Jerry M. from Naples Florida at Sarnia Ontario 1996

Now, if you'll help me, we'll close the meeting with the Lord's friend.

That's got to be the longest 20 minutes in the history of the world.

All the best things I would have said, I just said to myself over there,

oh, but but really, you ought to be up here looking out at your cell. This is this is truly extraordinary.

I love this town. I love, sorry, I've been here before. I love Dale, of course, but I've been to this town before and I like this little town and I love a A here

AA here is it's warm. I watch you interact with each other.

It's beautiful. It really is. It's a. A is still alive up here. It's doing good. It has enthusiasm,

yeah. You know, a lot of times in a you go to places and you meet people and they have that glum look in their face and it's almost like they have a, a force feeding on humble pie or, or a bowl of gruel. They have to eat every day, you know,

but you don't get that. You don't get that feeling here. You're very warm and you and you, you're very good to each other. I don't know if you realize that, but I see that. And that's nice. That's real nice that that makes a person feel good when when he sees that. And that must please God very much.

And let's look at a group like this. And it must please him very much.

I'm an alcoholic. My name is Jerry Marola. All right, that's MEROLA. Are you going to raise me? Are you going to reach me in Naples, FL? Because I'm in the phone book and

that's my personal anonymity.

I my sobriety date is February the 5th 1970.

I, I was brought to Alcoholics Anonymous by a man who, who answered a telephone call that I made

and, and he brought me in a room that was of course not like this, but like any meeting that you would go to. And my, my life in a, a began. I, I was 27 years old. I was

about the color of this orange juice like that. My skin, my eyes. I, I weighed 137 lbs. I weigh about 185, something like that. Today I weighed 137 lbs.

I had this this liver that was trying to exit my body up here and I kind of resembled one of those yellow pencils with a small pair stuck on it.

I

and really, I thought I looked cool.

What you got to realize about new people is they don't know how bad they look.

I thought they were getting a prize when they got me. Of course, at that time I was 27 years old and you know, in 1970 there wasn't a lot of 27 year old people in Alcoholics Anonymous.

You know, the average age was much older than that. And

so I, you know, I that, that fueled that idea that, you know, sure, I used to sit there and think to myself, God, I, I would stop too if I drank as long as some of these guys did. I, I haven't had my share yet. I only had 14 years

and but I've I've accepted that since then I've come to the conclusion that it's much better to have drank and lost and never drank at all.

Well, I was why was in this condition? I shook all the time and I've been bleeding from the inside for months. And I was, I was out of my mind and had and I doubt this, I came in off this long drunk. They were long for me. By that time. My Thomas was shot and, and I would get out and I'd get drunk very fast

and, but I would stay out. You know, if you could get drunk real fast and like fall over and stay where you fall, it would be all right. But I would get drunk real fast and I would continue to move and, and, and go around and do things And I wouldn't, you know, that's when the, they call it bizarre behavior comes in. And that's a kind way to put it too Bizarre.

I came in off one of these 18 hour drunks and and I was finished. I was 27 years old and I I didn't want to participate in life anymore. I had enough. I was done

and I was thinking of what I could do about that. I was thinking. I was thinking about hurting myself as what I was thinking about doing. I just couldn't do it no more. There was two. There wasn't any peace going on up here. It was it was just too, too hard and life was just too tough. I couldn't conceive how anybody could do it. Life is just too hard and

I dialed a telephone. I picked a telephone up,

but I should say I picked it up. I said the most sincere prayer at that time that I have ever said in my life the most because I saw myself. I saw myself like you. You would see a picture passing by like like a like a like they do pictures race passed on TV sometimes. I saw him, I saw myself. I saw my life. I saw how it was. I thought, God, that's me. Look at this. And I couldn't hide from that.

It was right there in front of my face. That's a gift.

That's a gift from, from God because a lot of people never get a look at that, I guess. And there's a lot of people in this room and know exactly what I mean. I saw who I was and I really felt bad then. If I felt bad before that, I really felt bad then. I thought, there's just no way out of this. It it, it's just, it's over. And I said my little prayer, God help me because I don't know what I'm going to do. I knew what I was thinking about doing.

I doubt the telephone

and I doubt 7 numbers and I got the office was the right seven numbers and it got right through to where I wanted to be. You know, if you're not really with it, you can't doubt telephone if you if you

if you're in a condition I was in, you don't ever be able to dial 7 numbers and get anybody you wanted to talk to. I used to talk to anybody who answered anyway. Didn't make a difference. But

I got right through to the downtown office in in Pittsburgh. I live in Pittsburgh at that time, and he said to me this a a office told me who he was. He said, are you having trouble with your drinking? I hung the phone up on him.

I left to myself the nerve,

absolute nerve to some people.

I hung. Then I was sitting there thinking about that, you know, they ever seen new guys trying to think about stuff. I was, I was thinking about that and I thought, well, that's not really an unfair question. I guess. You know, if you call Alcoholics Anonymous and the guy says you're having trouble, you're drinking it, it could be all right, you could ask that. So I dialed it again. I got the same 7 numbers, got the same guy on the phone and and he knew it was me.

And he asked me the same question. And this time I said, well, I don't know. I said, I drink. You know, I have a little, I don't know if I'm an out, I'm having a lot of trouble. I think maybe he said, well, can you not drink today? And and we'll send somebody out as soon as we can get somebody. I said of course, what do you think I am?

Was indignant. Of course I can. And

she, he said. Well, I'll send somebody out and he and he sends,

he sends Bill at this guy named Bill.

And Bill had six months sober when he came into my life and he walked in the door of this place I was and and he said, hi pal, I heard you have trouble with your drinking.

A A people always want to talk about your drinking. You ever notice that?

And I said by that time, you know, I've been all day without a drink. This was at night time and and I'm sitting there in a chair. I'm going.

I said, well, maybe I was vibrating and,

and he looked good. He had, his eyes were clear, he was dressed nicely, a nice car out there and was articulate and, and, and obviously a gentleman by the way he spoke. I thought, my God. And then he said he was an alcoholic and he started to talk about himself and tell me about his alcoholism and, and, and what happened to him. And he ended up in Alcoholics Anonymous and et cetera, et cetera. You know, the, the dialogue is the same, the same everywhere. And what else is the same everywhere is

I knew that he knew. I knew that I could tell. I could feel that we we feel that we just know that I didn't. I didn't try to give him those story. He he knew and I knew and I trusted him. I trusted this guy. I didn't trust nobody since I was nine years old. Forget that six years old. I trusted this guy and he took me to an A, a meeting that night,

he said you wanted to go to any lengths. I figured, God, we're going to go to Cincinnati at least, or

well, I knew he's going to come around with a red truck, you know, with a white cross on the side. You get in the truck and and they do a a stuff to you all the way to Cincinnati.

I don't care.

We got his car. We went about four blocks to the Zion Lutheran Church in his little town of mine and, and we went downstairs in the basement and the way to go around the back of the church and go downstairs in the basement.

Now when you when you're in Florida, I've been in Florida for 14 years. When you're in Florida, you don't have no basement. So you, so you get to have meetings on the 1st floor

and and I, I never experienced that. I tell them down in Florida, man, we had meetings in the basement, 150 steps to get down there.

You guys don't know what how good you have it. And

we're going down these steps into the Zion Lutheran Church. I'm with Bill. I'm going to an AAA meeting. I'm in the sick condition and I'm in my mind is blown

and I'm thinking to myself, God, look at I sunk to now.

I actually thought that I'm thinking, oh, I hope there's nobody down there. I know. I hope there's nobody I know. You know, I don't want to mess up my reputation.

I mean, I mean, I'm the guy that's been laying out in public laying

you. You drinking of alcohol fast enough

or you get your tolerance messed up the way I did you, you lay a lot. You know, I'd be laying out in public and I'm throwing up straight up in the air.

So you drink a lot of that same booze. The problem with that is you don't have any any mobility anymore when you're laying and you can't move out of the way when it comes down.

All you could do is close your eyes.

I don't want nobody to see me going into to say Amy.

We we go into the a a meeting and Alcoholics Anonymous starts in my life. It was 1520 people sitting in there. We had they had China cups like you do this evening and and and I was new man in it and and they want to form me some cops. It was this old guy that kept coming across the floor. To tell you the truth, he was intent on pouring me a cup of coffee in that China cup. You know, now he, he would come over,

I would take the cup and you know the condition. I mean, I'm shaking like a dog

cup shaking, the coffee spilling. It's good. And we're mopping it up and we're bumping heads. It's like a habit.

It was like an Abbott Costello routine that you would say, you know, and, and I'm sorry and he's sorry and you know, he finally he would leave, you know, and then

see him coming again with the father

he had. He had like khaki pants on, rolled up at the bottom. He had a blue nose. I remember that, how old he was. He was old. He'd have any teeth. He'd have no teeth at all. He came over and smiled. His gums would show, you know,

for this topic, I'm trying to, I'm sitting on my hands trying not to shake, you know, I'm trying to act like cool. You want to be cool when you go to your first a a meeting, you know, But when you're shaking real bad and and you sit on your hands, what happens is your whole body.

So I'm sitting there is my whole body shaking. He's smiling with his gums like this and crockets fall.

But you know, it's very funny. A A is is

about a year later or so we're staying outside that very same meeting. You know how people do after a meeting, you know, they'll stand out and they'll just exchange a few maybe comments to each other or, or just past the time. You know, a people are good at just passing the time with each other, makes them feel good just just to be together, you know, and for a little while outside of a meeting. And that's wonderful. Some of the best. A A takes place right outside of the meeting. And, and we were doing that that night. It was a, it was a nice night and stars around. We were kind of looking and talking a little bit,

smoking, you know, and then days I had, I had one in every finger in them days.

He said to me, Jerry, he said, do you remember that that first meeting you went to that I was there that night. He said, I was pouring you to coffee and it was spilling it also. Oh man, do I remember that. God, I remember that. He said, well, he said I was thinking about drinking that night and just looking at you made me change my mind.

So, so you never know who you're helping us. They gave me,

but I, I got drunk. I don't remember my first drink. God only knows. You hear people talk about their first drink, you know, and it gets younger and younger and younger all the time and they ever notice that. I mean, we got people had their first drink when they were two years old. Their grandma rubbed whiskey under gums and and they got drunk wildly in their playpen or whatever.

You hear all these stories and then you hear stories about even before their parents were married, the father went to a picnic with the mother and they both got drunk and they were conceived and drunkenness.

But I waited till I was 13.

I don't want you to think I went easy. I was 13. I don't why I waited so long. I could use it.

I'm gonna use the drink a lot earlier than that I can assure you. And my mother dropped me off at the 1st grade. I know I could use a drink that day.

They should give you a drink in the 1st grade when they drop, don't you think? No, no, I have to know. Your mother's going. You say bye, mom.

I was. I was 13 or so. I'm running around with the older guys, the bad guys in the neighborhood,

you know, the undesirables, the ones raised. Your mother's tell you don't run around with those guys. Well, I was running around with them and and, and we were at that time I was trying to be cool, you know, and their opinion meant so much of me. Ever wonder why a young boys opinion, the opinion of his goofy friends means so much to him? I mean, it's like when you think about that, it's like ludicrous for God's sake. But you know, that's the way it was, you know, I wanted these guys. I really think I was cool. You know

what couple of had driver's license and everything and and we were traveling from Pittsburgh to Steubenville, OH one night and the reason for it was Steubenville, OH was where the red light district was. Now. There was a lot of anxiety in that car that night.

OK,

now I realize that nobody in that car had any idea what was about to happen. Nobody. But. But, you know, young boys lie.

They lie about stuff like that. They lie about sex, you know, they lie about their exploits and all that to each other. And I but I believe them. I think I'm the only one here that's, you know,

I mean, I've not had sex, all right, but I was alone when it happened all the time.

These guys were, but they stopped in the car down in Wheeling, WV somewhere did one in package stores where they would sell anybody. You know, if you sent a four year old kid in there with enough money to buy it, they'd sell it to them. And we they came out with three or four quarts of apple wine. You know them big fat quart apple wine, cheapest

stuff. God Almighty, I don't know what you could do with it except drink it.

It's good for nothing else. And

we feel that plastic wrap off the necks of those bottles and got them open. You know, these kids in this car

drank this slop as fast as we can get it done. Just about, you know, and, and, and and it and it, and it hits, you know what I mean? It hits. And then all of a sudden I knew the meaning of life.

I just, I knew the truth. I actually was. I knew truth. And, and I had about 15 minutes of social drinking.

And

that was, that was my career. It lasted about 15 minutes. I, I really felt good. I felt, I felt,

felt OK. I felt good. You know, I, I had to, I had to drink a lot to get up to where everybody is normally. And, and I did. I felt, I felt alright. Prior to that time as a young kid, I never felt right. I didn't come from a good home. I hear people talk about the home they come from. My heart just bleeds sometimes. I didn't come from one of those and, and, and, and so it wasn't quite the same thing. I don't blame that anymore. I used to, I used to put a lot of blame on that, but a lot of people came from bad starts.

And they didn't become, you know, they used it to go higher and better. But I, I didn't, I was, they had me convinced that it was my fault. You got to be careful with kids because you, you can convince them that it's their fault, why you're beating up on them. I mean, it's, it's your fault.

And I, I just believed it was my fault, whatever it was. And, and I just never felt good about me or, or,

or any kind of spiritual values because I felt less than. I felt different. I felt unworthy. I guess that's what it was. That's the way I felt. I drank this wine. I didn't feel that way no more, not at all. Hey, I was cool now, man. I was cool and I was cool that night too, after I drank that wine. I mean, these guys told me. They told me about the car wreck.

Yeah, it's all about the car wreck. They told me about the fight,

they told me about the police. I saved them that night's matter of fact, because coming back from the place, I was so sick,

you know, Well, I'm a thrower upper right? I don't know about you people, but my stomach never did want to drink.

I always wanted to drink. My stomach never wanted to drink. My stomach said if you keep doing that to me, I'm just going to keep throwing it out of here. That's what Drink, drink, drink.

But, but I was sitting in the back seat of this car coming back from Steubenville, where God only knows if I resorted there or not. I have no idea, you know, I don't have any memory of it. My $4.00 was gone. You know,

it could have been, could have been,

but I'm in a back seat of this car and and the police pull up and they look in the window,

you know, are you boys drinking? Well, you can imagine what that car Buster looked like.

Are you boys drinking? They said. I was in the backseat wrapped up in this blanket and I was like blue.

And, and just as the policeman shined, a light in my eyes,

he said get out of here. Get him out of here. Just don't ever come back to this state again. Ever. Just never come back here. And so I saved them, you see.

But, but I, they were impressed, you know, at, at my, at my behavior that night. And I don't remember my behavior, so I couldn't duplicate it. I, I didn't know what I did impressed them so much, but my, my buddies were impressed with me. So I, I drank every chance I got after that.

If, if something makes you feel good, like it says in a big book, people drink because they enjoy the effect produced by alcohol. You really don't have to be a psychiatrist to figure that one out to you. People drink as they enjoy. I I liked what it did to me. It made me feel.

It made me feel OK. I was never felt OK until I drank. Then I felt OK. If anything does that for you, of course you're going to do it. Of course you're going to drink it. A lot of people out there do. They have their little martinis in the afternoon, you know,

with vegetables in there and stuff like that. They have those. You see them out there. They got their legs crossed.

Well, I bother, right? You know,

makes them feel good.

But I got a lot of trouble after that as a teenager, as a young man, because I don't know how you are, but I cannot drink alcohol and, and guarantee you what I'm going to do. I just don't know.

And then days I was angry and resentful and I felt sorry for myself quite a bit. I know there probably ain't nobody in here ever felt sorry for themselves, but I used to. I'm probably the the best feel sorry for yourself person that there is in the United States. Anyway, I don't know, maybe I'm in Canada, might be different, but in the US, if you look up in the dictionary under self pity, my pictures in there, it's out in the market

and I I just, I just, you know that and I would tell you about the bad breaks. I got what people did to me and blah, blah, blah, blah.

Give me another drink and put the Johnny Cash on the jukebox and play Born to Lose

and we'll all get down.

Yes, Sir. If you want to get down, you play that music on that jukebox and you get yourself some beer and you'll know. You'll learn what get down is. They'll need a ladder to get down to you. You be so deep. They just need, I just sit in the back of bars and draw those wet circles on the bar all the way in the back of the bar with the jukebox. I don't talk to nobody and and draw them wet circles on the bar.

And you can make like round designs, You can, you can make like circles here and there. You can connect them, you know,

you can have a lot of fun as an alcoholic. Yeah,

but,

but I'd be going to jail and coming from jail and I'd have one, one hearing. They'd be sending me to reform school. And and you know, young guys sometimes talk about how they played ball in high school. You all played ball. Nice guys wouldn't have any team in the reform school

and

but that was the way life was. But eventually you grow up, you get old. Maybe you don't grow up. I'm living proof that you got to get old, but you probably don't ever have to mature, I suppose.

But

I got married. I met my childhood sweetheart, you know, again.

I I better again, you know, And it's funny, you know, love does very peculiar things to you. Yeah. You don't. You don't see the person the way he really is. The first time my wife ever met me, I was drunk and and she saw me. She saw me in a in a automobile chase by the police. They were chasing what they wanted back. Was this car that I stole.

I was trying to figure out a way to give it back to them without them getting me.

And she saw, she saw him go by and then or she saw me go by, you know, and she saw them go by and she see me drunk. And, you know, in the neighborhood where I came from wasn't all that big. And their friends knew. And I knew I would go to a wedding sometime. Italian weddings are big deals. You know, you can really get messed up there.

And when I was a kid and I'd go to the wedding and get so slopped up and she'd be walking me around, you know, around the block trying to get me sober enough that I, so I wouldn't fall. And, and, and, you know, later on in life, later on in years, we, we after we were married and had babies and things and, and she was locked into this relationship, she'd say to me, see, I didn't know what you were like.

I saw. How much evidence did you need?

God lovers, you always hug in there. You know, you just hug in there and and people, people like pointed us today and say, look, there's marriage worked. They're still married 38 years. My God, 37 or 38. It's one of the two

38 years they're still married. And they they say to me,

how did you do that, Jerry? Now they're waiting for some profound statement, right? People want people want you know that you're given the truth here. I'd say I never left.

I'll give you one guarantee a lot of you want to stay married. Don't leave.

And, but I tried. I tried. I wanted to be. I wanted to be a husband and a father. I swear I did. I wanted to be those things. There's always been a nagging conscience inside me. I mean, isn't that annoying? That must be God's little joke. It creates human beings and gives you this free will and intellect and, and, and in my case, gave me this enthusiasm for whiskey

and, and, and then he gave me this conscience.

You know, whiskey and the conscience don't mix. I can tell you that right now the two just do not mix it. And you gotta drink a lot of the whiskey to finally override the conscience. And by the time you get that done, you can't do what you were ready to do before anyway.

So it's like it's a thin line you're going to walk there.

But

we stayed married, we had kids, we had three kids and, and, and life just got worse and worse and worse. The escapades got worse. It was just, you know, towards the end, I was, I was 27 years old. I was in the condition I was in when I when I described to you and, and I thought I was cool and

I used to hang out on the Northside of Pittsburgh, which was a bad side. Nobody goes over there. And it was a one block area that even the Northside people did go on.

The only people that went on that block was wackos like me that came from somewhere else. I mean, there's there's places like it. It's probably places like that around here

that everybody knows. You just don't go there. And I would go there. It was my place. After I get started somewhere in some nice place, I would start in some nice place because I wanted to be with the genteel people. And then after I would have myself some genteel drinks. I'd say my thinking would change and I'd say, I wonder what you're doing on the Northside. And I'd end up over there. But there was just one joint that was so bad

it was open at one end and open at the other end and a long bar along the wall and boots.

And you could sit there anytime you wanted to watch the police run in one end and run out the other chasing people, you know, chasing people you can watch, you could watch fights go on. You could bet like who was going to win? Is it $5 on the big guy? You know, and the people got like cut, shot Outback. I mean, it was it was a bad, it was a bad joint. And, and I used to sit there in the booth and drink and pass out

clunk and,

and I'd wake up and my money would still be in front of me and my shoes would still be on me. I mean, they would take anything from me and this place was bad. They they'd kill you for 1/4 And I would think, well see they know I'm bad.

I figured. I figured, well they they know I'm Italian, see, So they figured that I must be connected.

And and my if they bother me, my goombas are coming here now. Clear this place out.

Well, that's so crazy. You know, I found out what was protecting me sometime later, a long time later actually. And and what was protecting me was the bartender. The bartender was about 6/4 went about, I think he went about 280 at that time and he genuinely was bad

and they were all afraid of him. But he was gay and he loved me. And he said if you touch him.

So you don't know who your higher power is at any given time. You don't know,

it changes from time to time.

God works through mysterious people,

but that was my life. That was my life. I used to call it going on safari. What, when I was going out to drink, I'm going on safari and, and, and

reason I said that to myself. Well, you know, I used to laugh about that and everything and, but it was some truth and that the places I drank, it was awful. I mean, it was like, it was like going in a jungle. You know, you, you did encounter the animal life when you went, when you went in these places. I went in, I used to drink in a bar. I don't know if any of you seen the 1st movie Star Wars. They had a scene in a bar. They had a scene in a bar where there was all sorts of weird galactic creatures drinking in there. You know,

things look like elephants, snoots coming out of their mouth and antennae and all sorts of stuff. And I, I used to drink in that bar.

That was one of the places I used to go to,

but that was my life. And I was so crazy and I came in off of that last one like that and it was gone. You know, wherever you get your courage from, when you're out there trying to prove that you have courage and, and, and life doesn't mean nothing.

I don't care, you know, So what? It wasn't exactly in those words, but that was my favorite, my favorite saying. And I said my little prayer. I saw myself as I was that day, 27 years old and and I said my little prayer and and a a happened and Bill came into my life took me to that meeting.

Yeah, I was an alcoholic synonymous and a guy, a guy did just what I'm doing now. Got up story

name is Coleman. Never forget him. He's a friend of mine to this day,

and he told his story and he said it was the first drink that got him drunk.

I don't know what happened to you the first time you heard that. For when I heard that, I thought, damn, that's absolutely right. That's absolutely right. It's it's a first. When I take the drink, that's when it happens. I mean, I've been looking for the answer. You ever look for the solution? I was hunting for the solution. I wanted to find a way

and I tried things. I don't know, maybe you just like tried to average things like maybe just drinking before 10 or drinking after 10 or one drink an hour or mixing it with milk or but I tried all kind of exotic stuff.

One time I got I got black coffee

about granules and ground them whole pound and I made about I took a half of that and I made a pot of coffee and this coffee was so strong that the spoon would bend when you put it in there. Now I got this Cuban rum all right. I got this black coffee and this Cuban rum. Now

I figured the caffeine is of course going to counteract the alcohol,

you know? Anyway,

any idiot knows that

so so I I'm drinking the Cuban rum and the black coffee and I guess I consume maybe one or two pots of this stuff. I don't know how much it was. I drank it most of the rum and I was sitting there drinking. Now what happens to you is this.

You fall right off the chair,

but your eyes stay wide open like saucers.

You have all the appearances of being dead.

I think your pulse goes away, your breathing stops in the eye. Yeah, you look like you're dead if you're not careful. If they have a shovel, you know what might happen?

Well, the backyard real fast before anybody notices.

But I tried all I tried, and he said it was the first drink that got him drunk. And I thought, damn, that's it. That's the truth. It's the first drink that does it To me. It was just like ringing a bell when I heard that. I mean, I've heard stuff like that in Alcoholics Anonymous and it just rings true. Isn't it so true when you hear it? Do you think, my God, I've been looking for that for a long time.

And, and he told his story just very much like what I'm doing. And, and, and people were doing what they do in a a, you know,

some of the parts they, they laugh because they don't want to cry no more, you know, so they laugh, they look back at some of the stuff and it is hysterical, for God's sake, when you think about it. And, and, and we're not like it says in a book, we're gonna go on lots. We're gonna enjoy life as much as we can sober. And, and so a A's will laugh, you know, and

but I was sitting there and I was, I was just ashamed for this guy. I was humiliated. I thought, my God,

he stand up there humiliating himself in front of this group of people. I want to crawl under the table. I really couldn't stand this. And, and, and they're laughing at it. He would say something like the guy hit a telephone pole. The telephone pole fell on the sheriff's car.

Oh God, that was hysterical.

But he got through his story and I sat there through his story and, and, and something happened. I, I, I must have saw the same thing that night that I see when I look out at you tonight.

I see it Alcoholics Anonymous working. I feel it as much as see it. You know, I, I must have been starving spiritually when they brought me through that door of Alcoholics Anonymous. I must have been like a spiritual skeleton

because there sure wasn't any food for my spiritual condition where I was going over on the Northside especially. I mean, it just wasn't any, it wasn't any food for that. And I think I've been hungry for that all of my life. I, I've known since I was a little kid that I belong to God. I know that I've known that. I've always known that. I knew that the first time I heard the first words when I was a child that I belong to God. I know it. His name is written on my heart

and but I felt

where I came from and the things I did as a young kid, I felt like I wasn't worthy of that. I felt like I wasn't. I didn't belong to that. I didn't fit into that. That wasn't for me. And

Alcoholics Anonymous changed that. You know, sure we don't. We talked about booze, right? Don't drink that booze.

There's a lot of other stuff here, isn't there? If you want what we have. I wanted what they had. I wanted it

and I felt it that night. I felt. I felt hope is what I felt. I thought, what if it was just that simple? What if? What if what they're telling me is true? What if I don't drink and I and I come to the meetings and I do the best I can with this Alcoholics Anonymous way of life? What if it could happen for me like it's happened for these people?

Man, it was like almost too much to hope for, I thought. I thought, Nah, everything in my life

liquid this before you were about to succeed. That's the way I usually did things. And

I thought, no, that's not gonna happen to me. It it can't happen to me,

but God gave me the grace to, you know, I met Bill and Bill was, Bill was kind and he was loving to me. He was six months sober and he was my winner.

They say stick with the winners. You know who your winner is, the one that is interested in you. That's who your winner is in a A. It's not the guy with the most time or the smartest guy or the one that knows the big book inside out. It's the one who will spend time with you and talk to you and and try to help you. That's your winner. You stay with that guy,

forget about the rest.

Well, what happened? I don't know what happened to that. That was that was February the 5th, 1970. We hooked up. I hooked up with some other guys, some other young guys that that belonged to his group. There was there was two or three other young guys that belonged to his group. Sounds funny now saying young guys 2730, you know, but in them days they were young

and and we kind of like got used to each other.

We got used to seeing each other there. We, that was the little fellowship that I got drawn into. You know,

before a person can get to the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and to everything else that's that's available in the, in the writing of the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, the fellowship has to function first.

Somebody got to bring this guy. Somebody has to talk to this guy. Somebody has to go out of their way. It has to be, you know, like, just like what you see done here. And that's what happened in NAA, The fellowship. I was, I was captivated by it. I was pulled into it.

You know, it's a very warm thing when somebody says come on, man, you know, come with us. They open the doors, they look you in the eye, right in your eye, in your eyes, and they touch you. AA people touch you. They'll shake your hand, they'll pat you on the back. They'll hug you and hug you is big now.

Hugging wasn't so big when I came in. Somebody hugged you say, oh, wait a minute,

I don't play that stuff. I don't play that,

but hugging is big now and but but a people are so warm. I mean,

why wouldn't you want to stay here? What what? Where's the negatives at? Where's the negatives in Alcoholics Anonymous? What? You can't drink and throw up no more.

That's too bad. But you could watch movies of it maybe. And

it was still that, It was still that void. You know,

I, I had a friend that used to say, Jerry, it's only the thoughts of misery and failure that sustained me through these long periods of happiness and success.

Hello.

Well, Bill got me to join his Home group. He said you joined this group and get to know these people and, and I did I, I joined this, I was in Monroeville group, Monroeville, PA. I went to that group every Friday night for 14 1/2 years and I never missed a Friday night. I don't believe in 14 1/2 years. And I made coffee there and I, I swept the floor and I