Bryant B from Dobson, NC at Eureka Springs Arkansas

I'm Brian Vivians and I'm a real alcoholic

sober today by God's grace and because the program of Alcoholics Anonymous works in my life a day at the time, and for this I'm eternally grateful. I noticed that everybody has given their sobriety. They did not give money.

I've been so as long as I can remember.

I forgot I wasn't tall as rap.

And that day, the December 25th of 19160 and.

I want to say something this morning that that I always say, you know that man. I'm deeply grateful to Bill and Doctor Bob for founding the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. But if that would have been the only two, if that would have been the only two, we wouldn't be here this morning. We owe a deep

debt of gratitude

to the old timers that have kept this place, this thing alive,

to the people like Geneva who kept the doors out and said that when this hopeless drunk got here, I could identify. They told me what was wrong with me and they taught me how to live by example.

And you know, you don't hear a lot of this anymore. I hear, I heard some of the old times speakers and I was privileged

to hear them and they stand behind the podium like this and say this program has given me, has restored dignity and pride in my life.

And it's happened to me this morning and it's happened to me over the years. Today, I can stand here and I can walk with dignity and pride because I'm a member of the greatest organization in the world

called Alcoholics Anonymous. And I thank those people for keeping the doors open for me when I got here. God bless you, Jennifer, and all I can. And I didn't want to be an alcoholic and tell you that

hatteries not to want to be an alcoholic because my daddy was an alcoholic and I didn't like what alcohol did to that man. It ruined his life.

You know, I could see a Goodman and I could see him doing things that

nobody approved of. And I said I'd never drink. I'll never drink. But I got to tell you the kind of kid I was and the kind of family I had. You know, I was raised in a flaky family

about like a snowstorm all the time.

You know, our life revolves during the practicing alcoholic. If he said do it, we'd done it. If he said not do it, we didn't do it. You know, if

we would fix an evening meal and sit there and wait for him to come home, and if he didn't come home, we didn't eat. You know, we just sat there and didn't eat. You know, that's nuts. You know, they go sometimes they call them dysfunctional families. Back then they said we were crazy as hell.

They were right back then.

We we'd sit there and wait for him to come home and when he got there, we wish he had to come home.

I never knew when he'd get there, if he gets there, who he was going to bring with him or what the situation would be. So

we lived in a state of anxiety at my house at all times. And, you know, fear. I had an awful lot of fear. I, I had fear that people would know that my daddy was a drunk. But I also had the greatest fear I had. Was it people would find out about me?

If people have found out about me, then I wasn't what I presented to them. And I tried to make everybody like me. And I felt that nobody liked me at all. And I was afraid of that. And you know, I was taught fear at an early age. My grandmother get everybody together and she said I need to talk to everybody and we get everybody together. And she said I've got a feeling something bad is going to happen.

Five years later, something would happen, she said. I told you so.

An awful lot of fear in my life at an early age.

A lot of frustrations in my life at an early age. My baby was a tobacco man. He was very capable, man. He was capable of making a lot of money, but I told you he was an alcoholic. So he's more capable of spending it than he wasn't making it. That's where some of my frustrations came in. I did not understand why I didn't have the things that other kids had. You know, for instance, they all have new bikes and I'd be riding a rusty one around

hating every minute of it, you know, and

these, this was just one example, but there was a continuation of these things. I didn't get these things and it cost an awful lot of frustration in my life. And this frustration led to resentment and the resentment eventually led to hate.

So I was like that I was a kid that never was satisfied with anything that I had. So I guess it's a blessing. I didn't have a hell of a lot. I, I really would have been dissatisfied if I'd had a lot,

Yeah. I wasn't satisfied with my looks. I wasn't satisfied with my friends. I wasn't satisfied with my position in in life. I wasn't satisfied with anything. And so a lot of frustrations early in my life, I had another and it's going to be hard. You'd believe. I know,

but I was a liar.

I didn't start lying after I started drinking. I started lying right after I started talking.

I became real good at it. One that lie to make me look better or you look worse, whatever the occasion call for. I had a life of that situation and I practiced it. I became real good at it. And when I started drinking, I became a professional liar.

So this is the kind of kid I was. I'm wandering around for 15 years, not knowing where I belonged. You know, I could see you and you look good on the outside. And I compared my insides with your outsides. And when I compared that it, I didn't I didn't match up to and I said I'm not as good as but I steal. My lying

made me present to you somebody that you would like.

And so this is how I was for 15 years. And I was at a party one night with some kids my age and and I looked around at several tables in the room. You know, they were dancing and everybody was having a good time except me. I and I said I wasn't going to have a good time when I went. Usually when you say that you don't have a good time.

I looked around on those tables and there were bottles sitting on every one of them. I made sure they weren't liquor bottles because I hated liquor with a packet. I looked at those bottles and everyone I said wine, WINEI checked them out. I looked at the people. I always compared me with somebody else. They were all having a good time and I and I wasn't. And I said, oh God, this is what kids do to have a good time.

They drink a little wine and have a good time, I said.

And I'm not opposed to that hard look is what ruined my daddy. That's what ruined my daddy and and I wouldn't take a drink of liquor for nothing. But I looked at that line. I pulled out a glass at it that like that, drink it right on down

before the bottle went around everybody else, I had another glass.

And when that second glass went down, things started happening in my life. I'll tell you that. Things started happening. You know that warm glow, it just goes all over you. You know, you ain't never had it. You won't never have it. You know, I probably, if you had it, you know what I'm talking about.

This spreads down to your fingers and your toes and your mouth and it's sort of like swallowing umbrella and having it open up on the inside it.

I stepped out of the background.

Anxiety or No Fear? Hell, no

frustrations now. Frustrating. There was our feeling, better than I'd ever felt in my life. But there was one thing wrong. I wasn't satisfied.

I wasn't satisfied with feeling good. I wanted to feel just a little bit better.

I reckon that's why y'all here too, lady.

This won't satisfy the feeling. Good. I'd feel just a little bit better. And so I I put my mathematical mind into action. It borders on genius. By the way,

I say the two drinks will make me feel this good. Four will make me feel twice as good. And so I tried 4, but somewhere between 2:00 and 4:00 I got in trouble. I know that's hard to do, but I've done it in a

I blacked out. All the classic symptoms of alcoholism were there

the very first times that I drink. Listen to this. There was not enough people in this room to have poured alcohol in me 30 minutes before I took that drink. But I took it on my own, swearing that and never do it. And I had a blackout that night. Had to run around doing cute things, you know, and people, you know, people tell you about these cute things even when you first start out and you and you said, yeah, nothing to it, you know, you

ten years later they told me what happened to Black Cat. I said the hell you say.

Could not believe it

had a black ass that now I passed out that night I read that's what you do. Didn't go to sleep. I didn't taste that,

did everything except get a DWI and I won't drive him. Then

came to the next morning,

thought I was gonna die sick as I'd ever been in my life. I said Oh my God, I'm gonna die.

I'm going to die. I laid there for a few minutes and didn't die,

and my mind went back. My mind went back to the night before when I had those two glasses of one eye and I had those two glasses of wine and I started. I was laying there on my deathbed

figuring out how I can drink the next time and not be at six.

No,

back then you didn't call Mama. And if I've been sick from something else, I had to call Mama. Yeah, but you didn't call Mama back then. Says Mama. I got drunk last night. Can you help me out? I would have been dead if I had told Mama that. Guarantee you

you don't call your friends and said, you know, I drank something last night that almost killed me and I can't wait to drink some more.

You don't do that. That's too dumb.

So you just lay there and figure out things for yourself.

That's another reason we all hear Amy.

I knew early in my drinking career I wasn't drinking like everybody else. I'd get together with my buddies and we'd be drinking beer or whatever you was drinking and they said I've got to go home. I'm beginning to feel this

now. That's about the wimpiest thing I've ever heard.

Go home when you're feeling fairly good. No, no, I go to town. I had to go to town when I was feeling pretty good. And, and you know, when you go to town feeling pretty good and then feel better, usually you get in trouble.

That's what I started doing. Didn't mean to get in trouble, didn't mean they don't. But that's the trouble with trouble. It always starts out as fun.

I ain't never met anybody in my life, said. Man, I'm going out and getting some trouble tonight.

But I was getting in trouble and they weren't. As I started my old comparison again, I compared me with him. I said die God, why is he? I said I've got a better job than they have. You know I've got a nicer homes they have. I'm a hell of a lot smarter than they are. Why is it taking drink and go home and I can't?

And I looked at him and they were all married.

They had families,

they had responsibilities.

And I said by God, that's what's wrong with you. You don't have any responsibilities. You had nothing but a Playboy. That's all your you need some responsibilities and you devote less time to drinking, more time to your responsibilities and you could live a well balanced life.

If I said that to civilian club that you say you're a damn soul here, shut their head 'cause you know,

you know that that won't my problem. But I thought it was an answer to my problem. And you know, I said I'm going to have me some responsibilities long back then. If you if you're going to have a family as real popular. If you got married real popular.

So I met this girl and we were going to get married and I was going to get me some responsibilities and live happier after went to our family doctor. I told him I said we can get a blood test. Don't ever get one of them either. This I'll tell you about them.

Don't get a blood test. We're gonna get married. He said. Have a seat. I'll be we in 10 minutes and 10 minutes. He was there, but he won't talking about a blood test. He was talking about alcoholism. Hell, he's been the ruptures of Yale or somewhere all summer, and he knew everything that was to be known about alcoholism, and he told me more than I wanted to hear.

Just on and on, you know?

Then he told me how much he respected my family and I didn't only hear that they hadn't done that for me in a pretty good while.

Then he told me about a place on the outskirts of town where he treated Alcoholics. I said what the hell is this got to do with a blood test?

Then he finally got around to telling me what he wants. You know they'll beat around the Bush when they talk and tell you about your drinking. Well, they just come out and say you drinking too much.

But he said, I've observed your drinking habits in pattern over the past few months. And he said, I'm of the opinion that you've got a drinking problem. I'm of the opinion that you're an alcoholic. You're a young man, you a young man. And if you can stop drinking now, you've got a lot of years ahead of you.

But if you don't stop now, I can't promise you anything. Oh hell, I hadn't asked him to promise me anything.

Finally, you just have to tell him, I said. If you just give me that paper that I came in here for, I'll be on my way. And if I ever need you, I'll call you real smart, like

so. We got married and I did real good there for four or five months. Real good. Didn't drink nothing but beer.

Awful lot of it.

That's the hardest work I've ever done in my life.

Some people in the desert, for some people that didn't. It was hard work for me. You have to get up early in the morning

and start popping in cans as hard as you can. Drink in as hard as you can to get a buzz on by noon

and by the time you start feeling pretty good you say damn tired and go into the bathroom

and opening them cans. You can't enjoy it.

It was just here's an awful lot of work, huh? You don't have a guy in Texas. He was at my state convention and he talks. They drunk 15 years on beer. I never felt this sorry for anybody

in my life.

I just got tired listening, you know, his good story. But I got tired listening about that beer because I remembered it. Yeah, I said he I felt sorry if I said, you poor thing. He never been the fast lane in his life.

But finally I made the big decision. I said I've got to have something that will get on down there and get it early in the morning. You know, get that feeling early in the morning, get drunk early in the morning. I don't know why I had to do that. Where the hell out of everybody? I guess I I was doing that better than anything else in those days.

So I got back on the hard step Drake and ran the clock. Living to drink, drinking to live, doing all the things that Alcoholics do, lying, stealing, cheating. And the word got around.

People will not quit minding your business.

Everywhere I went they were talking about my drinking

and I thought it was my business. You know, you wake up in the morning 536 o'clock

at their new front yard.

So I have a six people stand around looking at you.

In Maya,

they wouldn't leave me alone. And he got the word, got around somebody say they heard about it work

and they called me in.

They said I needed to quit.

There was inferior matter.

Well, I knew that I had to quit. Something

never occurred to me to quit drinking. The time I took them first two glasses of wine till the day I came back to Alcoholics Anonymous never occurred to me. I didn't think that was an option. I thought it was an answer to my problem. I couldn't function without it, and I was functioning with a few bad circumstances there, you know,

jails and everything, but I just couldn't function without it. And so here they are telling me I got to quit.

I quit and I quit my job.

You had to quit some. So I, I quickly John went home, told my wife about it. She got mad start. You know that gapping right? I got I packed my stuff and left.

Went to where all grown men go,

Mamas.

I told my mother what had happened and she said, well son, why don't you quit?

And I got married with her and left.

Went to get another drink

and the guy wouldn't sell me one. He said you're in bad shape, I'm not going to sell you anymore. And I got mad with him and left. The aunt said well by God it looks like I'm going to have to do something. You know, it's Monday. That's a good day to quit.

Look like I wasn't going to get a drink. That's a good reason to quit.

But I didn't have no experience of quitting. Not a one bit of experience at quitting. I knew what to do. You knew you get a little nervous, you pour you out a glass that slit, throw it on Daniel Stadius rock. But I couldn't do that today because I'd quit. I went in a public restroom. The guy I ain't never laid eyes on me in my life said, man, you need to get off of that booze. You're in bad shape. I said well hell, I've quit.

Getting late in the day and I'm having maybe I'd better go back home, you know, I wasn't all that mad with my wife. So I went back home and I wasn't shaking anymore when she got home. Workout vibrating,

I said. Call that doctor, she said. I ain't calling that doctor,

I said. Just dial the phone for me. I can't get my finger in that hole

and I apologize to the doctor. God, I hated that.

I asked if he'd come over right away and he took his own good time getting there and he came open to give me a couple of shots right there. And the next morning he came out and by and picked me up and carried me out to his funny farm.

Dry. My first experience of drying that, you know it, It fascinated me. There was about 12 old men out there. Hell, they'd been to every detox place on the East Coast. 10 * a piece.

They fascinated me, you know, They knew something about everything.

Everything they knew something they had an answer for. Any question might not have been right, but they had an answer fully. And I paid close attention to everything they said and stayed drunk six more years.

I listened to them. They the hell, they were all old as dirt.

But they said you are too smart to be an alcoholic. You don't have any brain damage, I said. I know that

they said you're too young to be an alcoholic, I said. I know that too.

And they said you just had some bad, unfortunate things to happen to you. And so they told me what to do. You know a good doctor don't tell you what to do unless he prescribes a little medicine for you. So they told me what to do. And this is my drug store. You want to listen close, don't last long. They told me about some of these pet pills that you could get

that would puck you up during the day. Didn't smell them. You couldn't smell them.

They said take those pills during the day and if you want to drink a 2 at night, that's your business. And that sounded good to somebody. Didn't want to quit, so I went to the truck stop and got me a quart jar of those pills.

Drugstore gives you bottles this talk. So I started taking those pills during the day, drinking a little bit at night, and then worked out real good there for two or three days.

You got my days and nights mixed up,

got my job in my home mixed up, got my wife and some other woman mixed up.

I don't remember a whole lot about it

just lasted a long time. And

so I had a bad habit not coming home. Yeah, I don't think anybody here ever had that habit.

Sometime I'd stay gone two months

never got 5 miles from my house.

Have I got That's hard to do. I don't believe I could do that now,

but they got worried about and they sent a deputy out and they sent me to to the state asylum. Can you believe that? Mama's little boy in the nut hand. Non alcoholic,

none alcohol. I was in a straitjacket, but I was not an alcoholic.

Dad has definitely got to be something wrong where you'd be in a straitjacket. I ain't never seen a normal person in my life in a straitjacket, but they put mama's little boy in there 5 days.

Most humiliating thing had ever happened to me. You know, they'd walk by and look at you, not say a word,

not say a word. They'd walk by again and look at you, not say nothing. And I said this is humiliating. Finally I said something that made some sense and they took the jacket off on me. I know now why they don't say anything to you, because nothing that you say makes any sense. No need to try to carry on the dialogue with somebody in a straitjacket.

Finally, finally, I got at

and I went home. Something bad had happened. Hit my hands. My wife had heard about Alcoholics Anonymous.

I had to. They had meetings there every Wednesday night at that asylum for the old men,

you know those that was

and alcoholic. And since I was non alcoholic,

they had a poker game going

for cigarettes and I figured they needed me in the poker game worse than they did in the a a meetings. And I said, I believe I'll go to the poker game, but I've heard about Alcoholics Anonymous. And

when I got home, she said while you were over there, you know, they never give you the names of those damn places. They're ashamed of them. That's why you had Betty Ford. And they said while you were out there, she said, why are you over there? I heard about Alcoholics numbness. I said, well, I did too.

She said well I want you to go or go

Amsterdam.

I said, well, I was planning on going.

She said good, they'll be here in 10 minutes.

It was the time set up. That's what it was. I know now what it was,

but two men walked in my front room and I knew one of them. I knew one of them. He was a bad drunk. I knew I couldn't quit drinking, you know, I knew that absolutely. With that any doubt, I couldn't quit drinking. And they send old ham in there. He's the worst drunk than I ever was. He's the kind of drunk that had his face take blood red all the time and he where he puked so much. I guess he had those blue veins running through his face.

Broken veins

and he had yellow eyes with red streaks running through.

And they send him to see me

where he walks in my in my living room and he's got a new soup.

He ain't red. Sort of paint,

no lines running through his face. You don't.

He got eyes. They're blue, no streaks running through their me.

And I looked at him, I said, by God, he's learned how to drink, not be sick,

I'll go anywhere with him. And I pushed him on out the door. I said let's go. And I went in my first day meeting

in the first thing that I said was I won't learn how to drink and not be sick.

And they said shut up, boy.

I didn't think it's very nice. Yeah, they said shut up, boy. They told me that a lot since then.

I think that's something that we don't say enough of in Alcoholics Anonymous.

Let somebody that's been sober 45 minutes dominate them eating and you got a room full of people there that might be looking for a way to live.

But then we have so many damn do gooders and Alcoholics said let him vent.

Let him by God, let him shut up.

I didn't think it was very nice, not

I didn't think they could help me with my drinking problem either, because they all quit. Hell, didn't nobody there drink?

They were hell bent on not drinking. That's all they talked about. You know, the guy got a 90 day token there. I said you can't stay sober 90 days. Anybody knows that? Another guy said he hoped he stayed sober the rest of his life. A day at the time

I said the rest of your life. I'm 25. Suppose I live to be 8560 years with not a drop. I almost threw up on that one. Now I'll tell you that.

I got hooked up with three old men.

I believe they quit their jobs,

that hell, all they did was go to me.

That's all they did was go to meetings and when you got through eating at night, there was no need to look out the window, see if they were there 'cause they were there,

they were there and I kept going. I said don't y'all do anything like this? They said we go to meet and said we drunk every night, Said might as well go to the meetings every night. No, I kept going and going. Didn't like it at all. Didn't want to quit drinking, but I remember what she said.

She's telling you to go or go. So I just kept going for three months.

If I got it ruined my drinkings, what it done? If you here tonight, if you hear this morning, then you think you can go back out and drink at you. Wrong.

All the good times is gone.

Big on,

I finally said. I got to get away with these people. They were running me crazy.

I gotta do some things on my own. You know, I got away from him and I started doing the things that I wanted to do. And I wanna tell you something.

You don't get anything else. That is what I say. Listen to this. Never underestimate the power of alcohol is the most powerful force that I've ever dealt with in my life. And I went back out to do things my way

and then went to hell in a hand basket.

I could not get those old men off of my mind. I God, they wouldn't leave.

They just wouldn't leave. And I never enjoyed a drink,

but alcohol. I, you know, I was raised with some principles in my life and I found myself one day violating a principle, the principle of honesty. And I said, and don't tell me you don't know when you do it. Don't tell me you don't know when to do it. By God, you know when you do it because the little buzzer goes off right here and you start a flush and you said, what did I do that for?

What did you do that for, Dummy?

And it bothered me. But the next time it didn't bother me quite as bad.

And the next time it bothered me even less. And soon I got to where it didn't bother me at all. And when you didn't bother you at all, my friends, you have no principles to live by. And when you have no principles to live by, you have very little to live for. And that's the position that I found myself in. I found myself frequency places that ordinarily wouldn't frequent. And I said, what are you doing in this diet?

And I couldn't answer that question, but I was back the next night and the next. And that became a hangout of mine. But I couldn't tell you why I was there from the beginning. I know now why I was there. I was hanging around with people that ordinarily wouldn't associate with. And I said, what are you doing with this bunch of yoyos?

I don't know. But I was back with him the next night and the next, and they became friends of mine. But I don't want anything to do with them in the beginning. This is the power of alcohol. This is the power of alcohol. I have accumulated some things and, you know, had a little business

and a family

and had a nice home

and I had some respect

in my community and I lost all of those things. I lost all of those things and I found myself in December of 19160 on the streets of my hometown of Durham, NC. That's where I lived in. I was panhandling on the streets for another drink.

God, that's an awful way to live. I'm not proud of that. I am not proud of that. But if that's what it took to bring me to Alcoholics Anonymous, and I'm not ashamed of it, I'm not ashamed of it. And every day I walk those streets, as sick as I was, the faces of those people from Alcoholics Anonymous, I couldn't get rid of them. I couldn't get rid of them. I woke one day and I was sicker than I'd ever been in my life

and I had to find 100 proof. I don't know where I got it. Probably stone. Doesn't matter.

All I knew is I said I got to get rid of this feeling and I drank that pint of 100 proof and nothing would go away. Everything was just as vivid in front of my eyes as if I were looking at Mike and in in the thugs on the front Rd. they would. It would not go away

and I did exactly what you did when alcohol wasn't doing the job for you anymore. I panicked.

I panicked and I knew I'd lost my only friend that I had in the world. And then what did I do? I did exactly like you did. I said God help me, God helped me. You know, I bargained with God before you do this for me, and I'll do that for you.

It's something like a real estate transaction,

But I didn't have any bargain in power this day. I didn't have any bargain in power. And I said, God, if you'll give me one more chance. If you'll give me one more chance,

I'll do what you want me to do.

You know, that was Christmas Day of 1960

and by His grace I haven't had a drink since then.

I went to treatment place.

The deputies came after me again Christmas Day. They don't let up, you know,

they had papers for me to go to the asylum again and one of the deputies I've gone to school with

and he said, Brian, I've got a brother this up at this place and he's doing so good. And if you want to go up there, I'll take you and pretend that I couldn't find you.

Went there,

the non medical facility and I experienced all the DTS and CI, experienced air, all the withdrawal symptoms of alcohol that you can imagine while I was there for 12 days. I don't remember an awful lot. I remember the guys bringing me some orange juice and honey. I remember them sitting on me to keep me from shaking the place down. I remember them catching me when I tried to run away.

That's all I remember for 12 days.

But after 12 days, after 12 days, I came to and I had a clear thought. My mind didn't go back to those two glasses of wine. The euphoric recall had left me in. My mind went back. You see, God's miracle started Christmas Day. It started Christmas Day when I asked for it,

and it continued that day. When I woke up I remembered how sick I was

and I said, God, I don't ever want to be that sick again.

And the next thing I remembered were the people in Alcoholics Anonymous.

And I said, if I live, I'm going back to those people,

you know, ever since then, there's been a lot of days since then, but there's never a day in my life

when upon awakening that I don't have those first two thoughts, how sick I was the last time I drank and where my help come from. And God helped me. If I ever forget either one of them,

I went to Alcoholics Anonymous.

I didn't have anything. They gave me a suit at that place. Yeah, it was 20 years out of style. Lapel, that wide tie, wider net.

I was in bad shape. They called me Breath and Britches when I got there. Mike

had no recall.

My son, my wife, my wives were burned out. It had to be replaced.

But I went to Alcoholics Anonymous in that suit and I walked in the door.

And you didn't ask me where I got that? You didn't say Hey, nice threads, where'd you get that?

You didn't ask me where I worked.

You didn't ask me if I had any money. Hell, you didn't even ask me my name

back then. You had to have an honest desire to stop drinking. And they questioned that.

And I said, I don't know where I'll be honest or not, but from the bottom of my heart, I want to stay sober. And this old man told me, he said, son, I'm going to give you the recipe for honesty.

He said if it ain't so, don't say it, If it ain't yours, don't take it. And if it ain't right, don't do it. He said it's all you need to know.

I've never had them. I've never had to attend any seminars on honesty,

never had to read any books on honesty. But I had an honest desire

and I still have that desire today,

stronger than it was saying it's stronger. I didn't have nothing to lose back then. I had nothing to lose today. I have an awful lot to lose today. I have an awful lot to lose and I take care of that desire every day

and I bill to it every day. I every time I meet some new friends, I have a stronger desire to stay with them and to be with them.

I went in there and I didn't know all that much. I had, like I said, I didn't have any recall, but I knew this much. I knew that I was an alcoholic. I knew that you were an alcoholic because I heard you talk and you talked about some of the the things that you did. I thought I was crazy and I said I'm not crazy. I'm like these people. And I identified God. I don't want to come in now. Yeah, I don't want to identify again because, you know, all this snorting and everything

going on, then the things that people do, hell, I wouldn't identify with that. But I understand was drunk, never failed to let him identify with you. And so identify. I knew you were staying sober and I knew that things could get better for me because they had for you. There was some role models and some examples in that group and I followed them and I thank God for them today.

So I knew that I was an alcoholic. I knew you was an alcoholic. I knew where the meetings were,

meanwhile the meetings were. I knew what night they met on and I knew I wanted to stay sober. And I don't think you need to know a hell of a lot more than that when you come down Alcoholics Anonymous.

Now we get some of these 28 day wonders. Now

come in to Alcoholics Anonymous. I don't have anything wrong with 28 day program. I've been operating funds for 30 years,

have nothing wrong with the problem I have something wrong with the information that they give to people while they're involved in the program. One came to my Group One night and he said I've just had 28 days treatment at this place in my counselor

like that too. My counselor told me that I had the equivalent of one year in alcoholic phenomena.

Anyway, I said what I said when I came back through,

when I came back through the ceiling, that's what I told him.

And then I told him how we did it in Alcoholics Anonymous. We do it one day at a time. You've got 28 days. You got more one more than somebody with 27 in one less than somebody with 29.

So I didn't know all that much when I came in, but but I knew that there was a solution here and I know that there's still a solution here. And I met my sponsor. The group assigned him to me. God, that's a hard way to get one.

That's a hard way.

He was everything I didn't want to be. He was lab. He was profane. He had absolutely no tact at all. But he'd been sober as long as God and I couldn't. I couldn't doubt that. And we were standing behind the podium. I was leaning on one side and he was leaning on another. He said I don't like this any better than you do, but they've asked me to be. Your response

and all I could say was oh,

and he said I'm not in this to be your friend.

I'm not in this to win your friendship. I'm in it to help you save your butt. And if we save your butt, then we can become friends. He said, I am your spiritual advisor. I am your advisor period. And if you need to know anything you ask me, don't ask some of these yo yos over here.

I told somebody. I said he's my sponsor. I said I hate him.

They said everybody hates him.

Just do. What do you say

now? I did what he said. I went around there for a while, you know, I said I want to get my wife back. He damn book don't see that

I was using words. He didn't say the book. He said the damn book don't say that. And I read the book and it says wife and no wife. And so if I came there to get my wife back bad and you,