Mickey B. talking about

But I've heard this gentleman speak on a couple of occasions, and I'm just going to tell you, I'm sure glad he's on God's side. So Mickey B's, I'd like to introduce Mickey Beef.

Hi everybody. My name is Mickey Bush and I'm an addict. I'm probably an alcoholic too. I identify that way in Cocaine Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous because that's what we like to do. We like to identify one addict to another addict. That's what we like to do.

Because I'm a real addict.

Don't deny me the privilege of being messed up in as many dysfunctional ways as I want. I'm a real addict and so consequently I have many other dysfunctions and I do lots of stuff. And consequently, I get asked to speak in Alcoholics Anonymous too.

And when I identify an alcoholic synonymous, I identify as an alcoholic and probably an addict because that's the way they like it done too. And I don't have a problem with that today. See, the truth of the matter is, is that some of you know me and know who I am and know about me and

you know that if there's a 12 step program of any kind, I'm a contender for it for Christ sake. You know, it doesn't matter what it is, if it's twelve steps attached to it, I'm a contender for it. I, I NACAACA over eaters, little Peters, it don't matter what it is, for Christ sake, you know it isn't 12 steps to tax your armour contender for it. You know, actually I did go to one of those Little Peter meetings,

but they wouldn't let me in. Said I didn't qualify.

They let Craig in, They let Craig Shelley. But I know

what you black folk think you got a monopoly on. Now

see, this is a workshop. And so consequently, you know, it's a slightly different, what I want to do different to the other workshops is that if you have a question, get your goddamn hand in the air and ask me. And, and I will stop and ask you questions.

I will give you an answer, even if I ain't got one. I'll pretend that I do. I'll double talk you into thinking I do, you know? But

yes, I'm going to talk about a lot of stuff you may or may not have heard or understand. So if you've got a question,

raise your voice and raise your hand and let me know. The other thing is, is that I talk very, very extensively about these two books, Alcoholics Anonymous, Big Book and the 12 and 12. Now, what I want you to understand is that don't be put off by what dialogue I may use. I'm going to say alcohol, I'm going to say alcoholism. I'm going to talk about sober. I'm going to talk about alcoholic. I'm going to talk about using drink and other things,

but please be inclusive, not exclusive. Don't exclude yourself because of some dialogue I may use. If I say alcohol or alcoholism, translate that to whatever works for you. Okay,

see, and I say that specifically because it's absolutely imperative that you understand that what I'm talking about is all mind altering chemicals, no matter what they are. See, and the disease, I'm a I'm an enemy of the disease. And one of the diseases main functions is to get you to speak separate and different. And so consequently it wants to, you know, make you different. So, you know,

some, some people, you know, they don't waste my time halfway through the meeting saying, well, I don't relate because I never drank that much.

I'm a dope fiend or I'm a crack monster

or I'm a sweeter

pothead Phil Head. Who cares? And I don't care. I'm going to say alcohol and alcoholism, probably. So please translate. Translate. Be inclusive, not exclusive. Does everybody understand that? OK, good. So that we, we, we could clear some groundwork there

little lead up into what I'm doing here. One thing is, is that

we have across the board in 12 step recovery, we have a 95% failure rate.

95% of the folk in your position are never going to make my position.

So consequently, I don't listen or do what 95% of the folk around here do.

A lot of what I hear around here, I call Idlib flapping party line bullshit is that. And you'll hear me make a few references to that too. You'll probably refer to it yourself. See. And so consequently, when when I try to do something with people that I work with and I work with chronic relapses and people that slip and slide,

you know, who are different animals, you see? Are there any,

are there any newly sober people in the room tonight? Let's see if there's of those newly super favorite good. There's a smattering around here. Are there any like newcomers? Are there any newcomers? This is their first time attempting to get clean and sober.

See. No hands. Oh, we do have one. Thank you. Good, good. You're very welcome. Please come back. Maybe this whole workshop is for you.

See you. People who slip and relax will be referred to as newcomers, but they're not newcomers.

They're relapses, a different animal that's in this book. You will be talked to and referred to in, in in meetings as newcomers and even think about yourself as newcomers, but you're not. You're like people that have gone in and out and in and out and in and out. And it's not the same animal as the newcomer.

And, and to break that down a little bit,

see look, if me and you get busted for shoplifting and it's your first offence, but I got a string of previous and priors, we are not gonna be sentenced the same. And neither is the newcomer the same as the guy who goes in and out and in and out. And I'll tell you why that happens. Number one is, is that for those folks that are going in and out and in and out and relaxing, Number one, it isn't what you will be told

in meetings.

It is not it's OK keep coming back. It's OK. It gets better. Do not believe that lie. That is a lie. It is not okay for an alcoholic addict to drink and drug and it don't never get better. It only ever gets worse.

And you know why I know that? Because in 17 years of working with many thousands of people who drink and drugs and relax, I speak to as many as I can.

And not once in 17 years when I've asked somebody, oh, how was it out there?

You know what they say? What do you mean? I said, how was it out there? Was it OK? Was it OK? Wow, It kicked my ass, man. I used to be at a party for weeks on end. This time I couldn't even get through the weekend for Heaven's Shake. I, I don't even know whether I can make it back.

I have never once in 17 years had anybody say to me, ohh, it's great out there, ohh, drinking and drugging, sucking on the devil's Dick, jacking up, swilling that ohh, man, it was great. In fact, it's so good I've come back for you. You know,

not once have I ever heard that. See. So it ain't OK and it don't get better. It gets worse because we have a progressive disease that doesn't stop progressing. Because I stopped drinking and drugging.

Disease is 17 years worse, not better. So don't believe that life. See, now

you have a little sweat.

See, now when, when I did some research on what it is about us that that, that people go in and out and in and out, I started doing what Bill Wilson did, which was concentrate on the people that were gotten here,

but don't stay here. And I'm telling you, the next biggest group of people who drink and drug in alcoholic narcotic Cocaine Anonymous is between 7:00 and 10 years. The the biggest group of people is the first year, which is generally referred to as the newcomer period, the first year. But the next biggest group of people who drink and drug in Alcoholics, narcotics and Cocaine Anonymous is between 7:00 and 10 years. And they start drinking and arguing at 7 years based on what they weren't doing at five years. And what

doing up five years is what they never learned at 2-3 and four years, usually what they did learn was lip flap in party line bullshit. So I tried to dispel some of that. I spoke at length today to some folk that though they're dedicated to recovery and been sober three years and absolutely love this program and sponsor people,

they never knew what it was about him that made him alcoholic. And two, had no idea what Powerless was.

Three, he did not understand what hitting bottom was, though he thought he did,

convinced that he did. Now, I'm telling you, it's one thing if you haven't done it, but if you haven't done it but believe you have, that is very dangerous.

Now, there's got to be reasons that 95% of us are not making it. And I'll tell you another reason what it is. One of the reasons that 95% of us are not making it is because we don't understand that we cannot stay clean and sober just because we want to.

See, we drank and drugged. Subconsciously, we just did it. That's what we did. That's what we're used to doing. I do it, I drink and drugs, but I can't stay sober just because I want to. I've got to have a conscious decision to do it

and then do it consciously. I can't just rely on the fact that I have a desire not to do it. The only requirement for membership is the desire to quit. But I can't rely on that desire.

Why? Because I have a disease that is more powerful than my desire not to do it. I don't wanna do it, but I got a disease that does, and that disease that does is more powerful than my desire not to.

So I got no want to do it and then do these steps in this work so that I don't do what I already don't want to do.

And if I don't know what these steps in this work is or I'm not doing these steps in this work, I will do what I don't wanna do because the disease I got that I'm powerless over will make me do what I don't wanna do.

That's why I'm going to talk about the first three steps predominantly in this workshop, which is I can't, he can, so let him not. I think I'll let him. I know it says that, but this is I can't. He can. So I am going to leave, but I'm going to break some of this stuff down. We got roughly how hour and a half

here, So if you've got questions, raise your hand

because I'm gonna go boom. I'm gonna like keep motoring here and and try and breakdown some of what I call the lip flapping party line bullshit. I heard it in a meeting this week. I kid you not.

Hey, you in the blue shirt? You got any other reasons to get up and down or what? That's three times this time. What? Yeah,

other chicken ship recovery. Keep getting up and down during the speaker. Go where you come from.

Perhaps you do around there. Yeah. Anyway, what was I talking about?

Oh, the thought this geezer, this float in a meeting. He stood up in a meeting, a newcomer meeting with 70 people in the room, and he said we're all the same distance from the next rank. We're all just one drink away from a drunk.

I should do what?

Where the hell do you get that shit from? That's my experience. Strengthen up, he said. I'm 23 years sober. I said shove it up your ass. 23 years sober. You're a bloody double agent. You are. You're a goddamn spy in the camp. You are

walking around here with 23 years sober saying shit like that. We're all the same distance from the next street. Where the hell do you get that shit? From my experience, Screw you. Are you trying to tell me that this guy over here that's diligently working his program, that says love and service to himself and his group, that works with the sponsor, that sponsors other people, that read his book, that does his steps, that puts a dollar in the basket, that does the best he can on a daily basis. It's the same distance from the next

discovery or ain't doing shit,

you know? You know what? He went, He went

up your ass. There ain't out to win friends and influence people, but we're saving lives around here. Not trying to like, influence and be threat popular.

You'll hear a lot of shit like that. God won't give you more than you can handle. Do what?

God won't give me more than I can handle. If he didn't give me more than I could handle, I wasn't needed bloody out with it, would I?

I don't know where that shit comes from. I don't know where all this shit comes from.

I heard a guy say I choose not to use today. I said do what?

Choose not to use or piss on you.

If I could rely on choosing not to use, I wouldn't need to come here.

I can choose not to use today, but I can't bloody rely on it. It's easy to choose not to use. I did it three times in one day. Once

Can't we like just say no? There's a doozy. How about that one? Just say no. Just say no.

Do what? If I could just say no to alcohol, drugs, I wouldn't need to come here. Just say no to a full blown dope thing like me. I don't know where that shit comes from. It's not selling that homeless dude on the corner. Hey homeless suit, just get a house.

Get a God damn house homeless dude

you freak. If I could get a house, I wouldn't be homeless. Yeah, and if I could just say no, I wouldn't be insulting neither.

I don't know where that shit comes from. People say shit like that ain't got nothing to do with nothing.

Palace over everything, Palace other people, places and things do what

nothing to do with nothing. Being powers over people, places and things. People say that shit but it has nothing to do with nothing. Certainly got nothing to do with alcoholism, addiction. Be empowered over people's place and things. There's nothing to do with nothing. Everybody is and isn't powerless over people, places and things. Nothing to do with nothing.

You think that bloody Russian dude ain't call us over purple blobs? You know, the one with the purple problem, Is it?

Yeah. You think Granny clamping powerless over Jethro?

You think the bloody Pope ain't powers over wearing their mat? Yeah. Nothing to do with nothing. Everybody is and isn't powers over people, places, things they got nothing to do with alcoholism, addiction.

Powerless over alcohol and drugs is what we are. And you know what? Most people have no idea what that means.

It's the first thing about the first step, and yet most people don't know what it is. I'm gonna dwell a little bit as well on what Takes 30 of the beautiful book says

in one of the paragraphs in middle middle of the page. It says we learned we had to fully concede to our innermost self that we were alcoholic. This is the first fact of recovery. It's the first step in recovery, but it is not the first of the 12th. People think it is. People think they've done a first step. You will be told that you've done a first step as soon as you walk in a room and rage. And as an alcoholic, don't believe that shit. That is not true.

Nowhere in the first step does it show we admitted we were Alcoholics.

Look,

we learned. We had to fully concede to our innermost shelf that we were Alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. We learned. We learned. Not like I hear from the folks in my houses and you guys. Most people don't say we learned or I want to learn. They say I know, I know, I know. I know. Yeah, but I know. Yeah, but yeah, but I know the mating call of assholes. Yeah. But you know,

it says we love. Now,

what is it about me that makes me an alcoholic addict?

I'd rather know this. If I've got to learn to fully concede to my innermost shelf that I am. I gotta know what it is about me that makes me alcoholic addict. It's not enough to just walk around saying that I am because I hear you guys. And I spoke to a guy today. He could tell me why that he was alcoholic, but he didn't know what it was about. And that made him alcoholic. In fact, he told me he endorsed the fact that he was alcoholic by telling me what he does because he's alcoholic. He described the twofold disease. He told me that

in 1009. Enough. Once he starts drinking, he can't control his thing. But that's not what makes me alcoholic. That's what I do because I'm alcoholic, but that's not what makes me alcoholic. If I don't know what it is about me that makes me alcoholic, how can I fully concede to my innermost self that I am?

Also, we hear a lot around here about admittance, acceptance, and surrender. It's talked about, people say it, it's important, but it's not the deal. People talk about it as if it's the deal, but it's not the deal. Admitting acceptance and surrender is not the deal. People think it's the deal. They say it's the deal, but it's not the deal. We learned to fully concede to our innermost self that we are is the deal and then admit acceptance, surrender to that. But if you're trying to admit, accept and surrender without having fully

to you inner myself that you are, you are screwed and it won't work. So how am I going to do this? What am I going to do? I got to get. I thought it was all about this. I've been even talking about this. See. So I want to know on page 20 of the beautiful book Alcoholics Anonymous,

it says if you are an alcoholic who wants to get over it, you may already be asking what do I have to do?

Well, if you are somebody genuine like me, who, who, who does this thing and has lives this way of life, I'll tell you what you gotta do. And that is the steps starting with step one. If you are an alcoholic who wants to get over it, we're already admitting and deciding that we're alcoholic. I'm alcoholic and I want to get over it. What do I have to do? So admitting I'm alcoholic is not step one. It may bring me to the point of becoming capable of doing step one, but in and of itself

it's not step one. See if I am an alcoholic. Wow. In my house, in one of my recovery houses, I got two parakeets, a green one and a blue one. Bill and Bob is their name

and I've signed him to speak and they speak. You stand next to the cage and they'll speak. They talk. They spew out stuff with a limey accent by the way they they say

these bloody paracetree.

They're bloody parakeets is what they are. But they can say they're alcoholic, but they have no idea what it is. Do you?

If you don't

see, maybe you'll relapse at 7 years based on what you're not doing at five years because of what you never learned. 2-3 and four years.

See, what it is about me that makes me alcoholic is that I have an abnormal reaction to alcohol. What the abnormal reaction to alcohol is, is that it changes my perception of reality. Alcohol and drugs changes my perception of reality.

Wow, I thought I knew that. What does that mean? Alcohol, drugs, changes my perception of reality.

I call it a nerd remover. It removes the nerdness.

I feel like a nerd, I drink. I don't feel like a nerd. I feel like a nerd. I drink. I don't care if I'm a nerd. I feel like a nerd. I drink. And you're a goddamn nerd. Screw you.

It takes away the nerdness. It makes it OK. I drink and I heard somebody say the other day that they were born and alcoholic. I went, wow, I wish I could have been born an alcoholic. Would have saved me a long work. It took me a long work to become alcoholic.

God, lucky bugger. But you can't be born in alcoholic because it's a two fold disease. It's an obsession of the my analogy of the duck body. Some babies are born with the allergy of the body through their mother and other things. And some people are born susceptible to becoming alcoholic, but they don't become alcoholic until they take the drink. It has the effects and you do it again. And then not only that, but people who think that they were born alcoholic, you know what? They got a ready made out

because if I was born an alcoholic, it ain't my fault they did it to me. I'm a victim

and you can get no recovery while you're a victim until we take responsibility. Now, I'm a son of an alcoholic, so I was born susceptible to becoming alcoholic, even more so than the average bear. But you don't become an alcoholic until you take the drink pillow fix. It has the effects and you do it again

because it's a two fold disease. It has to be twofold. It can't be solo. Now you're gonna hear people say it's a three and four fold disease, but it ain't. It's a two fold disease. We have a spiritual malady as a result of the disease, not as a part of the disease. The spirituality is the solution, not the problem. But you'll hear see a long list path of life.

The disease I got has gotten me to abandon God's spirituality so that I ended up with none, so that the disease became the power in my life. Now when I say I admit that I'm powerless over alcohols drugs, I am in fact admitting that there's a power greater than me alcohol and drugs

path of life. I've abandoned God and spirituality and show the power has become the drugs, see, and what the disease does, it wants me to stop coming here and doing these steps. So it tells me tricks. It deludes my mind into believing a lie and it tells me you're not really an alcoholic addict. Look, it's a spiritual program. Go to church, read the Bible, pray to God, go to church, read the Bible, pray to God. It's a spiritual. You don't have to go to their meetings. You don't have to do that fellowship step stuff.

Look, it's a spiritual program. Pray to God, read the Bible, go to church.

Don't fall into that trap. There ain't nothing wrong with praying to God, reading above and going to church as long as you don't want to treat your alcoholism addiction with it. There's nothing wrong with praying that God read in the Bible and go to church, but it don't treat our disease,

see? But the disease wants you to stop coming here and pray to God, read the Bible, go to church, because what it's done to you once it can do to you again. And most of us were born into a religion. I was born a Catholic. I don't know what you were born. Doesn't matter to me either. Doesn't matter to me what your denomination was. But I abandoned God and spirituality along this path

because of this disease. This disease made me do that. Now it wants me to stop coming here and go back to what it got me to abandon before so that it can do it again. So don't stop coming here. By all means, pray to God, read the Bible, go to church, but don't stop coming here. Do it as well as not instead of

because alcohol and drugs changes my perception of reality, but a ANACA changes my perception to reality. That's what we got here. That's why treatment centres and things like that don't work for us, because treatment centers treat people. We treat the disease and the illness, and that's what we got to do.

God, I have trouble with this cold water. You know,

I keep wanting to bless it and turn it into wine like the other dude did, You know?

Can I get some more that water, Tim? Yeah. So here I am. I I want to stay clean and sober. I don't know what I'm doing, really. And I and what do I do?

I'm an alcoholic addict. Alcohol, drugs changes my perception of reality. I got a two fold disease. It has to be a two fold disease. It can't be solo. People that have just got an obsession to do it ain't Alcoholics and addicts and people that have an allergy of the body ain't Alcoholics and addicts. You gotta have an obsession of the mind coupled with an allergy of the body. It has to be twofold. And if it ain't, you ain't. See, I got a friend of mine who's allergic to abalone.

When each abalone breaks out, he knows about it.

Once in a great while, every now and then he he, he takes the taste of abalone and stunning garlic or it's catch of the day or it's, you know, all dove or something. And he takes the taste and he breaks out. He says, God, what a Dick. I knew that was going to happen,

but he don't have to go to Abalone Anonymous

because although he's got an allergy in the body when he eats abalone, it's not coupled with an obsession of the mind to eat buckets and packets of bloody abalone.

See like we do. I have an obsession in the mind allergy of the body. I'm alcoholic. I know what it is about me to alcoholic and now I didn't know that when I got here, but you guys taught me because a guy got up in my face at the very first meeting I ever went to and he said you're an alcoholic. I said what do you mean? He said if it looks like a duck and walks like a duck and sounds like a duck and smells like a duck, it's a God damn duck.

Just because he's been taking some shit and thinks he's an eagle. No, you're a duck. You're a duck. Armor duck. Quack, quack. But it was actually giving me the message. He was telling me what it was about me that made me alcoholic because alcohol and drugs did that to me. It changed me from a duck to an eagle. When I felt like a little duck I drank and used and went round, swooping for prey, looking for anybody

chasing to an eagle.

I'd go to a bar,

check out some, do that,

March on over, say hey honey, I got eyes for you. Like a little story to tell you. So like she said, why don't you piss off? I'd wimp away. Go down the other end of the bar, have a couple of drinks.

Change of perception of reality.

Look her right in the eye. Say don't come begging tomorrow bitch.

Change in perception of reality.

Alcohol don't do that for my three sisters and brother. I'm alcoholic. They're not. I'm alcoholic. I need to know what that is. I need to have deep rooted information about the show that has depth and weight,

fully concede to my innermost self that I am. I need to know what it is about me. In this beautiful book, the 12:00 and 12:00 on the very first chapter of the very first step, it says,

oh, that's chapter 2. That's Step 2. Step one. Who cares to admit complete defeat? Practically no one, of course. Took me a long time to realize what that was saying. Who cares to admit complete defeat? Practically no one, of course.

And you know what? Because practically no one of course cares to. Practically no one of course does. So there's practically no one of course who has. So there's practically no one of course to ask how the hell do I?

But you know what, in those meetings you go to in desperation, you may ask somebody, what do I do? How do I do it? They're not going to turn round to you and say no good asking me, pal. I'm in the practically no one of course department and they're not going to say that.

They're gonna say keep coming back one day at a time, don't drink and use no matter what because they don't know

and you're screwed. And as they stay sober, you'll get loaded. It goes on to saying that first, who cares to admit complete defeat? Practically no one, of course.

Every natural instinct screams out against the idea of personal powerlessness. Why would that happen? Why would every natural instinct scream out against the idea of personal powerlessness? Well, I need to know what that is. What are my natural instincts? The natural instincts of dudes and dudes out there ain't the same as mine.

Their natural instincts is to live, to procreate, to survive, to shelter, to warm, to feed the clothes, whoever you have a thing. My natural instinct is an alcoholic addict is to drink and draft. So every natural instinct of the alcoholic addict is not to admit complete defeat because then I'm on the parcel. Recovery, the disease don't want me to do that. It wants me drinking

to mine that to instinct is gonna scream out against the idea of personal powerlessness because otherwise I'm in recovery. Don't want me to do that. It is truly awful to admit that, glass in hand, we have walked our minds into such an obsession for destructive drinking. Not only an act of Providence can remove it.

Holy shit, I've walked my mind with such an obsession for destructive drinking that only an act of Providence can remove it from me. Holy shit, what is that? I need to know what that is. What is that? What's an act of Providence? Well, I didn't know, so I asked and did some research to find out. An act of Providence. Listen to this

an act of Providence. God didn't create it and he could have prevented it, but he don't. He allows it in order to bring good from it,

such as allowing an alcoholic addict to hit bottom

so that he can bring goods from it. Because in this beautiful book it says why all this insistence that every alcoholic addict must hit bottom first?

Holy shit.

In order to hit bottom, first

I need to know the link between here and bottom and powerless. This.

We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and drugs. Well, guess what I ask you folks? You folks don't know what powerless is. You think you do. You tell me what you do because you're powerless. You endorse the fact that you are powerless by saying all the alcoholic, addictive behaviour that you entail. But that's not what powerless is. Think about it,

if I'm powerless over alcohol, drugs,

what does that mean?

I need to know something. What is the source and the power over everything? Anybody

God. Good answer. If God is the source and the power over everything, and I'm powerless over alcohol and drugs, what does that mean?

What

good answer If I'm powerless over alcohol and drugs and God is the source and God is the power over everything and I'm powerless over alcohol, it means I got no God in my life when it comes to alcohol and drugs, where alcohol and drugs are concerned, I got no God in my life. I'm powerless. Not that I got to get a God. Not that I got to get serene. Not that I

got to understand and admit that I got no God in my life when it comes to alcohol. Drugs

I can't have, can I? Because there's an alcoholic addict child of God for me to do. Alcohol and drugs is bad. And there's no coexistence between bad and God. God and bad don't coexist. God's all good. That's why the word God is in the word good and the word evil is in the word devil.

See, God's all good. So for an alcoholic addict to drink and jog his bed so there's no coexistence of God, ain't there? So I've got to understand that being powerless means I got no God in my life when it comes to alcohol, drugs, not the rest of my affairs.

I've got God in the rest of my affairs. I know that. I know he must be there because I'm here as alcohol and drugs. I got no God in my life. I'm powerless. God is the source and God is the power over everything and I'm power left, which means I've got no God in my life when it comes to alcohol and drugs. I need to know that I can't just flap my lips walking around here thinking that I know it because guess what? At 2-3 and four years, it won't have the depth. And

to hold me and sustain me at 2:00 in the morning when the demons are screaming and my ass is in a swing and that man's got rock cocaine. Who wants to sell me? You think it's gonna suddenly spring into my head and you think they're gonna? I'm gonna say ohh, hold on a minute Mr. Dealer Man, Let me run on the Mickey Bushy Douse and read what I wrote about this.

It ain't gonna happen. So I better have depth and weight attached to it. See, I'm powerless. I have no God in my life when it comes to alcohol and drugs.

Now if I'm powerless over alcohol and drugs and I understand that,

the importance of why hitting bottom first

comes into play, not kind of along the way.

1st every alcoholic addict. Not just those real sick ones, everyone.

See, look, I asked folk what? What does it mean to hit bottom? You know what they don't know? They think they do it, but they don't. They tell me some doozy shit, believe me. I asked him what? Well, give it to me. Give me what your bottom was. Tell me what your bottom was. Almost without exception, they tell me a bunch of outside circumstances in their life. They tell me a bunch of circumstances and conditions in their life,

not what hitting bottom's all about.

See hearing bottoms and insights job, not an outside circumstance. Hitting bottom isn't about having the kids taken away from you. Being broke, busted, disgusted and not to be trusted. Feet to the curb, hustle in the Broadway trying to earn a dollar,

being locked up in a penitentiary, married to Baba. No, that's not hitting bottom. People think that shit's the bottom, but it ain't. That's the outside circumstances. Hitting bottoms and inside job, not an outside circumstance. All that stuff about she left me and I ended up in a desperate state. Let's not hit him bottom. I know we think he is. I had a guy today tell me that. That feeling of loneliness and despair and emptiness,

which is both. But it wasn't.

See, sometimes that outside stuff enables us to become capable of hitting bottom. But in and of itself, it's not the bottom. And if you think it is in recovery, you will it bottom after bottom after bottom after bottom.

And if it's not, if you truly understand what it is, you won't have to keep going there. Did they turn off the AC? Oh shit,

What?

Yeah, that's bottom. Yeah,

see, look, hitting volumes, an inside job, not an outside circumstance. Hitting bottom is not that. Outside stuff. Losing your money, being fired, being homeless, being broke, busted, disgusted, not to be trusted. That's all outside stuff

hitting buttons and inside job. And that's why lip flapping party lines bullshit and say that everybody's bottoms different and it's not everybody's bottom. Better be the same. Yours better be the same as mine and mine better be the same as yours. And the black folk, the white folk, the tall folk, the young folk, the old folk, the new folks, the female.

Everybody's bottom if you're alcoholic. And it better be the same

because you know what it is. Sometimes our outside circumstances enable us to become capable of hitting bottom. And if you're anything like me, you know what I'm talking about. See, those outside circumstances, sometimes in desperation and despair, enable me to do something to the effect of of asking for help. Sometimes in desperation and despair, I turn to the power of the source, whatever it might be. And I I

what it was but in some form or ever I think. Help me, help me out. What is wrong with me? I can't stand it anymore.

Does anybody relate to that?

That shitting bottom asking for help? I ask Saving Kit help, HELP his ever loving presence

that's hitting bottom.

In desperation and despair, we ask the source and the power into our life for help. Because I'm powerless, I don't have any in my life. And when I ask for help, he comes in. That's why the connection of hitting Parliament, knowing about powers is so important. You see, God's always there,

but He don't come over there and beat you over the edge with His goodness. He waits for you to ask

and just like me on the day on 5th January 15th, 1983 and desperation and despair when I asked for help, it was like he was looking over my shoulder

and he said Nick, you silly bastard, I've been waiting for you to ask. Now get yourself over there. That 12 step program

sent me to you. I asked for help and he sent me to you.

I asked for help and he sent me to you. Holy sin. Holy shit.

That's why I know that God and the power are different. God and the power are different.

This power was provided by God to a restore me to sanity in Step 2 and I need to know what restoring me to sanity meant because the steps is came to believe that a power greatness self could restore me to sanity.

What does that mean? You guys explain to me that insanity was repeating the same behaviour and expecting a different result, drinking and drugging. So to be restored to sanity meant not drinking and drugging. Well, guess what?

Here was the power. Here it is right here, right now. It's right here in this room. When I ask for help, He sent me to you. God provided this power for Alcoholics and addicts like me to be restored to Shani so that we didn't have to drink and drug.

So I was powerless because I have no God in my life. I hit bottom and asked God into my life and he sent me to you.

God and this power are different. I know you guys get all wacky about it. You guys get all wacky about higher power. But in the first two steps, do you see God, Jesus, Buddha, Allah, Muhammad, or any of the other nouns we use to describe it? Do you see higher power mentioned

'cause it ain't there, that's why. See God, Jesus put Allah, Muhammad, higher power and all that is not mentioned in the first two steps. And yet folk like us get really wacky because we get all confused with some of this stuff. See, I asked for help and he sent me to youth in desperation and despair. I asked him into my life as far as alcohol and drugs was concerned and he sent me to you

P3

and here's rather than coming ever since.

And here's where the power is. Why is that? Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore me to sanity, which meant not drinking and drugging. Every 12 step program, no matter what it is, works on the principle that two people of a like kind come together to do together what they couldn't do along.

And we didn't write it, but we have it for our use in the scriptures and other places. It says when any two are gathered in my name I will come in your midst.

Same as what we know with Alcoholics and addicts. When any two are gathered together in my name for the purpose of recovery, which is the third factor. Without the third factor it don't count it without the first factor, which is for the purpose of recovery. You can have your ass in a meeting all you like and it won't mean diddly squat. If you think hanging out with Alcoholics and addicts is the sole purpose of this deal, You're nuts. If you think hanging out with Alcoholics and addicts is all it takes, you can go down any Skid Row in any town in

country in the world and she drunk hanging out together. Drunks have always hung out together. Ain't no big deal about that. But I sometimes suggest that you get it by osmosis.

Put your ass in a seat and let it come up through the entrance. That's there in the sea.