Michael (M.) E. Workshop on Step 4 to 12, Part 1 of 2 at Road to Recovery Convention, Reykjavik Iceland

Although

Michael Air welcome.

Hi, my name is Michael Manning Earl and I'm a female alcoholic

and this is

real alcoholic.

She has to be to volunteer to help me. Anyway, I'm going to talk a little bit so we'll get to this last. OK, good. She's going to help. We're going to do a little stuff. We're going to try and do it in both languages, so it should be fun. But anyway, Mickey, where did he go?

Oh, I'm so glad he's not here to criticize me.

There he is. OK. He did a wonderful job and he woke all of you guys up for me and I'm very thankful. This is really hard for me because I'm kind of a shy person, you know, And so I'm just sharing my experience, strength and hope. And and this is the way I went through the steps is the way I'm going to share it with you. And it's not the only way to go through the steps. You know, we talked about being Bigfoot thumpers and I am a big book thumper. I went through the steps out of the big book. But it's amazing that there's many ways to do the steps out of the big book.

You know, different people interpret the big book in different ways, especially when it comes to 6:00 and 7:00. So this is not the only way. This is just the way that I was taken through the steps and the way I take people through the steps. And it's not up for debate and it's not up for challenge because it's just my experience, you know, and I'm not telling anybody this is how to do it. This is just my experience. And I'd like to introduce to you my husband, Ted. He's sitting over there. Stand up, Ted, just so everybody knows who you are.

And he's the reason I'm now Michael M and I'm now Michael E

and not Michael M. And it's all, you know, I still go by the name of Michael Manning Earl. And it's awful. My initials are, well, even Michael Earl. My initials are me, me. It's all about me. It's not not good, not good. So anyway, my job in this short period of time is to try and go through steps 4 through 12. So it'll be an overall view because you know of the time constraint, but it's really going to be an emphasis on step 6:00 and 7:00

because a lot of people miss six and seven. They really don't understand six and seven. I think it's sad that a lot of people don't know the history of Alcoholics Anonymous. If you know the history of Alcoholics Anonymous, then you will understand this book and you'll understand the way this book was written. This book, as you heard earlier in the 1st 164 pages, does not tell you to get a sponsor, but the whole book teaches you how to be a sponsor. And how they got around that is they wrote a chapter on sponsorship,

and that chapter is called Working with Others. And that's all about sponsorship. Now, if you know the history of Alcoholics Anonymous, you'll know that we broke off from a group called the Oxford Group. And it was a Lutheran minister broke off from a Lutheran Church, and he started this movement. And its headquarters were at Oxford University in England. And so it got the nickname of the Oxford Group. And they had a set of principles which we numbered into steps, which really make up our program today.

But it was for everybody. It wasn't just for drunks. And this little group, a few drunks came in here and they, in fact, the Oxford Group leader didn't like Alcoholics, that's for sure. They didn't believe in drinking, they didn't believe in smoking. So they had a real hard time with the Alcoholics coming in there and getting sober. And this little group of Alcoholics that started to get sober formed what they call the drunk squad. Because you were placed on squads after you did your steps, you had your spiritual awakening, your place on like the business squad, your job is to go out and get rich famous people into the Oxford Group. But the drunks formed what they called the

squad. All they wanted to do was work with drunks. That's all they wanted to do. And they got together and they decided to write this book called Alcoholics Anonymous. And they wanted this book to go around the world where there was nobody to ask to be a sponsor, no one to ask to be a sponsor. There's no such thing as the Oxford Group on the East Coast, on the West Coast, in the United States, because it was mostly in England and the East Coast of the United States. And there was no such thing as Alcoholics Anonymous. So there is no one to ask to be a sponsor.

So how they got around that is they wrote the book teaching you how to be a sponsor, but they always had sponsors, even in the days of the Oxford Group. And the sponsors job was to guide you through the steps of the program.

And so this book really, in a roundabout way, talks about sponsorship. And it's not about getting the 1st the the it's not about getting the best sponsor. It's about being a sponsor. It's about being a sponsor. Of course, you can't transmit something you haven't got. So obviously you're going to have to go through the steps so you have something to transmit, but you're going to learn a lot more about yourself by working with others. I have learned so much about myself to the women that I sponsor. You know, I did a thorough

inventory to the best of my ability, but things came up as I listened to other women's inventories. You know, I learned more about myself. More will be revealed as you're working with newcomers. And so this is what this book is really about is teaching you how to work with others.

OK, so we're going to do a little bit on the 4th step right now. And I, I also want to tell you this because I'm afraid I'll tell you in this big book, it tells you when it comes to taking your 5th step, that means sharing with another person

all your deep dark secrets, you know, And it says that you can do it with a psychiatrist, a priest, a family member. Oh my God, what was Bill thinking of? Not a family member. But the reason why the book tells you that is because again, I told you that this book was to go out where there was no one to ask to be a sponsor. So that's why they tell you, you can do it with a priest or psychiatrist. But where they had sponsorship, they always recommended you do the steps, the 5th step with your sponsor because the sponsor is the one who

those about 6:00 and 7:00 and 8:00. A priest and psychiatrist doesn't. And so it's best to do if you can, your inventory, your 5th step with your sponsor who is grounded in the program of Athletics Anonymous. OK, we're going to get on this book tells us on page.

She's going to help me with page numbers. Trying to translate page numbers in your book in the Icelandic book. But in this big book,

the fourth step, you can read about the 4th step in pages 64 to 71. The 4th step is in 64 to 71. Does anybody know what that is in the Icelandic book?

Hello

I was needing her help.

No do you know what it is? 64 to 71787864 to 78. Is it

OK she's going to get her book just in case. Maybe they can tell me that in a little bit. OK, so anyway it tells us that we are to do 3 inventories, huh.

83? Oh, 77 to 83.

The fourth step starts on 83 two, 8983 to 89. OK, great. That's good information to know. OK, So in those pages, and hopefully your book has been translated correctly because I've heard some things that weren't quite like for the word sanity, they used health, which isn't quite right, but hopefully it's translated correctly.

In those pages. It tells us that we're to do 3 inventories, 3 inventories. The first inventories on resentment,

the second inventories on fear, and the third inventories on sex. So we're just going to try and do a few little diagrams on this on the board right here. And my little helper is going to do do the writing for me. But I want to remind everybody, the big book says that this is our inventory. It's not the other man's. So my sponsor told me that meant I had to list everything I felt guilty about

everything. I felt guilty about all my deepest, darkest secrets. The things I feel guilty about are the things I'm going to drink over. Where would you put that

in the category of resentment, fear, and sex? Where would you put your guilts?

You'd put it under resentment. I'm resentful at myself. So we're going to do a little diagram here. You want to draw some columns

Now the big book, if you look at our big book, the American Big book, it has three columns, which is misleading. You have to go on and you have to read further. Then it tells you now you have to go back at those resentments and look at your part and where were you to blame? So we're really going to have a total of 5 columns. So, yeah,

OK, so the first column is going to be I'm resent flat

because

no, the cause is in the second cone

effects. My

my part is the next month my part.

And the last column is where was I to blame?

OK. And so we're going to give you categories that things are going to fall under. You had Joe and Charlie here, so you probably know a lot of this already, but OK, so say the first column, I'm going to list everything I feel guilty about first. I'm just going to get it out of the way. Those are the things I'm going to drink about. So I'm going to give you, for instance, with myself, what I put in that first column is I'm resentful at myself.

Why? One reason is because I prostituted.

I'm resent flip myself because I was a thief.

Two big things that I really felt guilty about.

How does that affect me? What does that affect? That affects myself? Esteem. I feel bad about myself. It affects my personal relationships. People I stole from weren't real crazy about me. It affected my emotional nature. I'll try and slow down for you.

It affected my pocketbook or my finances.

It affected my security

and it affected my future ambitions.

You know, there's a lot of things I didn't do because of my prostitution, being a thief, you know, I didn't go out there and put myself out in the world because a lot of people knew about that. So that kept me from doing things in the future. OK, What is my partner? All that Your part is going to fall under say 5 categories. Selfish. So my part is selfish, prostituting and stealing. Selfish, dishonest, against the law,

self seeking,

getting what I want when I wanted it.

What else is there? Selfish, dishonest, selfie. Frightened, frightened, frightened, frightened. Afraid I was gonna get caught, Afraid of the law, afraid of God and inconsiderate.

It's too small, they can't see it. When you want to write it down, write it down on your paper while I say it again,

selfish, dishonest, self seeking, frightened, inconsiderate, and all those words you can find in those pages 64 to 71, you'll see all those there in different places, so you have to look for them. Inconsiderate falls under the sex inventory, but it's it's still good to use on the resentment. OK, so that's my part. So now I'm going to write where was I to blame? I'm going to write how is I selfish?

Stealing, taking something that wasn't mine?

How is I dishonest? Well, stealing and prostitution are both against the law, and I lied to everybody. I lied to everybody about everything.

Self seeking again, taking something that isn't mine, taking something that I want, even though it's not mine is self seeking. Frightened, afraid I'm going to get caught. A lot of fear. And also I stole because I was afraid there wasn't enough, that there wasn't enough and I wasn't going to get my needs met. So I stole and that was all out of fear base. I prostituted because out of fear I didn't know how to work. I didn't know how I was going to support myself. I didn't know how I was going to support my daughter. So I prostituted

all that fell under fear afraiding God can afraid God couldn't take care of Maine and what's the last one inconsiderate. I'm not only inconsiderate of the people I'm stealing from, I'm inconsiderate of myself. So sometimes inconsiderate can mean yourself. I mean, it's very inconsiderate of myself to prostitute is the thing that I felt the guiltiest about, is the thing that made me have all this low self esteem.

I mean, I was inconsiderate of myself and stealing was inconsiderate of other people.

Does anybody have any questions about that?

Do you understand about putting guilts under resentment? Your deepest, darkest secrets.

OK, Then you can draw a line under it. OK, Now we're going to get into resentments of other people, and I'm just going to give you, for instance, for myself

again, I am resentful at my dad.

Why? Because he abandoned us.

He was a married man. You just can put abandoned us. He was a married man. He got my teenage mom pregnant and then he abandoned this. I never met him till I was 27. So I'm resentful at him. And how does that affect me? It affects myself esteem. Kids used to tease me. They used to call me a BASTARD. Unlike Mickey Bush. I had a sponsor that told me I had to clean up my language. She said I couldn't come in here. She said

I'm not putting anybody down, this is just my sponsor and my. She said that profanity was not a sign of spiritual growth, so I have to spell it out. I can't say it from the podium or my sponsor will get me. OK, so I was called a BASTIRD when I was a child. I was teased,

you know, because that was, you know, I was born out of wedlock. That was a very bad thing.

So it affected myself esteem, it affected my personal relationship, it affected my personal relationship with my dad, it affected how I related to men in general.

What's the next one that I have on there?

Oh yeah. It affected my emotional nature. I had a lot of emotions behind this, a lot of self pity. It affected my emotional nature. It affected my security. I always felt very insecure. I felt unloved. I didn't feel like other kids. And it affected my my sexual nature. It affected me sexually

on how I related to men. I got married at the age of 15 because I was never going to have sex out outside of marriage.

Never. I wasn't going to do that. I wasn't going to be like my mom. So I at the age of 15 to get out of my home life, I married some crazy man. But marriage was very important. So that's how that affected me. I wasn't going to be like my mom and get married, you know, have sex out of marriage. So I got married at a very young age, at the age of 15. And he really took me through another phase of the disease of alcoholism and what's the next one? And it affect my, it affected my future ambitions.

I never felt good enough. I always felt less than. And it affected the way I I reacted in life and the things that I did. I didn't even go to school because of those things. So it affected me in every area of my life. OK. And my part in that is selfish.

Now, how is that selfish?

Does anybody know how that selfish? It's selfish because I expect a father to be the way I expect him to be. I don't have a clue about him. I don't know him. I don't know what the background of his marriage is. I don't know what the background of his childhood. I just have this idea of how a father is supposed to be and that's the way he should be. And that was it. And so my part was selfish later on when I met my my father, I met him at the age of 27 and I was influenced my drinking and I took him.

I just took him through hell, you know, I just put him through hell. He's trying to make up things up to me. I'm into my drinking

and I ended up moving out to Colorado. He offered me an opportunity to move to Colorado and ended up having affairs with bus drivers on their way over there, getting pregnant, having abortion, falling down the stairs, breaking my leg, ripping off his booze cabinet, ripping off his medicine cabinet and ripping off his money. And this is a man that's trying to make amends to me for not being in my life. And so I would say all those things I did were selfish. They were dishonest,

self seeking. I moved to Colorado because I just wanted my dad to make things up to me.

Put under self self seeking move to Colorado, wanting my dad to make things up to me.

Frightened, I was afraid that he would never love me like he did his other children, the ones he had in marriage.

And so I under self pity, I drank over it. I drank more over it when I lived near him. And inconsiderate. I was inconsiderate of him, his feelings, his trying to make amends to me and I'm trying to hurt him. And I was inconsiderate of myself.

OK, Does anybody want to have have a resentment they want to put on the board share with us in the microphone?

Nope. How about you?

Sure? OK, she's going to give us. Let's give her the microphone.

Thanks, Dora.

Can it be an old one? Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I hate it. Yeah, OK. I had

my mom.

What was it? Cause yeah, 'cause why are you resent like your mom? She was always trying to change me.

OK, her mom was trying to change her. And so how did that affect you? Self esteem? Yeah, you can just put SC self esteem. Yeah.

Personal relationship. Yeah. Personal relationship. Sexual relationship. Sexual Relationship.

Emotional Nature? Security,

definitely. And what else was there?

Future ambitions? Yes. Oh, yes.

OK. And your part? I was very selfish. She was selfish. And how are you selfish? I was always trying to change her. OK, that goes in the last column. Trying to get her to see your point of view, to do it your way. So she's in turn trying to change your mom. So her part is selfish. Was your part dishonest? Did you lie to her about things? Yes, I lied to her about almost everything

and I stole from her. OK, so put that in the last column. That's how she was dishonest. She liked her mom about everything and she stole from her.

Inconsiderate. So she was inconsiderate,

inconsiderate of your mom's feelings. Lying and stealing is inconsiderate. That goes without saying. Yes. And I went further than that also. I mean, I, I brought people to her home. I disrespected everything she gave to me. OK, so can you see how we're trying to get at our part? We disregard, disregard them other man's faults entirely. So it's recommended that first of all you do your whole inventory and do those

first three columns. Then you go back to those 3 columns and you add this. What was my part and where was I to blame?

After you've already done the inventory of the first three columns, now you go back to it and you look at it from an entirely different angle. Where was I to blame? What was my part in it? Because we, you know, we can't change another person if our problems or if somebody else is making, we're screwed, you know, because we can't change anybody else. So we look at our part in it because we do have a chance if we can change our part, we change the way we react to life and the way we view life. OK. Anybody have any questions?

OK, what?

OK, she said. How did your mom affect your sexual relations?

Brought them to my to her home. For instance. She didn't always approve whoever I brought home, and she was very often hurt by things I did.

Does that make sense? OK, All right. Anybody else? Somebody else had a question. Yes.

How can you forgive your father if he is

OK? So he insisted there's incest involved. OK, let's do that. Let's do that. Draw a line under that. OK. And first of all, I wanted to, I want to point out something to you that I have learned in Alcoholics Anonymous. And other people are going to tell you, you have to forgive. You have to forgive. You have to forgive. I found out. And Alcoholics Anonymous, you cannot force forgiveness. You cannot force forgiveness. My daughter was kidnapped from an, a, a dance and a dance like you're going to have tonight. My daughter was kidnapped from 1:00.

She was three years sober. She was brutally raped and almost murdered. Now how can you tell her she has to forgive her perpetrator? And she drank over it. And every time she tried to get sober, everybody would say you have to forgive your perpetrator. So she would try and forgive him and it bring up these feelings and she'd drink and she'd drink and she'd drink. Finally the last time she came in Dalkley's, none of us trying to get sober. This man just told her, said just put that aside. Just don't even go there. Just concentrate on doing the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and working with others

and let's just see what happens.

And she did that. She just put the steps first. She just worked with others. And when you're working with others, it takes you out of there, takes you out of the self pity. And the forgiveness came, but it came in God's time. What happened to her was she was six months sober. She's just working with others and she's just doing her steps and she's doing the deals and she's laying that aside. And somebody asked her to go on a, on a panel. This is in California. You go on panels, you go to detox centers and you Share your story or you go to jails and you share your.

And she was asked to go on a panel to

a lockdown facility for the Kremlin Sane. This was at Metropolitan State Hospital. And she just thought it was a detox center. And when she got there, she found out it wasn't the detox center. It was people who are locked up for the criminally insane. Pedophiles. Do you know what a pedophile is here? Pedophiles, rapists, they, you know, all men that have done these heinous things. And she said when she got in there and they closed the door and they locked it, she just had all this fear. A pedophile is somebody who molest children,

for those of you who didn't know. And anyway, they closed the doors because it's locked down facility. She was locked in there with all these men that were just like the perpetrator that she had to deal with when she was kidnapped. Her heart started pounding and she couldn't breathe. And then all of a sudden they started reading how it works. And all of a sudden that fear just went away. And she realized she's in a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. And in when she shared in the panel, she did not share

about her rape because she didn't want to offend anybody, but she shared about something so bad happened to her that she turned her back on God

and she couldn't accept God and shared about how she couldn't get the program because of the God thing. After the meeting closed, several of these men who have done heinous things came up to her and started sharing their childhoods with her. And all the things that they had done to other people had been done to them as little kids. And as they were sharing all this pain as a little child, my daughter felt this compassion for them of what happened to them when they were children. And the forgiveness just came,

you know, the forgiveness just came. It came in God's time and she was able to let that go.

And that's just, and that's how I believe that we can't force forgiveness, that we just have to get on with these steps, get out there and work with other people and something's going to happen. God's, as long as you're willing, God's going to somehow give you the ability to forgive. But it's in God's time, and it might take years. OK, so let's do that. What's your name? OK. And your resentment? You're dead.

I I I have just forgave him, but it took me 10 years after his death to do so. OK, so he's resembled his dad because his dad molested his sister, Molested sister. Did he molest you? OK.

Yeah, that's a big one. Yeah, that's a big one. OK, OK. And molested his daughter. OK. Even though he did that, you have not done that. OK, good. OK. All right. And how does that affect you, those things?

Does it affect your self esteem? Does it make you feel bad about yourself 'cause you have a father like that? That affects your personal relationship with your dad? Does it affect your relationship with other men?

OK. Does it affect your emotional nature? Brings up every emotion that you can think of.

Yeah, I can tell you everybody and I, I, I got the age problem.

OK, All right. So he's also saying that affected his sexual relations. Yes,

OK, and it affected your future ambitions. This is controlled and ruined your life

in your feelings

did not did not in fact my future,

your future ambitions. Now you say you had sex with a man right once. Do you feel like that was a result of what your dad did to your sister and your OK so that is affecting your future ambitions way back then affected your future ambitions OK Now your part in this resentment is do you have a part in this resentment? Do you know anything about your father's childhood?

I know he was. No, I don't know so much about it. OK, But you have an expectation that he should be the way you think he should be

the way a father should be. I know as dumb as this sounds,

OK, but you know nothing about him or his background,

OK?

And my my daughter said when when she was coming from him after a weekend, you know, caring, he had bad things in his face. OK, let me tell you, did you already know about your sister And you let your daughter go with him?

OK. And you let your daughter go with him anyway.

You thought he was different?

Yeah,

OK. So I think what he's going to do on his inventory, when he gets into his inventory, he's not only going to put his resemblance his dad, he's going to also put in his inventory. He's resentful it himself because he let his daughter go with him when he knew what he done for his sister. I think that will come up in your inventory that you have a huge resentment there. Yes. OK, so as parts dishonest,

you lied to yourself about your, your your dad's capabilities. I mean, you lied to yourself, yes. OK, Frightened. A lot of fear about what's going to happen to your daughter in the future and your sister. A lot of fear around this

before,

a lot of fear now. Are you fear that they're screwed up?

OK, beer. Did you put beer down OK and inconsiderate. His part was inconsiderate because he let his daughter go with him even though he knew what his yes, so that'll go under your inventory like I put prostitution and a thief. I put that guilt under myself. So in your inventory, that's what you'll do OK. And we already talked about where he where he was to blame where he was to blame. Just put he

knew what his dad did to his sister

and he let his daughter go with her anyway. So do you see how some of this is going to be revealed to you? You're going to think you're resentful at someone else, and then you're going to find out you've got resentments around it about yourself.

Yeah. Does anybody have any questions?

OK, let's move on to the fear. We got a whole bunch of steps to cover. OK

Beer. OK, basically, really in the big book it says what is your fear and why do you have it? So you can do it in two columns or you can do it in three columns. You can put is it that self-reliance failed you because it asked that question? But you can also that can also be covered under the one column that says you have 3 columns. Yeah. OK, So what is the fear?

Which part of self-reliance failed me? And that'll have 123456 7th PL. things. But you don't need to worry about that. Now I really think these two these things should be in in different order. But anyway, let's first go on to what am I afraid of? Does anybody have a fear?

OK, somebody yell out of fear.

Employer afraid of employees. OK, she's afraid of employees. Why do you have that fear?

I've been kicked out of jobs. So you're afraid of employers. OK, she's afraid of employers because she's been fired. So now she's afraid of the authority figures. OK. What part of self-reliance failed you? Is that self esteem? The self esteem involved in it makes you feel bad about yourself. OK, Pride big time

that this is self-reliance. Belgium emotional security

pocketbook when it comes to dealing with employers ambitions. Does it affect your future ambitions? You're afraid to go out there and look for another job,

personal relations with employers

and it does not affect you sexually, I hope.

OK,

So does anybody have any questions about that?

What is the fair and why do you have it? OK, I'm going to give you one of my fears. I'm afraid of dying.

Why do I have that fear? Because everybody does. Everybody dies. And I'm afraid because I don't know what it's like, you know, I'm afraid of the unknown. I hear a lot of things about heaven and hell and this and that and this and that, but in reality I really don't know. And so I'm afraid of the unknown. So I'm afraid of dying. The cause? Because

everybody does and I'm afraid of the unknown.

Yeah, you can have it all under one column. It doesn't matter 'cause it says the cause. And was the cause self-reliance failed you. So it can all be in one column. It was kind of confusing the way we did it. I like it just having it in two columns. Why do I have the fear

and why? What is a fair and why do I have it? OK, so that's basically what you have. Why do you, why do I have the fair? What is the fair and why do I have it? OK, And now they give you a little fear prayer dealing with your fears. And that prayer says, God, remove my fear, say God, remove my fear of dying and direct my attention to what you'd have me be. This is called the fear prayer, and that is in the big book and it's on page 68

and it's called the fear prayer. If you don't have that, that's OK.

Do you have that

in your book? It's probably on 86 or 8787. OK, In your book you'll be on 87. God remove my fear of dying and direct my attention to what you'd have me be. And I'm always directed to work with another person. If I can get out of me and I can think about you, then I'm not thinking about my fear, and God can get in there and relieve me of it.

OK, Does anybody have any questions about that? What is my fear? Why do I have it? And then the fear prayer,

fear is such a big deal for Alcoholics that we have to do, I mean, all Alcoholics, a lot of our character defects fall under the category of fear. And it's such a big deal for us that we we're supposed to do a whole inventory on it. That's how big this is for Alcoholics. How many here think you really suffer with fear

most the room? Did you have a question? Yeah, I was just wondering,

Joe and Charlie had five columns for beer and put up pretty much exactly the same way as your sentence. Yeah, I know Joe and Charlie really well. And the why, the reason why they do that, because I've talked to them about that. The reason why they do do that is they don't end the book Big Book. It gives you 2 columns. It says what is fear? Why do you have it? Is it because self-reliance failed you? The reason why they have 5 columns is they want it to be consistent so it didn't confuse a newcomer

because this just confused you. And that's what's really good about it, about the way Joe and Charlie do it. They just do it like inconsiderate comes under sex. You know, it's not even in that, in the resentment thing, but they just put it all lumped together and they make fear just like the other one so it doesn't confuse you. But in the big book, it just says 2 columns. So if you want to carry it through, you can do the five columns on the fear, but that's not what's in the big book.

Anybody else have any columns and have any questions?

Just let's add some more columns. I'm sorry if this is scattered, it's because I'm trying to figure out how we get all this into one thing. OK, let's move on to sex. OK, And you can put all those five columns with sex.

OK, so it's whom did I hurt because of my sex conduct,

not who hurt me.

If somebody hurt you, it goes under resentment. Say somebody passed on to you a sexual transmitted disease and you're pissed at him. That goes under resentment. That does not go into the sex inventory. What goes under the sex inventory is who did you hurt because of your sex conduct. Say you passed that disease on to someone else. Then that person would go on your on your sex inventory. A lot of things go on your sex inventory that you might not think about. First of all,

it's not all about the people you sleep with.

On my sex inventory, I had to put first of all, who I hurt the most because of my sexual conduct was my daughter. I had I hurt my daughter and she shared who she hurt because of her sexual conduct. Was she hurt her parents? So it encompasses a lot more than the people that were sleeping with. And of course, abortions would fall under there. We hurt unborn children. So let's just give the five columns. It's OK. What is the first column is whom did I hurt? So what did you put there?

Children

Put my daughter. We'll do mine,

OK? How did I hurt him?

I hurt my daughter because I had unhealthy men around the house. I put her in dangerous situations. I left her alone

while I went out there and did whatever I did.

So that was very harmful to my daughter.

And how does this affect me?

It affects myself esteem. It affects my personal relationships. It affects my emotional nature.

It affects my security. I'm afraid my daughter will never love me again. It affects my future ambitions

and yes,

emotional natures

they do. You have to read all those pages that you will see emotional nature,

OK.

And it affected my future ambitions.

And then it says what was my part in it? My part was selfish,

dishonest,

self seeking,

brightened,

inconsiderate,

and then and then in the sex inventory it says what could I've done instead? And this is a very important column because sometimes, and it also when you get into 1011 in the big book, you'll see what could I have done better. This is an important column because sometimes you can't change your behavior unless you know what you can change it to. So what could I have done instead of some of those things? I could have lived up to my immorals,

you might put I could have abstained. I could have just had sex in marriage.

Say you passed on a sexually transmitted disease. You could say that I could have used protection

and say you resemplate yourself because,

OK, say the person you hurt was an aborted child, that you had an abortion, so the person you hurt was an aborted child. What could you have done instead? Maybe use protection? Maybe abstain. Not had sex out of marriage.

So those are some of the things that can go in that column.

Does anybody have any questions?

Nobody has any questions. OK,

then let's move on.