug in kitchen, tell you how great yarn you know you're not, but hell, I like that,

and they throw you in the tank and the hackster fleeks and choke a little. But you come out all right with school next day and saw that girl came right back.

I said, well, we're going to have to do it again. It didn't take.

They said no, you just don't do it. Well, they didn't know. I didn't know how to don't do anything.

I didn't know. I didn't know. I don't do anything. I didn't know. They could just say don't do that, they don't know anymore. I said, well, how do you don't do it? Don't think about it. I said I don't know why I didn't think about that.

I thought, well, I'm still o'clock this afternoon. I'll just go ahead and think about rest day when I get up tomorrow. I'll just never think about it again. Got up next day and thought about it more than ever. Thought about it for my life. I had no idea that I'm the kind of guy when I start not to do something,

I'm gonna do it all time.

When I start not to think about it, that's all I'm gonna think about. I just try to wake up real quick before I thought about it.

Finally got out of high school,

had to go to summer school to get out of high school. I don't think I'm so dumb, it's just that I was always busy. No guy walked by the car. He said, I spoke to yesterday, you didn't even speak to me. And I said I was having a meeting. He said there wasn't anybody in there, but he's I thought hell, how many do you need?

30 miles away was a town that was wild and wicked and I heard about it had beer joint talking Toms and I told this guy one Saturday as far I knew you could do it during the week.

We I said let's go and find out what that's all about and we drove over there and got one in one of those honky tonks and my God, there was that Deacon that I'd seen all my life with the warm girl in one hand the cold beer and the other I said, my God, let's get out of here. He'll tell Jesus on us,

and we didn't even get to do it. You know, if you get caught before you do it, you ought to forget it.

That guy said, well, he can't tell anybody. I said, hey, you got a better shot with Jesus than we do. However, he was happier than I had ever seen him, and I like the girl he's with on Thursday night a lot better than when he's with on Sunday morning.

I used to think every time. Then I said, God, when you see I'd see him every Sunday morning, he looks sad. And I thought deacons were just sad. Now I know, Hell, he's just tired.

We had two beers, didn't taste good, didn't feel good. And I'm glad to get out there. Next morning went to church. First time in my life I wanted to go. I thought, I'll bet you that he's old enough to get old enough. You won't have to go

there. He was sad like he always was. Then I had my first spiritual awakening. Maybe you can do it a little bit and just don't tell anybody. Went back next Saturday, Told nobody, not telling about his big town. Had two joints with the other joint. Didn't see a bigger than you. Didn't commit adultery. What happened? I didn't know much about it,

and you know how well I think about it all day long and drink a beer and forget it. Alright. If we do, we don't know where we did or not.

And I learned how to drink. Didn't even know I knew how to drink. You just drink one beer right after the other. Get to Phoenix, Good, Can't feed it all. Southern badges not allowed to dance. Learned how to dance. Fell down the dance floor.

Manoj broke it first. I did it five times after I learned how to do it. Blacked out, wake up next morning, threw up. Just like I've been doing it for years.

This guy called me, said how do you feel? I said, God feel horrible. He said, oh, but you had a good time. I said Oh well

then I need how to have a good time. Just go out and get drunk, black out, wake up next morning, throw up, then you know you had a good time.

Did not know you drank it any other way. I thought people who didn't drink like I drank don't drink. Now they're putting umbrellas in them, get thrown in rain water to get in there.

They were already putting fruit and drinks, not mine. Too much acid is not good for you. No,

I'm over there

place on Saturday afternoon about 2:30 and I want to I'm just walking in town because I want to walk and stay as long as I can because I put off drinking as long as I can. That gets near dark so I don't want to get drunk too quick. So I'm walking by this post office. There's a sign out there said we need you. I walked in there and they did.

They said, have you ever been to California? And I said, no, you want to go? Yeah, we're leaving in the morning. I said, God, what I have to do? You sign right here.

Already having trouble. I go with kids, places I don't want to go. So they're like many don't like me enough. Somebody always gets my girl, the one that's supposed to go with me goes with, she goes with him. And my folks are already saying things like Jimmy would never want to be doing that. Now I've already done it once, getting ready to do it again. They say Jimmy wouldn't be caught dead doing that. Wouldn't be often to be caught dead doing that.

Everything they do I didn't want to do. I want to do everything they knew I wouldn't be caught dead doing. That's exactly what I wanted to do. And the things they knew

that I wanted is I wanted.

So I was bank told about that. I'm going California tomorrow and they said how are you going to California? You don't have any money. And I said, we're going, I'm going. The airports, we're leaving in the morning.

They let me go and look a little funny when they already getting that funny look. So I go back over to this little Old Town and we went Santone. That outfit really operates one day at time and they're funny bunch. They get up in the middle of the night, make the bed real quick like somebody'd coming. Never did.

Then they want to go eat. My God will make you sick. Eat that time of night even if you had been drunk. Then they're scared 'cause they always walked in groups

and whoever was running on out there thought we ought to go to take a take a surprise trip. Which means we're not going to tell you where you're going. So you can't tell anybody and nobody will know. Whoever was running on us, it thought we ought to go to China.

We're at the Air Force, so we go to China by boat.

I think they flew the Navy over and the Marines ran the boat.

There's a lot of Chinese over there.

They have some hills and trees and little rice, but they mainly just make Chinese. They

they like it and they're good at it and they're not interested in doing anything else. They just, they lose some, but they're making so damn many that it doesn't make any difference. They just

left you over there about 3 weeks. You've seen all the Chinese you'll ever need to see.

So I told him I was ready to come back home

and we stayed two years.

Then we came back by boat.

My folks says where you going school? Said I'm not going to school, they wouldn't be caught dead going school, hate school, never going to school, couldn't get out of school and went school. They said if you don't have that piece of paper, you won't even be able to apply for a job, let alone get one. Every person coming out of that service is going to have that piece of paper. Well I approve my folks wrong. I gutted that thing straight through 3 1/2 years. Got that piece of paper, made sure that it learned one single thing.

I made sure of a course I was going to pass it before I took it, and it wouldn't benefit a human being whatsoever.

You know what I like about you. And we'll go to any length, even if it destroys us, just to be right.

You know, a lot of people won't do that.

A lot of people say, well, I could be wrong about that, not you and I.

The only time we'll ever use that statement is when we're damn sure we're right. Then we might fail, and I could be wrong about that.

Having some minor difficulties with women. If you put 10 pretty girls up there, I'll get the sick one every time. I don't know where I learned how to do that. I see some guys, they just go one girl one night, one girl next week and change girls. You can't do that.

You've got to make sure you got a pretty girl, one that you can take home with, one you can be in love with. For God's sakes, can't just go with any girl. Take me about two months to find that precious sick little thing.

Then we've been so much and loved about two months I'd almost have to quit work.

Then they just deteriorate down. When I got the AI thought that's the greatest place I have ever been in my life. This is the first time I'd ever been where they had the sick women grouped,

and I like both kinds. I like the ones who got sick doing it, the ones that got sick watching him do it.

Seemed like everywhere I worked they wanted me to come to work on Mondays.

Monday is my flu day. I don't.

I don't have the flu on Thursday. It's Monday,

and for some

reason it seemed to be necessary for us to make sure that all businesses operated properly. That's hard work, that they treat you right, they're supposed to treat you, pay you right, and then have to run the whole thing. Some of those places that fired me are still operating, doing it wrong,

which probably means that most of us are too smart to be in business.

Finally lost the job. Could not find a job. With everywhere I look for jobs, I'll get up every morning. I throw up, not spray.

I'd go fill out one of those forms and ask you personal questions, like where have you worked the last 10 years?

Now they're damn business. They wonder where you lived. I like to move around some, and the people where I live like for me to move around something.

How you going to remember all those zip codes and all that stuff? You can't remember that they're the rest of blanks you've got to figure out. I wonder what they'd like for me to say. Well, that you don't know them very well. That's hard work.

Interview lasts about 5 minutes and you can get out and go get drunk and do that just one day at a time.

I say this one place because I knew they had an opening. I knew I'd qualify for it, and I knew a guy that would help me get the job. I knew I'd get it. Walked in there and there he was. And this other guy was there and he said, Oh my God, you don't want this job. Yeah, I want the job. I got to have the job. I say this to make sure this is space I supposed to go.

He said you don't want this job. Everybody London. Well, everybody knew what I want is always opted also neither something about me he'd like to tell me but he didn't know how to do it and also knew they're going to like it better when they left. So I went out, got drunk, waked up the next morning, threw up and sprayed and I said, you know, I've been doing this about 10 days. I think I'll take the day off.

Went out the golf course, made no leg, no peace toast. Went around the beer joint where my last spiritual advisor worked.

He said, God, you need a beer. I said, oh man, I'm a Baptist. We don't drink till noon. That's 1030. Said drink this beer. You're I don't want anybody to have DTS out here on the golf course. So I drank half that beer and sprayed the golf course with it. I don't mind spraying if I don't lose my concentration.

You know, if you lose your concentration, start thinking about women or something. Gets your nose bonds. Then you got to drink the rest of the day just to kill the pain.

I knew how to meditate before I got here. I don't meditate that deeply anymore. Just me, God and the commode. And you say, oh God, and it's stringy and you don't know where the end is so you can't breathe. You'll get it back.

So you don't know what you're going to come in.

I noticed even this is kind of an after breakfast talk.

Even in the hot stomach, I'm down there. You know when you meditate that deeply, it's tiring and you'd always just lean over there and that bowl is always just as cool.

A couple of guys said I think I better go home and lie down. I didn't get to use those vibrators and those dead tool that vibrated till two years after I sober because I used to vibrate all by myself

and I love to live with me. I'm supposed to call on hospitals. I'd get in the car this morning. God, I hate to go to that big old hospital. Have a hard time buying parking place. Time you find the parking place, you have to take that kit, go through the lobby, down the basement, wind around. Go see that person agent, you know him,

hell he's not going by anything anyway. So you don't even have to park this drive right on that. Wait till 10:30, go to beer joint, said had another bad day. So I went home and I got in the living room and I thought

what I need to do is commit suicide. Then those guys that didn't hire me will worry about it for the rest of their days. I was living in Houston then and I thought they'll put the Houston Chronicle, Jimmy Williams commit suicide and they'll never get over it. But I didn't know how to do it now. I said on television all the time now,

I'd call that number.

They probably got pamphlets on softer, easier ways. Join our group. We're losing some. We're gaining all the time.

I didn't like guns because they make noise. I don't like noise of mourning and they splatter all over everything.

Razor blades were popular then, but I didn't. I didn't know what to do I didn't. What kind of race do you use? Straight edge, Double edge

cut. All they ever said was cut his wrist for the razor blade. You got two wrists. Which ones you cut? Which way do you cut it? Because this way, that way, nobody to call.

I knew he couldn't do it in the living room because you get blood all over the cockpit. Now. I'm always thinking of others.

So I went the bathroom, got my old double edged razor and I realized, you know, we're pretty smart even though haven't done it before. What if I cut the left wrist? Left side die, right side be alive? What if I backed out

thing I need this cut both wrists and I can just bleed and die evenly. So I caught both wrist. I'm sitting there on the throne thinking about those guys are going to worry about it for the rest of their days and the phone rang and I thought what if where am I'm going? I'll always wonder who that was called.

That'd be enough to run you crazy. So I put a mandate on the wrist. Right Quick

answer the phone. That was the police. You know, police have been trained by ministers. They'll stop you about 3:00 in the morning. They'll say come go along with me. I said, man, I can't do it. I cannot do it. I've got to get home. I supposed to be home at 7:00, at three. Now I have got to get up. Then they have a personality change.

They say get out of the car,

then you say by God, I'm not going to do it. Then they really go nuts and you have to pacify them and go along with them.

And Scott said where were you last night? And I said I was right here. And he said, no, you wouldn't. I said how do you know? And he said we're there, not anyone. Talk to him anymore. And already learned don't ever talk to him about knowing about where you've been. And you do,

I said, well, what do you want me to do? And he said, I won't tell you something, brother. You can either come down here. We're coming out there and get you.

I said, well, I'll just come down there. He said OK, you better pick up an attorney on the Lakers. You're in trouble, brother. And I said that'll take me an extra 30 minutes, but wait for me. I'm coming.

I left to live with me. I can live a week and a half a day. God, I've had a hell of a day. Been out the golf course, threw up all over the damn golf course. Come back, had an emergency meeting, committed suicide. Now got to call another meeting and it's only 11:00

at $36 which was planning to start a new career. I just put all my old clothes and stuff. I said I'll bet you the Lord is trying to tell me to leave Houston and I've been here too long. So I throw all my old clothes, clean clothes, dirty clothes, few sheets and blacks and stuff. Had one piece of furniture, no lamp, put it on top of everything. Guess I was going to carry the light if I could find the plug.

Got in that car and sent the keys to folks that owned the place and I took out.

Kept an ex born in a little town. The name of Brownwood was $7.00 and I said one of my folks are getting along.

It's amazing when you know it's time to call home.

So I call them Collect, so they know it's me,

they said. What are you doing? My famous words? Oh, just out riding around.

They want to come by and have a cup of coffee. All they will. I never shortchanged my folks. They're not going to get their money back. So I always gave them my very kindest story.

In fact, I got to listen to it and it was so horrible. Hell, I cried with him. I thought, God about known. Is that bad? I've left Houston three years earlier.

I knew I had to sweat that, old John says. Well, Jimmy'z honest let him have 100, but 107

and he's almost going to business. So I knew I had to sweat that night out. I knew they're going to have to say that at night. And I knew I couldn't drink. So when that bedroom never slept a bit and I'd walk, walk, walk all night long. Next morning through the daylight came. I started out, my aunt's already up and

and I said there was one little thing I left out of my story last night

while I was having all that trouble down there in Houston. I was drinking some, but I decided last night I shall never drink again as long as I live. You'll never have to worry about my being under financed ever again. I'll never drink again and say you look at me still funny. In fact, I went back up there after I got there. I said, do you remember that time? She said, which one?

She said, well, I remember I turned around to John and said, what do you think? And John says he's 33, he'll never live till he's 35. Have we saw you leave? We thought it's probably the last time we'd see you live. So I didn't know where to go. I remember that I had help a guy get a job in the Rio Grande Valley. This is in Fort Worth, where we were. And I thought, I've heard about the Rio Grande Valley has palm trees and all this kind of stuff. I'll just run down there, stop right out of Fort Worth. Happen to stop at

Sell Beard? I said how far is the Waco? And I said 79 miles said let me have three. Well, you know what the real land the valley is to end. They got a little Creek there. They change countries. If you haven't found your bottom, it's a good place.

So I drove, drove about 10 1/2 hours and there was and I called this guy and for somebody didn't invite me to his house. There was an old hotel where a drug rented and he got me fixed up with a company trade out deal and I got in there for nothing.

And I got in that I never took my clothes out of the car. Every morning I come down old rickety elevator, go across the street, get my short sock shirt, go back up, take shower. Did that every day for three weeks. And finally that place where he worked, they hired me and then two weeks later he left. But anyway, they hired me, and the reason they hired me was because I was breathing pretty good.

See, people don't go to the Rio Grande battle. Look at the jobs. They go down there playing, they go down their snow dodging out of the Midwest, or they just go down there and shoot birds and have fun. I go to Mexico. So they hired me, and for some reason, when I could get a new job, I could. I'd work seven days a week

and just get drunk and not drunk, drunk till I got up into my place and I figured out what my problem is. I've always been true to one woman. Doesn't work. What I need to do is have #1 and a spare. And that's hard to do when you're drinking because you'll call number one and say

pick you up by 7:30. Now if you're not doing anything, she'll say fine, might be four or five days before you get by there. So it's hard to really get appointed. Now. My weekends are like this. I get all I'd work Monday through Saturday noon and I jump in the car and go to the golf course, have a heavy lunch like a six pack of the cheese cracker,

get drunk blackout, be home in bed by 630 quarter seven, wake up 1030 quarter 11 go down to my beer joint, close it 1:00 Whoever my best friends were. We drive on over to Matter Morris and finish the evening and wait till daylight and sometimes we eat a little way with front chairs and throw it up and then sometimes we missed it. Sometimes we drink, and we'd always drink beer Sunday to take off in the Monday, and sometimes I made it. Sometimes I missed it.

This particular Friday

I traded off with the guy that wandered off on the weekend. So I traded off with him and I'm over at number one house about 11:00 blacking out. And evidently sometimes we're just too honest for folks. Evidently she did not know about #2 I evidently had never mentioned it. So I just merely mentioned I thought I'd drop by and see #2 on the way home. And that's kind of upset her. So I said, but I want to go to the bathroom 1st. And she followed me in there. You know, they said putting carpet in bathrooms,

Of course you all are having meetings in there. You need to have meetings out there where you got couches and carpet and beds and soft stuff, not in bathrooms where they got hard laboratories, commodes and bath. That's bad place to have meeting. So she followed me and I'm blacking out. So I don't remember what happened. I'm living in an old faded green trailer

in an alley behind the motel. I had rocky yards a long time before I started putting them in. I'd see those weeds come up there and I said you'll never make it.

And then I'm laying there asleep. I've already learned how to wake up in total fright in my own bed, let alone somebody else's. Some of the place. And something goes well, kind of jumped up. Look dust and have my clothes on us. God, I bet I was going somewhere earlier this morning. And then I looked down there, a white shirt and had blood on. The blood makes me sick, you know,

and they kept beating on that door and you can't get out of those trailers. You only got 1 door in the windows like that. You can't get out the back. Four knots on the head. Little blood. Oh, I've wrecked my car, Splees. I've wrecked my car. I have wrecked my car. 4 big knock that big, my forge, all knots open the door in a six foot four 240 LB Baptist preacher said come go along with me. I said preacher, I know I look like I'm ready, but I'm not ready. I don't know where the meeting is, but I can't make it. Wherever it is, I can't make it. I'm just not ready. I'm not ready,

I just can't make it. He said get in the car, got it. I said I've got to have beer, I've got to have beer, I've got to have beer. Should there be no drinking before the meeting? I got in the car and we drove off. My car looked okay so I said I guess I wrecked somebody elses car.

So I said preacher, I want to have to have a beer. I'm not breathing. I'm not preacher, I am not breathing. Preacher, you got to stop the car. He had to stop the car. Preacher, I am not breathing. Do you know Madras preachers don't give an M whether he can breathe or not?

We drove up on her house so I'm assuming the meeting is going to be there and I walked in. She did look like she might have fallen in a Bush or something.

I went that bathroom and looked in that mirror and I'm going to tell you something. She won.

I don't know really what happened, but what I think probably happened is I lost my acre ribbon in that bathroom, fell in that bathtub, and she stomped me.

Two weeks later we got married.

We got married the First Baptist Church, so it work.

We got married at 10:00 in the morning so there'd be no drinking before the funeral or ceremony.

I told her that since she had been married before and I was pure,

that it wouldn't be necessary for us to invite a lot of people, but she could invite a few of her close friends. And about 11:00 on Friday night

I'm going to be off again. On Saturday I'm blacking out again. So I call my friends and when I get to the church, she's already there and I start across that yard. Mire Beer distributor Golfing Buddy came out of that church and stopped and said wait a minute,

I got to talk to you. Call me at 2:45 this morning. We're not here to see you get married. We're here because we don't believe it.

I'm going to tell you something about all of your buddies and your friends. The longest bet on your marriage is 3 weeks. But I showed them. I hung it in there for eight years, but my life changed. I had no idea how nice it was to get up. Throw up in peace,

everyone. I've always got to quit smoking because maybe gag. Good morning. So I grabbed those cigarettes, grabbed that coffee and go that bathroom, lock that door. She'd tell me what I was through that door. Then I'd have to get upset. Go make the living, get drunk. Come on, tell her what she was. We did that one day and time.

Finally I went back that preacher and I said, preacher, this thing is not working. He said, you know what's wrong with you? You're missing the beauty of life. I said yeah. He said, did you know the fruit trees are in blue? I said no. What you need to do is go home and get your wife and drive up the valley and smell the Roman.

Look at the blossoms, I said. Yeah,

go home. I'm going to get the car,

he said. What bar? I said we're going to go look at the blossom, he said The Blossom. I said yeah, we missed the whole damn thing.

So she get the car and we I'll go by and get a six pack. We start up the valley and I see a sign that says 14 miles to mountain Mars, turn left, go to Mars, switch tequila, black out, miss the whole damn thing.

Lost that job, could not find a job, could find a job anywhere. Went for two months. Completely insane. And if there ever was another guy that drank like I drank, it's this guy. He was just as close to being a good drunk like I was. We were ideal drunks together and he managed a drug company

so he hired me. Took him about six weeks to ship me to Fort Stockton, TX.

That's W West TX. Little trees out there about that high. You can see California on a clear day.

He shipped me out there. He said learn the drug business. He sent me out there 'cause nobody else would go. I'm supposed to stand the drugstore, hold this pad, got lines on it, and these pharmacists call this stuff out and I'm supposed to write it down. And you can't do it moving. You cannot do it. Move it. And that pharmacist kept saying, I kept trying to get it, couldn't get it.

He said, my gosh, you look like you're going to fly apart. I said any minute. He said, well, take some of these. And this was really nothing. This was before Valium. Valium, understand. Both eyes crossed, you walk straight.

This is just Librium, which is absolutely nothing. Just a little 2 tone green and black. 2 tone green. Oh this really nothing. Do it. Hell, I took two of them. Nothing happened. I waited 15 and 20 seconds

and obvious to something moving or burning or doing something. Didn't do nothing so I took three more.

Then my knee just went, huh?

I said, God, I know how to weave now I've got to learn new stamps.

Everybody's running the drug business since then.

I got it for nothing. Yeah, I got all I wanted. He used tickle me out there. He'd say, you know, Jim, I'm a little short at 10 milligram. 25 be OK, be fine. See, they don't know. We don't go by milligram. We just go by size.

So I took Livrum daytime and drank beer at night.

Had one decision to make every night after the third beer. Never before, never later. If I'm gonna go home early, I'll go get me a pint of bourbon at that third beer and then I go home. Otherwise I'll stay on beer and close to George. I go to home. Go home one way and one way only. The only way to go home. Black out.

My perfect time was when I blacked out right at the door. Sometimes a little early, sometimes a little late, but I always drag to that blackout.

Good blackout driver, never had a wreck, blacked out. Bad drunk driver. It's on the card in what stage I'm in is how fast I go and what I do. If I'm in the right state, then I can run all the lights. I could even hit stuff. It's not even moving. I could but

some guy recommended me for job back in Houston. Hadn't seen me for years and

I went back to Houston and that job and I set up battle. You know what's the name? We were finally had developed such a nice sweet deep hate for one another that we really were safe because the one that died first one,

but we slept in two different areas because that was safer.

And I lasted from March the 1st of 1965 till the day before Christmas Eve of 1965. I played golf with some of these in laws and customers and their in laws and oh, what's the name? And I set up battle and I blacked out at their house. And I remember just doing some little something, don't know what it was, but I remember I did something and I don't know what it was. And I did the same thing I've done any time. But in anybody's house,

I'd call somebody

and tell him I sure am sorry about last night and they would just say it was OK Jim, you just got drunk. See, I wasn't sorry about last night. I wanted them to tell me what I did, but they never tell you drunk was getting to be a bad word with me. Nobody called me an alcoholic

drunk. I knew one drunk and he was the old

guy named Brash that slept in the alley and drank that wine in that little Old Town where I was raised. And they called him the town drunk. And I'll never, never forget that. And drunk gotten to be a bad word with me. Guys would say, Jim, I can't have your house anymore. We like it, but we can't have you over because you're drunk.