Arleen S. (2nd half missing) steps 10, 11, and 12 of a Step Study '91

I'd like to welcome everybody here tonight.

Our friend Arlene is here to do the 10th, 11th and 12th step tonight. Arlene. Thank you, Betty.

My name is still Arlene and I'm still cutest thing.

And as Betty told you tonight, I am going to discuss steps 10:11 and 12:00.

These steps sort of put the finishing touches on our becoming fit.

Step 10 says continue to take personal inventory

and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it. Now this step suggests that we are going to continue to take a daily personal inventory. We've already cleaned up our past

and in order to keep it clean, we've got to clean house daily. And this is done for the rest of our lives, for so long as we live. It is not an overnight thing. It is not something that you do once and then forget about.

And the way that we do this is to reflect each day

on how things have gone. We want to be on the watch. We want to be on the lookout in particular for dishonesty, for selfishness and resentment and anger and fear. These are the things we want to be watchful of

and be alert of every day. Umm, Now what happens when one of these defects crop up? And I like the way the big, big book used the word win one of these defects crop up. Because that told me that was a signal to me right from the very beginning that I wasn't going to get perfect. If I was going to get perfect,

they would have said if one of these defects cough up. So by them using the word when, I think that's pretty significant

that none of us are going to get perfect.

We're always going to have problems with these defects because you see, they are so much a part of us. They are so much a habit. What will happen each time they do crop up and each time we do handle them is that eventually we will do this same thing less and less than than we are at the very beginning. Now what are we supposed to do

when one of these defects crop up? Well here again the Big Book is very explicit and very simple and list 4 things for us to do

when one of these defects crop up again. And the first thing it lists is it tells us

to ask God

at once to remove it. And I like to point out the word at once.

This means right then when it becomes evident in our mind that we have been selfish again, or that we have been dishonest again. I don't know about the rest of you, but I had a real hard time with that dishonesty when I first came in because I had lied for so long, I no longer knew the difference between what was real and what wasn't real. And so when we see this thing crop up again, we we ask God at once

to remove it. Now, the second thing the big Book tells us to do

is to discuss this immediately with someone else and notice the word immediately. Now that means right now, folks, you know, it don't mean well. I can just wait and put this off until tomorrow or at the end of the week or or the end of the month or six months from now. It means

discuss this with someone right now, immediately and hopefully that someone would be your sponsor. But if you can't get ahold of your sponsor at that time, then someone else that you trust or can talk to in the program will work until you can get your sponsor and talk to her about it. The third thing that The Big Book suggests that we do is to make

amends quickly if we have harmed anyone.

Now there again is that ugly word quickly, immediately, quickly at once. You know, they just don't let you rest at all from one thing to the other. And so if we have harmed anyone, we need to quickly make those amends. And remember, the last time we, we, I was here and we discussed step nine, we found out that making amends did not mean just apologizing. It does not say

make an apology quickly. It says make amends. So in order to make amends, we first apologize for what we did to harm the person and then we make it right. We do something for that person to make it right. And remember, if we don't know what to do to make it right, we ask them, what can I do to make this right? What can I do for you to make this right?

And we do those things immediately

upon realizing that this ugly defect has reared its head again.

And then it has a fourth thing in there for us to do. And it says to think of someone else that we can help. And you know, to me, when I first read this and when I was first studying the 12 steps, I didn't see the purpose of that fourth thing being in there. I couldn't put it fitted in with with the rest of the thing, the things they had told us to do.

When one of these things cropped up, I couldn't understand why I should look for somebody else that I could help

after doing these first three things. And I still am not sure that I know exactly what the the the men and women who wrote the big book was thinking when they put this in here. But the way I would look at that today would be that it would be getting me out of myself and and helping someone else. I would be thinking of someone else's problems and trying to help them rather than doing what I might would have done,

which would have been to have been filled with self pity. To have maybe beat myself up because I had made this mistake. Me, you know, cutest thing, made this mistake again, you know, rather than allow me to sit and Waller in self pity and to think about what I had done and make it perhaps bigger than it really was, I was to get out of myself and think of another person.

And maybe that is why they put that there. I am not really sure, but that's the way I look at it today. And if anyone else has a different slant on that, I'd be interested in hearing it after the meeting

's.

We now

have entered a spiritual way of life. We have worked on becoming fit to be of service to our high power and to our fellow man. Our attitudes have changed by this time.

Tolerance and love for others has become our code. We do not any longer fight with anything or anyone, and this includes the alcoholic or the disease of alcoholism. If we maintain this fitness of our spiritual life, we will react

in a way that is neither cocky nor fearful,

and we will react with tolerance and understanding of of these people who are different from us, who share different beliefs, or who have the disease of alcoholism. This helps us to be more tolerant. I think each time that we have to to make amends for a mistake we made, it helps us be more tolerant of other people in the program who have been in the program long enough to know better than that.

You know, I have been guilty of saying, my gosh, she's been in Al Anon 10 years,

why isn't she doing any better?

I know today why she isn't doing any better. And if you say that, I promise you one day you will know why she is doing isn't doing any better. And so we we gained this tolerance and we gain this understanding through going through those four things I just shared with you. Every time we make the same mistake over and over, or every time we make a mistake again, be it the second time or the 10th time

after entering the spiritual life and after getting our past cleaned up and working on keeping our present clean. In other words, keeping our house clean. Now

our next objective is to grow

in understanding and ineffectiveness and we will do that with these last three steps that I am going over tonight.

And so now we have changed. We no longer fighting with anything or anybody and we're keeping our house clean every day. We

think each night,

we reflect, we go over our day and we think about and we ask ourselves, how did I do today?

Is there anything maybe I could have done better?

And we think about this daily. We make spot checks at the moment that they happen, but we try to make another one. I do, I try to to reflect on my day at the end of the day just before retiring. And that takes us into step 11.

Umm, step 11 says sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him. Or is that understand him, understand him praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out. I hope I said that right. Gene's heads in front of him.

Understood. Well, I still understand him. I don't know. You know, I haven't memorized the 12 steps. As you can see,

this was this is one of my favorite steps. This one in step three are are my favorite steps. And this step, I don't know if I told you at the beginning of the when I was first came out here and started sharing with you on working the the steps, but I believe I told you that I skipped from step one to step 11 when I first came into Al Anon.

And so step 11 is kind of special to me because step 11 told me exactly what to pray for. And in the beginning, that is exactly what I prayed for and nothing else.

I didn't want to talk to God. I didn't even want to think about him. And so I just very quickly said, let me know what you want me to do for you can power carry it out. That's it, You know, and I, I rushed through it 'cause I was afraid he might talk back or ask me something. I might have to interact with him. And I wanted to do that and get it over with because one of my sponsors told me to do it. And I didn't know what she'd do to me if I didn't do it. So I did it

and today that that step is is to me. It's just beautiful. I love it.

Early in the program when when I was using the a big Book, they used the meditation differently than I use it today, but I used it the same way they used it. They use it in the big book when I first started. So I want to share that with you first on the meditation and then I will share with you how I use the prayer meditation today

in the in the big book, it said their meditation. And and by the way, if you're scared of the word meditation, use any words you want to in there. Oh, when I first came in, I didn't know how to meditate. I thought I didn't know how to meditate.

Meditation is simply concentration or reflection,

thinking on, on one subject or, or an object, if you like or, or what have you. It's nothing to be scared of and it's not hard to do and it's not difficult to do. I liked what Merck says. She says if you know how to worry, you know how to meditate. It's, it's two in the, it's practically the same thing. And that makes it real simple for people that don't understand what meditation is. Meditation to me is reflection. It's concentration.

It's thinking only on one subject,

but in the beginning I did it the same way it does in the Big Book. And my meditation was reflection on the 24 hours that had just ended. And upon awakening the next morning, it was reflection on the 24 hours ahead of me

now, the 24 hours that just ended upon retiring for bed. As I told you before, in the in the 10th step, you lay there and you reflect on your day and you ask yourself questions. Was I angry today? Was I selfish today? Did I think more about Arlene than anybody else today? Was there something I could have done better? Or was there something I should have done that I didn't do? And, and you, you reflect on

before you sleep and anything that comes up to you that you feel badly about or that you feel could have been better, you ask God to forgive you for those things. And then you ask him what course of action you need to take

on anything else that you that that you've reflected on that you're not really sure about. And then you go to sleep. Now when you awaken the morning,

you reflect again on the 24 hours ahead of you. Now before you begin to even think on these 24 hours ahead of you, you ask God

that he would direct your thoughts and most importantly, you ask Him to divorce those thoughts from selfishness or dishonesty. And then you think you reflect on the day ahead of you. Now you know, almost know what you've got to do that day. Now, if there is anything that you've got to do that day that you do not know for sure

handle, then you ask God to give you insight on how to handle this situation today.

Maybe an insight onto the action you should take, or an insight on what you should say or how you should act or what have you.

And then you don't worry, you don't struggle with it. You, you let it go. You relax and you let it go.

I you

after this reflection in this meditation on your on the 24 hours ahead of you, you usually end this meditation with a prayer that God will direct every step you should take for the rest of the day and that He would give you anything you needed to handle any problems that arose.

And this is the way you pray and meditate in the big book. Now that is the way I did it for quite some while. The Big Book also suggests that you might get books, spiritual books to read

to help you along the lines to know how to pray. It also suggests that you might memorize a prayer or two

that covers all of the principles that we have discussed and use those two prayers at the end of your meditation. Now, this is primarily what I have done in the last, I'd say last seven or eight years.

I do things. My meditation is just a little bit differently today. There's more to it today than than it was then.

Excuse me? You of course, have to

schedule your meditation and your prayer, your quiet time. I'll just call it your quiet time, your time with God. You have to schedule that to where it fits into your daily routine. Now, everybody's daily routine is a little different. I would caution you though, that you do not

take this lightly. It is easy to fall down on your spiritual growth. It is easy to rest on your laws from time to time

and say, Oh well, I'll just, I don't have time to fool with that today. I'll get back with it tomorrow. But I caution you on doing this. This is very dangerous because you see, we are not cured.

I like the way the Big Book puts it. We have a daily reprieve and that is all. And if we

tell God, in essence, I don't have time for you today,

our day is gonna be messed up. If we give Him our first 15 minutes, He will give us the rest of the day. I firmly believe that also we are human beings. And if we put God off, if we put this step, this part of the step off where we do not take time for this quiet time with him, those old ugly defects are going to rear their head again. It don't take us long to get sick all over again.

There has been a time in my al Anon journey that I have at times been flat going to meetings. I haven't been to my own group now in about four weeks. I've been going other places, this being one of them, but when that happens, I've noticed it takes me about a week, maybe a week,

and I am that ugly, hateful,

tired, worn out thing. What I was when I got here.

And I have discussed this with other people and they tell me the same thing. It's a lot like when we get out of the habit of going to church or when we get out of the habit of doing anything that is a habit. It's easier and easier and easier and easier to keep missing. When we get out of the habit of doing Step 11, it's going to be easier and easier and easier to just let it go and not do it anymore at all. So I caution you against that for your own sake.

When I worked,

I got up an hour earlier than I had to in order to do my prayer, my meditation. And I don't tell you this to brag. I tell you this because no pigeon of mine ever gets away with saying I didn't have time to do it. I don't swallow that. I don't accept it, and I do not allow them to con me. That way. You have time to do what you really want to do.

It all depends on what your priorities are.

We always do what we want to do. If we want to do it bad enough, we make time to do it. And so don't ever tell me that you don't have time to do it, because by golly, you can get up earlier in order to do it.

And I know that because I've done it myself now I no longer work.

I am a little lazier than I used to be. And so today I, I don't do my meditation and my prayer, my quiet time very first thing in the morning is what I'm getting around to saying like I used to.

I do do one thing and that is

through the week when I have to get up by an alarm clock to get my daughter off to school. I do take care of turning my will in my life very quickly over to the care of God to protect me that hour that I haven't turned my day over to Him because I believe it's important to turn that day over to Him in the beginning of the day

and not wait until the day is over and say, well, by the way, God, you can have my day today. You know, so I believe it's important to do this first thing in the morning. And since I no longer work and I don't have to get up to do my meditation in my prayer early, I only take care of that one thing while I'm running to turn the alarm clock off. And, and I very quickly say, God,

thy will be done today in all things.

And I turn that alarm clock off and then I take God through the house with me. I don't leave him in the bedroom. I think I've told you that before. He goes everywhere I go with me. Um,

on the weekends when I do not have to get up by an alarm clock, I do it the same way I used to. I get up and do that and you know, say God, I will be done in all things today. Run and put my coffee on. Then I go back to the bedroom and have my clock time my meditation before my day begins. But through the week when I have to get this child off to school, I put that meditation in that prayer off

until I have gotten her off to school. And then I go into my room and have my quiet time with God and my quiet time. Today is quite a bit different as I as I told you before

I start mine with my reading and I read my old dad book and I have just purchased the alotine One Day at a time book which I hear is very good and I intend to incorporate that also into my reading. And I read two other spiritual readings which I will not mention the names of because they are not al Anon literature but they are spiritual daily readings. And I read 2 two other ones along with my old dad and

the alateen

one day at a time. And I go out of that reading, which has

put me in the right frame of mind,

into my prayers. And now I start my prayers with the third step prayer. I still use that prayer today. I have never quit using that prayer. And I start my prayers with that third step prayer. And I go from the third step prayer into what I call my gratitude prayers. And those prayers cover all of the things that I can think of that day to be grateful for.

And, and I never, I never pray in the singular. I always pray in the plural. I never ask anything for myself that I don't want for every human being on earth. And

just to give you an example, one of the things I always pray for is that I always am grateful for and I thank God for is health, happiness, prosperity, wisdom, guidance, and the living action of the Holy Spirit upon all of us. And when I say all of us,

I am envisioning the entire world. Anything that I thank God for peace, World Peace, I envision for the entire world. Just recently, the last two or three weeks, I have thanked God for

divine intelligence and love throughout the universe and and throughout our leaders and the leaders of the world. In other words, I am grateful to God for these things before I even see them in evidence.

This is a prayer of gratitude. I pray for many things. I am grateful for many things. Those are are just a couple of them that I will share with you tonight. I go out of that prayer into my favorite prayer of all, and that is the Lords Prayer. I use the Lorde prayer daily. I had this. I discovered approximately 7 or eight years ago the power of that prayer in your life. I discovered that it is meant to be used

by a single person. I had always thought it was only something you used at the Super Bowl or at high school or where there was a group of people. But I have since found out that it is a very powerful prayer when it is prayed with understanding and with thought.

And this is today still my very favor, my very favorite prayer. And that's another whole hour all by itself. So I'm not going to say anymore about the Lorde prayer, but I in my gratitude prayers with the Lorde prayer, and I go directly from that to reflection on my 24 hours ahead of me. And I very briefly ask for help

and insight on how to handle situations that I know I'm going to have to handle.

And then I asked for guidance for every step that should be taken that day and that I might have everything I would need to handle any problems that arise. And then I go from that into quiet time where I do not pray, I do not do anything in particular. I just remain there, quiet and and listen

for insight and for inspiration. And then I thank God for sharing this time with me,

and I get up and go about my day. Now, I can guarantee you

that with

prayer and meditation like that every morning, I have no fears. I absolutely have no fears as I go through the day when you do this every day, and I've been doing it now every day. That particular regimen I have been doing every day for,

gosh, I don't know how many years.

You do have a God conscience. God is with you always and you know it. You feel His presence. You're never alone.

I your day goes so much easier, you have more energy, you get things done more efficiently. I don't you just you just feel fantastic and people around you will say you're a Pollyanna, but don't let that bother you.

They're worried. You're not, they're unhappy, you're not. They're miserable and they can't stand you because you're happy. So don't worry about these people that say, oh, you're not, you're not looking at reality. What is reality?

Nothing terrible or horrible has befallen me. So what is reality? You know, the only reality I need to know is that I'm never alone again. I never have to be alone again. I never have to go through anything alone. If I do, it was because my ego was there again and it was stronger than anything else again and I allowed myself to go through the.