Michael (M.) E. Workshop on Step 4 to 12, Part 2 of 2 at Road to Recovery Convention, Reykjavik Iceland

OK. As I said about the 5th step, I recommend you do the 5th step with a sponsor. Yes,

when I've done four step inventory, I have had four lists and the reason my sponsor told me to make 4 lists, one was resentment, fear sexual conduct and then harms that I've done outside of sexual conduct, right. The reason for that being that if if say I get into a fight and I'm not, I'm not resentful at him anymore. I don't fear him anymore and I have certainly not slept with him and he would not go on my my inventory.

That's because that's how that's how your sponsor had you did it, and that's very good.

The way I do it all that's covered under resentment. When you say I'm resentment myself, when you say I'm resentment myself, that covers all those things.

So I mean, either way is it's good. It's just everybody has a different way of going through the steps. So I mean, my sponsor pretty much kept me into the three on the, you know, the three that are in the book covering everything I felt guilty about under resentment about myself. So but that is good to do harms than other people. But that falls in here under resentment on things I feel guilty about that I did. Does that make sense? Yeah. But both ways are good. This is just a way. It's not the way.

OK, whoops.

OK, I'm gonna read a bit. You can take a little break. Get off your little feet. OK, I'm gonna take a break. She's gonna take a break. I'm gonna read a little bit about step five in the book. And as I said,

I really recommend that you do your footstep with a sponsor. If you have a sponsor grounded in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, if you have a sponsor that talks, you know, in a meeting about carrying the message, I believe you carry the message in a meeting and the mess to your sponsor. I don't go to meetings and dump my troubles.

You know, first of all, not everybody there practices anonymity. Not everybody there cares about the 12 steps in the 12 traditions. Some people in Alcoholics Anonymous meetings are just taking up space and they don't care about your anonymity. And so I'm not going to go to meeting and dump my stuff in a meeting. I'm going to take it to my sponsor who has what I want, who can get me into the solution. You know, and every groups primary purpose is to carry the message. That's one of our traditions. And I heard a tape of 6 speakers. This is when Bill first introduced the traditions

at the convention, at a world convention and he had 6 speakers talk on 22 traditions each. And the speakers that talked on the 5th tradition

stated that our primary purpose, every group's primary purpose is to carry the message. And then he said, what is the message that we carry?

He said the message that we carry is the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.

So hopefully that's what you're listening, listening for in a meeting when you're choosing a sponsor and hoefully your sponsor walks like he talks, you know, because I know some people who can talk the talk, but they don't walk the walk. But, and I know Iceland, this is all kind of new for you, but it's all fallen into place. And I know God's in charge and that I just see a lot of enthusiasm here. And I see a lot of people really thirsty for the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. And I know that

a, A is in good hands.

It's in good hands in Iceland. I just see the lights going on in people's eyes. It was like that when I got here when they were talking about Joe and Charlie. So, OK, this says, I'm just going to read a couple chapters dealing with step five. It says, having made our personal inventory, what shall we do about it? We have been trying to get a new attitude, a new relationship with our creator and to discover the obstacles in our path. We have asked admitted certain defects, but we have ascertained in a rough way what the trouble is.

We have put our finger on the weak items in our personal inventory. Now these are about to be cast aside. This requires action on our part, which, when completed, will mean that we have admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our defects. This brings us to the fifth step in the program of recovery mentioned in the preceding chapter.

I heard somebody read this was reading their fifth step to me and all they did is give me what they thought were their character defects. They did what they thought was their inventory and then they just gave me their character defects. They said this is my my inventory. And then they quoted in here, it says we just,

we admitted to another human being, human being, the exact nature of our defects. That's true. That's what that paragraph says. But if you go on, it says we have to tell our sponsor our whole life story. So there's a little more to it than just telling them our defects as we see them. And thank God I had a sponsor who pointed mine out to me because I would have missed some very important defects I had.

Then it says this is perhaps difficult, especially discussing our defects with another person. We think we have done well enough in admitting these things to ourselves. There is doubt about that. In actual practice. We usually find a solitary self appraisal insufficient. Many of us thought it was necessary to go much further. We will be more reconciled in discussing ourselves with another person when we see good reason why should we do so. The best, the best reason first. If we skimp on this vital step, we may not overcome drinking.

Time after time, newcomers have tried to keep to themselves certain facts about their lives. Trying to avoid this humbling experience, they have turned to easier methods. So this is one of the reasons that we do a fifth step with another person is it humbles us. It's a very humbling experience. Trying to avoid this humbling experience, they have turned to easier methods. Almost invariably, they got drunk.

Having persevered with the rest of the program, they wondered why they failed.

We think the reasons that they never completed their house cleaning. They took inventory all right, but hung on to some of those worst items in stock. They only thought they'd lost their egotism and fear. They only thought they'd humbled themselves, but they had not learned enough humility, fearlessness and honesty in the sense we find it necessary until they told someone else all their life story.

OK, And then you turn to page 75. This is the in the English version of the Big Book,

and we're going to go to this one paragraph. It says we pocket our pride and go to it, illuminating every twist of character, every dark cranny of the past. Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are delighted. We can look the world in the eye. We can be alone at perfect peace and ease. Our fears fall from us. We begin to feel the nearness of our Creator. We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we begin to have a spiritual experience.

The feeling the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly. We feel we are on the broad highway walking hand in hand with the spirit of the universe. So a lot of people begin to have their spiritual experience after they've taken their fifth step. And I have to tell you that that did not happen for me. I did not have a spiritual experience after step five. I was devastated with the wreckage of my past.

The spiritual experience came to me when I got on to Step 9, when I started making my amends and cleaning up the wreckage of my past

when I just started with my very first amends. The spiritual experience happened for me in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. So if it hasn't happened to you as a result of doing your 5th step, don't be discouraged because it doesn't happen to everybody in the 5th step. But if you continue the steps and persevere, it will happen. OK then it says. Returning home, we find a place where we can be quiet for an hour. Carefully reviewing what we have done. We thank God from the bottom of our heart that we know Him better. Taking this book down from the shelf, we turn to

which contains the 12 steps, carefully reading the 1st 5 proposals, which are the steps we are. We ask if we have omitted anything, for we are building an arch through which we shall walk a freeman. Is our work solid so far? Are the stones properly in place? Have we skimped on the cement put into the foundation? Have we tried to make mortar without sand? OK, now this is where

we're going to talk a little bit about the history of Alcoholics Anonymous.

I'm sure it's a God thing.

This is where we're going to talk a little bit about the history of Alcoholics Anonymous. First of all,

returning home can be in the heart. That does not mean you have to literally go home, take your big book off of your out of your car and put it up on the shelf so you can take it down. No, you don't have to do that. Returning home can be in the heart and this is the way I was sponsored and will get into that. Knowing the history,

my sponsor did not trust me to go home and contemplate all my own character defects. She felt it was her job to point him out to me and I'm very thankful she did. But what she had me do is she had me return home within. She had me going to another room and spend a quiet hour with my higher power and look at those first five steps and ask if I had left anything out. But I did not leave her house. And the reason why she did that is because I come up from a line of sponsorship

that comes from Doctor Bob. And Doctor Bob was very, very successful working with drunks. He was much more successful working with drunks than Bill was. And I'm thankful for this type of sponsorship now. They always had the actions of 6-7 and eight, even though that wasn't in the first six steps. We're going to go to if you have your big book page, turn to page 291.

This is a story about Earl Treat and he was the first alcoholic from Chicago to get sober. Now he heard about this group in Akron is where a a started Akron, OH, where Bill and Bob got together. He heard about this group in Akron getting sober. And so he went to Akron and he spent two or three weeks there trying to absorb as much as the program as he could. He actually did his steps with doctor Bob. He went back to Chicago and he started started the whole

movement of Alcoholics Anonymous in Chicago. So we're going to talk a little bit about the steps here. You're going to see what the six steps were and the actions they took at the moral inventory. So at the bottom it says the day before I was due to go back to Chicago, a Wednesday and Doctor Bob's afternoon off, he had me down to the office and we spent three or four hours formally going through the six step program as it was at that time. So I've already heard people here say that

there it's recommended, they don't even start the steps for a year.

I mean, this guy started it immediately. He was barely sober. He started his steps immediately and they didn't spend years and years doing them. He did his steps in a matter of three or four hours. But the difference is back then they didn't have a big book that they had to study. So it's going to take us longer because we're studying about the big book. We'll study about the mistakes they made and the things that they've learned from the mistakes they made. So anyway,

those six steps were complete deflation,

dependence and guidance from a higher power, moral inventory, confession, restitution, continue to work with other Alcoholics. Can you see those are our major steps? OK. At the moral inventory, so he's with the sponsor. The sponsor is helping him with his inventory. So what? That's equivalent to doing four and five at the same time because as he's doing it, he's sharing it with his sponsor. And then at the moral inventory, it says Doctor Bob led me through all these steps

at the moral inventory. He brought up some of my bad personality traits or character defects, such as selfishness, conceit, jealousy, carelessness, ill tolerance. I'll temper sarcasm and resentments. So that is now our step six. We went over these at great length, and then he finally asked me if I wanted these defects of character removed. When I said yes, we both knelt at his desk and prayed, each of us asking to have these defects taken away. That is now our step 7.

This picture will still be this picture is still vivid. If I live to be 100, it will always stand out in my mind. It was very impressive and I wish every A A could have the benefit of this type of sponsorship today. So there you do see the word sponsorship. Doctor Bob always emphasize the religious angle very strongly and I think it helped. I know it helped me. Doctor Bob then led me through the restitution step, in which I made a list of all persons I had harmed and worked out Ways and Means of slowly making restitution, which

now our step 8. So they always had these actions. And when they wrote the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, Bill wanted to stretch those steps into 12, even though there were six. So he took these actions that they always did, and he made them into steps. And he was in a hurry to get the Big Book written, and he had 40 Alcoholics fighting him and that stuff that he thought he didn't write, that God wrote, and those Alcoholics would make him take it out. He'd sneak it back into another place in the Big Book. So

anyway,

he expanded these steps into 12, but they always did these actions with the sponsor. They always did it, but because he was in a hurry and he added those steps in the Big Book, there's only two paragraphs on step 6:00 and 7:00. And they really don't tell you what to do It just ask you if you're willing to have these defects taken away and it gives you the 7th step prayer. But Bill covers that in the 12:00 and 12:00. And I know some people somehow the big books got watered down because a lot of people thought the 12 and 12 was to replace the Big Book.

The 12 and 12 was never intended to replace the big book. The 12 and 12 is to enhance the big book. And step six in the 12 and 12 I just think is one of the best steps. I that's my favorite. That's my favorite chapter in the 12 and 12. And what it says is the man that repeatedly works on his other defects of character grows in the image of his creator. So it tells us that we are to do some work, and it says that the man

that repeatedly worked on his other defects of character grows the image of his crater. And then he says that natural, that alcoholism is not a natural instinct,

and that when you're ready, God can just get in there and remove it because it's not a natural instinct. But some of our other defects of character are natural instincts that have gone amok, and they're harder to remove. And God cannot remove a natural instinct because he gave us natural instincts to survive. And so sometimes we have to settle for patient improvement.

And so some of my defects of character that were not natural instincts were removed. And some of them that I have to deal with, I have an eating disorder and it's something that I have to settle with for patient improvement. You know, I just have to settle for patient improvement. I've had 12 years of recovery with my eating disorder where, you know, I was thin and I, I was at the perfect weight and I ate healthy and I, I worked with others. And then out of nowhere, it flared up on me. You know, it just popped back up. And so now I have to address it again. I can't just say, oh, God's going to remove it when he's ready.

No, I can't, I have to do my part. You know, I have to stop eating long enough for God to remove the obsession. And so right now I'm in the, I'm ready to, I right now I'm praying for the willingness because the big book says if you're not willing, pray for the willingness, you know, and I'm just very thankful that I had a sponsor that did six and seven with me. And Bill says that God will not render you white as snow without your cooperation. So we have to do our part. And so at the very top of my list, my sponsor told me I had self pity. I would

ever, ever have guessed that I need it as I needed a sponsor to tell me I had self pity. I knew that I was a thief. I knew that I prostituted, but I didn't have a clue that I had self pity. And she made me put that at the very top of my list, you know, And I told her in the most pathetic way that I thought myself pity was justified. Look at my childhood, you know? And she told me in the most loving way. She said, Michael, Alcoholics cannot afford justified self pity. And then she gave me that, oh, cliche, poor me, poor me. Pour me another drink. And so we're going to do a little bit on step

fixed the way that I did it. And this is just a way. So you want to go back up to the board and draw a line down the middle of the page.

OK, so you're going to draw a line down the middle of the page. At the top of one side, put defects a character,

OK, and on the other side, replace. Replace with.

OK, So what we did is first of all we listed all my defects of character.

Then my sponsor got on her knees with me. We got on our knees together and we said the 7th step prayer

and then we went over to the other column and she said that you can help God remove a defect by working towards the opposite. And so at the top of my list was self pity.

So what is the opposite of self pity?

Gratitude. So what can I do to help God remove that self pity? I can write a gratitude list anytime. I know I'm into self pity. I can write a gratitude list.

OK? Another defective character I had was self-centered. It was all about me, poor me.

What's the opposite of self-centered?

Others centered.

Others centered. Get out of yourself and help somebody else.

Dishonesty.

The opposite of that is honesty, and that was very difficult for me because I found myself in the middle of lying to somebody and having to come to and right then and there admit to them that I was lying

and then tell them the truth. And that is a humbling experience. And that's the one thing that really got me over dishonesty. I mean, it's just have it for me to lie and I just lie to you about anything. But once I start catching myself in the lion, I'm and the humility I had to just say I just lied to you and this is the truth. I was working towards honesty and eventually that was removed. That dishonesty was removed. OK, stealing.

OK, The opposite of stealing is giving.

There's a whole lot of things. Honesty also would fall into that. But one thing I had to do underneath giving, I had to write a plan of action. I had to commit to my sponsor that every day I would call her and commit not to steal.

And anytime I had the thought of stealing, I had to think of somebody else that I could help or give to.

And she had me do things like if somebody we have parking meters in California

and you put a quarter into part for so many minutes. And she had me do things like if somebody's parking time had ran out and they could get a ticket. Things that I could do to be giving instead of taking and stealing was to take 1/4 and put it in the parking meter

of my own quarter. So that was some of the actions she gave me to get over the ceiling. Calling her and committing that I wouldn't steal and finding a way to give and giving anonymously. OK, so first of all, we listed the defects of character. My sponsor got on her knees with me and we said the 7th step prayer. And then we went over to the other column and we listed things that we could do to help God remove the defect. So anyway, let's just say the 7th step prayer together.

And I'll say it line by line and you repeat after me.

This is just for fun. And if you want to know where that is in the English Big Book, it's on page 76. And you guys don't need to know it because I'm going to say it line by line and you're going to repeat after me.

You know, I do this thing in my house where we take every Wednesday night, we have a house full of newcomers. And every Wednesday night we go through steps and within a 28 period, we get them through the first three steps and on their 4th step. And anyway, I had all these, their soldiers actually from a treatment center and I had all these soldiers in a big circle in my, a, a room. And we were holding hands and we were getting to say this prayer. And actually we were saying the third step prayer that starts off with God.

I said, OK, you repeat after me.

Now I have a dog named Spirit and Spirit was in there in the room. It's short for Sunlight of the Spirit out of the big book. And so the first word I was going to have to start off with God and Spirit went up there and you know, was sniffing somebody's crotch. I went Spirit and so the whole group goes Spirit,

OK, I'll say it line by line and you repeat after me. OK,

my Creator,

I am now willing

that you should have all of Maine,

good and bad.

I pray that you now

removed from me every single defective character

which stands in the way

of my usefulness

to you and my fellows.

Grant me strength as I go out from here

to do your bidding.

Amen. OK, have any of you ever noticed in the third step prayer it doesn't tell you, it doesn't say Amen, but in the 7th prayer it does.

Have you ever wondered why? Well, I think it was just an oversight, but somebody told me that was because the seven step prayer was a continuance of the third step prayer. But that didn't come from an old timer. That just was somebody's opinion. That was not in the big book. OK,

so now we've done 6:00 and 7:00. So now we're going to move on to step eight. We have our inventory of the people that we've hurt. So let's get a piece of paper with three columns. And again, this is the way my sponsor did it with me.

First column is short term amends

that I can do within six months.

Second column

is long term amends which can take me as long as it needs to. It took me 12 years to finish my list of amends because I had a lot of wreckage out there. The third column is we work out Ways and Means of making restitution to people we can't get hold of or institutions we can't get hold of. That doesn't mean because we can't get hold of him, we don't do anything about it.

There are ways to take care of these things.

OK, say somebody say somebody has died and you still need the big book says, OK, we're going to talk a little bit about the well, first of all, let's just go to the first column. First column is, you know, amends that we can make within the six months and for six months. And those are usually face to face amends that we can make with family, friends, businesses. The second column, long term amends, which is usually financial, not always in long term. It could be,

it could be somebody that we're just not willing yet. There's so much hate and resentment. We're not willing yet. So we're going to put them in long term immense,

but most of the things that go in long term are financial. Most Alcoholics that get here and just get sober have a lot of financial problems and they just can't go out there and make restitution to everybody. So you might have to set up payment schedules. So what I did in the first Com is I had things like my mom, my daughter, I made amends to them right away, verbal amends. In the second column, I had the church,

which was really the biggest thing I had to deal with because I turned to church to recover and I ended up seducing the minister and stealing the church money.

And so I had to go back to that minister and tell him that I stole the church many and I set up a payment schedule to pay back the church. So it took me a long time. Every week I would send them $10.00 or $20 until I paid off that money. So I set up payment schedules and I took one thing at a time and when I got one thing paid off, I addressed another thing. So that went into and that's why it took me 12 years to finish that column. And it doesn't matter how long it takes you, it just as long as you're doing something. As long as you're willing and you're doing something,

it doesn't matter how long it takes you. And while you're doing step nine, you still have to live in 1011 and 12. If we waited to complete Step 9, none of us would get on with helping others.

So OK. And then the last column worked out Ways and Means of making restitution to institutions we can't get hold of. Or maybe people who are deceased. OK, one person

that I had to put in that last column was a dentist. I went to a dentist in Colorado. He fixed my teeth, hit my tooth and gave me a payment schedule to pay him back. And in the meantime, I moved back to California and did some drinking and stuff. And then when I got sober and I made a list of all the people that I owed money to,

he came up and I did everything in my power to find out how to get hold of him. Everything. And nobody in Colorado would talk to me. They wouldn't have anything to do with me. And so I just couldn't find this man's name. So I didn't get away with not making that amends. My sponsor told me to go to a dentist in the Long Beach area where I lived and give him $50.00 to go towards the bill of someone who couldn't pay. So that's how I made amends for that. I ran out on a rent I owed.

I owed somebody $1000 for a rental. I was renting an apartment from him

and left and I owed him $1000 and this was several years later and I tried to locate this man and he was from a foreign country and he had sold that building and moved back to his country and I did everything to locate him. I got real estate agents to find out who now own the building. I contacted that person and they had no idea how to get hold of the previous owner. So there is no way I could make amends to this man. So what my sponsor had me do is she had me

go make it make donations to a shelter for the homeless.

I made donations for to a shelter for the homeless until I paid off $1000. So there's way, Ways and Means of making restitution. I sponsor a lady named Vivian and her daughter died in a car accident as a direct result of her alcoholism. And instead of accepting responsibility, she blamed God for it. And she drank for another 14 years over her daughter's death. And after I started working with her, we had to put Tina, her daughter, at the very top of her men's list. And in the big book, it says sometimes you cannot meet people face to face.

And if you can't meet them face to face, you're right, an honest letter. And so she wrote her daughter a letter and we went to the graveside where her daughter was buried. And no, you know, she'd never even seen her daughter's grave, never even seen her daughter's grave. She was in the hospital for over a year with her own injuries. And so she read this beautiful letter to her. She buried her a, a chip and that was her way of making amends. And a wonderful thing happened at the graveside when she started reading this letter that she wrote to her daughter. A cool breeze came and I was just like, because it was 105° out there in

South Carolina and the temperature must drop from from 105 down to 80. And my hair was blowing back and her hair was blowing back. And we looked around and none of the trees were blowing. It was just blowing around this graveside. And as soon as she read the letter and buried the chip, the, the breeze just stopped. And at that point, this little ladybug flew past me and flew right on to Vivian. And she's just looking at this ladybug. She just mesmerized by this ladybug. And she later told me that she couldn't leave all that ladybug was on her because ladybugs were her daughter's very favorite thing.

And so we don't believe the spirit was in a lady in the ladybug. We just believed that was a sign for her higher power that gave Vivian peace. And we both collect ladybugs in the spirit in the memory of Tina today and also in the memory of all the innocent children of alcoholic parents. This is a very serious disease. This is a family disease, and it affects everyone close to the alcoholic. OK. So does anybody have any questions?

Mm-hmm. And you're broke.

I mean, what can you do? Well, you can go to them and tell them that you stole and is

when you're doing it.

Well, I don't know if you're doing it, you can ask God to help you not do it and go home, go call your sponsor, make amends right away. That's what I do. If I caught myself stealing and, and I know it's wrong and I'm working a program of Valkylex Anonymous, I just, I just say this is one of those old ideas. God, please help me and let me set this right right now. And if you don't do it right, then hopefully in your 10th step at night, you'll write about it and you'll go back and you'll do it the next day.

And you can give that item back if you're caught in the middle of doing it. If you catch yourself in the middle of doing it, you can give it right back.

OK. All right. So now we're going to move on to steps 10:11 and 12:00.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Hi. What about if

you stole something and you want to give it back, but the person you stole from doesn't want to get it back?

Well, if you stole something, you want to give it back and the person doesn't want it back. I don't think there's anything you do. I'd go give it to some charity. I don't want it to sit there and remind me of my past. The thing is like, if I still have the guilt. And did you go back and and tell them how very sorry you were? Yeah. It doesn't matter. You know, that does not matter. And guilt's not a bad thing. Everybody thinks guilt's a bad thing. Guilt's a good thing, You know, I mean, when it's destroys you and you get into remorse and morbid reflection, as the book talks about, then it's a bad thing.

But if it's a kind of guilt that keeps you from doing it again, it's a good thing. It shows you have a conscious. You're not a sociopath, you know? Guilt's a good thing. OK, But it doesn't matter. The big book says it doesn't matter how they react. You've done your part. You didn't drink, did you? The amends worked. It worked. If you didn't drink, the amends worked. OK, All right, so let's move on to 10:11 and 12:00. I'm sorry this is such a quick overview.

OK, so step 10 starts on 84

K. This thought brings us Step 10. Now

in the big book, as my sponsor worked with me, 1011 and 12 are very commingled. They're very commingled. So we're going to read a little bit about Step 10. It says this thought brings us to Step 10, which suggests we continue to take personal inventory. OK. We're to continue taking inventory on a daily basis. Now in Step 4

on the inventory, it says we got it down on paper and it says we've written a lot. So that means it's a written inventory. If we're continuing to take inventory, it's a written inventory

and we continue to set right any mistakes as we go along. We vigorously commence this way of living. As we cleaned up the past, we have entered the world of the Spirit. Our next function is to grow an understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. This should continue for a lifetime. Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make

quickly. If we have harmed anybody, then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Love and tolerance of others is our code, and I use that as a mantra for me. Love and tolerance of others is my code. Anytime I'm impatient or I'm judging somebody or I'm getting upset, I just remind myself and Alcoholics Anonymous, love and tolerance is our code. Now. This is telling us that we're to continue watching for selfish dishonesty, resentment, fear. Now, if you catch yourself right in the middle of it and you can make right right then and there, good,

that's good. Then you don't really have to do too much about it. But because this says we're to continue a personal inventory, it's recommended at the end of the evening you write about it. Now this is telling us to continue watching for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, fear. Now turn to page 86 and it tells us when to do that. Now did you notice in that paragraph it really I used to say person a daily personal inventory was 4 through 9.

It's really four through 12.

It's really four through 12 on a daily basis because it's telling us to try and help somebody else. It's telling us to ask God to forgive us and remove this. I mean, it's really a four through 12 on a daily basis.

OK, So it says when retiring at night tells us what to look for in step 10. Now it tells us when to do it. If you catch yourself doing it at the time, all through the day, good. But how many of us do that? Sometimes we hurt people without even knowing it. Sometimes we get into that without even knowing it unless we review our day. So it says in step 11:00 we we review our day and it says we constructively review our day, not destructively constructively review our day.

When we retire at night,

we constructively review our day where we resentful,

selfish, dishonest or afraid. Do we owe an apology? Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once? Were we kind and loving toward all? So now it's telling us we don't just look at the bad, we also look at the good. Where we kind and loving towards all? Or we we kind and loving towards most people? We need to bear be aware of what we're doing good. What could we have done better? This, I think is very important

to write on is what could. Sometimes we don't know how to change our our behavior or actions unless we know what we can change them to.

OK, were we thinking of ourselves most of the time or what? Or were we thinking of what we could do for others and what we could pack into the stream of life? So if you did a lot of things that day that showed that you were really trying to think of others packing them to the mainstream of life, right about that, you're just not going to write right about the bad. You're also going to write about the good. And this please, if you have this book, underline this part. But we must be careful not to drift into worry, remorse, or morbid reflection, for that would diminish our usefulness to others.

So we don't use these steps to beat ourselves up with. That's not the point of doing these steps. The point of just to to be aware of what we're doing and quickly make amends when we've harmed anyone. After making our review, we ask God's forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures need to be taken. And so that's how I do what I call my 10th step, even though it's under step 11 here, because 10 and 11 are commingled. It tells us what to do in step 10 and it tells us in step to do it, when to do it on retiring at night.

Now in the 12 and 12 under step 10, it gives you several ways of doing your 10th step. It goes into step 10 a little more. It says you can do a balance sheet. This is step ten in the 12 and 12. And it says on one side you list all your defects for the day, all your liabilities for the day, and on the other side you list all your assets for the day. So that's another way of doing the 10 steps. So it's telling you, you don't only look at the bad, you also look at the good. But, and I did that for a very long time, I did a balance sheet for my 10th step because I had such low self esteem. I really needed to see in black and white

what I was doing right and what things in my life were better. And I always had more assets than I did liabilities. But today I do my 10th step out of this paragraph. There's seven questions. And at night before I go to bed, I answer. I write on each one of these questions. And this has been a very useful tool in my recovery and maintaining some serenity and not getting into that insanity. Is this paragraph

OK

now on awakening? This tells us that on awakening,

we think about the 24 hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking,

especially asking that it be divorced from self pity, dishonest, self seeking motives. So in the morning, what I do, I do my prayer and meditation in the morning and I always pray for God to direct my thinking. I pray to be divorced from self pity, dishonest self seeking motives. And now that I'm married, my husband get on our knees together a lot of the time. And we say the third step prayer and the 7th step prayer together. And then I do a form of meditation on my own where I try to listen to God. I just try to get quiet,

you know, I say a few prayers and I try to get quiet and I try to get some direction on my own. That's what I do in my form of prayer, meditation.

Under these conditions, we can't employ our mental faculties with assurance, for after all, God gave us brains to use our thought. Life will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives and thinking about the day. We may be faced with indecision. We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration and intuitive thought or decision. We relax and take it easy. We don't struggle. We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while.

What used to be the hunt or occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind. Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable we are going to be inspired at all times. We might pay for this presumption and all sorts of absorbed actions and ideas. Nevertheless, we find that our thinking, as time passes, be more and more on the plane of inspiration. We come to rely upon it. And then down at the bottom of that page, it says if circumst

we ask our wives or friends to join us in morning meditation. And I just think it is such a blessing to be married to a man that I can get on my knees and pray with. It's a gift. It's an absolute gift. And so you can read here on page 868788. It'll give you some directions. It tells you to, you know, if you have a religious denomination, see to it, it doesn't tell us that religion is bad and not to pray. It tells us that, you know, if we have, that's part of, you know, Step 11. If we have a religious denomination